Author's Note: Hey, everyone! For anyone who follow me on Twitter, this new story shouldn't be a surprise at all ;D But basically, I wrote this new Jori fic for Invader Johnny as a birthday present. Happy Birthday, bro *hugs and kisses* I hope you enjoy this new fic. This isn't exactly like 'Tell Anyone And You Die'. But I've rated it M for swearing. All of the chapters are in Jade's POV, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or its various characters.

"…so I was thinking we could totally convince Eikner to let us do Camo Jam here at school."

"What's a 'Camo Jam'?" Robbie asked.

"You know, like something on the DL, something daring and underground. Something never done before at Hollywood Arts. All the kids get together and anyone who wants to sing can perform, like a talent show. Everyone in the audience puts on any clothes with camo print on it, green, blue, black, whatever." Tori explained in a nonchalant way.

But I could tell just by looking at how bright her brown eyes got when she talked just how excited she really was about this stupid idea.

"I've never even heard of a Camo Jam." I put in with as much malice in my tone.

"That's because I made it up," Tori responded rapidly, which made me roll my eyes. "Please, you guys totally have to do it with me. It's gonna be so awesome…"

Somebody please kill me now.

If I hear Vega make one more suggestion about making our time at HA more 'awesome', I'm going to shred her up like hamburger meat for Sikowitz to use in his secret sausage recipe.

Now that would be awesome.

Everybody's looking at me now.

Shit, what were they talking about?

Quick, Jade – look bored and pretend you don't care.

"Jade!"

"What?" I snapped through gritted teeth.

"Jade, were you even paying attention?" Robbie asked incredulously.

"Don't anger it," Rex piped up in an uneasy voice, which made me want to smirk.

I love it when everyone fears me.

"What do you think of my idea, Jade?" Tori asked in that nauseating voice which is always filled with hope and optimism.

Why does she even care what I think?

Is this girl really that desperate for approval?

That is just so…desperate.

I wish Vega would fear me.

Oh, why doesn't she fear me?

"I think it sucks, as usual." I answered in a tone dripping with derision.

I smirked when she started scowling at me.

"Jade, you're being mean…" Beck declared in a sing-song voice while Tori glared pointedly at me.

Seriously, why does Beck think it's cool to talk to me like I'm an extra on a kids show with a purple dinosaur as the host?

I can't believe I actually let that slide when we were going out…

"No, I'm being honest. A Camo Jam is lame, Vega. Just like your 'Prome' idea where you added a non-silent 'e' to the word 'Prom'." I continued with emphasis while poking at my bland salad with a sharp fork.

"You didn't even hear the best part." Tori sniffed indignantly.

"Which part was that? The part where you stopped talking?" I asked her sweetly.

"Well, I think it's a cool idea." Andre added in an eager voice.

Of course Andre thinks any idea of Tori's is cool.

I'd love to see the day when he's not worshipping at her Shrine.

"Wouldn't it be great if we actually did the concert underground? Like moles with torches strapped to our heads? My brother once had a mole that he kept as a pet. He called him 'Monty'. But Monty was a bad mole; he bit my brother in a super bad place…" Cat put in, giggling happily while she spoke.

The rest of us stared at Cat's beaming face with varying expressions of confusion.

There really is no hope for Cat and her weird family…

"Well I'm in, so long as Tori agrees to be in my 'Hot Girls' band." Rex stated in a lecherous voice.

Here we go…

"A 'Hot Girls Band', huh? Who's in it?" Beck demanded somewhat snidely.

"Any hot chick who's ready and willing to dance up against the lead singer, MC T-Rex, on stage. Whaddya say, Tori? Wanna be my groupie?" Rex asked in a leering voice.

"First of all, ew. Second of all…you know the rest." Tori quipped with a revolted look on her face, turning away from Rex and Robbie, who looked stupidly apologetic for Rex's rude behaviour as usual.

Nice burn, Vega.

"You know what would be great? I heard about this cool magician that hypnotises people as part of his act. We should totally get him to perform as an opener before the music starts." Robbie.

Everyone else at the table grimaced and sighed while Cat just looked confused.

"What?" Robbie asked quickly.

"Dude, a magic show before a musical concert? Not cool, bro." Andre stated in what was supposed to be a placating voice.

"Yeah, super uncool, bro." Beck agreed.

"Aww come on! Sinjin knows him!" Robbie pleaded in earnest.

"Oh! Well, that changes everything - NOOOOO!" I retorted rudely mid-sentence, getting Robbie's hopes up on purpose just to disappoint him.

"It's an interesting idea, Robbie. But not appropriate for Camo Jam. Sorry." Tori said in a small voice.

Robbie's shoulders sagged and he stared down at the table. "Yeah, ok."

I agree with everyone else – Robbie's ideas sucks almost as much as Tori's one.

But there's nothing worse than a put-down disguised as being something nice.

"As much as I'd like to stick around and whale some more on Vega's asinine idea, I've got scissors that need to cut through something." I concluded, getting up from the round table.

All this talk about one of Vega's newest plots to make Hollywood Arts more wholesome and clean cut was starting to get on my last nerve.

I was just walking back towards my locker when Lane caught up with me.

"Jade!"

"What, Lane? I didn't fill Derek's pants with cold macaroni." I blurted out before I could think.

"Huh? Jade, we've been over this. You can't just put refrigerated pasta in a man's pants!" Lane fumed disapprovingly. "Besides, that's just bad for his…boy parts." He squirmed.

Great, now I'm thinking about cold macaroni and boy parts.

There's an image I wanted in my head…

"I need to talk to you. It's about your one-woman play next week…" Lane began in a flurry.

Ah yes, finally my creative genius is being recognised by the school.

I had managed to one-up Tori by writing and performing in my own play called 'Dreams I Can't Talk About'.

It was supposed to be a satire about my life and basically Hollywood Arts, with a dash of black comedy to keep people guessing.

I'm supposed to change my appearance at least 8 times while doing different soliloquies on my various disturbing dreams.

"…So the bottom line is…you can't do your play next Friday." Lane concluded grimly.

Wait, what?

"The school cancelled my play? Why?" I demanded angrily.

This is so unfair!

There's not even gonna be blood and guts this time around!

"Sorry, it came directly from Principal Eikner. He thinks it would be better to do Tori's idea instead." Lane explained.

"Tori's idea?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Don't say it.

Please don't say it…

"Camo…Jam." Lane answered in what sounded like a tape recorder in slow motion.

Noooooooo!

I wanted to shake Lane until he said it was all a big joke. Then I would fall to my knees, raise my fists in the air and declare my intentions to revenge myself on Vega.

Oh wait, my life isn't a re-run of 'Ned's Declassified'.

"Wait a minute, that's not fair!" I exclaimed furiously, following closely behind Lane.

The hallway began to smell like sour cream and onion and I realised it was coming from Lane's liquid soap that he'd poured all over his hands.

What is everyone's fixation with liquid soap?

It's not like it's the Second Coming.

"Sorry, Jade – I don't know what to tell you." Lane responded in the most blatantly unsympathetic voice I'd ever heard on a school counsellor.

"This is bullshit, Lane. I worked really hard on this play. It's been planned in advance for weeks! Vega can't just swoop in and change the schedule-"

"Whoa, language, Jade!" Lane scolded with a reproving look on his face.

"Lane, can't I just talk to Principal Eikner about this?"

"Can't. He's already made up his mind."

"So if it was his decision, how come he didn't tell me himself?" I demanded waspishly with my arms folded across my chest.

"He thought it would be better if I broke to you gently in case…you reacted badly."

An awkward silence ensued for close to 10 seconds.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Lane asked finally.

"No, you freak show!" I yelled maniacally, pushing a freshman over as I stomped down the hall.

I made it back towards my locker and threw my backpack savagely against the door, breathing in heavily.

Un-believable!

It was bad enough that she inflicted Prome on all of us when I was supposed to have my golden moment.

Now this.

Was Vega never gonna stop ruining my life?

"Urgh, I wish I could hypnotise that gank into shrubbery so she'd make like a tree and leave." I huffed angrily, opening my locker and slamming it shut again with a loud thud.

"I can help you with that." A low voice whispered right next to me.

I whirled around and stared at Rex, whom Robbie was shoving right up in my face for dramatic effect.

"How?" I asked loudly.

Rex looked at Robbie for a split second and nodded vigorously.

"You want Tori to turn into a bush? We'll plant the seed…" Rex answered cryptically, which made me raise an eyebrow.

These two might be the biggest idiots since Dumb & Dumber.

But maybe they finally had something useful to say to me.

"You've got one minute. Talk," I growled.

Author's Notes: And so the plot thickens ;D I won't offer my usual commentary at the end of each chapter, because I'm uploading this entire story onto FF tonight. Wherever possible, I'll explain different references in each chapter. Hope you all enjoy, especially you Johnny :DDD Ciao!