Emily slammed the door quickly behind Will. They had a huge fight, not the biggest one they ever had but it was high on the list.
He had belittled her and humiliated her in her own home. He wasn't acting like the Will she had fallen in…. bed with? Yeah that was pretty much it.
She wasn't in love with him in the slightest and she knew he wasn't in love with her either but she still wanted to be treated with a little respect.
She was really mad at him in the moment and now that it was the next day, Monday and she was sitting at her desk she was still pretty mad, which was rare.
She usually forgave him by now. The reason she hadn't forgiven him was probably because he hadn't tried to contact her since the fight. No text, no calls not even an email.
She had gotten up and went to work early so there weren't many people in the office yet. She was kind of bored.
She should have been working but she couldn't focus. Since the office was pretty much empty it was just her and her thoughts and that was dangerous.
She felt so bad about everything she had done for the past four months. She didn't know what to do. Should she tell JJ the truth? Should she try and ignore everything? Pretend it didn't happen? She had no clue!
She looked up at the catwalk and saw JJ getting settled in her office.
Emily sat at her desk, not even attempting to pretend like she was working and just waited for something to happen. After about ten minutes Emily decided that she needed to do something to relieve some of the weight that was currently crushing her shoulders.
She got up quickly and went to make herself some coffee. She got a mug and waited for the coffee to finish. She waited. And waited. And waited.
Pacing the small kitchen didn't make time go by faster.
Tapping the counter with her finger didn't make the coffee brew any faster either so she decided to leave.
She quickly walked out through the glass doors of the BAU, down some stairs and through some small hallways.
Thankfully she moved quickly enough that no one tried to talk to her.
She finally arrived and was met with a closed door. She sighed and stood there for a while wondering if this was the right thing to do.
Just then her phone buzzed and when she checked it, it was Will.
'I think we should talk soon. I just want everything to work out.'
She closed her eyes and quickly knocked on the door before she could chicken out.
"You may enter!" She heard a cheerful voice say from the other side of the door.
She opened the door and walked in.
"Peaches!" Garcia said excitedly. "What are you doing all the way down here?"
"Hi Pen. I'm just trying to figure something out."
Garcia became a little concerned as she watched Emily sit down and put her head in her hands.
"Em, are you ok?" Garcia asked wheeling her chair a little closer to her.
"I don't know." Emily said trying to steady her breathing, the stress of it all was finally starting to overwhelm her. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Garcia quickly grabbed her water bottle and gave it to Emily and placed a small pink garbage can near her feet.
Emily's phone buzzed again but she didn't look at it. She didn't need to, she already knew who it was and what it would say.
She was feeling terrible and every time her phone vibrated she felt worse, if that was possible.
What the hell was she thinking? She was about to spill her guts out to her lover's wife's best friend. She didn't know what to do but she was pretty sure this wasn't it.
While Emily was battling with herself in her head Garcia was watching her to see what she was going to do next.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." Emily said as she got up quickly.
"Fuck." She muttered as her head started to spin.
"Ok you're not leaving until you tell me what's up. Or at least until you feel better." Garcia said as she closed the door and got Emily to sit down again.
"No Pen, I really have to go."
"Do I need to hack your phone or are you going to tell me what's got you feeling so upset?"
"No!" Emily said a little too quickly and a little too loud. She sighed and continued. "You don't have to hack my phone I'll tell you. But you have to promise me not to tell anyone."
Garcia nodded more than was needed.
"Even if it has something to do with JJ?" Emily asked, testing the waters.
Garcia nodded her head just as much and said. "I promise."
Emily took a deep breath and opened her mouth but nothing came out.
Could she really do this? This was a huge risk and it could be the end of everything. And what about Will? He was right. They should try and work it out between themselves but she just needed to tell someone. She was tired of telling lies and keeping this all to herself.
Garcia pulled her from her thoughts by saying "Whatever it is that's making you upset is obviously big and right now I'm worried about you. I don't care about JJ or anything this has to do with her. I just want to make sure that you're alright."
There was a silence before Emily tried to talk again.
"I did something bad." Emily said as she got up again and started pacing in the small space. "Really, really bad."
Garcia watched her and waited for her to continue.
"Remember when we got back from that bad case a few months ago?" Emily asked knowing it was a long shot but desperately trying to make this easier on her.
"Aren't they all bad?"
"Yes but I'm talking about the one where the brunettes were being abducted and filmed while they were being murdered."
Garcia nodded, not really wanting to rethink any part of that terrible case.
"And you remember how much those women looked like me?"
Garcia nodded again.
"Well Hotch made me watch the videos with him to try and see if the killer made any mistakes. You know, showing his face, any birthmarks on his body and stuff like that."
Garcia sighed heavily. She knew how difficult that case had been for Emily and how scared she had been for those weeks and watching the killer torture those women probably did nothing to calm her down.
"When we finally got back home we were all exhausted and stressed out. After a few days JJ came to me and told me she was having problems with Will's mother and eventually that lead to problems with Will." Emily paused and took a breath. "So she sent him to my apartment one night so I could tell him how much he was hurting her."
"No." Garcia said quietly, looking at Emily through wide eyes.
"I don't know how it happened! I didn't want it to happen. I was just so tired of being afraid and alone and I saw the hurt that JJ was causing him and I wanted to make him feel better."
Emily went back to her chair and put her head in her hands once again.
"I don't know what to say." Garcia said staring at Emily.
"Don't tell JJ, you promised." Emily said her voice taking on a panicked tone.
"Of course I'm not going to tell JJ." Emily let out a sigh of relief. "Besides this happened months ago, it wouldn't do any good to tell her anyway."
Tears threatened to fall from Emily's eyes as she looked at Garcia and released an unsteady breath.
"No." Garcia repeated. "You didn't."
"Don't blame it all on me. I'm not the one cheating on my wife!"
"I'm not blaming you, I just can't believe what I'm hearing. I thought JJ and Will's marriage was solid."
"Far from it." Emily stated as she remembered the many times JJ would come to her crying or boiling over with anger. "If you only knew how bad it really was you wouldn't think me sleeping with Will was such a bad thing."
"How many times?" Garcia asked quietly, not looking at her.
Emily took a deep breath in an effort to try and control her emotions. Unfortunately she was past the point of control and tears started to fall down her cheeks.
"I don't know." Emily said, her voice breaking as she spoke. "A lot."
Garcia's eyes widened in realization and said. "Will doesn't work on weekends."
Emily shook her head looking down at her hands. She didn't know if that was a question or not, it didn't really sound like one but she decided to answer anyway.
There was a long silence between them as Garcia processed the massive amount of information she had just received and Emily managed to stop crying.
"Why now?" Garcia asked.
Emily explained the incident at Henry's birthday and the big fight they had yesterday. She didn't know if it was a good reason to confess to Garcia but it was the only one she had.
"So what are you going to do?" Garcia asked.
"I don't know, that's where you come in."
"I could do a number of things, legal or not. I could ruin his life in ten seconds or less." Garcia said extending her arm and gesturing to the many computers behind her.
"Although that is a comforting thought I don't think we need to go that far." Emily stated. "I just want to fix things and without JJ knowing if that's possible."
"Why don't you just tell Will to leave you alone?"
"I wish it was that simple. We both know how wrong this is, we knew that the first time we slept together, but there's something there that overshadows the wrongness of it. It's almost like when we're together even though I know it's wrong I don't care. I want him so badly and I don't care about JJ in the moment but immediately after I'm showered in guilt."
Garcia didn't know what to say, she wasn't in Emily's position. She didn't know what her relationship with Will was like behind closed doors.
"I don't know if we can fix this or even figure out anything I just wanted to tell someone. I'm so tired of lying I just needed someone's ears." Emily said looking at Garcia.
"Well mine are always here." Garcia said offering a sad smile to Emily that she did not return.
"Thanks Garcia." Emily said as she stood up, slowly this time. "And please try not to mention this to JJ or Will for that matter. He texted me before I came here and told me not to tell anyone."
"I don't know if you should have told me if he told you not to."
"There's such a thing as doing something out of spite. He doesn't get to turn me into a sex toy, say mean things to me and then boss me around. I don't care who he is, right now I'm going to do the opposite of whatever he tells me to do."
Garcia smiled and said. "Give 'em hell."
Emily laughed a little as she left.
Emily was pleased with herself as she walked back to her desk. The chat with Garcia didn't go nearly as bad as she thought it would. Emily caught herself smiling and that made her smile more. It was the first time in a long time that she felt good and that she wasn't being crushed with guilt.
Although she knew it was still there she also knew that she now had someone to talk to if need be and that was enough to keep her smiling through the week.