Title: Abandoning Ship
Author: DrMcPerky (LJ & FF)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. I don't own, I rent.
Summary: Arizona contemplates the storm that is brewing between her and Callie while taking a shower. "Sometimes, being a good man in a storm is knowing when to abandon ship." (This takes place while Arizona is in the shower at the end of 6x19. SPOILERS.)
A/N: This is my first fic! Woohoo! It's a short and quick one but I am nevertheless excited, relieved and terrified! All of the calzona writers on here and FF are so awesome - so thank you all for posting your wonderful stories and inspiring me to dip my toe into the water. I decided to write this in somewhat of a stream of consciousness manner so all of the italics are Arizona's thoughts as they happen (which is why they're random sometimes). This is also why she doesn't go into any explanations and merely hints at things (they're HER thoughts so she doesn't need to explain them the way I see it). Also, please don't hate me for this but I don't intend on continuing this story as I meant for it to be a short snapshot into that moment we missed on the show. Suggestions for improvement are very welcome! (I'm not sure how I feel about the stream of consciousness or how I could make it better.) R&R=luv.
Special Thanks to coliebearz for the encouragement and beta-ing. :D
She takes a deep breath in. Facing the running water, Arizona leans forward, submerging her head under the strong pressure of the stream. Rolling her neck around, she lets the steaming hot water run over her shoulders as she reaches a hand up to rub the tight muscle.
My shoulders are so tight. Gonna have to make another appointment with Bensham. God is that man amazing at giving massages. Oh, I'll have to remember to check the schedule tomorrow. I don't THINK I have any surgeries scheduled in the afternoon. Hm, I may just have time to do it during lunch -
Leaning back from the water slightly, she opens her eyes and stares down at the glass door as if looking through the bathroom floor's tile.
Lunch…. It's lunch's fault. If it weren't for the cafeteria and always seeing her there and diving into and hiding in nearby on-call rooms. And vending machines! Evil caloric deathtraps. Not to mention poundcake... Oh! And the awkward silences? Those are the worst! If it weren't for all of that it totally wouldn't be noticeable that I'm avoiding her. Well… not HER, the chicken.
Arizona cringes and slaps her forehead, "I mean BABY." Shaking her head in exasperation, "Ugh, what is it with me and CHICKENS," She reaches for her loofah and begins to pour a swirl of Herbal Essence Mango bodywash but stops.
Baby. That word is so….. neeYikes. I mean, they're just 'tiny humans.' Or at least that's what I've tried so hard to make it all mean for me. Not something that you create with immense love and hope for the future with your best friend and lover only to have it ripped away from you.
Her hands move the loofah over her body roughly and angrily.
Breaking YOU and then your fiancée, tearing apart your relationship and changing the way you view the world. I don't think I could survive feeling that way again.
Covered in suds, Arizona turns, lifting her hair so the water can wash the suds from her back. She reaches her hand back and lazily wipes at the frothy soap, rubbing the dimples in her back. A small smile escapes from the side of her mouth for a moment, remembering what Calliope had said to her during their first shower together.
***
Callie moves the over-sudded loofah over Arizona's lower back, watching the white Mango-scented soap cling to her soft, firm skin. Suddenly she stops and gasps, "you have them HERE too?" A big grin sneaks onto her face, her beautiful brown eyes as big as saucers. Arizona shakes her head, "what?"
Almost before she can complete the word, Callie has spun her around and begins to investigate her back just like she would a broken bone. "Um, hey!" Arizona laughs, "Mind telling me what you're doing back there DR. Torres?"
A giggle escapes Callie's lips. She has a look of supreme satisfaction on her face, "YOU, my dear have butt dimples."
"I have WHAT?" Arizona spins around like a puppy chasing its tail, craning her head to see the source of Calliope's smug grin and now her laughter. "Are butt dimples a GOOD thing? 'Cause to me they kinda sound like cellulite and I know that everyone has it - even those scrawnymovie stars who spend too much money on plastic surgery - but I go to the gym on a regular basis. I have a routine on the evil, evil stairmaster, just so I never have to worry about having butt dimples appear out of nowhere in the shower," exasperated and out of breath, she gulps in some air, "So no. You're wrong. Arizona Robbins does not have butt dimples!"
Callie reaches out and stops the revolving Arizona who is now sporting a horrified/sheepish grin, "You, are SO cute!"
***
Cold water shocks Arizona out of her reverie. She quickly realizes that tears are falling down her face but she chooses not to wipe them away. Her hand strikes out at the shower knob, turning off the freezing cold water. Tossing the loofah back on its suction cup hook, she dives out of the shower, swiftly wrapping herself up with her favorite blue towel.
Man, the lifespan of hot water around here is next to nil.
Grabbing a second towel off the shelf, she wraps her hair up in it. She turns towards the sink and grabs her electric toothbrush, wetting it and squishing out toothpaste with surgical precision. It hums to life.
I hate brushing my teeth. I always gag on the toothbrush. Yuck. Then again, I've always had a bad gag reflex.
She chuckles outloud.
Oh, Danny would have had several jokes to make about THAT.
Shaking her head, she looks back at the mirror slowly, the sudden sadness for her brother's death crossing her face.
You've got to tell her, Arizona. You're a good man in a storm and right now, the storm is brewing. If you are going to abandon ship, now's the time to do it. 'Cause doing anything else is just not fair to Callie.
The electric toothbrush clicks off and Arizona leans over the sink, clearing her mouth of the toothpaste. When she looks back up, she sees the bags under her eyes; her shoulders slouch.
That's not what I want……at if it's the only way to keep Callie from suffering the way I did...
Arizona lowers her head and heads out of the bathroom. Beelining it for the moisturizer on the dresser, she notices Callie out of the corner of her eye.
Wow, her hair is so beautiful. Actually it looks pretty perfect. Kinda too perfect just for bed actually…
She tucks her legs under her as she sits on the bed, pumping lotion onto her hand.
Oh, awkward silence.
Callie glances at Arizona, making eye contact.
Oh great, an even awkwarder glance and more awkwardy silence. Maybe I can avoid this discussion for tonight, but in the morning, I need to tell her. I can't take anymore of these awkward silences.
Suddenly the silence is broken as Arizona blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.
"Do you ever wonder if moisturizer really works? I mean, what's in this stuff. I'm a doctor and I haven't even heard of half of it. Uh… Dimethicone?" She pauses. "No idea! Dysterial… Dimer… Um, yeah I can't pronounce that, so…"
"I want to have a baby."
Well, shit. Maybe I should have mentioned poundcake instead.
"And I can't talk about lotion or poundcake or anything else because you don't want to have a baby and I do."
Arizona felt a huge pang in her chest, her throat catching.
So, all jokes aside, I guess this is it. The moment I have been dreading for almost a week. The moment for which I have been stuffing my face full of poundcake and donuts for 7 whole days trying to avoid even THINKING about the loss of a child, MY child.
She looked at her Calliope, crestfallen.
My beautiful Calliope. I don't think I could ever see the light fizzle from your eyes the way it did from mine. I could never put you through that especially when I'm not strong enough to go through that myself.
"So… We're gonna talk about. "
"Yeah," Callie nods. "We are gonna talk about it."
Sometimes, being a good man in a storm is knowing when to abandon ship.