Title: No One Could Love You After What You Did.
Repost.
Summery: My take on what happened on the Princesses and The Frog between Chuck and Blair.
Co written with my friend Gwennan- who shares my love of all things inexplicable hence GG and just deleted the story from her account after exactly five minutes of it resting there- for trying to defend Chuck is conflicting task. So I've decided to post this in mine instead mainly because I think this little piece deserves to see the light of day.
Note: I know a lot of people are horrified over what happened in the last parts of that episode. And I know they have their fair reasons to be. But I've rewatched that the last few minutes and while I don't know if this one-shot is the best way to explain what I think was going through Chuck's mind I've decided to try anyway.
Let me know your thoughts!
…..
Give her a clock that turns back time so she never falls in love with him. Never dances for him to watch and toast to, never lets him rag for her the election results that crowned her prom queen and made him smirk at her from the audience.
If love had always meant to be such a weight to carry, she would have rather never loved him at all.
If love had always meant to be such a burden then she cursed the day she fell in love.
No love was worth such pain.
Not even theirs.
But if you won't love me, he said when she told him this,
Then who will?
Blair has seen the real you now.
She could never love that
No one could.
-Jack Bass
….
His knuckles are raw red and in that bleeding hand he holds a box that was supposed to make her see….
See what?
Me.
It was a breathless rasp.
Please don't leave with him
Why? Give me a reason.
And I'm Chuck Bass doesn't count.
It was the reason that couldn't make her stay.
It was the reason that was no longer enough for her.
He had been foolish to think that just because he was he-
But I am me
And she was she-
And you're you.
That was reason enough to ensure they somehow would pull through.
We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck.
They belonged together. The fact that they were those people meant that they would always end up together.
Then how could she turn her back on him when they had both silently agreed to ultimately….eventually….always….find their way back to each other?
I will stand by you through anything.
She stood before him with glistening, glittering tangled curls and eyes that were tired and searching. He had never seen her look so wild and unearthly with that hair and attire. Even through that drunken haze he saw that she looked like an untamed fiery spirit of fire. Her eyes searched for him and it pleased him somehow to watch her search.
He looked up and said in a slurred whisper,
"You came."
She turned to look at him and her face was exasperated.
"How could you do that to me Chuck?"
Like the time she found him at aged twelve, drunk and slumped under the home office desk of his father. Legs towered over him.
Slender, shapely legs clad in snowy stockings. She wore a tiny forestry vest and her school uniform. She sighed.
"Chuck", she had whined, "do you want to get into trouble?"
He had just lain there, frowning broodingly at her, empty decanter in hand.
Then he rolled over.
"Go away."
A small, irritatingly persistent hand tugged his shirt repeatedly.
"No," Blair snapped.
"Let him find me. Let him hate me. It's the way it's supposed to be."
"Oh shut up, you big baby."
"You shut up."
She grumbled and with her face twisted into an expression of pained annoyance, struggled to get him on his feet.
"Why bother?" he asked her as she supported his staggering frame all the way to his room. "Why hide who I am?"
She had glared at him. "You're an idiot Chuck Bass. You look for trouble. I swear, even if it wants nothing to do with you, you go and find it."
"Why fight it? We're a match made in Heaven."
"You're not nearly as bad as you want him to think."
"Oh yes I am. I am as bad as you think."
"If I really thought you were all bad," she looked at him and her face seemed to be trying to convey something, "Do you really think I'd be helping you now?"
He saw the exasperation on her beautiful face and she said it just the way she'd said it then.
As though she was speaking to a petulant, misbehaving twelve year old boy.
"How could you do that to me Chuck?"
He replies almost sneeringly, "I'm sorry I ruined your shot at being a princess."
His voice mockingly curls over the last word. Her face twitches. She looks away.
Clearly she is still stinging from that loss.
"But let's face it," he gets up slowly, stumbling twice. "You were never going to go through with it."
"Chuck."
Her voice is restraining now, sad. As though they're both still twelve and she has stumbled into him drunk under Bart's desk- and her voice is just as disappointed as it was then- as though he still has no idea what he's saying.
She gazes at him with a vulnerable look as he speaks the words that are supposed to reunite them.
"The only thing that's ever been real is me and you. You know that. It's why you came back to me."
Chuck's face lights up into a crazed, blissful smile and he sinks into her, pulling her soft, familiar frame tightly to his own and burying his face into the hollow base of her throat. He nuzzles at her cool skin, raining kisses everywhere. He needs her so badly right now. He kisses her so passionately, with such, such love-
"Louis asked me."
Time stops.
He pulls back.
Slowly.
He doesn't look at her.
He stares fixatedly at the throat still imprinted with his kisses.
The words come out rasped, measured and calculated.
"You can't marry anyone else. You're mine."
Blair's face breaks into a display of pained, immeasurable longing.
"I wanted to be," there is soft-spoken defeat and honesty in her voice.
A gasp stifles a sob in her next words and makes him look into her eyes because he hears the stirring love in her voice, "I wanted it so badly."
He looks at her hopefully knowing he's seeing her right now. Seventeen years old with hair that wasn't nearly so wild and eyes not nearly so wizened with wisdom beyond her age. He's seeing her- the girl that chased him down a building and across a street in high heels to tell him she loved him without any care of the consequences.
"But not anymore."
And in a flash that girl- the one who he took for granted- the one he knew would do anything for him-
Is gone.
No.
For a second his expression doesn't change and he is frozen staring at her blankly.
And then the monster is unleashed.
The demon flashes dark and deadly in his savage sable eyes and he hauls her to him fiercely- so fiercely that she scrunches her eyes shut and shrieks- her expression reminds him oddly of the first time they saw the Exorcist. They had been five. But then she had leaned into him with that face- and hid herself in his scarf- not struggled desperately, trying to fight him off.
"You're mine Blair!"
The words are no more than a hissed whisper but it might as well be a deafening roar and he throws her across the couch. She cries out in shock and fear.
He never lets go of the slim wrists he is clenching in an iron grip and half lays over her.
He kisses her hungrily ignoring her muffled protests and thinks:
Remember.
Remember how I used to make you feel.
This always brought you back to me.
I made love to you on a piano and you gave in.
And you came back to me.
I kissed you at a party with Duchess Beaton with your Marcus wandering somewhere about- and this- this brought you back to me.
You can't deny us when I kiss you.
You can't.
Remember me.
Remember how I make you feel.
Remember.
But her fist is connecting with his face and with his collar and his chest and unlike those who had cried it out several times before he even considered stopping she says it just once and he pauses.
"Stop it Chuck!"
He stops.
Because her voice is high pitched with fear.
Because her eyes are huge and brown and dilated as they stare in wordless horror at him.
Because she's never- never screamed like that in his presence before-
Never, never, never….
She looks terrified as he breathlessly stares at her. She looks completely torn- as though she wants to comfort him but doesn't dare. As though she wants to run but can't comprehend the idea of running away from him like this. As though she's scared but can't understand why it has come to this- why she has to feel scared.
He isn't a monster- he isn't a stranger.
He is hers, he is Chuck after all.
She looks vulnerable and weak. She looks miserable.
"It's over-" her voice is small and pleading.
Those two words break whatever semblance of control he had managed to gather in the last few seconds.
She gasps in shock as he roars out wordlessly and slams the glass pane over her head. He can't hurt her. He can't, he can't, he can't. He can hurt himself but not ever her….
But glass rains over her perfect face and finds its mark.
He doesn't even notice the damage he's done until a sound of pain escapes her.
His eyes widen in horror as a blood drop falls off her cheek like a tear drop. Blair looks visibly shaken. Her hand trembling, she feels the wet crimson across one perfect apple cheek. She wipes it off. Her face is wincing in pain, in fear, in realization.
Stunned, he drunkenly tries to reach for her face- because he can't- he didn't- he hadn't meant to-he hadn't done this-
Had he?
He tries to touch her but sheer frustration and panic cripple her features and she wrests him off.
This time he lets her.
She runs slipping and clumsily but desperately as though meant to never come back.
She runs and never looks back.
"Blair!"
Nate runs after her because it seems appropriate- he heard screaming and he heard glass breaking and when he catches her at the bottom of the elevator she is bone white and stone faced and unthinkingly, automatically when he reaches for her, she cries in his arms as though destroyed for life.
"Blair?"
He is twelve and he is drunk and she is patting the covers over him like the caregiver he never had.
"Go to sleep Chuck."
"Did you mean it?
The scotch has slurred his speech but she hears him for she tilts her head, curls dancing under the pale yellow headband and asks, "Did I mean what?"
"When you said…." He swallows, for speech is difficult for him when he talks of things like 'feelings'. "That he would love me….my father….despite all I did. That no matter how hard I tried I could never make him hate me. Did you mean it?"
"Of course," Blair said soothingly, tucking in the covers neatly. "It's unconditional."
Chuck had looked at her and asked, "Is that what love is?"
"Yes," she answered him with a smile only an idealistic, innocent, twelve year old girl could have. "That's what true love is."
She brushes away a light brown lock off his forehead as he continues to stare at her broodingly and said softly, "Go to sleep Chuck."
His knuckles are raw and red and they bleed as he holds onto the box he thought had held all his dreams….
Remember.
He wants to tell her.
Remember me.
The real me.
And she weeps into Nate's shirt and cries, "I could never love him after what he did."
"No one could love that."
…