None of you know me, so...hey guys! (At least, I HOPE none of you know me.) As you would be able to see if you looked at my profile (which you won't do, I trust), I already have a few stories to my (dis)credit. Now, I'm here to invade the AVATAR WORLD!! I AM MELON LORD!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!1111111111oneoneone... ...
Now that I've gotten that out of my system, a few notes. When I wrote this, I was on crack. Or marijuana. Or some other kind of drug. So, just so you know, this one is CRAZY. This was also originally a crossover fic. The island Aang is on... doesn't exist in the Avatar world. Bonus points for whoever can figure out where I set this story!
DISCLAIMER. I, The Big Rocky Eye, do hereby disclaim all ownership and/or interest in the following: Avatar: The Last Airbender, Albrecht Duerer, beaches, lamps, bad jokes, the Banach-Tarski theorem, the Euler identity, Monty Python, Firelord Ozai, mathematics tests, the roundness of the earth, Zuko's girlfriend(s), crudely-drawn hearts, , imagination, or anything else in this world. So there!
He sat up in bed, gasping. He stared into the darkness, his mind shaking off the last vestiges of the dream he was having. Finally, he decided he would not be falling asleep anytime soon, and got off the bed. He walked to his bag and took out a book he was reading, and was about to light a lamp when he heard a faint knock on the door.
"I thought I heard some noise, so I came to check it out. Can't sleep?" said Suki at the door.
"Nightmare," he replied.
"I see." She smiled. "Want to talk about it?"
"No, thanks. I think I'm just going to read this book for a while."
"What's it about?"
"It's just some book about some guy from some place who makes a woodcut of a rhinoceros."
"You mean, a rhinoceros-bear."
"No, just a rhinoceros."
"Surely you mean a koala-rhinoceros? Or an armadillo-rhinoceros?"
"...Just a rhinoceros."
"Hmm. Well, the surprises never end, do they?"
She yawned. Footsteps were heard down the hall.
"I'll leave you alone now. We'll probably wake someone else with our talking."
"You already have," someone whispered.
Suki jumped and turned. "Oh, Toph. Hello," she said.
"Hello, Toph," he said tiredly. "Sorry to have woken you guys. Well, I'm going to read now. See ya."
"Good night," Suki said. "Oh, and don't do that thing on the beach again. It's embarrassing. Anyways, see ya." She turned and left, Toph following.
"What thing on the beach?" Toph asked as he closed the door.
"Yeah," he wondered. "What thing on the beach...?"
He sighed, lit a lamp and began to read. The roar of the nearby waterfall kept him company for a time, but eventually he heard voices in the room next door.
"Really?" squealed a girl.
"Really," responded another.
He pressed his ear to the wall, but heard nothing. Where were the voices from?
Shrugging, he went back to his reading. After about two chapters, he let out another sigh, blew out the lamp and crawled back into bed. He did not fall asleep again, however, but lay awake until dawn. When he came out of his room...
"Is it true? Is it true?" someone asked.
"What's going on?" He yawned, rubbing his eyes.
"You made out, didn't you?" another asked.
"Suki told us everything. You made out with Katara on the beach!" someone else declared.
His eyes went wide with shock. "What? I didn't—what are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb. We know you kissed." In the background, a retching noise was heard.
"Oh Sokka, grow up," someone said.
"Wait a minute... is this what you were talking about, Suki? The thing on the beach?"
At this moment, Katara appeared. "What's going on, guys?"
Everyone laughed. "We heard you made out with this guy here."
Her eyes widened in horror. "You told them!" she accused.
"No, no, I didn't! I swear! We were seen!"
"Aha! They confess!" someone cried.
Almost spontaneously, the crowd began to chant. "Aang and Katara, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!"
Aang and Katara stood, mortified, in a sea of merciless laughter.
"NOOO!!" he cried as the scene faded to black...
He sat up in bed, gasping. He stared into the darkness, his mind shaking off the last vestiges of the dream he was having. Finally, he decided he would not be falling asleep anytime soon, and got off the bed. He walked to his bag and took out a book he was reading, and was about to light a lamp when the door opened.
Within five seconds he was gagged, bound and blindfolded. His captors picked him up roughly; his legs flailed in vain. He was thrown into what seemed to be a cart, and was driven a considerable distance. Just as Aang was about to attempt to roll off the cart, it halted. He was thrown into a chair; his captors removed his blindfold and gag.
"Where am I?" Aang moaned.
A voice behind him said, "Comfortable, Aang?"
"Who are you? What do you want?"
The man walked around to the front of the room.
"Firelord Ozai!" Aang struggled against his bonds. "Your reign of tyranny is over! I'm taking you down!"
"Ha! You want to take me down? You're not even wearing—"
Aang sighed. "That was a million dreams ago. Can't you come up with anything different?"
"You're one to talk," Ozai retorted. " 'Your reign of tyranny is over'? Come on, be a bit more creative! But enough of the pleasantries. Are you ready for your... mathematics test?"
"What? What math test?"
"The math test you will have to pass if you want to get out alive..."
Suddenly, the room blazed with light. After the blast subsided, the formerly dark room was lit up by lanterns hung from the ceiling. In front of Aang was a chalkboard; the room was otherwise empty. His bonds were gone—as was Ozai. He looked for a way out.
"Where are you? What's going on? Where's the door?" he shouted.
An old man appeared at the chalkboard and started writing.
"Who are you?" he asked. The old man turned his head. "What are you doing here?"
"One cannot fathom the mysteries of the world..." he replied, suddenly disappearing.
"Wait—where'd he go? Wait! You have to help me get out of here! Come back! ... Hey, what's this?"
The man had written the following:
Question 1. There is a joke that goes as follows:
Q. What is an anagram of "Banach-Tarski"?
A. Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.
Explain why this joke is funny.
"Do I have to?" Aang whined as he made his way to the chalkboard. He squinted at the question for a few seconds, then wrote the following:
The Banach-Tarski theorem states that a solid ball can be taken apart into a finite number of non-overlapping pieces, which can then be reassembled to form two balls identical to the original one. In an anagram, one takes apart the word and reassembles it. Here "Banach-Tarski" has been "reassembled" in the same way the solid ball has, to form identical copies of itself.
"CORRECT!" boomed a disembodied voice. The old man reappeared, erased the question and wrote the next one:
Question 2. Under what condition is the equation of a line in the xy-plane a linear map?
He did not respond to anything Aang said to him before disappearing again. Aang sighed, picked up the chalk and wrote the answer: when the constant term is equal to zero.
"CORRECT!" boomed a disembodied voice. The old man reappeared, erased the question and wrote the next one:
Question 3. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
He disappeared again; Aang did not try to speak with him. Looking at the question, he puzzled over it for a while. He stared, paced, rubbed his head, stood upside down, but he could not find an answer. After what had seemed like hours, he decided to hazard a guess. He proceeded to the board and wrote his answer: 39 m/s.
"INCORRECT!" boomed a disembodied voice. Ozai appeared again, surrounded by flames and laughing maniacally. "Wrong answer, Aang!" Suddenly the floor cracked open under Aang. He fell into a sea of flames, his screams almost drowned out by the Firelord's incessant laughter...
He sat up in bed, gasping. He stared into the darkness, his mind shaking off the last vestiges of the dream he was having. Finally, he decided he would not be falling asleep anytime soon, and got off the bed. He walked to his bag and took out a book he was reading, and was about to light a lamp when he heard a loud knock on the door.
"Aang! Avatar! I know you're in there! Open up!"
"Who are you?" he responded.
"Just open up!"
"No. Leave me alone."
The man kicked the door. "Open up!"
"No!"
The man kicked the door in.
"What'd you—Sokka?"
Sokka pushed Aang against a wall, pressing a dagger against his chest. "Listen here, squirt: you stay away from my sister. I don't ever want to see you kissing her again. Am I clear?"
Aang made no response. Sokka placed more pressure on the dagger. "Am I clear?"
Aang nodded mutely.
"Good." He left as precipitously as he came. Aang merely stared in shock...
He sat up in bed, gasping. He stared into the darkness, his mind shaking off the last vestiges of the dream he was having. Finally, he decided he would not be falling asleep anytime soon, and got off the bed. He walked to his bag and took out a book he was reading, and was about to light a lamp when he heard light footfalls outside his door. Opening it, however, he discovered no one outside.
He poked his head out his door. "Anyone there?" he asked.
No answer.
Aang put away his book again, no longer in the mood for reading, and decided to take a walk. His mind wandered peacefully as he strolled past the leaf-roofed houses into the uninhabited portion of the island. After a while, he sat down by a tree and watched the waters of the waterfall rush by. The calming spell the waterfall had induced in him was disturbed, however, when suddenly he found that someone had been sitting beside him.
"Amazing, isn't it? Kinda makes you feel... insignificant."
Aang scrutinized his face. "Zuko?"
"Hey. Couldn't sleep?"
"No."
"Me neither."
They stared at the waterfall.
"They say that no one knows what lies beyond these falls," Zuko murmured. "I wonder if anyone's jumped off to find out."
"That would be stupid," Aang said.
"Hey, Aang?"
"What?"
"You've been to a lot of places, right? Our world, is it round or flat?"
"Are you stupid, Zuko? It's clearly round!"
"Oh."
The waterfall roared.
"I had a dream about your dad," Aang mentioned.
"Oh. What was it about?"
"He gave me a math test."
"That's weird. He hates math."
"Really?"
Zuko chuckled. "My mom once told me that he didn't know how to add until he turned sixteen."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"There was one question that I didn't get. And then I woke up."
"What was it?"
"What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
Zuko stared into the mist of the waterfall for a moment. "African or European?"
Aang shrugged.
The waterfall roared. Zuko moved closer to Aang.
"Now that I think about it," Aang said, "this is quite a romantic spot." He crossed his outstretched legs. "Say, don't you have a girlfriend? You could bring her here."
"Well... about that. I've been thinking hard, lately, on what's important to me. And I've come to a conclusion."
"What's that?"
"Well... I've decided to stick with you."
"But balance has been restored. Your father's been dealt with. Besides, you're the Fire Lord now."
"I know, I know. But you're always going to have stuff to deal with. And... I'd like to be there with you."
"What's this got to do with your girlfriend?"
"She's not really my girlfriend. It was just for show. Listen, Aang: I will always be by your side. To support you in whatever you do."
Aang shifted slightly. "Zuko, what are you trying to say?"
Zuko took a deep breath. "Aang, I— I—"
"Zuko? What is it?"
"... I love you, Aang."
Aang's eyes bugged out. "You... what?"
"I love you, Aang. I love you." Without warning, he caught Aang up in his arms and kissed him. The waterfall's mist swirled over Aang's eyes, and he fell unconscious.
He sat up in bed, gasping. He stared into space, his mind shaking off the last vestiges of the dream he was having. As the dream quickly dissipated, he rose from his bed and opened the blinds. It was light.
In the distance, he heard the girls' delighted shouting over the roar of the waterfall. He had nearly finished dressing when he noticed a slip of paper under the door.
It read, "Meet me on the beach tonight when the moon rises." Below this, a crudely-drawn heart... and the letter Z.
I know, I know, crazy and lame. Zaang is probably overdone anyways...sorry about that. But now that you're here, why don't you tell me exactly how much you hated it?
Dreams in Dreams