I think it's funny that my Microsoft Word wants to replace Haruhi with Harsh.

This story is kind of odd, I know. I'm going to be cosplaying Hikaru this year, you see, and this is sort of my attempt to get into his head. I'm trying to sort of do a third person Hikaru stream-of-consciousness to practice my characterization of him. Please, please, please, critique me! I want to make this good so that I can portray him accurately. I appreciate the ego boosting "UR STORY ROX!!!!" kind of reviews, but that's really not what I'm looking for with this story, okay?

As you can see, I'm having a love affair with italics. By the way, this would be pre-ch. 52 Hikaru, if you're reading ahead in the manga.

The title…yeah, I don't know either, except the story starts with eyes, and the twins' eyes are yellowish which is like tigers' eyes, and there's hypothetical stabbage, which reminds me of tigers too, and it's a neat song, and the theme of the story is angst, and I have a tendency for bad puns, and…yeah.

Hikaru kind of wanted to stab himself in the eye, actually.

He was...frustrated. Frustrated with himself, frustrated with Haruhi, frustrated with Tono, but most of all, frustrated with Kaoru.

Kaoru was driving him up the wall.

Every time Hikaru felt Kaoru's gaze on him, he could just tell that it was the same exact gaze he'd been getting for as long as he could remember, which he knew deep down wasn't nearly as long as it felt like. The gaze was pity, and 'I-know-something-you-don't', and care, with a dash of frustration thrown in, all rolled up inside a shield of general indifference to mask the many components.

Although Hikaru could pick out the parts of the gaze just fine (he doubted Kaoru knew he could, Kaoru had always thought too little of his twin's ability to read him), he had absolutely no idea what they meant.

When Hikaru and Kaoru were little and they couldn't understand something, they would get angry and cry and yell and generally throw a fit until they could understand it, at which point they both felt much better. This was possibly of the root of their problems with people, because people didn't make sense, and to hell with the fact that the two of them didn't either—people should have to make sense, except them.

Now, when they couldn't understand something, they sat down and discussed it to death until they understood or grew tired of it.

Obviously, Hikaru couldn't exactly sit down and discuss this particular bit of incomprehension with Kaoru, because he knew Kaoru would merely arch a slender brow and tell Hikaru that he had no idea what he was talking about and that Hikaru should just go back to his French homework and stop procrastinating.

This, of course, would bring Hikaru back to his desire to injure his eye.

His frustration with Tamaki was something which confused him to no end. He had always respected and somewhat admired the sunny upperclassman (even if he had shown it through mischievous teasing), and yet lately, whenever he thought of him, his body reacted strangely. The pit of Hikaru's stomach was filled with a boiling liquid, there was a roaring monster in his chest that wanted him to attack the first person who had entered his and Kaoru's world, and his fists clenched as his mind showed him images of Haruhi and Tamaki bickering as normal.

These feelings baffled Hikaru, and as usual when he was confused, he was angry about it. His head told him that he had no reason at all to be mad at Tono, while at the same time, every other part of him told him that Tono was the scum of the earth. The inner conflict was tearing Hikaru apart. He couldn't tell Kaoru his feelings about this because he didn't think it would do any good—if Hikaru didn't understand them, how could Kaoru? Kaoru was probably feeling the same way anyway. Hikaru was also more than a little bit bitter towards Kaoru lately—he was clearly hiding something from his twin, because what else would motivate that perplexingly complex gaze?

Added to the strain of his confusion and frustration in the areas of Tamaki and Kaoru were his feelings of the same towards Haruhi.

He had always sort of admired the girl. She was, after all, the first person to ever be able to tell him and Kaoru apart with consistency, and she was smart and rational. However, these feelings of late weredifferent. When he thought of Haruhi, he imagined her in her more girly cosplays, and his stomach felt warm again—although this was acompletely different feeling from the heat Tamaki awoke in him. This warmth spread to his cheeks, and his heart, and soon he was warm all over when he thought of her. He had no idea what this meant, and he was even more confused when his warm feeling shifted to abrupt, icy cold whenever another member of the Host Club started to talk to her, especially Tamaki.

Hikaru was confused and conflicted and every other upsetting word that one could think of that began with 'conf'. He wanted nothing more than to just understand what on earth was wrong with him, so he could fix it and everything could go back to normal.

Possibly the most upsetting part of the whole ordeal was that for once in his life, he had no idea how.

Fin

Wow. Hikaru doesn't know how to angst! It's one of the many things he never learned because of staying in his little twincestual world. After all, the fundamentalrule of angsting is that you must choose either ANGRY! angst or EMO! angst, and as you can clearly see in this story, he's done neither, stupid berk.

As I said earlier, I've a love affair with italics, although I think it's Hikaru. He and Kaoru both are...although they pretend to be cold and indifferent, they both make me want to use italics for emphasis. They're almost as bad as Cain, although his character makes me overuse italics to make an entirely different feeling.

Please, review and help me improve!