I'll probably regret this but this idea has been bouncing in my head for a while. I've always wanted to write Naruto a single-father, and I've always wanted to write about vampires. So I thought, why not mix the two together? Hella fun man okay leggo.
Warning: Future M/M situations. Cursing, future descriptive gay sex. Like penis is inserted into anus sex. And terrible humor.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot and the sucky-HAHAHA PUN-summary.
Double Shot Espresso
Naruto hated the rain. It made everything so... soggy, and stilled the already small flow of customers down to two or three solid regulars. He picked up a red, shiny mug and jabbed his dish rag into it repeatedly, muttering a string of curses that had Pein chuckling.
"Don't take your anger out on the mug, Naruto. It never did anything to you."
Naruto twisted up his face and placed the mug down on a coaster. "It's either that or you and I go a couple of rounds."
"I never knew you were so adamant on getting your ass kicked."
"That was one time and you know it!"
"Pein you're causing a scene." Gaara entered the shop, shaking rain droplets of his umbrella. Gaara was a friend from college before Naruto had to drop out. He made sure to stop by the cafe on Tuesdays and Fridays after work.
Pein smirked, bringing his mug of coffee to his lips. "That's my job. You're here early. Too many idiots at work?"
Gaara scowled while Naruto went off to make his usual cup. "They increase everyday, I swear. If it weren't for the fact that my salary is on the line, I'd murder everyone and be done with it."
"Wow, Gaara. Always a big ray of sunshine, huh?" Naruto chuckled. He finished Gaara's coffee off with a nice little Panda made from the creamer, a long running joke from their college years, and placed it by Gaara's face.
"Stop doing that to my coffee. The joke is old."
"I think the joke still has twenty more years on it."
"Of course you would, Pein. Though same could be said about your nickname. What was it again? Full Metal-"
Pein slapped a hand over Gaara's mouth before he could even finish his sentence. "Don't," he hissed, eyes narrowed and venom slightly icing his tone.
Naruto rolled his eyes. These two never changed. Always making jabs and taunts at each other no matter where they were. At least they were entertaining when they got this way. Made it so much easier to keep them around. Naruto was about to add his own opinion in, probably something that would ignite their tempers even more, when his phone buzzed in his pocket.
Ice dropped to the pit of his stomach.
"Can you guys hold off on killing each other for, like, two minutes? I have to take a call."
"No promises," Gaara and Pein said at the same time, eyes locked in a heated glare.
"Seriously. If there's one puddle of blood on my nice bar I'll strangle you both to kingdom come, got it?" He didn't get a human response. Figures. There was no stopping them now. With a sigh, Naruto stepped outside into the alleyway where he threw out all his trash. He picked up his phone, waited for a second to make sure his voice didn't sound like a terrified three-year-old, and sighed. "Yeah?"
"My, my. Don't you sound so excited to hear me. I missed you~"
'Can't say the feeling's mutual.' His skin crawled with how sickly sweet the voice on the other end of the line sounded. No, purring at the end of your sentences was not a turn on. It was a major turn off and you should probably stop it right now before Naruto slams his head repeatedly into the wall. "Cut to the chase, Orochimaru. I'm not in the mood for playing your games."
"Always a party pooper. Why, where's that perky, hyperactive blond I know and love?"
Trying very hard not to throw up his lunch, that's where. "If this is about the money-"
"Don't be stupid," Orochimaru snapped. "It will always be about the money. But sometimes a man has other desires as well-"
"Fuck no. I refuse." Naruto hissed. He already had millions of problems struggling to be carried on his shoulders, he didn't need Orochimaru's twisted perversion to added another thousand. "I'll have the money for you by the end of the week." If Orochimaru couldn't wait until then, Naruto was so, so screwed.
"I hope so," Orochimaru purred. Naruto could practically feel the threat coming up like a claw and wrapping it's long fingers around his neck. "You were late the last time and you know how much I hate late payments."
Of course he did. Naruto still had the burn marks to prove it.
"Bye," Naruto spat out, cutting the line dead. He leaned against the wall and resisted every fiber and urge in his body to just break down and cry. He was so damned stressed. Have Orochimaru's money by the end of the week? Yeah, no. That's not going to happen. Ten thousand dollars just didn't poof out of thin air. Business had been much slower than usual and Naruto had barely made enough money to feed himself, let alone his little boy. This was not going to end well.
"You gotta stay strong, Uzumaki." He tried to reassure himself. He tried to imagine a life and day and year and dimension where his business was booming and he had numerous staff to help handle all the throngs of customers that came his way. He imagined a life where he didn't have to worry about where the next meal came to feed himself and his son. He tried to imagine a perfect fucking life where his wife was still around and he didn't have Orochimaru hanging around like Death's fucking secretary.
He tried so damn hard but it never worked out.
Thunder boomed in the air.
Naruto looked at his hands. They were shaking violently. He clenched his fingers and took three, calming breaths. "I'm alright. I'm alright. Everything... is alright." He turned on his phone to look at the camera. He flashed it a perfectly crafted fake smile. Once pleased with the results, he pocketed his phone and headed back inside to the cafe.
Pein was gone, leaving a very miffed Gaara in his wake.
"If I look around the store will I find Pein's dead body stuffed in one of the cabinets?"
Gaara scoffed. "A man can only dream."
{Double Shot}
Naruto always closed his shop at 5:30 in the evening. It gave him fifteen minutes to shower, get dressed, and walk the few blocks down the the local kindergarten where he left Aki at every morning. He always made sure to look his best, though, considering Aki's teacher, Sakura Haruno, was currently the apple of Naruto's eye.
An unobtainable apple, but one he adored and pined after nonetheless.
"N-Naruto-san, nice to see you today..." Hinata was one of the five teachers who helped out at the center. She always had a little bit of a stutter and blushed profusely whenever Naruto was within five feet of her. Naruto never knew why but she was a nice girl to talk to, always helped him out whenever he needed Aki to stay back a little longer at school. She was a nice friend to have around.
"Hinata-chan! You look great today! Did you do something to your hair?"
Cue the fiery expanse that conquered Hinata's face. "It's n-nothing special, Naruto-san. I just," she glanced down at her toes, "put my hair into ponytails... as all."
"Well it looks great on you." Naruto beamed, patting her on the shoulder.
"Stop harassing my staff, Naruto." Tsunade came out next. She was the director of the school and knew Naruto since Aki was a little baby. They were close. Though not close enough that Naruto would dare sully his pride and tell her his problems. Really, no one was that close.
"Aw shucks, Baa-chan. I'm not harassing Hinata-chan. Right?" He wrapped his arms around the girl's shoulders and flashed Tsunade a shit-eating grin.
"I think I'm going to faint-" Oh Hinata.
"Enough out of you, punk." Tsunade bapped Naruto on the back of the head. "You're here for Aki. Aki. Go get your kid and get out. He's been jabbering non-stop about some park date you two loons have."
Right. Right. Naruto had this day circled and starred and underline yet the stress of trying to come up with $10,000 by the end of the week had completely blown that thought out of the water. Well, not anymore. Now Naruto's sole focus was on Aki. His five year old little boy who wanted nothing more than to spend a few hours with Naruto, his pathetic excuse of a father.
Oh Lord he didn't deserve that boy.
"I don't know if we can do that tonight, though. The rain's pounding down pretty hard..."
Just then Aki came barreling out of a side room with his friend, Konohamaru, in tow and Sakura chasing them around with a broom yelling at them to either calm down or face time-out for a week. Aki ran right for Naruto's legs, hiding behind them and sticking his tongue out at Konohamaru.
"Ha ha! Can't get me now 'cause my daddy's here and he'll kick your butt!"
"That's not fair, Aki! You big chicken!"
"I'm no chicken! You're the chicken!"
"I don't even look like a chicken you buttface!"
"Hey, hey, hey." Naruto laughed, picking Aki up into his arms. He held the boy way up high. "What's this about me kicking Konohamaru's butt?"
"Daddy, daddy! Kono-Konohamaru! He said, he said that Captain Marvelous was stupid but I said that Captain Maarrrrverlous was really awesome because his name is Maaaarrvuuurlous and-ow, I bit my tongue."
That normally happened a lot whenever Aki got too excited but gee dang it if Naruto didn't find it the cutest thing in the world. He laughed even more, bopping Aki on the nose. "That sounds like one heck of an argument. But you know, sometimes people are gonna believe things differently from you so you gotta learn how to compromise, alright? Now go on. Apologize to Konohamaru for calling him a chicken."
"But I dun wanna-"
"Aki," cue the sternness coating Naruto's words that he thought he'd never get a chance to use.
Aki pouted but consented anyways. Turning in Naruto's arms, Aki wiggled out until he was placed on the ground. He stuck out his hand, his head turned the opposite way and his cheeks puffed out in obvious displeasure. "M'sorry..."
Konohamaru looked at the hand before breaking out into a huge smile. He tackled Aki onto the ground and gave him a noogie. "Nah man it's alright! You can like Marvelous. 'Sides I actually think he's really cool. I just wanted to say he wasn't to make you mad 'cause it's funny."
Well at least he was honest. Naruto watched with a tiny smile as Aki quickly forgot his anger and went on and on about how cool Marvelous was as the Red Super Sentai. Honestly Naruto shouldn't have gotten Aki hooked on that show but Lord knows Naruto was secretly addicted to the show like a guilty pleasure.
"Like father like son," Sakura chided playfully, setting her broom down and resting a hand on her hip. "I swear Aki only likes to pick fights for the heck of it."
"Well you're not wrong there," Naruto grinned. "By the way, Sakura-chan. I-I was thinking-"
"No, Naruto. I will not dress up like a french maid to attract business to your shop." The pinkette walked up to punch Naruto on the head. One punch a day was enough but two? Man today was just not Naruto's day.
"Ow! I already got abused by Baa-chan! Not you too! Hinata-chan, protect me!"
"I said stop groping my teachers, Naruto, before I kick your butt out of here!"
"No, not my butt. The ladies love my butt!"
"Hahaha, Daddy's gonna get his butt kicked!" Aki cackled.
Konohamaru wasn't too far behind. "I bet he wouldn't last fiiive seconds against Tsunade-sensei."
"Oh yeah? Well I bet he wouldn't last even ten seconds."
"Akkkkiiii!" Naruto whined, running over and picking up his son. Aki squealed as he was mercilessly tickled by his father. "You're supposed to be on Daddy's side at all times!"
"But, but, but-Daddy it tickles!"
Tsunade shook her head. Honestly, everywhere Naruto went he always created a scene. Well, at least he looked happy. That should count for something. "Enough you two. I want to go home sometime this century."
"Fine. Fine. Come on, buddy. Let's go get your coat and we'll head to the park to watch the lights, alright?" Naruto set Aki down, linking their hands together. Aki nodded his head vigorously and led Naruto over to the cubby area to get his coat. When he was back, with Aki bundled up and ready to go, he gave the three ladies a wave. "I'll see you guys bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow! And this time, Baa-cha, you might wanna wear more make-up. A six o'clock shadow is not your best friend."
"OUT!"
{Double Shot}
By the time they got to the park for the light show, the rain had tapered out to a light drizzle. Naruto and Aki had sought out shelter in a nearby gazebo. Although it wasn't as great as Naruto had hoped, Aki had enjoyed it. Even now, as the light patter of rain hit their dingy old umbrella, Aki was going on and on about how cool the show was.
"And then, and then, the biiiiiiig dragon came out and it was all glowy and stuff! And, and, I was sooo scared but then the dragon smiled and I wasn't scared anymore." Aki took a second to catch his breath before flinging his chubby little arms in the air. "Thank you for taking me out tonight, Daddy. Love you!"
Seeing that smile, hearing how much Aki loved him despite their rather horrid living conditions made every sacrifice Naruto made oh so worth it.
"Glad you liked it, kiddo. Now let's head on home before you catch a cold."
"But I'm invinci-ACHOO!"
"See what I mean?" Naruto chuckled, fishing through his pocket to pull out a tissue. "Blow your nose."
It didn't take too long to get back to their house. Their house was a two room apartment that was situated above Naruto's cafe. All the thanks could unwillingly go to Orochimaru for that little addition. He supplied the heating and water services and everything two human beings needed for survival as generously as he could rip it all away without batting one sympathetic eye. The man also had his very own key to the place, and dropped in whenever he found convenient. Which, for Naruto, wasn't all that convenient.
To get to his house, anyways, they had to go around the back and climb the rusty stairwell up to the living room. Naruto hated walking around the back. Gave too many opportunities to the dirty bastards in the world who got kicks off of robbing people.
So, for protection, Naruto always carried a pocket knife in his back pocket. It didn't do much but it was better than having nothing.
Trudging through the alley wasn't all that fun. Aki kept squirming in Naruto's arms, begging to be put down, but Naruto wouldn't dare take that risk. The alley was narrow and dirty. The rainwater had mixed with all the trash and grime, darkening the already foul looking alley with an ominous glow. "Just a few more steps, Naruto-"
"Daddy! Who's that?"
"What?" Naruto whipped his head around. No. Orochimaru couldn't be here. It was only Tuesday. Orochimaru stopped by every Sunday morning. No. No if he had come here earlier than surely he wanted-
But who he saw and what he expected clashed violently, horribly, an earth shattering sort of thing. Soaked to the bone leaning against the old, brick wall was a man. Unidentifiable, black locks currently sticking to his face from being dampened by the rain. He wore all black. That certainly didn't help to hide the ugly, huge red gash covering his torso.
"DEAAAAAAAD BODY!"
"Shush, Aki!" Naruto's flee or fight instincts were kicking in. But dammit he couldn't just leave this guy behind. Not only would it raise suspicions but if the meager customers he had heard rumors about a dead body lingering in Naruto's alleyway that would really hurt his business. "Maybe... he's not dead. Hold on..." Ignoring the logical instinct to haul ass and go home, Naruto bent down, making sure Aki was held comfortably in his arms, and reached out to feel a pulse.
Nothing.
"Oh my God!" Naruto recoiled, eyes wide with fear. Dead. He had a fucking dead person in his alleyway. He was so not mentally prepared for this. Then again, when would you ever be mentally prepared to find a dead body in your backyard? Aki screamed only if because Naruto screamed. Screamed like a little girl with a bug in her hair, by the way.
And then something crazy happened.
Something Naruto had only seen happen in horror movies.
The dead body? Yeah. Not so dead considering it moved. Alright, it was a twitch. Followed by a very pained, very annoyed groan, but the body was definitely doing things no dead body should do and Naruto wondered if it was appropriate to wet his pants now or later.
"Yay! Dead guy's not dead!" Aki. Please.
Naruto was about to just make a beeline in the opposite direction. Screw going home he could shack it up at Gaara's place no problem. However, the dead person's hand shot out and grabbed Naruto's ankle.
Naruto let loose the most horrendous scream.
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"
"Quiet," although the voice was hoarse, there was a sharp distinction to the tone. One that demanded command and respect. He saw a flash of red peak out from under black bangs. Maybe this was it. Naruto was going to be done in by some dead guy. Oh what a world. But instead the wounded man let loose another whisper. "Help." And then he slumped against the wall, seemingly motionless.
Common sense told Naruto to haul ass.
Common decency told Naruto to help a brother out.
"Why do I have a sick feeling that I'm going to regret this?"
{Double Shot}
Carrying Aki upstairs and into bed was no problem. Carrying a bleeding almost-dead-not-so-dead body? Yeah. Not so easy. Naruto rolled his shoulder around, knowing that tomorrow it was going to be a pain just to lift boxes around. "Damn my innate sense of kindness." He had somehow managed to clean the guy's wound. Mostly because by the time Naruto had gotten through his insecurities and undressed the guy, most of the wound had closed up anyways. All that was left of it was dried blood and a really ugly scar. Weird, but Naruto was more concerned about the consequences to his actions.
What if this guy woke up and slaughtered him?
Should he deliver him to Orochimaru's doorstep and go 'Surprise! I got you a psychopathic serial killer for your birthday!'
Too much?
"Maybe I should make some ramen. Yeah, I'm gonna get some ramen." A bowl of ramen was always needed when dealing with the unnatural. One minute later-instant ramen was the best ramen, no substitutes-Naruto sat back down in the living room, setting his cup of ramen on the coffee table. Not so dead man was placed on the couch with a raggedy blue blanket Naruto had dug out from the attic resting over his body. 'Peaceful,' that's what Naruto thought. Beautiful was another thought, more diluted than the rest. Pale skin contrasted with a heavy black coloring of hair. Matted to his face, covering his eyes, only a pair of dusty pink lips showing.
If Naruto watched and stared at him long enough, he could have sworn he saw the steady rise and fall of his chest, a sure sign of life.
But no pulse-
"Maybe... Maybe I was wrong." Check again. Checking again wouldn't hurt. Maybe, in his haste, Naruto checked the wrong spot, or maybe he didn't press down hard enough. "Just... just a little bit." Naruto reached out slowly, his fingers shaking. He was mere inches away from feeling the guy's neck when a hand shot out and red eyes flashed violently into the world.
"You-!"
"FUCK NOT AGAIN!" How many times was this guy going to wake up and give Naruto a heart attack? And that grip. It was ridiculously strong. Startling so. No mere mortal should have this sort of strength. "Uh... Um. I guess, I should say hello, man? Though if you could let go of my hand that'd be pretty cool. I swear up and down I wasn't trying to rob you or anything. I brought you in because you were like dead and-"
"-Stop talking." that same, authoritative voice held some sort of magical sway that made Naruto stiffen and his jaw snap shut. He sat there, still as a statute, while the raven gave him a glare that froze him to the spot. Naruto felt every incisive movement the other's eyes made. Like the guy was inspecting him, a piece of cattle getting ready for the slaughter.
"Uh... is there something on your face?"
A snort, a glitter of fangs. Wait, fangs? The raven smiled, showing a two sharpened canines, longer than the average humans. His eyes flashed a scarlet red, the color of blood, and for the first time the raven spoke more than three words. "I'm hungry. You smell good, so you'll have to do."
Before Naruto could even translate what was going on, the beast had attacked. Fangs pierced Naruto's neck, an intense pain shot up Naruto's spine that was quickly replaced with a knee-wobbling euphoria. He moaned. Naruto flat out moaned and while his blood was being sucked without abandon, Naruto wondered-just wondered-what his life had come to if the guy he had picked up ending up being a freaking vampire.
But before he could expand on that thought, the world went black.