Just as the door opened to let in a cold rush of air, his hair flew back from the handsome face for just a fraction before he bowed his head, hiding the perfect features again. The newcomer looked around in the murky surroundings with searching eyes, surveying the cozy room twice before spotting the one sitting on the far cornered table with his head somewhat bowed. It appeared an appropriate attempt of hiding himself from the view of prying eyes.
He made his way across the room, walking swiftly through the many round tables scattered randomly, radiant with their chattering occupants who seemed to take no notice of the black clad blonde as he moved. His heart beat picked pace as his eyes took a glimpse of the face as the restaurant hall`s main door opened again, making the rich mane of the brunette flow back slightly before falling back to the original pose. His steps fastened on their own accord, the wait had been long enough.
He looked up at the soft creak of the wood grazing against the floor when the chair in front of him dragged; the presence had been sensed long before spotting the figure. Deliberate self affliction of anticipation had always served as a great source of entertainment, that's what kept his eyes lowered, his posture indifferent. He blinked slowly, taking in the sight; each and every sharp arch of the marveled visage had been preserved in his memory for over several dormant years. He was contented with his sense of remembrance and his eyes glistened with it.
The contact of the eyes served as the most strongly prevailing exchange between the two. The sheath of indifference that had been mustered up in an extended period of four years was on the verge of collapsing right there. The two pair of orbs drifted off suddenly to the dull surroundings that held no significance for the either, because breaking down at just the sight was the biggest weakness yet. The black clad seated himself gracefully, pulling the chair forward ever so slightly. The one already seated shifted himself in a straighter posture. Their eyes met again.
This time the surroundings didn`t appear to even exist as the contact intensified, with no attempt to look away. Drowning in the drug of fulfillment of each other`s manifestation was worth risking their composure. It was a good load of sinking later, that one of them folded his legs and the other propped his elbows on the table. It was getting difficult again, the condense silence was full of so much to take in that there was no room for a verbal exchange.
The atmosphere around the table got visibly stretched; the air came in unsteady volumes as they breathed. It became harder. They both looked away once more, changing their postures simultaneously, a clear indication of uneasiness. The blonde`s legs unfolded, the brunette straightened up again. Two pair of hands set on the table, followed by the motion of two pairs of orbs. The polished wooden surface of the table appeared quite appealing to the evading eyes. Deep breaths. Somehow they were able to treat themselves to each other's aroma. It felt good.
He cleared his throat, well aware of the eyes that elevated at the sound, "it`s been long." There was not enough resolve to meet the eyes, his voice seemed alien to him. It required a great amount of stimulant just to drag a single sentence out, "how have you been, John?" The name tasted acidly intoxicating on his tongue. Closing his eyes and holding in the trace of air, he waited to hear the other`s voice.
Feeling the inactivity on the corner table, one of the neatly dressed waiters started to make his way there. A wave of the hand by the brown head signaled him for some time. He looked down at his watch and turned to attend the many others requiring his aid.
"Adam." His coarse voice came out like flecks of sand on his dry tongue, the word flavored highly contrasting. A cool sip in the desert. He couldn`t get out a remark to describe his preceding condition so he settled for a vague nod. His eyes longed to be met, if only it could be told how much the other had been missed.
That was it. The single exchange of meaningless words that led to the melting of the ice formed at the surface of the eyes that had been serving to everyone with frozen glances over the years. The only part of the body that couldn`t lie. What eyes can do most is hide the truth; they were vulnerable against hiding it now.
His fingers trembled as he poured himself a deep measure of the unguarded thoughts flooding the young`s eyes. It was overwhelming. He leaned forwards, keeping their eyes locked, "What will you have?" The words sounded almost urgent as he watched the waiter advancing, he didn`t want to be bothered.
He blinked, lips pulling up slightly into a faint shadow of a smirk. That was the most he had done in a long time, "anything potent."
"May I take your order, sirs?" he held out the menu which was refused. There was an obvious change in the gaze as it shifted to the waiter, the crust of freshly formed ice shone brightly, "what is the rawest liquor served here?"
"Mat rum blend." He was uncertain as the blonde looked up at him and spoke almost tonelessly, "keep it coming."
"It may take a while." His statement was met with no recognition so he stepped back, letting out a breath at the steady regularity of atmosphere away from the table.
The glassed windows showed the darkened sky. It was only a while later that the lights within the vicinity illuminated. Light always reveals most of what has been obscured by dark. He shut his eyes tightly for a fraction, preparing himself for the contact again.
"How have you been?" Adam repeated the question that had not been fed with an appropriate reply earlier. He could see the shadows under the other`s eyes, accompanied by the gaunt appearance. There was no use wishing they were still in the murky light, the truth couldn`t be avoided.
He let out a breath, allowing his mind to wander to find the right answer. Miserable? Alone? Discarded? Unconcerned of it all? He ran his teeth on his lower lip in an attempt to stall, "tired." his voice seconded his answer. Slightly amused as he interpreted the meaning behind the word, he inquired, "You?"
He could see already see it, he hadn't needed an answer. They could just sit there reading eyes but hearing the voice was something that was a desperate need of both ends. So he didn`t think twice about the answer, he knew the other could see it just as well in his eyes, "Fed up. Exposed. Ironic." There wasn`t a hint of awkwardness in him, he might have had difficulty opening up to the brunette before but he had suffered his absence long enough. There was no shelter in pretense.
An eyebrow rose, the honesty was infectious. It almost made the other cringe. He didn`t know how to respond less candidly. Shifting his eyes to the window beside the table and taking a deep breath, he cowered over to ignorance. Vehicles passed, people walked by, a few lightening bugs lingered near the glass, walloped the solid surface several times before dropping at the spot. The silence stretched on.
A pair of lean fingers stroked the temples near the blond mane as he waited. Not knowing what he waited for. A light shuffle in the far corner behind made him furrow his eyebrows. The initiation of the soft music was followed by beams on the faces of those occupying the tables near the two. They appeared unmoved; there was no room in the taut environment to fit in meaningless chords of the melody.
"have you…" His eyes were still glued to the window, not seeing anything beyond the glass but his own battered image staring back at him helplessly. He swallowed back anything that was making speaking for him difficult, "have you tried moving on?"
The light chuckle that escaped the perfect lips made a feather run through his spine as he looked at the other from the corner of his eyes. It almost acted as a drug, seeing him laugh. A drug that left him drowning and wanting more. Wanting nothing like he`d wanted in the past years. It almost made the edge of his own mouth lift up.
"What`s the point?" The younger`s voice was honest and amused as his eyes pierced the side of the other`s face which was turned away. The question was genuine. Some part of John felt a light swell in his chest. He was not the only one.
He turned straight again, meeting the penetrating eyes. They stared. The flood of new emotions crossing the contact was crushing. It was almost as if he had done it deliberately to let the blonde know for himself before being fed with a filtered answer.
Before he could speak, he saw the waiter approaching with their order. He waited till it was placed at the table and the person left with a nod. Two well shaped goblets, trimmed with a gold lining, and an ample sized pitcher filled to the brim with the maroon liquor. It was plenty. Plenty for him to take pretense in, not to get him intoxicated. He had been subjected to drinks far potent than this in the last few years. Anything to escape the memories, the desire for the one individual now so close, so within reach. He could maintain his senses far inside the scope of anything twice as invigorating as now standing on the table. He just wanted shelter in consuming the drink for the actions that he might do.
He had waned out the possibility of love too long ago. It didn`t stand a chance. He had seen love sick couples lounging in parks and he had felt disgusted with them. Holding hands, locking lips, touching, laughing. Love didn`t exist, it was superficial. What he was going through was bottomless. It wasn`t love. It was a whole next level. As he watched the brunette help himself to the contents of the container, he couldn`t help but smirk inside. Tonight only one of them was getting drunk, and it wasn`t him. He`d build up a well share of resistance due to his exposure to alcohol.
"never once?" He urged, watching Adam take a swig out of his goblet.
"I didn`t have a reason to."
"times change. Why haven`t you?"
"Have you?" There was a slight hardening around the pale eyes as he looked straight at him. He extended his pastel hand on the table and looked down then up at him again, "touch." There was a commanding edge to his voice as he took another gulp from his other hand.
He was caught off guard. His eyes pupils dilated as he looked down at the awaiting hand. With a rising fear, he lifted his hand and placed it near the other`s. He needed time, touching meant that he could smash all pretense right there. He could stand any intoxicant. Any intoxicant but that. Taking another mouthful of the contents of his goblet, he felt his throat burn. Just as he locked his eyes with the other again, he edged his hand forward till his fingers partly covered the other`s. Both pairs of eyes closed on sheer intensity at the same moment. He didn`t dare move, feeling the flesh beneath him stiffen just like his own.
A simple touch sent him reeling back four long years. It had been an agonizing eternity for him. But as he sat there, feeling the heat radiate through his own skin, it almost seemed like yesterday. The reminiscence was so clear that it was almost ironic that he had patted himself on the back for thinking that he had blocked them out for all this time. The hand above his moved and there was a chilling dread inside him willing the other to not take it away. He didn`t. The smooth fingertips moved, stroked his skin and he fought with the will to breath. It was too clear, too painfullyclear. Everything. Every little encounter, every contact they had made before letting it all fall apart. He wished he could rewind it all in reality. Seeing it in his mind was excruciating.
He opened his eyes, seeing the blonde still trying to recover as his vision fought for focus. With a shaking hand, he brought the goblet to his lips again. Still slightly fondling with the other`s skin. He had ached for the contact. Desperately thought of ways to make it again. But as they stayed apart, their esteems took the better of them, lowering himself into accepting that he had needed him so badly was something he could never have been able to do before he saw his face just tonight. All he could do was regret. Regret that he had made himself suffer so much. He had learnt it the hard way and now he wasn`t ready to regret again. He wasn`t going to regret anything that he did tonight.
"please…" His voice was a hushed whisper, barely above the music being played in the vicinity. John`s head shot up at the sound and he retracted his hand. The other`s eyes appeared slashed at the sudden detachment but he didn`t stray his gaze from him. Locking the contact with his intense pale orbs, he made a hopeless request, "don`t leave again."
He couldn`t believe he had said that. He wasn`t sure if he was thinking straight. For a second there, he doubted his resistance against the liquor that he was consuming. But it was obvious that it had nothing to do with that. He was intoxicated by the mere presence of the brunette in front of him. Downright delusional by his touch.
The chair creaked as John stood up rather shakily. Adam`s heart sank, everything crumpled into a heap in front of him. Had he offended him by reminding that it was he who had left? He was the one who had imprisoned them both to the cruel fate. But then he heard the coarse voice say words that left him even more perplexed; "follow me."
Now in the cold air all he could do was follow. The wind whipped against the fiber protecting his body, slicing harshly at the light skin of his face. The weather was far warmer when he had come to the restaurant this evening. Now each step bit at him but he was not complaining. He was not complaining as long as he could feel the presence a few steps ahead of him.
Cars passed by slowly, almost no one was on the footpath other than the two. He didn`t know where he was going. He didn`t know why he had led the other out of the sanctuary of the warmth inside. All he knew was that he was going somewhere away from the prying eyes, somewhere private. He had dropped all in the pocket of his ragged coat on the counter before leaving. There was no protest because it was obvious that it was way more than charged at the single pitcher of alcohol they had ordered. He slowed considerably to let the other catch up till they were side by side.
"How much did it hurt?" The question came by unannounced, even to the brunette himself. It was just because he was genuinely anxious after the appeal. His words fogged ahead of him as his hoarse voice penetrated the chilling air. It was indeed cold. He had noticed the other wearing nothing of significance protecting him from it but figuring that it would be slighting his honor to present something of his own, he kept quiet.
"it didn`t."
The answer was even more piercing. He stopped and met the frosty gaze of the younger, noticing for the first time that he was shivering slightly. When he spoke, his voice was even colder than the air surrounding them.
"I died. I felt no pain. You`ve killed me John." He stopped to let the one looking at him absorb the words. Something stung his eyes from the inside and he fought back the water, desperately wishing it was just a protection mechanism of his body against the freezing of his eyeballs. He knew that his voice was revealing more than his pain at remembering their last fight. "I`ve been dead since you… since you left. Do you know how hard it is? How much it takes to... But if that was what you wanted then very well, but look at you. Are you happy John? Did you get what you wanted?" He paused just for a fraction to look away. It was agonizing to accuse him, he couldn`t do it while looking in his eyes. "and then you…then you got the nerve to invite me here again! If you leave this time, I swear i`ll-"
A light sound escaped his lips as the other`s existence enveloped him completely. His breath caught in his throat. It was powerful. He was bathed in the single coat that the other was wearing, covering him, protecting him from the cold. The embrace left him numb, his legs felt like giving way beneath him. But the other kept him from falling, tightening his hold and taking him in deeper. When he took in a whiff, all he could smell was the past. It left him drunk. The contact was desperate and all he could do was stand there wishing it wouldn`t end.
It was the most blunt move he had made in times. He lowered his head slightly and touched his lips at the top of the tuft of blond hair, savoring all that the other had to offer. He smiled against the other`s hair, speaking ever so softly, "I`m so sorry." He never knew if the words were heard or not but the younger responded by pressing the side of his face against his firm chest. He had been forgiven.
A/N: okay so i`m damn sorry that it was making the least sense but it came out just randomly and I thought i`d type it down. Lol. Review to let me know if I should write one shots on this duo too. They are a little hard you know, and once I begin, I cannot be stopped. Haha. The ending was abrupt, I know. Spare me! =) oh and the chapter`s too long but I couldn`t help it. I thought of making two chapters but that would be spoiling all the fun.