A/N: This was written as a request by my friend Melissa, she has an account on here, but it's nearly 4AM so I can't remember it right now :P Anyway this is NOT part of my smacked series... it was just a little something I wrote to work of my anger about tonight's Bones! Enjoy! It's pretty lame and a little out of character for Mac...
I own nothing!
Mac nervously picked at the corner of his desk calendar. He was conflicted, he knew what his heart wanted, but his head was telling him something completely different. He screwed his eyes shut, looking for any relief from his internal battle. If he was honest with himself he'd been fighting this battle for years now. For some reason today felt like the day he needed to do something about that. He glanced at his desk clock. It was late, too late for anyone to be at the lab anyway. But he knew she was still there. She didn't like going home to an empty apartment, especially one that didn't feel the slightly bit like home. He knew she hadn't found a place she was comfortable living in. Just when she was finally settling in after the Frankie ordeal, the new place goes up in flames. He sighed heavily; the woman had been through hell and back. The most recent of which being her trip to Greece. That trip really opened his eyes. He'd hope she would calm down after all of that, but Angell's death and the attack on the team prevented her from that. It broke his heart to see her so wound up, but he knew it wouldn't stop until she found herself some solace. She needed someone to come home to who would help her forget about all of the evil in the world. He was starting to believe maybe he could be that guy. Well, his heart was anyway, his head was a completely different story. He got up and started walking towards her office. It was time to ignore his head.
She was bent over a case file, writing quickly. He could tell she was not in the best of moods. After working with her all these years, he could read her like an open book.
"Stel," he announced his presence softly. Her head snapped up and she sent him a heated look.
"Don't even try to send me home," she growled.
"I didn't plan to, not really anyway," Mac began.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Stella asked, she hated it when he was vague.
"Well, I came in to ask if you would like to go get something to eat with me" he mentioned somewhat sheepishly, more than a little intimidated by the woman in front of him.
Stella felt a flare of hope light up in her chest, but she quickly extinguished it knowing he was just being nice. He did this every once in a while. He took her out and acted like he was interested only to pull back into himself a few days later. It was like he was testing the waters to see if she was still desperately hanging on to him. Well, tonight she was in no mood to put up with his crap.
"No Taylor, you will not do this to me again!" she started, standing from behind her desk. Mac took a step back. "I'm so tired of dancing in circles with you! You can't play with people like that, it's not fair!" she screamed. The surprised look on Mac's face told her he had no idea what she was talking about. "You do this all the time, you make me believe that somewhere in that thick skull of yours you realized that you're in love with me and that you want to be more than friends only to rip my heart out a few days later when you get scared again. I won't do it, not again, because after being put back together so many times the pieces don't go back as easily," she finished tears running down her cheeks.
Mac swallowed thickly, trying to rid himself of the stab of pain in his chest. How could he have been so blind, so cruel? He was supposed to be her best friend. He didn't know he was hurting her. He was just a coward and he was slowing killing the soul of the woman he loved. Yes he loved her, there was no doubt about it, but now he was afraid he'd ruined things.
"Stella," he whispered, considering taking a step towards her.
"No, leave, please," she begged. Mac just stood there. "Please Mac, go!" Stella tried again. He obliged her wishes and walked out. He thought about going to his office and just working through the night, but he needed to get some thinking done and his office was no place to do that. He had some big decisions to make.
After Mac walked out, Stella gathered her things to go home. She needed a chance to collect herself before she had to see him again. Now she was certain she'd never end up with Mac. She had just scared him off for good, she knew it. He would be so afraid of hurting her more that he wouldn't even chance it again. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? Shit, she didn't know what she wanted anymore.
Mac knew what Stella was expecting him to do. Hell, he'd done it so many times before it was almost second nature. She was expecting him to turn cold and pretend feelings didn't exist. He wasn't sure he could do that anymore. Seeing Stella so upset by something he had done had unleashed a beast and Mac wasn't sure he could lock it up again. He couldn't deny himself or her anymore. He needed her as much as she needed him and he would do all it took to convince her it was going to be for real this time.
It pained Mac to watch Stella avoid him at work. He wanted to talk to her, but the lab was not the place. He knew he'd have to corner her somewhere, she wasn't just going to listen, that would be too easy. Stella never took the easy way out. He decided to take her to run a lead with him. They were partners after all.
Stella couldn't believe Mac did that. The jackass paired them together. Did he not get the message the night before? Were the tears not enough of a sign? Why did he want to torture her? But she had a job to do and she wasn't about to risk a suspension for unrequited love. So she climbed into the front seat of the avalanche and waited for him to start driving. When he stopped only moments later, in what appeared to be a vacant lot, she wondered what he was up to. It couldn't be anything good.
"Stella we need to talk," he announced. She whipped her head around to look at him. The gall of that man! He trapped her!
"You son of a bitch! I thought I made myself clear last night!" she screamed.
"You did, you didn't want to play games anymore and neither do I," Mac started.
"And that's supposed to make it all better?" Stella asked, feeling tears forming behind her eyes.
"Not in the least, I just want you to hear me out and when I'm done you can proceed as you see fit," he explained. Stella didn't want to hear him out, she knew he would say exactly the right thing and would win her over once again. She didn't have the energy to pull herself back together again.
"You better be quick," she grumbled, knowing there was no way out of this one.
"Ok, I know this doesn't make it right or anything, but I wasn't trying to hurt you at all. You're my best friend and I hate myself right now for doing that to you. I was scared. It's been a long time since I committed to anyone and it seemed like everyone I committed to disappeared and I couldn't stand the thought of losing you, Stel. You're my last chance at this and I don't want to mess it up, even though it seems I already have. And I know you're expecting me to close up at anytime and I don't blame you for that, but I'm not going to do that, well at least I'm going to try not to. I'm still scared but I'm really trying, I need you to believe that," he wasn't finished, but he was interrupted.
"You're right, that doesn't help at all," she huffed. Mac knew this was going to be the furthest thing from easy, so he pressed on.
"Without giving me a fighting chance, you're pushing me to pull away and I know that's what you think you want because you're afraid I'll hurt you again so you just want the feelings to go away all together, but I know you Stella. I know that's not what you really want. You want the happily ever after that you deserve and all thought I can't promise anything for sure, I want to make you happy. I love you Stella and I know it took me to long to admit it and I know I have really screwed this whole thing up and I know that I'm broken and scared and am only prepared to take this whole thing one step at a time, but you're the only person I want to take those steps with," Mac finished. Stella just stared at him. He'd just admitted he loved her. She was speechless, that was not what she was expecting. She figured he'd give her a lecture of some kind about how she needed a distraction from work, or that she shouldn't talk back to her boss, or that he would try to claim her never played with her emotions. She never thought he would own up to it and try to start something between them. He started talking again. "Look, I'm really sorry. You don't owe me anything, but if you could, for your best, err, well for the man who used to be your best friend, please consider what I've said. If you've had enough time to think it over by tomorrow night, I would like to invite you to my apartment for dinner and yes it would be a date, but only if that's what you want, if not I understand."
Before Stella could say anything, he shifted the avalanche back into drive and pulled out onto the street. He didn't say another word that was not work related. Stella knew he wasn't avoiding her, he was simply giving her, her space. Deep down Stella already knew what her decision would be. This was Mac after all, the only man she would trust with anything. However, she still had to forgive him. She needed to think it all over just in case.
Mac was nervous. He had no idea if Stella was going to show up. He's burned her bad and he didn't know if he'd given her enough time to heal and forgive him. If he hadn't, he would wait. He owed her that, she'd waited so long for him. A knock on his door interrupted his pacing around the living room. His heart began to race as he looked through the peep hole. It was Stella. He quickly opened to door.
"Before we fall into date mode, I need to clear the air," Stella started before Mac could even greet her. He nodded slowly, allowing her to continue. " I've forgiven you, however, if we do this and you panic and pull away again, I do have a gun and I know where you sleep," she warned with a hint of a smile. However, Mac knew she wasn't joking. "Also, I'm going to need constant communication from you, there will be no bottling up feelings or dealing with things in your own way. If tonight it truly a date and you truly want to start a relationship with me, we become a team now, we are in this together. I am here for you and you are here for me, understand?" she finished.
"Yes," he answered.
"One more thing, I know you're scared and you want to go slow, that's fine, we can take this at your pace, you just need to let me know what you're ready for from time to time," she added.
"I promise from here on out, I will be open and honest with you in the pursuit of furthering our relationship. I'm not going to promise I won't mess up again and accidentally hurt you, because I can't guarantee that, but I promise to never intentionally hurt you," Mac disclosed. Stella smiled, the first real smile Mac had seen grace her features since he couldn't remember.
"Now, I believe you said something about dinner," she smirked. Mac led her into the kitchen and told her to sit down at the table while he got the food out of the oven. She could tell he was nervous, nervous about impressing her, not nervous she was going to walk out at any minute. "Mac relax, it's just me Stella, yes this is a different context for us, but I'm still Stella," she giggled. Mac blushed deeply as he set a plate in front of her.
"I know, I just want everything to be perfect," he admitted.
"Mac, we're on an honest to goodness date, nothing could make it more perfect," she noted, causing him to blush again.
After dinner they settled down in the living room with a bottle of wine and shared the friendly conversation they'd been lacking over the past few months. Having known each other for so long, all of the first date material was out of the way, so they just picked up where they left off as friends. Mac watched Stella laugh as he finished his story. He loved her laugh and knowing he was the one who made her laugh warmed his insides. When she caught him staring at her, her expression changed to confused. It was adorable; he wanted to kiss it off her face. Wait, he wanted to kiss her. He'd thought about it so many times, now he had the opportunity to. However, that was not exactly the right thing to do on a first date. He thought about it for a moment longer and slid closer to her. He reached out a set a hand on her cheek. He couldn't help but smile as she leaned into his touch. Ever the gentleman he asked, "Stel, can I kiss you?"
Stella couldn't believe he had just asked that. Of course he could kiss her, she been waiting for years! She nodded her head and he closed the gap between them. His kiss was demanding but gentle. She found his hair with her hand and tangled her fingers in it. She gasped when she felt the hand that wasn't on her cheek settled on her waist up under her shirt. Mac took advantage and slid his tongue into her mouth. She didn't even fight the moan that caused.
Moments later they broke apart. Mac had no intentions of going any further. Yes, he wanted to but he wanted to get their relationship of stable footing first.
"I should probably go, we both have to be at work in the morning," Stella announced, regrettably so.
"Yeah, but we should do this again soon," he replied with a smile.
"I'll hold you to that, Taylor," she laughed, getting up from the couch. Mac walked her to the door. When they go to the door, Stella wrapped her arms around his midsection. His arms went around her shoulders. They stood like that for what felt like forever.
"Will you call me when you get home so I know you got back safe?" Mac requested finally.
"Of course," Stella murmured against his chest. Mac gently squeezed her and let her go. She met his eyes and smiled. She got the feeling they were finally done dancing in circles. "I love you too, Mac," she whispered in his ear, replying to what he's said in the car the previous day. She pulled back to see the goofy grin covering Mac's face. "Goodnight," she added, giving him a quick kiss and turning to leave. He stopped her and pulled her back into another kiss, this one full of love and passion.
"Love you, Stel" he stated as she walked out the door. Yes, they were definitely done dancing in circles.