I Still Do

If Kuki had to choose, fourth period on Wednesdays had to be the most bearable piece of time she had to spend in this torture device they call school. Not because Math is a fascinating subject obviously, but because, if she tilted her chair back just right, she could peek through the blinds of her classroom on the second floor and see the unmistakable flash of blond hair, streaking across the makeshift court set up for the basketball team's practice session. It was a beautiful day, and when the sun was out and the wind was blowing they always took their game outside.

Funny, how the shortest guy Kuki knew from childhood turned out to be the star player on the team, and that would only be a modest way of putting it. Rumours have been circulating for weeks now that Wally had already been chosen for the big leagues and is only waiting for the school year to finish out, though he didn't confirm or deny them. Puberty was so weird. There was no way he could do one of his signature slam dunks if he hadn't gone through that sudden growth spurt when he was thirteen.

And, Kuki blushed at this thought. That wasn't the only thing puberty changed. All in all, Wally was definitely one of the lucky ones. There were girls who grew out of their baby faces and boys who never grew into their broad shoulders, but it felt like Wally had been transformed completely. He had let his hair grow long enough to be pushed off his forehead, and it was finally revealed that he had hazel eyes. The chubby cheeks were gone, leaving behind a hardened jawline and distinct cheekbones. Not to mention, Kuki blushed even harder, his body was perfect. Toned but not muscular, lean but not lanky, she knew for a fact that almost every girl in her grade fantasized about it pressing up against them at night.

"Miss Sanban," a curt voice cut into her daydream. Turning, Kuki found herself staring into the steely eyes of her Math teacher, inches away from her face. "Are we interrupting something here?"

Kuki heard a smirk somewhere behind her. Abby, her best friend, understood her thoughts exactly. Of course.

"Sorry Mr. Dickson," she smiled up at him sweetly. He had a soft spot for her, and she knew it. "Must be the heat." She fanned herself delicately with her hand.

Mr. Dickson blinked twice. "If I could have your attention again…" Extracting his head, he straightened the Math book he was holding and moved past her desk.

Kuki threw a look over her shoulder at Abby, letting her know that she would appreciate some sort of heads up, even though she was probably five desks too far away to do that. The pretty African-American bared her teeth and gave her a thumbs up.

Rolling her eyes, Kuki turned back to the front and glanced out the window again. Yup, there was the blond hair. By the looks of it, someone was trying to get past him…and failing. Now it was Kuki's turn to smirk. Like you had a chance.

There was a time when she attended all of Wally's games. Well, her, and every person with two X chromosomes. The auditoriums were always full, and the bleachers dissolved into high pitched screams every time Wally landed a shot. Kuki suspected that this had more to do with Wally's vest riding up whenever he jumped, and less with the actual goal scoring. But then again, she mused, I can't really blame them.

Her favourite part of every game though, had to be when it ended. As soon as the final whistle sounded she would run out onto the court and straight into Wally's arms. She didn't even mind how sweaty he was. Holding her close, his warm breath would fall into her ear, "Thanks for coming."

Knowing Wally, and his very limited ability in expressing emotions, Kuki would always hug tightly back and whisper, "I love you too."

In those moments, it felt as if the two of them were the only people left in the world, and Kuki truly believed that this could only happen with the one person you were destined to be with. You really had to be head-over-heels in love to have the ability to shut out even the most hateful glares boring into your back for being with the most popular guy in school. And while Kuki didn't notice them, Wally certainly did.

"Doesn't it bother you?" he asked her once, as they sat with their backs to the wall in an empty auditorium, sharing a post-game celebratory beer. Unlike herself, Wally was never the party type.

"Why would it?" She had replied, cocking her head and giving him a cheeky grin. "Let them be jealous…they should be."

Wally had returned a rare smile and drew her in for a long kiss. He had tasted of apples, sweat and something else she couldn't figure out at the time. Kuki remembered grabbing hold of his basketball jersey, pulling him close and wanting the kiss to last forever. Looking back, she should have recognized that it was the telltale sign of doubt.

"MISS SANBAN."

Kuki's head snapped up. Mr. Dickson was at the front of the room, fixing her with an icy stare. "Apparently it's not the heat that's getting to you today."

"Try something a little closer to home, Mr. D.," Abby's drawl could be heard from the back. There was no mistaking the laughter in her voice.

"I'm fine, Mr. Dickson," Kuki met his gaze head-on. "It won't happen again. I'm sorry…again."

The Math teacher stared at her a little longer, "One more time, and it's detention." He turned and started scratching some numbers onto the blackboard.

Kuki didn't even bother to berate Abby for this one. She would deal with her at lunch later. From her experience, a well-placed pun involving a certain Hoagie P. Gilligan ought to shut her right up.

Trying to focus, Kuki gave herself a little shake and clicked her pen a few times. It wouldn't help to get another detention note; she had already gotten two this month. One more, and even she with her charm and charisma won't be able to get out of a teacher-parent meeting where they talk about her in the third person, and about "distractions" and "dating", and her personal favourite, "too young".

And then there was that blond hair running past her peripheral vision again.

"Ten seconds, Beatles!" A loud cry rose from the court and echoed around the classroom, jolting several students out of their stupor. "Make them count!"

From the blackboard, Mr. Dickson shook his head and tutted. "I applied for a classroom on the fifth floor, but nooo…"

Kuki waited till he had his back turned again before chancing another peek out the window. Craning her neck, she could just make out Wally with the basketball, heading toward one end of the court.

"Seven seconds!"

"C'mon…" Kuki said under her breath, watching him push past an opposing player, still dribbling the ball. "Almost there…"

Wally was two thirds of the way down the court. Throwing the ball overhead at his teammate, he rushed to the bottom of the hoop, waiting for an opening.

"Four seconds!" There was now a sense of urgency that wasn't there before.

Kuki had watched enough games to know that Wally could make it. He always did.

"Three!" The ball came whizzing downwards. Wally turned and slipped past the player blocking him. The ball landed in his open hands.

"Two!" Crouching, he palmed the ball and threw himself into the air.

"ONE!" He sent the ball through the basket and caught onto the hoop rim. It was almost graceful how he swung once to lose the momentum before dropping to the ground.

The whistle sounded and it was all Kuki could do to stop herself from joining the cheering below, even though it was only a practice match. She watched as the guys on Wally's team swarmed onto the court, clapping him on the back and slapping his hands.

Kuki checked her watch. Fourth period wasn't over for another ten minutes, which meant the team still had time to start another game.

She peered through the blinds again and sure enough, the guys had already dissipated and were running back to their starting positions. Turning her head slightly, she was startled to see Wally still standing in the same spot under the hoop. He was looking up and his hair had fallen over his eyes. It took her a few seconds to realize he was looking right at her.

Catching her breath, Kuki muttered, "What is it, Beatles? What do you want?"

As if he heard her, Wally's mouth turned up slowly in a small, sad smile. It was the same smile he gave her at the last game she ever attended.

Actually, she had practically missed the entire match if she was being honest with herself. Running into an empty auditorium, Kuki had found Wally sitting alone on a bleacher near the back, his elbows resting on his knees. He was staring straight ahead, and a lone beer can stood at his feet. He was patiently waiting for her.

"Wally…?" Kuki advanced slowly up the bleacher stairs, biting her lip. "Um…I'm sorry…"

Wally waved his hand, like it didn't even matter to him. "No worries."

He bent down and cracked the beer open, holding it out to her. "You want some?"

Every time Kuki thought back to this conversation, she wondered if she could have done it any differently. Taken the beer can maybe, and let the day's events pass as they passed the can back and forth while he filled her in on the finer details of the game she missed. And every time she reminded herself: she may not be the most moral of people out there, but she isn't a liar.

"Aren't you even going to ask me where I was?" Kuki stared at Wally incredulously. "Aren't you even the least bit curious?"

Wally had looked doubtful. "I figured you got caught up. I called, but it went straight to voicemail."

Kuki's cheeks went red. That's right, she had turned off her phone. Apparently, you aren't even allowed to use them on those smaller airplanes like the one The Kid flies.

In fact, The Kid had taken her flying that very morning. He had been asking her for weeks and in the end, she had finally caved in. With Wally being so caught up with basketball practice, she was bored and needed company, and The Kid was not a bad person to spend time with. He was funny and good-looking, they have always been attracted to each other, and he flew a plane. She knew they would have a good time.

He had however, taken way too long to bring her back. She knew they didn't have to go around the mountain on the other side of town but he had insisted on showing her the sights, and she wasn't going to argue with the one steering the plane. And now she had missed her first game. She was angry at herself for accepting The Kid's invitation in the first place. She should have known better, but she wasn't about to admit that.

"If you must know," she said coolly, staring down at Wally. "I was with The Kid. He took me flying."

This had not seemed to have any effect on Wally, until Kuki heard the sound of metal folding and saw a small beer puddle form around her shoes, spilling from the crushed beer can he had been holding.

"I guess you had fun then," he turned away from her and threw the empty can hard across the room. It landed with a loud clanking sound that Kuki felt echoing in her head.

"Why would you care," she shot back. "All you've been doing is play basketball these days. Since when do you care about me anymore? When do you care about us anymore?!"

At this Wally had stood up and fixed her with his hazel eyes. They have always reminded her of the green sweater she had practically lived in when she was a little girl, of comfort and adventure all at the same time. At that moment though, they looked more like the sickly brown of a swampy bog; they were dragging her down. She looked away.

"Kuki," he said in a low voice. "I can't change what you think, but I would have thought you would know how I feel by now."

He tucked a hand under her chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look at him. He was trying to smile, but the corners of his mouth seemed to be weighed down by the hurt he was unable to express. It was almost enough to break her. For two seconds, Kuki was tempted to dissolve into tears and fall into Wally's arms, but then she resolutely pushed him away.

"I don't, Wally," she injected a note of finality into her voice. "I really don't."

She ran down the stairs and out of the auditorium. She hadn't let herself look back.

Kuki had never been one to hold a grudge, and originally she was only planning to ignore Wally for a couple of days, maybe a week at most. She wanted to punish him, and it had felt good at first. For reasons that even she couldn't fathom however, she had rejected all his attempts to see her, and it has now been two months since the incident. She still kept track of his match scores - some habits were hard to break - but she avoided his games, and as she wasn't there anymore Wally had become public domain. Girls were now talking about him freely in classes, in the corridors, to her face even, and every time she heard his name it was like a knife through her heart. How did I let it go so wrong?

The thing is, it didn't feel like they had broken up; that should involve a lot of arguing, some yelling, and maybe a few soft punches thrown in Wally's chest for good measure. It didn't even feel like they were taking a break; they had simply separated. Kuki knew if she wanted to, it wouldn't be hard to go back to the way things were, but she didn't want to be the first to talk, and now that so much time has elapsed it was getting increasingly difficult to open her mouth.

Besides, Kuki's insides twisted unpleasantly at the thought. Something would always feel wrong. The kisses would always feel off. She needed affection, and she just wasn't sure if Wally was able to give this to her.

Something knocked into her head and she sat straight up, blinking hard. She noticed a wadded up ball of paper on the floor next to her feet and sent a thank you nod in Abby's direction. Mr. Dickson had turned back to the class and was perusing the class list for someone to answer the question he had scribbled onto the blackboard.

Kuki risked one more glimpse out the window and saw that Wally was still watching her, smiling the same sad smile. She could see him mouthing something.

Squinting, it seemed like he was saying, "Thanks for coming." As though he had known she was there all along.

She blinked, and he was gone, already taking position at the centre of the court for the tip-off of the next match.

Pressing her fingertips against the window pane, Kuki imagined herself running her fingers through Wally's hair. She didn't know if she could ever get to do that again. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment of weakness.

"I love you too, Wally," she murmured. "I still do."

First fanfic. May write one based on Wally's perspective but don't feel inspired enough yet. All constructive criticism welcome :)