The Real Slim Aeggie
(Oh Yeah, Eminem had it commin'.)
Aegwyne looked around the dull room of the Great Hall. Fred Weasley had given his version of the Rap Insult, so why couldn't she spin it. She stood up. "Cass, put that track on Repeat."
"Mom?"
"Just do it, dear. I will not have my bashing quality soiled by a redhead."
The Weasleys looked shocked as Aegwyne took the Mic. "I will try not to embarass you too badly..."
~*~
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Aeggie please stand up?(I already aaaaam)
I repeat, will the real Slim Aeggie please stand up?(Are you blind?)
We're gonna have a problem here..
Y'all act like you never seen a angry witch before
Jaws all on the floor like Narcie, like Luci just burst in the door
and started spending their cash worse than before
they went through 17 divorces, might have saved a few lawyers. (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
she didn't just marry who I think she did, did she?"
And Professor Quirrel said... nothing you idiots!
Quirrel's dead, Harry and Dumbledore kicked his ass (Ha-ha!)
Studens and Professors love Aeggie-Chan
*Chigga Chigga Chigga*
"Aeggie-Chan, I'm sick of her
Look at her, walkin around Teachin' the you-know-what
Was married to you-know-who,"
"Yeah, but she's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in Malfoy's' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on The Prophet and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Lucius to try and bribe them loose
"I'll pay you 30 knuts, I'll pay you 30 knuts!"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give me a little kick!
And that's the message that we deliver to students here
And expect them to know what a werewolf is
Of course they gonna know what Lupin is
By the time they hit third year
They got him as a professor don't they?
"We ain't ain't doing nothing bad.." Well, some of us Potters, and Weasleys and Grangers stalk around after hours
But if they stay hidden, no body's gonna see them,
then there's no reason that Averil and Remus can't confess{*Kiss!*}
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
I don't, Ask Severus, I'm not the Potions master, I'm Just--
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
~*~
Laughter settled over the students as Aegwyne stood up on one of the speakers. Dumbledore was waving his wand to the beat, as were many people. And when I say many...I mean many!
~*~
Voldemort don't gotta use his name to envoke fear
well I do, so we'll kill him, and Pettigrew too!
You think I give a damn about teaching?
Half of you Professors can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Aeg, what if you get the job, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So I could preach about grindylows?
So you can, sit me here next to Minerva?
Man, Trelawney better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Sevvy and Averil, too
and hear 'em argue over what Remus really is
You little wolf, put me in the Hospital wing
"Yeah, he's the spy! But Aeggie ain't gonna say nothing!" {*HEE HEE*}
I should give him the real taste of the A C S!
and show the school what true teaching really is {*AHHHH*}
I'm sick of you little Death Eaters, all you do is hurt me
so I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}
And there's a million of us just like me
who rant like me; who just don't give a damn like me
who dress like me; teach, preach and try to play like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
~*~
By then, the Kids were Clapping along, and some of the professors were appauled. But Dumbledore, Severus and Averil weren't. They looked like they were half enjoying it. And you know what? They were!
~*~
I'm like a screetch owl to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your common room
The only difference is I got the job to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or Chocolate Frog it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just rapped out
better than ninety percent than Weasley did
Then you wonder how can kids eat up my lessons liek Bernie Botts
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm sixty-four
I'll be the only person in the nursin home cursing
Screaming at nurses cause they're asses when I'm squirting them with Jergens
And I'm cursin, but these anti depressents AINT WORKIN!
And every single person is a Slim Aeggie lurkin
She could be workin at Ministry, taking the Malfoy's money
{*HACH*} Or in the quidditch fieldt, circling on her broom
Screaming "I don't give a duck!"
with her hair down and her dress blowing up.
So, will the real Aeggie please stand up?
And put one of those straight jackets on?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Aeggie in all of us
Skip it, we're all wizards and witches, let's all stand up.
~*~
She got off the speaker and handed the microphone down, happy with herself. Walked past the applauding and appauled professors and sat at her section of the table. Fred stood up. "Go Professor!"
"Aww, sit down, you're almost as red as your hair."
*End*
(Oh Yeah, Eminem had it commin'.)
Aegwyne looked around the dull room of the Great Hall. Fred Weasley had given his version of the Rap Insult, so why couldn't she spin it. She stood up. "Cass, put that track on Repeat."
"Mom?"
"Just do it, dear. I will not have my bashing quality soiled by a redhead."
The Weasleys looked shocked as Aegwyne took the Mic. "I will try not to embarass you too badly..."
~*~
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Aeggie please stand up?(I already aaaaam)
I repeat, will the real Slim Aeggie please stand up?(Are you blind?)
We're gonna have a problem here..
Y'all act like you never seen a angry witch before
Jaws all on the floor like Narcie, like Luci just burst in the door
and started spending their cash worse than before
they went through 17 divorces, might have saved a few lawyers. (Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
she didn't just marry who I think she did, did she?"
And Professor Quirrel said... nothing you idiots!
Quirrel's dead, Harry and Dumbledore kicked his ass (Ha-ha!)
Studens and Professors love Aeggie-Chan
*Chigga Chigga Chigga*
"Aeggie-Chan, I'm sick of her
Look at her, walkin around Teachin' the you-know-what
Was married to you-know-who,"
"Yeah, but she's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in Malfoy's' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on The Prophet and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Lucius to try and bribe them loose
"I'll pay you 30 knuts, I'll pay you 30 knuts!"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give me a little kick!
And that's the message that we deliver to students here
And expect them to know what a werewolf is
Of course they gonna know what Lupin is
By the time they hit third year
They got him as a professor don't they?
"We ain't ain't doing nothing bad.." Well, some of us Potters, and Weasleys and Grangers stalk around after hours
But if they stay hidden, no body's gonna see them,
then there's no reason that Averil and Remus can't confess{*Kiss!*}
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
I don't, Ask Severus, I'm not the Potions master, I'm Just--
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
~*~
Laughter settled over the students as Aegwyne stood up on one of the speakers. Dumbledore was waving his wand to the beat, as were many people. And when I say many...I mean many!
~*~
Voldemort don't gotta use his name to envoke fear
well I do, so we'll kill him, and Pettigrew too!
You think I give a damn about teaching?
Half of you Professors can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Aeg, what if you get the job, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So I could preach about grindylows?
So you can, sit me here next to Minerva?
Man, Trelawney better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Sevvy and Averil, too
and hear 'em argue over what Remus really is
You little wolf, put me in the Hospital wing
"Yeah, he's the spy! But Aeggie ain't gonna say nothing!" {*HEE HEE*}
I should give him the real taste of the A C S!
and show the school what true teaching really is {*AHHHH*}
I'm sick of you little Death Eaters, all you do is hurt me
so I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}
And there's a million of us just like me
who rant like me; who just don't give a damn like me
who dress like me; teach, preach and try to play like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
~*~
By then, the Kids were Clapping along, and some of the professors were appauled. But Dumbledore, Severus and Averil weren't. They looked like they were half enjoying it. And you know what? They were!
~*~
I'm like a screetch owl to listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your common room
The only difference is I got the job to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or Chocolate Frog it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just rapped out
better than ninety percent than Weasley did
Then you wonder how can kids eat up my lessons liek Bernie Botts
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm sixty-four
I'll be the only person in the nursin home cursing
Screaming at nurses cause they're asses when I'm squirting them with Jergens
And I'm cursin, but these anti depressents AINT WORKIN!
And every single person is a Slim Aeggie lurkin
She could be workin at Ministry, taking the Malfoy's money
{*HACH*} Or in the quidditch fieldt, circling on her broom
Screaming "I don't give a duck!"
with her hair down and her dress blowing up.
So, will the real Aeggie please stand up?
And put one of those straight jackets on?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
I'm Slim Aeggie, yes I'm the real Aeggie
All you other Slim Aeggies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Aeggie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Aeggie in all of us
Skip it, we're all wizards and witches, let's all stand up.
~*~
She got off the speaker and handed the microphone down, happy with herself. Walked past the applauding and appauled professors and sat at her section of the table. Fred stood up. "Go Professor!"
"Aww, sit down, you're almost as red as your hair."
*End*