Disclaimer: SnK/AoT belong to their rightful creators. I own nothing. This is purely for my own sick enjoyment.
Author's Note: I really have a major issue of sitting down to write a nifty little drabble and it mega-evolves into a couple-thousand word story. I broke this up into two parts plus an additional epilogue if people really want it.
Also, fun fact. This is the first story that's tagged as "humor" that I've done in four years. Also, this is my first "romantic" story. Go big or go home, aye?
As always, I apologize for OOC-ness. The characters might be slightly off, since this is a bit crack-y.

Keith Shadis was a cruel man.

His sense of humor was even crueler.

Only days short of their graduation, the drill sergeant announced the last squad trial, a horrible, embarrassing task that made many reconsider their decision to become a soldier. Shadis confessed his secret adoration of the arts and demanded that each team of five perform some sort of homage to the creative elements that were obviously lacking (for good reason) in the desolate camp.

Few believed Shadis was the sincere artist he pretended to be and none doubted that seeing their poor, startled, mortified faces was his true intention.

Because they had lasted for three years and didn't desire giving up then, a majority of the young recruits decided to suck up their dignity and give a cruel man something to smirk at. However, few were not pleased at all with the assignment.

Shadis gleefully placed these reluctant children in the same group, because why not?

"Armin Arlert!"

The blond jumped and scuttled to where the drill sergeant was pointing. He stepped quickly into place and avoided the older man's glare. When Shadis had informed the new recruits of their newest task, it was Arlert who had reacted the most. Whether from terror or excitement (Shadis hoped it wasn't the latter; he so loved terrorizing the blond), the boy had paled considerably and shook slightly.

"Connie Springer!"

Armin's spirits rose slightly at the name. He would at least have one friend on this devilish quest, even if the shorter boy was as reckless as a newborn animal. Connie grinned at the blond and the latter returned the expression with a faint smile.

"Eren Jaeger!"

Yes! Eren all but ran to the spot where Connie and Armin were, grinning widely. This was the first time in a long time that Eren had been on the same team as the blond. He missed his friend's smile.

"We are so going to win," Armin heard an excited whisper to his left and felt a warm hand briefly clasping his shoulder.

"Jean Kirstein!"

At the mention of the brunet's name, Eren's excitement instantly deflated. The hand on Armin's shoulder slipped off and balled into a tight fist. Armin suppressed the anxiety bubbling in his throat. With Eren and Jean on the same team, they would get nothing done.

The moment Jean's name was called, dirty gestures and snide looks were instantly tossed between the two taller boys. Armin tried not to let his hopes drop, but judging by Shadis's sly smirk, there was one more spot on the team and the drill sergeant knew just who to pick to cause the most carnage.

Armin tried to reason through the team so far. Connie was nice enough, but there was always common sense lacking. Jean and Eren were fine as individuals, but together they were toxic to anything around them. Armin himself guessed that Shadis had put him on the team because it was unlikely anyone would listen to his ideas.

"Annie Leonhardt!"

Never in a million years would Armin ever had predicted that Shadis would have paired the blonde on the same team as him. Shadis's glinting eyes cinched it for the boy that the drill sergeant had his reasons for building the team that his did.

If Annie was surprised about being selected as the last member of the team, she didn't show it. Eren and Jean were so startled by the development that they momentarily paused their bickering and exchanged "she's on our team?" scoffs. Even Connie's smile faded a few degrees.

Determined to show at least some positive emotion, Armin tried to smile reassuringly at the girl and received a cool glare for his troubles.

"Hello, Annie," he added brightly to the back of the girl's blond bun. "We're glad you're on our team."

The girl turned slightly, eyeing the taller blond with a disdainful glare. "Don't lie to me, Arlert." She glanced away and continued walking, brushing past an arguing Jean and Eren and a bemused Connie. The latter laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Some team, huh, Armin?"

Armin groaned and dragged his hand down his face. He knew Shadis was enjoying himself immensely.

Surrounded by the people who were doomed to crash and burn with him, Armin could not for the life of him figure out what sort of art medium could incorporate all of their skills.

First of all, music was out completely. After Jean boasted about his Trost-renowned voice, Eren challenged him to a signing competition. Knowing from personal experience of how painful his friend's voice could be, Armin quickly broke up the contest. No music.

Despite his annoying flaws, Connie was the most versatile member of the group. He was funny enough to perform and had a sharp enough eye to pair colors well.

When they weren't consistently trying to one up each other, Jean and Eren also had potential in several aspects. Eren was capable of being a passionate thespian while Jean had accidentally revealed his skill of drawing with a confiscated sketch of Mikasa.

Armin knew that he was capable of anything if it involved his mind and not his less impressive strength, but the notion of performing on a stage made the blond slightly queasy.

Annie was the hardest to judge, partially because he knew so little of her and partially because of her blatant, disregarding attitude towards nearly everyone and everything in the 104th division. He didn't know what kind of talents she possessed and he was too intimidated by her icy stare to ask.

"So…what're we gunna do?" Connie posed the question, rocking back and forth slightly.

All eyes except for a pair of crystalline blue focused immediately on Armin. The blond sat up and frowned with a weak "What?"

"You're the smart one," Jean rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell us you don't have any ideas, Armin," Connie added with a nod of the head. "Come on! You always know what to do."

"Uhm—"

"Why don't you tell them the story you always told me," Eren suggested, interrupting a flushing Armin.

"How's that going to he—"

"Shut up!"

"Uh, do you want me to tell the story after all? I mean, we may want to design our, uh, thing after it," Armin asked hesitantly.

"Sure, why not."

"Whatever."

"Tell them about the one with the 'knight,' Armin!"

The blond boy nodded once and began the story with a brief smile. Although his team was the unlikeliest of teams, some of his doubts vanished as he was able to dive back into his fantasy world. "Once upon a time...there was a beautiful princess who lived in a shining tower…" He would break himself out of the fairy tale periodically to look at the engrossed faces around him.

"The evil wizard guarded the tower with a mighty dragon—"

"What's a dragon?"

Eren was eager to answer for the blond. "A dragon is this really big lizard with wings and it shoots fire out of its mouth!" The brunet pantomimed the beast's flight with huge sweeps of his arms that "accidentally" smacked the back of the taller brunet's head.

"Hey, watch it Jaeger!" Jean wrinkled his nose and crossed his arms. "Besides, nothing like that exists."

"It did once upon a time," Connie retorted, not realizing that the phrase meant in a time where things were magic and unreal. Armin glanced up at the sky and suppressed a smile.

"Uh, can I continue?" Armin's question was met with vigorous nods and he took a breath and continued retelling the fairy tale.

"Scared that the princess would run away, the evil wizard put the beautiful princess under a spell that made her fall into a sleep so deep it was almost like death."

A collective gasp rose from the boys and even Annie looked slightly less bored.

"A very brave knight heard of the sleeping prin—"

"What's a knight?"

"Stop asking so many damn questions, Springer!"

"It's like a Survey Corps member with only one sword and no 3DMG," Eren responded quickly, glancing back towards his oldest friend for approval. "Knights are really brave and really strong."

And kind, the blond added in his mind. He looked back to see Eren watching him expectantly.

"Oh, yeah. You're right." Armin nodded with an amused smile as Connie shot Jean a snide glare.

"Thank you, Eren."

"It's foolish not to have 3DMG," Annie muttered softly under her breath. "Knights must not be smart or just suicidal then." The girl's first comment caused everyone to blink, but when she didn't elaborate, Armin continued the story cautiously.

"Uh, anyway, the knight slayed the dragon—"

"Yeah!"

"—defeated the evil wizard—"

"Aw, yeah!"

"—and found the princess in the sleeping tower," Armin rushed before Connie could interrupt again. He paused, wondering how he was going to phrase the last part.

"Well? What happens?" Jean's gruff voice belied his wide eyes and forward-inclined shoulders.

Armin glanced around the circle and observed the expressions of his peers. Although this was perhaps the hundredth time Eren had heard the story, his wide smile and clasped hands made it seem as if it were the first time Armin had told it. Jean was trying to look unamused, but he was doing a poor job of it. Connie was all but trembling with suppressed excitement.

However, Armin was most surprised by Annie's reaction to the story. The girl was watching the blond intently, but instead of smiling or laughing, she simply pursed her pink lips together as if in deep thought.

Covering his mouth to hide his creeping smile, Armin finished the story. "The knight woke the princess with, uh," Armin blushed slightly, "true love's kiss and they lived happily ever after."

Stunned silence followed the boy's story.

"Is that it…?"

Jean scowled slightly. "A kiss broke the spell? That's impossible."

"True love's kiss," Eren reminded him with a raised index finger.

"So? What does that have to do with any—"

"It's just a story," Armin interrupted quickly, bringing both of his small hands up in front of his chest. "It doesn't have to make sense."

Suddenly, Connie jumped to his feet with his hands resting at his hips. "I want to be the evil wizard," he announced loudly to those around him.

"If Springer's the wizard, then I'm the dragon."

"No fair! You said dragons were stupid."

"I changed my mind." As soon as the story was over, both of the brunets were back to their arguing.

"Wait!" Armin shouted over the boys' quarrel. "Does this mean you want to act out the story for our assignment?"

"Uh, duh!"

"Whatever…yeah."

"Of course!"

"Yes."

Armin blinked at the assembly of mediocre thespians around him, slightly touched by their obvious love for his story. Even Annie, emotionless, uncaring Annie, looked vaguely excited for the upcoming performance with a light peach tinging her pale cheeks.

"Well, then. I guess we need to find something to wear."

Instantly deeming himself costume master, Connie disappeared, loudly proclaiming to the other groups that "they were going to win" and inquiring if anyone had a clean bed sheet they could borrow.

Armin turned to the rest of his cast (for now the pride of leadership had him calling himself the director in his mind). "We can try to sort out roles once Connie comes back," he began, halting the impending argument between Eren and Jean in its tracks. As Annie was the only girl, he didn't want to state the obvious—Annie has to be the princess—but he wasn't feeling brave enough to announce it officially yet.

"Since everyone seems to know the plot really well, we can work on other details like making something that looks like a tower." Armin pursed his lips together. His grandfather had once described a play to him, but it had been many years ago. He had also read about theatre in his history books and he was trying to duplicate the same style as the thespians had in the past. "Two people can create the tower and two can find things to decorate with."

"I'll do the tower!" Eren instantly volunteered.

Not wanting the chance to be paired with the surly Annie, Jean also quickly volunteered to work on the tower with Eren.

Armin turned towards Annie expectedly, but the girl had already turned her back and headed in the direction that her three other teammates had left. Armin followed her at a fair distance, opening and closing his mouth periodically but finding nothing to say to the blonde.

Once they reached a grassy plain with a light spattering of golden flowers, Armin finally summoned up the courage to speak.

"I noticed that you seemed to enjoy the story," he started uncertainly.

Annie stooped to pick up a few dandelions. "I've never heard it before."

"Did you like it?"

The blonde glanced away. "I agree with Kirstein. It wasn't realistic and the knight was incredibly stupid to risk his life for love." The girl's face pulled into a faint sneer at the last word.

Armin frowned. "That was the point of the story. Because the knight was brave and kind, he was rewarded."

"And what is true love supposed to mean?" Annie's face was darkening quickly.

Armin straightened up and glanced heavenward. "I think…" he started slowly. "I think true love is what inspires people like the knight to save the princess. True love was enough to break the curse because it is s—did I say something wrong?" Armin broke off at the sight of his companion. With a surprisingly calm expression, the blond girl grated her thumb against the tender green stem of the flower and rubbed the golden petals off of the stalk with a smear of light green and yellow. Annie looked down at what she had done and an unreadable expression flashed across her face briefly. Quickly it then was replaced by her typical scowl.

The blonde dropped the mangled pieces of the flower and turned away quickly from the boy. "We have enough flowers," she announced, marching stiffly back to where they had just come.

Cradling the thin stalks in his hand, Armin hoped that the others were having more success than he was.

Connie reappeared thirty minutes later with a shifty expression and a handful of props. When probed about the origin of these objects, the boy merely replied with a nervous chuckle to "not worry about it." The short boy was already decked out in his wizard garb of a dark blanket tied around his neck as a cape and a large dark hat stacked on his bald head.

Armin surveyed the rest of the stuff in front of him with a satisfied nod. "This should do." Connie had procured an extra-long cloak (most likely from Bertolt) that would be used for the dragon, a surprisingly clean bed sheet to serve as the princess's dress, and a wooden replica of their titanium blades and a barrel lid to serve as the sword and shield of the knight.

The crown jewel of Connie's successful excursion was the shining, glinting semicircle of assorted metals tied together to represent the princess's tiara. Although the head piece was painfully Connie-made, the sheer luminosity of the piece momentarily stunned the few gathered around it.

Looking down to the shimmering crown and back up to the face of the proud maker, Armin smiled slowly. He didn't even want to begin to imagine where half of the parts came from, knowing very well that Connie most likely didn't ask before borrowing the gems.

"This is perfect, Connie." The shorter boy's chest ballooned slightly.

"So now that we have the costumes, can we take roles now?" Jean asked. His wistful gaze had never left Bertolt's stolen cloak the entire time.

"Yes," Armin took a deep breath and waited for the chaos. He was bound to make an enemy over who wouldn't get to be the dragon.

However, fate took another surprising turn and their answer left Armin blinking at the two rivals. "We decided that in order to make the dragon look, uh, dragon-y, we both should play the dragon," Jean began.

"Wha—I mean, when did you decide this?"

"When building the tower," Eren gestured towards the haphazardly stacked pile of stolen bed flats and chairs. Armin eyed the precarious tower warily, feeling sorry for whoever was supposed to be the princess. "Dragons are big and are supposed to be scary."

"I'll be the front of the dragon," Jean announced proudly, puffing his chest out not unlike Connie.

A sly smile stretched across Eren's face. "It's supposed to be a dragon—not a horse, Jean."

"Jaeger!"

Armin interrupted the two boys again before they had the chance to come to blows. "We'll work on that part later. We still have to finish giving out roles." Armin glanced expectantly towards Annie, waiting for her to pick up the garish tiara.

Instead, the girl reached towards the collection of props and neatly plucked out the wooden sword and makeshift shield.

"I will be the knight," she stated firmly, daring anyone to challenge her with a frosty glare.

Dead silence followed the girl's claim as each of the boys swapped uncertain stares. Armin stared incredulously at the unclaimed tiara and bed sheet before wishing for the ground to swallow him up. His cheeks took on a reddish flush and he quickly clamped his parted mouth to prevent any further embarrassment. Connie was the first to break the silence with his loud chuckles.

"Princess Armin. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think."

The three recruits that had been the most excited about the performance were the three who were struggling the most during rehearsal time. As Armin tried to stop the bickering between the two parts of the dragon, Connie was attempting to add "special effects" into the show that no one else seemed to appreciate. Not surprisingly, Annie was missing, although she was technically the "star" of the show.

"What if the dragon wa—"

"Get off of my foot, Jaeger!"

"Get your foot out of my face!"

"Hey, Princess Armin! I think I found a way for the dragon to breathe fi—"

"Wait a second, Connie," Armin tore his gaze away briefly from the two squabbling brunets to look at the third young man who was sitting on the ground, fiddling with an old air canister. Beside the boy sat a forlorn lantern. The blond shook his head and turned back to the louder problem. "Eren, Jean, why don't yo—" Armin froze, suddenly remembering what Connie was doing and what he had been saying. Oh no…

"Connie! Please stop what you are do—Jean! Look out!"

"Eh, wha—what the hell was that?!"

Armin slowly lowered his hands that had previously covered his eyes and cringed. There had been a burst of light and heat and suddenly Jean's hair was smoking and Connie was missing an eyebrow. All four boys wore dumbstruck expressions as the tallest recruit slowly reached up and gingerly patted the tips of his singed hair. Jean's expression turned thunderous and he launched himself at the boy responsible.

"I'mgoingtokillyou,Springer!"

It took all of Armin's and Eren's strength to pull the furious youth off of the other and it took Armin a good five minutes to calm the former down while Eren poked curiously at the pale spot above Connie's eye where his left eyebrow used to be.

The commotion from the accident attracted several curious, paint splotched faces and even Shadis arrived just in time to regard the entire situation with an amused smirk. A still sizzling recruit trying to strangle another recruit with a missing eyebrow as a thin blond covered in flower petals and a brunet wearing an oversized cloak tried to pull the older boy off. In the distance, a lithe blond girl watched with arms crossed and an unamused expression. Without hesitation, the drill instructor announced that Arlert's group would be the last to go that night—the grand finale of fools.

Thanks for reading!
If you've like to see an epilogue after the second part, please let me know!