Irrational
Set immediately following "Glowing Bones in the Old House." Also spoiler for "Aliens in the Spaceship." I never liked the fact that Brennan never deals with her ordeal following "Alien's in a Spaceship." This is my take.
As always I own nothing.
Brennan and Booth stood at her sink cleaning up the left overs from dinner. Booth was a little nervous he had been thinking all week about what she had said to Abby at the hospital. After Abby had said "Do you have any idea what it's like to be barried alive?"
He had seen the look of pain on her face when she had commented and knew that her willingness to share her situation with a suspect was a clear indication that she wasn't
dealing with anything that had happened.
"Hey Bones?" he queried slowly.
"Yeah." she said glancing up with a smile on her face, that smile almost made him lose his nerve.
"Dinner was great." he sad.
"Thank you." she said with a little laugh, uncomfortable silence followed as they both continued cleaning.
"So...How are you doing?" He asked. He knew she would have no idea what he was talking about.
"What?" she asked looking at him with obvious confusion. "I'm doing great Booth."
He nodded and debated letting the subject drop, but over the last few weeks he had seen a change in his partner, she was quiet, and her eyes always looked tired, clearly she wasn't sleeping.
He took a deep breath and continued. "Really because it seems like you have been a little...distracted lately." He said choosing his words carefully.
"Why would I be distracted?" She asked dryly.
"Oh I don't know, maybe Sully, or your dad, or the whole being barried alive thing. I mean there's so much going on in your life right now, it would hard to decide on one thing that might be bothering you." He answered.
"Booth you know how I feel about this, emotions are completely un-useful and non scientific," She said turning from the sink and picking up a pot off the stove. Booth glanced over at her and noticed her hands shaking a little. Awww he thought to himself a break in her wall, this was all bothering her He toed the line carefully knowing that if he pushed her too hard she might lock him out completely.
"Man, ya know, I don't know how you an Hodgkin's dealt with that, the dark, the fear you must have been feeling."
I wasn't afraid, Brennan thought to herself, I knew you would come for us. But the dark. The dark was another matter altogether, she hadn't been able to sleep with out the lights on since the whole ordeal had ended.
"I wasn't afraid." She stated matter of factly. "Let's just drop it." she placed the pot in the sink and walked over to her apartment window in the living room.
This wasn't going to be as easy as he had thought, He worried that he was going to have to say some awful things to her in order to help her exorcise the demon that had followed her around for the previous months.
"So tell me Bones, didn't you feel like the darkness was closing in on you when you were in that car? Was it hard to breath? You sure you weren't afraid at all?" He asked coming up behind her.
She whirled around tears forming in her eyes, but they did not douse out the fire that was burning in them. "Yes I was afraid!" She yelled her chin trembling "Why are you saying all of these things? Just Drop it, Please?" Pain showing through strongly in her voice. She broke away from him and began pacing her apartment like a caged animal in an effort to calm herself down. But Booth saw it, more cracks in her wall. The cement around her emotions was starting to crumble, and he moved on his opportunity. gently pushing her against the wall and placing his hands on either side of her so she wouldn't be able to escape, forcing her to look at her. More tears were gathering in her eyes, threatening to spill over, she squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to push them away.
"Aww so you were afraid." he said, getting right next to her and whispering in her ear. He knew he was risking being hit in the head by her, but somehow he knew her attempt to control her emotions, would win if it came between hitting him and releasing her pain so he pushed forward, saying words that he knew were breaking her heart, and his. "So the great Dr Temperance Brennan was afraid, you couldn't control any of it could you? Whether you died or whether Hodgkins died, whether you ran out of air," He pushed him self deeper against her, feeling her breathing, coming in short puffs, a behavior he knew she had adapted to control herself when she came close to a breakdown, and he could feel that she was losing the battle. "I thought emotions were useless, Bones, I thought they were irrational..."
"Stop it!"She screamed, the tears and anger finally spilling over.
"Please...Please...Please...Stop it" She sobbed tears and screams coming so fast that he feared he had pushed her too hard and she might hyperventalate. "I'm sorry...I...couldn't breath...thought we were going to...poor Hodgkins..." She sobbed all of her control gone, she barried her face in her hands and slid down the wall. He knelt down next too her, scooping her into her arms, she was crying so hard she didn't have the will power to fight him.
"Hey Bones." He whispered gently "I'm sorry Temperance...I just knew you wouldn't allow yourself to feel this unless I pushed you..."
With this she pulled her hands away from her face and allowed them to snake around her partners neck. Trusting him enough to let him see the years of pain and fear she had felt, all of the useless emotions.
