Gisburne's Secret Diary
A/N: A rather irreverent look at a series I adore-this is my take on Bridget Jones's Diary, Guy of Gisburne style! This is the first nine episodes-there will be more to come (unless I'm begged to stop) as I rewatch the whole lot. Hope it makes you laugh :) I love Gisburne as a character, this is just a bit of fun!
Serfs executed: 6, Cups of wine: 3, Manly swaggers: 4
Met strange looking serf today-he claims to be from Loxley. Think that's some Scandinavian country but I could be wrong. Sheriff not too impressed-think he's jealous as serf was quite good looking. Not as good looking as me though. Not quite sure what happened to the deer he was carrying (serf, not Sheriff).
Lady Marion becoming quite unmanageable-think she's jealous of my lovely hair. She didn't seem to appreciate me in my best armour.
Wenches bedded:1 ½ , witches hunted:1, Strops had:1 (but succession of smaller ones after capture by damned Loxley)
Met a lovely witch today. She didn't like my hair. Decided to have her trialled. Shame. Nice knockers (her, not me). Sheriff didn't believe me. Don't care-thought my hair was too nice today to let Sheriff upset me. Got into trouble with some outlaws. They ducked me and ruined my hair. It'll take ages to sort out now. Bugger.
Serfs killed: 3, Religions offended: 1, Sheriffs annoyed:1
Most pissed off. Met some knights from Lincoln-Sheriff says they're v.important and I shouldn't have messed with them. Their leader has naff hair. They seem to like worshipping temples or something. Fury not amused at all the riding-he far prefers grazing at Nottingham castle. Sheriff embarrassed me in front of temple knights. Don't really care-my hair is better.
Mudfights had:1 (but v.prolonged and quite stressful, especially for hair), Maidens charmed:1 (but only on behalf of Sheriff so doesn't count) cups of wine:15 (need them to face "wedding").
Sheriff really annoying today. Says he has to marry Mildred de Brecy. Don't see the problem myself-Mildred is quite fit. Wouldn't throw her out of bed.
Later:
Hurt all over. Mildred escaped, after we had a lovely conversation about my hair. She talked of love. I wondered what that had to do with the wedding. Outlaws invaded the castle and brought bees. Most unfair. Sort of miss Mildred. Think she fancied me. Bath with Sheriff was no substitute.
Outlaws captured: 4 (temporarily) Kings seen: 1, Arrows taken like a man: 1
Quelle surprise! King Richard suddenly turned up. Am shocked. Had to endure dinner with wolfsheads. They got very pissed, but I woke up with a worse hangover. King Richard humiliated me. Think he's jealous of my rugged good looks.
Later:
V. bad day. Have been shot by wolfshead wench. OK as I shot her back. Hurts like buggery though. Wonder why I'm actually still alive. Sense some strange mystical going on-thingy.
Outlaws captured:1 (and properly this time!) Walls mended: 1 (by proxy) Kings met:1
Yay me! Sheriff gone off on his holidays. Am totally in charge of Nottingham castle. Am the best Sheriff ever.
Later:
Bugger. Prince John descending. Castle in ruins. Help!
Even later:
Am most pissed off. Am in dungeon with Henry. Think he fancies me. Need to work out how to give him the brush off without offending him. Must be my lovely hair (actually not so lovely as slops got poured on it earlier-not happy!)
Girls met:1, Religious groups persecuted:1, Resignations handed in:1 (but doesn't count as taken back later)
Sheriff still bogged off. Am still the best Sheriff ever. Sarah is lovely. Think I might want to marry her.
Later:
Slight problem with marrying Sarah scenario. Sheriff back and wants all Jews in Nottingham killed. Bit peeved that he's back, as he didn't give me any warning. Oh well. Perhaps I could warn Sarah. Not too keen on her Dad though.
Even later:
Kidnapped Sarah. Future father in law not too pleased. He didn't really like my hair.
Much later:
Back in Nottingham. Sheriff pissed off. Don't care. Earl of Chester would have been a better boss anyway. Sheriff leaving me alone for now-wonder what he saw in that silly book? Shame about Sarah. Oh well.
Strange pagan ceremonies attended:1, odd visions had: 1, trees trying to kill me: millions.
Odd day really. Trees are funny things. Hugo thinks I'm mad. Not surprising, after all, I did surprise him with my very dishevelled hair. Hair going to take ages to sort out. Mercenaries think I'm a bit strange. Don't care really-they didn't get Robin Hood either.