Forgotten Tears of an Angel
Sitting inside the dark, the lone person staring out the window, feeling the cold wind hitting the room.
I should probably close the window. Then again, I can't let my body move towards the glass to shut. To shut myself from the world outside. I wanted to but I knew you wouldn't want me to.
No you would never want me to do such a thing.
Slowly I raise myself up from my seat and walk over to my desk to slide the drawer open and take the locked black box from within its hold. I carry it back to the small table to where I sat before and lay it out before me.
There it was, sitting right across from me, the dark steel shining under the silver light of the moon outside as the rain thundered on. I ran my hand over it, feeling the coldness touch my hand and wanting to feel your hand, your warm soft hand instead of this ice steel of which that all I have left of you.
How long has it been? I thought as I closed my eyes, trying to recall the years that had past.
Four? Five? Six? No I haven't forgotten. I can never forget it. It's will be now eight years since you were gone. Gone from my life.
Dying of your very last breath…
I then pulled the chain hidden within my shirt. The key fell out onto my chest and I take it off and then used it to open the box.
Our secrets, hidden within.
The key made a 'clink' sound that seems to echo all around this quiet sanctuary. I waited for a silent moment before I open the box and plunked the sacred treasure that lied in its holding.
There you were, still staring at me with your forever-sweet smile and your eyes shining brightly as ever. Only now time seem to have age you and all I can see is the yellowing corners of what I had remained of you.
'I don't understand, how could this have happened? What went wrong…' I ask you these questions every time I see you. Your silence angered me…
'Did I miss all the clues that were shown to me! Were you sending me those tell tale signs and saying your last goodbye through your smiles! Well!'
Again I stare at your eyes, and saw truly you had been happy that time long ago.
No…my anger was fading as only I felt sadness claimed into my heart. No you had hidden them to well from my eyes and others. You didn't want anyone hurt because of thinking you had to stand alone.
I always thought we were happy together, just the two of us...now you were not here and I was alone.
'How could you go and leave me?' I wept bitterly down on you, watching as your image magnified through my shed tears.
I wish I could have said something to change your mind, to stop you from doing it. But what you had done, I didn't understand it myself and took the blame then instead.
Maybe things would have worked out better if you had told me. But you always never because you were always trying to take care of your business without any outside help cause you believe that whatever trouble came, you would fight back. You'd sacrifice yourself to do what was right in your help to save me from my endless solitude.
Still I have to sit and wonder, why you left, why did you left me in this world?
Still I remember back to that day, right on the day of all days, by which I'm forced to be cursed to remember when it happened.
I could never forget as I had been there that day, long long time ago, on that knoll hill watching the sky lighted up and your forever smiling face.
I looked down at you again and then gave you a soft kiss than laid you back in the box with the other things along. The picture of you staring at me is all I have left of you. I see light shining in your eyes and I hate to shut you away in the dark box. But my heart wrenches inside me everytime I saw your face.
I closed the lid with a final shut then return it back to the desk and walked out to look outside the window to look up at the clouds above. The wind breathes coldly on my skin and I think I heard your voice. Your wonderful beautiful voice singing to me.
'….Until the end…of…time…' I fall to my knees then and the tears took over me as I cried out and then said your name at last, my voice breaking and becoming hoarse with the wind blowing as I try to call out to you but I knew that you were already gone.
"Anzu….Anzu…." I cried out to the Heavens but there was no more songs in the air and knew that our time was over.
You, Anzu were dead in life, but not in the after as I had wished you to be.
I headed back inside my room and closed the door and huddling under the blankets, praying then that you would dare not let me dream of it. The one last memory I had of you on that summer night watching fireworks.
"Anzu…" I said once again and then I fell into the uneasy dream where I saw coming inside my head.