PLEASE READ FIRST!

I figured out that I'm not gonna be able to work on my other stories until I got this story (or at least this chapter) out of my system. It's very minimalist in nature and part of that's laziness on my part. But it's already quite long without any additional narrative. Hope you like it though!

There are boat loads of unresolved issues that the longer I watch, the more obvious it becomes that the show doesn't plan on doing so. At least not on screen. So, this was sort of therapy for me. I just wanted to take all the things that were still frustrating me about either character and find a way to resolve them, at least in my own head. Hope it has the same effect for some of y'all out there. Enjoy

Chapter One: Issues

"Luke, what are you doing?"

"Spring cleaning. What's it look like?"

"It's the end of the Summer."

"Yeah? Tell that to Señor Scanky Scarf. Honest to God. Is he sponsored by Abercrombie & Fitch or just extremely uncreative?"

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Luke, why are you doing this?"

"Because apparently my boyfriend took the phrase "sucking up" to his teacher a little too literally."

[Ah damm.] "What are you talking about?"

"Wow. It's a good thing you're a director, because your acting sucks."

"Look Luke, whatever you think you saw…"

"I never said I 'saw' anything."

"Well obviously you did or you wouldn't be acting this way."

"So what upsets you more, Noah. The fact that you kissed him or the fact that I saw you do it?"

"Okay, first of all. I didn't kiss him. He kissed me."

"Don't even try to play the victim here. You kissed him back. You know it and I know it so let's just all know it and go on with our lives."

"No. NO. That is not what happened. He kissed me."

"Oh, I see. I must've misinterpreted it. Kinda like the way I misinterpreted that Brian Wheatley ever kissed me. Oh but wait…"

"Okay, I deserve that. But that doesn't change the fact that I did not kiss Mason."

"I see. So did he zap you with his freeze ray, because you were in no hurry to push him off of you."

"What? Were you timing me?" Noah asked. "Luke, the second my head stopped spinning and I figured out what was happening, I pushed him off."

But Luke, having spent hours plagued by his imagination, was far beyond the reach of reason or understanding. "You know what? Say whatever the hell you want. You're not my problem anymore."

"So… so what now? That's it? We-we-we talk about it for ten seconds a-a-and then you just walk out?"

"Well I wanted to talk earlier but your tongue was otherwise engaged."

"Okay, I'm gonna take that hit because I know you're going through hell right now, but I need you to be serious about this."

"Fine." Luke froze, eyes without mercy locked on Noah. "Seriously, would you have even told me that it happened?"

Noah's mouth opened, but his voice hesitated.

"Well I guess I got my answer."

"Yes, God, Luke. Of course I would've told you, but at the moment, you're too busy reenacting a Dire Straits video to give me a chance."

"So when would you have told me? Huh? Soon as you got home? Later today? Tomorrow? Next week?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah. Even though I know that's asking a lot from you right now."

Noah's eyes called Luke on his snarkiness. "I would've told you when I thought you could handle it without having a nervous breakdown."

"Meaning…"

"Meaning you've got more than enough to deal with already with your father's death. And I can barely take seeing how much you've been hurting as it is, much less…"

"Really? Because you didn't have any problem telling me what a great time you had in L.A. while I was here falling to pieces."

"Oh here we go!"

"We? No. Me. I'm going. You do whatever the hell you want."

"Luke, will you please just stop packing long enough to talk – really talk about this?"

"No. I'm sick of talking."

"Luke, please." Noah reached to take Luke's hands; Luke snatched them away.

"Do – NOT – touch me!"

For Noah, to hear those words was to hear an echo that took eight long months to return to him. "O-… okay," he said, stepping carefully back as if not to frighten a wild animal. "I'm… I'm sorry."

"Alright. You're sorry."

"But Luke, could you please… please just stop packing long enough to…"

"Tell me something Noah…" Luke began. "Back when you thought your father died, how would you have felt if I came to you with some sh'it-eating grin on my face telling you what an awesome time I had partying it up with Hollywood's finest and then proceed to practically bounce with glee from all the new and exciting ideas I had about online exposure to cast my big blockbuster movie? And what's more, it turns out I was doing all this partying while I knew you were at home balling like a baby in one big, snotty, blubbery mess? Huh? How would that have made you feel?"

Noah's eyes are suddenly opened to Luke's point of view. His head hung slightly down, he said simply, "Awful. I would've felt awful." He forced his eyes back up. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise how insensitive that was."

"Yeah, it was. Only it didn't stop there," Luke kept on. "What was really insensitive was the fact that you were even able to go to a party and have a great time if my father really meant all that much to you. I mean, hey, that's what I do when someone I care about dies. Party it up. Right?"

Noah resented the over-simplification. "Oh so you're just gonna twist everything around now. Is that it?"

"What exactly did I twist around?"

"Luke, did it ever occur to you that maybe I went to the party because I felt guilty for not staying here with you?"

"Oh I see. So then better to party the guilt away than call and support your grieving boyfriend?"

"No, it's just… Luke, I would've much rather spent the night on the phone with you. I was even about to call you when Mas-…" Noah caught himself, but too late to save himself. (Please tell me I didn't just say that.)

Luke's scoff was hard a bitter. "And there's the magic word."

Noah sighed. "Luke, what was I suppose to do? Tell everyone I'd rather sit in my room and be miserable?"

Luke shouted. "YES! Noah. YES, that's exactly what you should have done! Because that's what you do when you lose someone you love. You grieve for them. You don't go out and party with movie stars so you won't have to think about them." Then, Luke asked, "What if I had died? Would you have gone out and partied then?"

Noah couldn't answer that Luke's death would be entirely different, knowing that Luke's current frame of mind would interpret it as Noah not loving Holden.

Luke took advantage of Noah's silence. "I'm curious… Did you start to feel guilty before or after Jude Law passed on your script?"

Noah countered. "When are you gonna admit that you're not as mad at me for going as you are at yourself for telling me to go?"

"No! Dammit! No!" Luke shouted. "I am SO damm TIRED of you NOT taking responsibility for your actions just because you've asked for my PERMISSION right after backing me into a corner."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Noah. "Backing you into a corner?"

"It's like Ameera all over again."

"Wha-… Ameera?" Noah asked. "Are you so desperate for ammunition that you had to drag up Ameera?"

"I didn't drag up anything. You did," Luke said. "Because, history's repeating itself. And at the moment, history's name is Ameera."

"In what universe are going to California and Ameera in any way related?"

"Because once again, you put me in a position where I had no choice!" Luke snapped. "You NEVER should've put me in that position. You NEVER should've put me in a position where I had no choice but to say yes."

"So we're back on Ameera now?" Noah asked. "Luke, you could have said…"

"No, Noah. I couldn't," Luke countered. "Any other answer would've made me feel like a murderer. And you KNEW that. And you USED that to not have to make the choice by yourself."

Noah's mind began to jumble. "No, I thought I was being considerate."

"Fine. Then tell me this, Mister Considerate," Luke began. "If you and Maddie were still together when you met Ameera, would you still have married her?"

Noah hesitated.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Dammit, Luke, you didn't even give me a chance to answer you."

"The fact that you had to even stop and think about it is all the answer I need."

"Luke, the reason I had to think about it is because I'm answering a question about someone that I haven't been for a long, long time. It's not that simple!"

"No, I think it is. You wouldn't have married Ameera because you would've never wanted to put Maddie through something like that. But you had no problem putting me through it."

Now the gloves were beginning to come off. "No problem putting you through it? Are you kidding me? That was HELL for me. You weren't the only one who suffered for that."

"Oh, poor you! You called ALL the shots, Noah. Every decision that was made, you had the final say."

"That is not tr-"

"And anytime you had to choose a side, mine or Ameera's, you took hers. Every – Single – Damm – Time."

"Okay. That's bull and you know it."

"Fine. Tell me one time when you took my side over hers."

"Luke, that was over a year ago."

"Funny. It's pretty damm clear in my mind."

"But Luke, you knew she was alone. You knew how afraid she was. know what she was going through. She…"

Luke was surprised to find himself cackling beyond sanity. "You're even doing it right now!"

"Doing what?"

"Defending her!"

"No! I'm not defending her. I'm just…"

"That's exactly what you're doing! You've done nothing but try to give me reasons why I shouldn't feel angry at a woman who tried to steal my boyfriend from me after I risked my own life to save her from two drunken idiots who wanted to kidnap her and do God only knows what. So how does she repay me? She buys a new dress to try and seduce said boyfriend and then cries like a little girl when it doesn't work. And you encouraged her."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh yeah. All she had to do was pout for you to drop the whole damm world – including m-… no especially me – and come running to her rescue."

"Man," Noah said, as much to himself as anyone. "I am really sucking tonight."

"And do you have ANY idea how much it hurt to have you keep telling me that she's your wife as a reason to take her word over mine? I ask you why you believed her – the woman who stole your father's letter from your backpack and called him behind your back – over me, the person who was risking serious jailtime by playing along with what you knew in your heart of hearts that I never wanted to happen in the beginning. And do you know what you said? You said "She's my wife"? What the fukk is wrong with you?"

Noah learned in that moment, how it felt to be repeatedly stabbed from the outside with the same blade he had been slicing himself from within. For Luke's benefit, Noah said to himself, "I did do that, didn't I."

But Luke kept up his pace to prevent sympathizing with Noah's apology. "And you know what really eats my lunch? Even if we had gotten married someday, I would've been your second marriage because that slut got to you first."

Finally! One that Noah could disprove with facts, or so he thought. "That's not true. The marriage was annuled. As far as I or the law is concerned, it never happened."

Luke wasn't impressed. "Something tells me Ameera wouldn't see it that way. And even if it's not your second marriage, it WOULD be your second wedding. But hey, at least I had ring side seats for the first one, right?"

Noah recognized the bait. Nearly took it. "So then what should I have done, huh? Just let her go back to Iraq so you and I could be together without the inconvenience of having to save somebody's life?"

"Honest to God, Noah. Do you really think she would have gone? Do you honestly think she would rather go live in a war zone than let her fake gay husband have time alone with his boyfriend? Because even if that were the case, that should've been a pretty big clue as to how she felt about you. And you know what really pisses me off?"

(Oh God. There's even more?)

"That you let that ungrateful, passive-aggressive, man-stealing b'itch leave here thinking she'd done absolutely nothing wrong."

Noah felt he was being asked to build a time machine, and if being honest with himself, if he possessed the tools and the skill, he would have. "Luke, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to drive to California and tell her what a horrible person she is? Because if that'll help, I will hop in my truck right now and be yelling at her on her doorstep this time tomorrow. Is that what you want me to do?"

Luke couldn't help but be amused by the thought. "No, Noah. I'd just like you to own up to the fact that by treating me like a clingy jealous boyfriend while remaining fully devoted to your fake wife – you completely and totally dishonored me and made me feel like a damm concubine. Except you didn't want me for sex, so a concubine would've technically been more important than me too. My bad."

"Luke, you can't believe that."

"Look in my eyes, Noah. Look in my eyes and tell me I don't believe that."

"Luke. What do you want from me?"

"I want my firsts back, you son of a b-itch! All of them!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I want my first kiss to be with someone who doesn't tell me it was just a joke, then tell me it was a mistake. I want someone to tell he loves me for the first time without getting engaged to somebody else that same day. And I wanna make love to somebody for the first time without it being a quickee on his lunch break."

"Oh, so that's how you're gonna always remember our first time? A quickee on my lunch break?"

"Why not? Isn't that what happened."

"Luke, you know that's not what it was. At least, not to me."

"Oh, that's right! I forgot about the ice cream with my grandmother. Wow… Can't think of a better way to share the afterglow."

"Hey, it is not my fault that our first time wasn't the way we planned it."

"Oh, it isn't?"

"No, it's isn't."

"Hmmm… Yeah, I think it kinda is, actually."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh you definitely played your part."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that, once again, Luke came in second place… right after Maddie."

"Oh here we go. Maddie again."

"Yeah, Maddie again."

"Luke… I left Maddie to be with you."

"Right. Sorry, Denzel, no Oscar this year."

"What?"

"I'm saying you're either lying or you're really confused, Noah. Maddie dumped you, which is what I should've done a long time ago. She kicked your sorry ass to the curb because you never came forward with your dirty little secret – and by that, I mean me – and instead you just paraded your relationship in front of me like my heart was a damm jumping castle for you two to pounce on – you begged her to take you back – twice – and then once she finally, finally convinced you that there wasn't a snowcone's chance in Hell that she was gonna take you back… then and only then did you ever show any interest in being… actually being with me."

"I didn't even realise you felt that way."

"How could you not?"

"Because I personally didn't see it that way, not to mention that you never told me that you did."

"Oh sure. I'm supposed to tell the nice guy who's trying to get me walking again that, even though he's being a saint now, I'm still hurt and angry by everything he's done before we were actually together?"

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you've got? Oh?"

"Luke, give me a second. Dammn."

"And then New Years Eve, you take all those old wounds and rip them back open again by abandoning me for your exgirlfriend."

"That is not what happened and you know it."

"Sure looked like it from where I was sitting."

"Luke, how many times do I have to tell you this? She was crying when she came into Metro. She needed to get out of there and I didn't think she should be alone."

"I see. So did you sprain your texting thumb?"

"What?"

"Or do you have some sorta special cell phone that doesn't work outside of Metro?" Luke scoffed. "Or maybe your wrist was broken and that's why you couldn't even wave at me to let me know you were leaving. You just took off."

"Okay. You're right. I should've called and told you where I was going, but you should have trusted me."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I'd never given you any reason not to."

"Noah, you KNEW I had issues with Maddie."

"But Luke, it's Maddie."

"Yeah, I know. The Maddie who the whole time she was here acted like your b.f.f. and treated me like a total stranger."

"What? No she di-…"

"Yes she did! But of course you wouldn't notice because you were too busy hanging onto her every damm word."

"Luke, she's a friend. I hadn't seen her since…"

"…since she left for school telling you she was afraid for me because she didn't think I could depend on you. Too bad the Psychic Friends aren't still hiring because she pretty much pegged that one. So excuse me if I'm a little confused as to why you two were so chummy and me, the friend she was so worried about you screwing over, was suddenly reduced to an extra in your little scene."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise you felt that way."

"Oh, please! You just don't wanna take responsibility for the fact that you left your alcoholic boyfriend in a bar while running after your exgirlfriend."

"Well what did you think was gonna happen? For God's sake, Luke. I'm gay and she's a woman."

"Didn't stop you the first time."

"I wasn't out the first time. On New Years, I was. The whole bar saw me dancing with my boyfriend. That should have been a pretty big clue. Noah Mayer is an out, gay man."

"An out gay man who had yet to put the 'sex' in 'homosexual', and if you hadn't noticed, gay college men aren't exactly known for their restraint."

"Yeah, and if you haven't noticed. You and I aren't most gay men. And besides all that, I think it was pretty damm clear that I had every intention of putting the 'sex' in 'homosexual' that very night."

"Right, but you'd already put the 'sex' in something. Me, not so much."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's just say that, before that night, one of us had something pretty important in common with Jesus' mommy and, here's a hint, it wasn't you."

"Wha-… You mean because you were a virgin?"

Luke punched both fists towards the sky. "And the crowd goes wild!!!"

"So… so… so what are you saying. You were nervous?"

"Try terrified."

"Why? What did you think? That you wouldn't know what to do?"

"Not exactly. I mean I had a general idea of what went where, but I had absolutely no idea whose what went where or if maybe you didn't want your what to go to a particular where or if both our whats were going to go to both our wheres or…"

"Okay, okay. I get it. But Luke, I would've been there the whole time. We would've figured it out together."

"Right. Me and Captain Communication. What could possibly go wrong?"

"You didn't even give me a chance."

"Because I wanted my first time to be with my boyfriend. Not with my instructor."

"Luke, I'd never done it either. I mean I'd never done the… the way that mattered."

"So what are you saying? Are you saying that when it was you and Maddie, you didn't… I mean, with Maddie you never took the… ya know… back door?"

"Oh God."

"Well?"

"No. Okay? No. It was front entrance only."

"Oh, thanks. Thanks for that."

"I-I'm... sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. And as for being with Maddie, it never should have happened and I wish it hadn't. I would've loved nothing more than for my first time to be with you."

"Well if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts then we'd all have a wonderful Christmas now, wouldn't we?"

"I thought we did have a wonderful Christmas."

"Sure, Christmas was merry, but we were Hell and Gone from the Happy New Year."

"Okay, okay. So I screwed up and didn't take your… inexperience with door usage into consideration and I should have. But was that really enough of a reason to start drinking and then coming onto Brian?"

"Wow… You really don't get it do you."

"Apparently not."

"Noah, we had just gotten back together. We had trust issues up to our ears. You saw how I felt when you were holding Maddie's hand in Java. You had to know it'd bother me to find her lipstic on your damm cheek. And the cherry on top is that I was recovering from a nervous breakdown. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Wha-… Oh so it's my fault you started drinking?"

"You were definitely the inspiration."

"And stuffing the ballot box. I guess that was my fault too?"

"Dammit! I did NOT stuff the ballot box!"

"Oh, this oughta be good."

"I didn't!"

"No?"

"No! I was hurting, and in a moment of weakness, I let myself get talked into letting somebody stuff the box. That was not my idea."

"Oh so that makes it right?"

"No it doesn't make it right. But I'm sick of everyone trying to make me out to be the mastermind behind some scheme to steal the election when what I did was exercise poor judgment by letting somebody use my insecurities to twist my arm."

"Oh wow. And you think I'm lying to myself."

"Hey, I never said it was right. I know I was wrong. I'm just saying my mistake was letting myself get talked into doing something I know I shouldn't have and not some premeditated scandal like everyone tried to make it sound..."

"But why did you…"

"BECAUSE!!! Because I had been made a laughing stock in front of the entire school! In front of the entire dammn world on the world wide web! And do you remember what you said to me when it happened…"

"Not the exact words, but…"

"You told me to rise above it. To not let them get to me. Not once did you tell me you even cared that I'd been humiliated. Not once did you lift so much as a finger to defend me. You just wanted me to not say anything. To just roll over and take it."

Noah's stare was blank as was his memory. Or perhaps there was nothing to remember. Nothing that would save him from this tongue-lashing anyway.

"Forget it. You obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. Ya know, it's too bad you're not black. Then you could go find a bus to sit in the back of."

"Dammit, Luke. Would you stop with the mud-slinging already. It's not helping."

"And why is it that whenever it comes to dealing with homophobia, you're so willing to roll over and take it."

"Luke, we've talked about this. I'll never be as out and proud as you are. I'm out and unashamed. Why isn't that enough?"

"Oh, I see. So were you out and unashamed when you were so ready to dive back into the closet the second Brian Wheatley told us not to be open about our relationship."

"I wasn't thinking about us. I was thinking about the foundation."

"I see. So you were willing to stay in the closet so people would give us money."

"Luke, you know it's more complicated then that."

"How's that supposed to make me feel, Noah? Am I supposed to feel that you're so proud to be with me that you're willing to jump back into the closet? Is that how you tell the world you're proud of who you're with."

"Luke, you know that's not what it was about."

"Tell me something. Let's say if one day we had had a son who just happened to be gay. Would you be able to look him in the eye and tell him you did your part to make it that much easier to be himself because you lived openly and honestly, no matter what the world thought or said?"

"A yeah ago… probably not. Now? Yeah. Yes, I think I could."

"Great. Well, Noah. Too little. Too late."

Luke walk toward the door to leave, but before he could grab his car keys off the key rack, Noah grabbed them, put them in his shirt pocket and snapped it shut.

Luke snapped, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing. I'm just gonna hold onto your keys until you're calm enough to drive."

"Oh, so I'm your hostage now?"

"You're not tied to a chair, Luke. If you wanna get away from me, I'll call you a cab. Hell, I'll even pay for it, but you are not driving while you're this upset."

"Fine. Then go away and I'll wait till I've calmed down."

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because for all I know, the second I leave here, you'll hop in your car and drive off and get yourself killed."

"What difference would it make? I'm gonna be dead pretty soon anyway."

"Luke, so help me, if I find out you've been drinking, I will handcuff you to the toilet and force feed you nothing but cranberry juice for a week."

"Oh, nice. Noah. You pick now to get kinky."

"Luke, be serious. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the Colonel. And I really don't feel like sharing a bed with the man who would've helped the man who tried to kill me twice escape."

"Luke, he's my father. You knew better than anybody how confused I was…and still am when it comes to him. Is it so hard to believe he could manipulate me like that?"

"Well let me ask you this: How many more murders would your father have to commit before you turned him in on your own, huh?"

"Luke."

"Two more? Five more? Ten more?"

"Stop it."

"Twenty more?"

"Dammit, Luke…"

"You know what, it doesn't matter. He's planning my assassination as we speak, so why bother worrying about it. I'm as good as dead anyway."

"Luke, he's in prison."

"Yeah, and we've seen how effective that was."

"Well… Maybe in the past, yeah, but now that they know what he's capable of, they'll…"

"No, Noah. No. He knows he still has a hold on you. And he believes that taking me out of the picture is all it'll take to finally get you back on his side."

"He'd be crazy to think that."

"Noah, he IS crazy."

"That's not what I…"

"As long as he thinks there's still hope that he can reach you… then there's no prison in the world that can keep him from getting to you. And the only way to get to you… is to get rid of me."

"Luke, you're just overestimating him."

"Oh, please. With the kind of connections that man has, he's probably got some of the guards already working for him."

"Luke, he wouldn't come after y-…"

"JESUS! Yes he would! You and I both know he's gonna blame me for the whole thing."

"Luke, I never once mentioned you the entire time I was with him so he wouldn't come after you, so he wouldn't think you were a part of it."

"Well a lot of good that did. But that doesn't change the fact that he's going to assume that I'm the reason his plan failed."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, Noah. Yes, I do. And when you're ready to be honest with yourself, you'll know it to. Because sooner or later he's gonna get out and he's gonna come after me. So let's not pretend that I'm completely safe just because he's behind bars right now. Because even if he can't get out, he'll just send someone to do the job for him."

"Okay, enough."

"What? We know he's got the connections."

"Luke, I made the call. I'm the one who turned him in."

"Yeah. And what made you finally decide to do that?"

[dead space]

"I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you."

[dead space]

"That's right, Noah. Your dad sat right there on his knees and listened to you try and talk me OUT of calling the police, followed by me talking you INTO calling them, so who do you think he's gonna blame for getting caught."

"Luke, I would never let him hurt you."

"DAMMNIT, NOAH! By trying to help him get away, you already have. He's coming back for me. You know it and I know it. [Looks at Noah with disgust] which means soon you'll feel that much better about sending your father to jail because his body count will be up one."

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"You think I don't know what you're doing?"

"What? You think I have some kind of hidden agenda?"

"I do. You think that if you're cruel enough and fight dirty enough that I'll get so pissed off that I'll want you to leave."

"Okay, I think that active imagination of yours has finally taken its toll."

"Deny it all you want, I know what you're doing and it's not gonna work."

"So you're saying I don't mean the things that I'm saying? Is that it?"

"Oh no, I'm sure there's truth in every single word. You just wouldn't say half of them unless you were trying to hurt me to the point that I'd wanna break up with you. Sorry, babe. It's not gonna work."

"Okay, well while you're out there in the Land of Oz, back here in Oakdale, I am very much leaving."

"I kinda doubt it. Cabs don't take credit cards and we both know you never carry cash. Besides, I think it's my turn."

"Oh, I didn't realise we were in second grade."

"Luke, why do you keep doing this? This whole year, you've been so combattive and angry with me."

"No I haven't."

"Yes, Luke. You have. You jump to all these conclusions and run head first into the middle of whatever the latest disaster is and none of us have any choice but to go after you. And I've gotta tell you, Luke, it's getting old."

"Gee, I'm sorry. And here I thought you said I was becoming more and more like the man you fell in love with."

"You are. You have been. And you'll do so well for awhile and then the first blip on the radar that there's a problem and go run head first into danger and it always blows up in your face and then you come back crying and apologizing to whoever's feelings it was that you hurt. And you don't ever listen to anything anybody has to say."

"That's crap."

"I tried to tell you about Zac and Zoe, but you wouldn't listen."

"I listened, I just didn't agree with you."

"No, Luke. You didn't listen. Do you really think I don't know that just because you say "Look, I get where you're coming from" it doesn't mean you've actually listened to a word I have to say?"

"Oh, okay. So I guess it's my fault we got kidnapped, too."

"Dammit, Luke! Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like a selfish brat everytime you get cornered in an argument."

"Well, if you don't wanna here it, Noah. Why don't you just go?"

"Even when I save your life, you criticize me for it."

"What? That's ridiculous."

"I shoot a man who's going after you with a knife, and instead of thanking me, you ask me why I didn't do it when we'd been kidnapped. And when I got Zoe off of you, in your half-assed 'thank you', you told me not to be a hero."

"I was only thinking of you."

"No you weren't."

"Yes – I was."

"No. Because if you were really thinking of me, you'd know that I'd rather die than just sit there and listen to her rape you. So could you please just tell me why?"

"Why don't you tell me? You're the one who's supposed to know me better than anyone."

"Luke, how am I supposed to talk to you when you just keep throwing these immature, passive-aggressive little comments back in my face?"

"Hey, you're the one who wants to talk. Not me."

"Yeah, I wanna talk. But not some spoiled Prince who has a little hissy fit anytime someone tells him something he doesn't like. Or worse, tells him 'no'."

"You son of a…"

"What? A wh'ore? Murderer? Kidnapper? Pick one. They're all true. But that doesn't change the fact that Little Lord Trust Fund is acting like everything he claims to hate about himself."

"Well if you hate me so much, then why are you trying so hard to keep me from leaving?"

"Because as soon as we get you to stop hating yourself, you're gonna turn back into my sweet, selfless boyfriend who knows the difference between passionate and obsessive, and knows the difference between spontaneous and impulsive."

"Well if I hate myself, it's all your fault."

"A-ha. Another maneuver from Bitchy Luke's Rule Book for Fighting Dirty: When cornered in an argument, blame it all on the other person."

"Go to Hell."

"Tell me something. When was the last time you bitched me out about something and didn't come back asking me to forgive you, huh? When was the last time?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I want you to try acting like the man that Holden Snyder raised you to be, and not a Grimaldi heir who does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and to hell with what happens to anybody else in the process."

"Shut up."

"...who doesn't listen to anything anyone says. Ever."

"Noah, I mean it…"

"Because the man in front of me. Know what he's gonna become? He's gonna become the kind of man who grows up to send his son to a deprogramming camp because that's what HE wants, because what HE wants is all that matters. I'm talking to Damian Junior."

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A little side note here. What we've just seen was Noah doing everything he could to bring Luke to his breaking point, because he knew that until Luke got there, his grief would only come out in inappropriate ways that would have consequences that would be harmful to everyone who cared about him, as well as himself. Now then, I'm not the sort of writer who could do justice to melodrama. Sure, I could tell you about Luke screaming 'Damm you' several times and beating on Noah's chest. I could tell you about Noah tightly gripping his upper arms, and letting him beat on his chest, until Luke's rageful cries turned into remorseful sobs and he dropped to knees where Noah cradled him, and let him wheep against his chest.. And I could try and depict the inhuman sounding moans that Luke made while snot slid down Luke's nose and Noah whiped it away with the sleeve of his shirt. But I'd rather just tell you that it happened, and let you create the scene for yourself, because your imagination would, I'm sure, make far more sense than anything I could write.

So, as we return to the dialogue, both Luke and Noah are in a very different place. Luke's defences had begun to fall, as his dam had broken. Noah was… well… Noah, having taken his ego out of the equation, willing to make the moment about Luke, not in a manner that would indulge a spoiled prince, but in a way that nurtured a need to be heard, and more importantly, listened to.

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"I'm sorry," Luke sobbed.

"Shhh… It's okay. You're grieving. Things like this are going to happen."

"My Dad would be so ashamed of me right now."

"I know for a fact that that's not true."

"I'm just so… so tired of hating myself."

"Hating yourself?"

"It's like… I can't even remember what it felt like to see myself as anything but some pathetic loser who made an idiot out of himself in front of the entire world by stealing an election. It's like I can't even picture myself anymore without this… this big, black, ugly stain over everything, even anything good. And I… I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get past it. I don't even know if I can."

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. However it was we got here. We got here together. And that's how we're gonna move past it."

"Together?"

"Luke, there was some truth in absolutely everything you said. And I want you to know that… I'm willing to apologize for it. And I'm willing to accept responsibility for the things that happened back then. And I guess the only reason I haven't is because… because I haven't been that guy for such a long time. I don't think like him. I don't act like him. In some ways, I don't even look like him anymore. So, I can apologize for all of it. And I'm willing to make up for all of it, in any way that I can. But if you want me to try to explain the things that that guy did… I don't even know if I can. Because none of those things make sense to me anymore. And if I had one wish, it would be that the man that I am now could've been around to protect you from the scared, selfish idiot that I was when we first met and for a long time after that. But somehow, we'll get past it. I mean, whatever we have to do. Couple's counceling. Shock therapy. Swimming with dolphins."

"Dolphins?"

"Hey, I said anything."

"And you'd do all that for me?"

"No. I'd do all that with you. For us."

"Promise?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

"As hard as it is to believe. Yeah, you are. I just can't figure out why."

"Luke, look at our lives. Look at everything we've had to deal with. We've lived ten lifetimes apeice in two years. It's a miracle we've lasted as long as we have without professional help . With everything we've had working against us, we should have failed. But we didn't. And more importantly, we won't."

"It would be really nice to not feel so… so ugly anymore."

"I'll take ugly honesty over phony happiness anyday."

"You callin' me ugly?"

"What if I am? You wanna make somethin' of it?"

"Seriously, though… I know I haven't been the easiest person to love this past year."

"The loving you part was easy. But I'll admit, it hasn't always been fun."

"That's fair."

Noah grinned. "Great sex though."

"Oh totally."

"Awesome sex."

"Yeah, if I'm gonna be a pain in the ass, it's only fair that you stole my innocense."

"Uh, if I remember correctly, you gave it pretty willingly."

"Yeah?"

"Practically threw it at me."

"Hmmm… Starting to think I might want it back."

"Nope. Mine."

The two chuckled together.

"Noah," Luke began, somewhat hesitantly, but with need. "Why do you love me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Sounds to me like it's pretty obvious."

"Luke, for the past hour, you've listed a million different ways that I've been a complete ass in the two years we've been together, not to mention the time before that when we should have been together."

"Yeah, but you got passed it all."

"Really? Because not going to your Dad's funeral feels like a pretty big step back."

"But it's understandable. You tried to be there for me and I pushed you away. It's not a stretch to see how you felt I was doing the same thing."

"Yeah, but Luke. If anyone should know that the death of your father can make you do and act in ways that don't make sense, it's me."

"Well… You do have a point."

"I mean…" Noah began, "my choices were to either be with you or to join the army."

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

"No, I'm just saying that the fact that I would choose the army is all the proof you need to know I wasn't in my right mind. And that wasn't even the end of it. I mean, getting back together with you at the Cyndi Lauper concert one night, and then tell you I'm shipping out to play G. the very next day. I mean… What the hell was that?"

Luke laughed silently. "I don't know. You're asking the wrong man."

"I know this much, it's a pretty messed up way to ask the love of your life to wait for you."

"Ah. So that's what you were doing."

"If I had to guess, that's the best I can come up with," Noah replied. "Because back then, the thought of you and Roth in the same room together made me wanna put him in cement shoes and make him sleep with the fishes."

"Wow. And I thought I was the jealous type."

The two shared a peaceful moment. Then...

"Luke, I want you to do something for me."

"Hmmm… Okay."

"I want you to make a list."

"A list?"

"A list of everything that's happened between the two of us that hurt you."

"A list. You're serious."

"If it hurt you, and I played a part in it, I wanna know about it."

"Wow… You are serious."

"Like you said, those old wounds didn't close right the first time. Maybe if we clean 'em out, you'll get the closure you need, and they'll actually heal this time."

Luke smiled. "You're such a romantic. Ya know that?"

"Well, if I am, it's because you make it easy."

"Not lately."

"Well, seeing as how you've been carrying all that around, I'm surprised you haven't, how did you say it… kicked my sorry ass to the curb."

"Me? I can't believe you've put up with me as long as you have. Actually, now that we're being all… honest with each other… why have you stayed this long?"

Noah thought for a moment, then sighed. "Luke, one of these days, you and I are gonna stand together in front of everyone we care about and say 'for better or for worse' and when that day comes, I want you to remember this moment. And know that I mean every word."

"Is that a proposal, Mister Mayer?"

"Hmm… Consider it a… a pre-proposal."

"Ah… a preproposal. That's fun to say."

"It's good to hear you laugh again."

"It's good to be laughing."

"I'll bet" Noah kissed the top of Luke's blonde head. "Hey, ya know something else about our wedding?"

"What?"

"It's gonna kick Ameera's wedding's ass!"

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N
O
T
E
S

The next chapter will be a letter than Noah will read out loud to Luke. Hope this wasn't too terribly long. And that you enjoyed it.
Sincerely,
Alwyn