Disclaimer: I own nothing ffx related. Dedicated to La editor for addicting me to this pairing.

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Are there butterflies in the farplane? The butterflies in Spira are beautiful and the blue ones always remind me of you. They look delicate but they can fly through the blizzards in Macalania and remain unscathed.

I wonder if anyone ever told you that you were beautiful. I can imagine your indignation if they did, but its true. You were never really handsome, not in a masculine way. You were beautiful and frail looking. I know you were strong; you were one of Spira's most famous summonors, but I don't think even you knew how fragile you really were.

What a mess. A weak looking man with a core of steel, yet the steel was brittle. I could see it all in your violet eyes. I think you noticed, because you nearly blew my arm off with a spell. You didn't want anyone to notice how vulnerable you were. I think that's when I realised that I wanted to pick up the pieces of you and try to glue them back together.

But I couldn't. I had to save Yunie. You understand, right? She is my cousin, and I had to protect her. So I fought you and every time I saw the jagged edges of pain in your eyes I almost dropped my weapon and ran to you. But if we were going to save Spira I couldn't.

Since you died…no. I have to be honest with myself, and you. Since we killed you it has only gotten worse; the aching need to find you and fix you and be the first person to love you. That's right. I heard about your father, and how he exiled you. It sorta makes me understand why you killed him. Not that I condone it.

I don't think any father who loved his child would send them away. Cid wouldn't. Uncle Braska didn't. So why should your father be any different?

I went to Baaj and I asked about you when you were there. As a kid. It was hard but I found out that sometimes when all the lights were out people could hear screaming, and the next morning they'd find you bruised or bleeding in the snow. So maybe…maybe your mother didn't love you either. Or if she did it was all red hot metal; twisted into grotesque shapes. It was a bad affection, or seeing you as a possession I think.

So, I want to love you properly. With sunflowers and butterflies and Shoopuf rides. A sweet love, a happy, open and honest love. I want to braid your hair while you sleep, I want to get mud all over those pretty robes you wear. I want to have fights and arguments, makeup kissing and dancing when there is no music whatsoever.

But that isn't going to happen, at least not for a long long time. You're dead and I have a while left to live. So I'll do stupid things alone instead of with you. But I think, I hope, that you will be watching me and then it will be almost like doing stuff with you.

UnfortunatelyI don't think I'm ever going to be able to tell anyone about this. My obsession with you. Yunie is still all shook up from what happened to Tidus and everybody misses Auron. Wakka won't get it; he never does. Lulu and Kimahri would disapprove in that stoic way they have. Dad, Cid, still hates everything Yevonite and so does brother. So I have to keep this secret from everybody but you. Truth be told I'm not even sure you can hear me, much less that you would return my feelings. But I'll pretend, to save myself.

I'll find ways to pass the time until I see you again. I'll dye my hair blue for a while and learn the summoners dance even though all the aeons are gone. I'll dance for you every day in a different place; Macalania, Luca even on the airship. Especially on the airship because then I think I'll be the nearest to you that I can get until I die. I'll look after Lulu and Wakka's baby and when they aren't listenting I'll tell him about you. The real you.

I'm going to steal a chocobo and paint it blue and name it after you. I'll ride it to all the temples and look for some of your broken pieces there. I'll go everywhere on Spira to find the parts that will put you back together to the man you used to be. The kinder, softer, Seymour that you were before you got all choked up and angry and bent out of shape.

I'm going to break into your old rooms and steal your robes and wear them. They will come down past my feet because you were a lot taller than me, but I won't care. I'll take everything away from your old house and take it to Home. I'll make a nest there, a sort of shrine and I will sleep hugging the pillows you used to sleep on.

I'm going to catch a hundred butterflies, some blue but mostly red, because I'm selfish and I think they might remind you of me. I'm going to release them into the farplane so there will be butterflies for you and they will keep you company until I get there.

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Seymour Rikku is now my second favourite ffx pairing. o, don't worry I am first and foremost an Aurikku girl... seriously? Can't you feel the love here? I feel really sorry for Seymour what with his Mother and father. He is like Sephykins...its their families that drove them nuts! Not their fault!