AN: Those of you who´ve read "Strawberry gashes" probabley knows I like song-fics and inspired by TheDarkestShinobis seri of one-shots I decided to make my own and this time with a song written into it. So first out is "Snuff" by "Slipknot" (one of my favorite songs) and Kasumi and Ayane. And this is Shoju ai (girl x girl) so don´t like don´t read.
"Snuff"
Ayane looked at the reason for her participation in so many tournaments, the reason she hadn´t been only hated as a child, the reason to her hatred for so long, the reason she was standing here now.
With the tournament over and everyone returning to their respective professions and lives in general so was she even though she really didn´t know what it was now.
The red haired figure in front of her had been part of her life and well… way of life (though she had been miles away from her most of the time) for so long that she no longer knew how to exist when Kasumi was no longer the reason to her missions, the reason to her purpose in life.
Kasumis brown eyes were serious, pure, filled with innocence as well as affection as they´d somehow always been when standing in front of Ayane. Now she wanted to talk, but talk about what? What was there to say?
"I´m not returning to the village with you" Kasumis tone was like her eyes serious "but I´m guessing Hayate´s already told you".
"Yes he has" Ayane thought to herself, her eyes looking blankly into Kasumis "but what surprise is it? You´ve never planned to return ever since you left it". Ayane was still quiet.
Ever since the day Kasumi´d gone Ayane´d always sensed she´d stay gone.
Bury all your secrets in my skin, come away with innocence and leave me with my sins.
"But either way" Kasumi kept on "there are things I still want you to know".
It went silent for a while, the small redhead looking down at her feet.
Ayane snorted from inside. Kasumi, the eternal shy-girl, the virgin-princess who could never say anything straight out.
When they´d been younger Ayane had found it "cute", Kasumis nervous giggling, small blushes and extremily careful ways when talking but now it did nothing but annoy her. Or annoy? Did she even feel enough to get annoyed by it?
"Just get done with it" Ayane thought to herself "so that I can go my way".
Somehow she felt uneasy, captured in a way. She felt the old anger biting at her chest but still she couldn´t feel enough to really feel it, strange as it sounded.
The air around me still feels like a cage and love is just a camoflage for what resembles rage again.
"Even though I know you hate me" Kasumi started "and that you really want to do nothing but forget I even exist, I really have to get this of my chest. Ayane l… " she looked her sister into the eyes "I´ve never stopped thinking about you for a second and even when I had to outrun you for my life I still couldn´t forget the times when you and I still…"
"Please don´t bring it up" Ayane thought to herself, the queasiness growing stronger and stronger with every second, that uneasy feeling biting and clawing at her chest.
This was past, mistake, something that should be buried under ground and never be brought up again. It was a abomination and the one to pay the prize for it had been Ayane and Ayane alone. Even though they´d both been equally guilty it had been Ayanes pain and not Kasumis.
So if you love me let me go and run away before I know, my heart is just to dark to care, I can´t destroy what isn´t there.
"I´m so sorry" Kasumi said, her brown eyes burning into Ayanes "I should have said something I..."
" And what should you have said?" Ayane thought, still dead quiet "it was nothing but a stupid girls crush and since I´ve now found out we´re sisters we have to put it aside, but we can still be friends, can´t we?"
Truth to say Ayane hadn´t been surprised if Kasumi´d said something in that style. She´d obviously been insensitive enough to believe she could ignore Ayane for weeks and then talk to her as if though nothing´d happened. But anyway, what good´d it have done since Kasumi was obviously meant for the light and Ayane for the shadows she´d lived in ever since her seventh birthday. So could Kasumi please just turn around and stop giving Ayane illusions of things being otherwise?
Deliver me into my fate, if I´m alone I cannot hate. I don´t deserve to have you. Ooh, my smile was taken long ago, if I can change I hope I´ll never know.
"Ayane" Kasumis voice was soft "if I haven´t said it before I want to say it before we part forever. You always were my most important person and those days, even if we were so young…"
Ayane looked in silence back at her sister even though deep inside her she wanted to scream. "Please stay quiet about it Kasumi! I don´t want to be reminded about those days. They´re past, dead and should never have been".
She remembered it all so well no matter how she tried to ignore it. The small fingers of two small girls twisted together, the voice of a angel as she´d seen it back then saying "Ayane, you´re beautiful, the most beautiful girl in this village. Ayane-chan what do you think of me?"
And Ayane´d said the truth "you´re the only one beautiful here Kasumi-chan you look like a…(yes she´d said it) angel".
She didn´t remember how it´d happen, just a innocent brush of the other girls lips against her own, nothing erotic since they were nothing but children. But still Ayane´d enjoyed it, quickly stolen another one. Tenderness, warmth, safety, purification..?
"People do that" the small girl had giggled "people that likes each other very much. My mother and my father does (the mother that Ayane´d later on´d found out was the same mother she´d come from) and you know what? When they love each other very much" she´d placed her slim, soft arm around Ayanes shoulder "they make a promise to stay together forever and even though they´ll be far away from each other their hearts will only be one heart beat away".
"Nonsense" Ayane thought waking back to present time. If their hearts had ever been close they´d been cut of from each other the day Kasumi´d treated her like part of the air.
But now that she looked at the person that´d once been so close to her tears threatened to find their ways down her cheeks.
I still press your letters to my lips and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss. I couldn´t face a life without your lights but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight.
Ayane looked at her sister now seeing, the tears were streaming down her cheeks. Kasumi had never been one to hide her feelings, it was as if though she actually believed they strengthened her.
If it had been during those days, the young, innocent days when Ayane still knew what compassion was she´d hurried to Kasumis side taking her in her arms, holding her til those horrible things called tears had stopped pouring down those beloved cheeks.
But there were no such days and as said before they should never even have existed.
"I wish we´d never found out" Kasumi sobbed "what one doesn´t know one can´t hurt. It isn´t as if though we could have had any children that´d be affected by the fact we share the same blood".
"But we did find out" Ayane thought to herself "and you didn´t even want to touch the words and promises you´d uttered so carelessly only days ago. Sisters or not that´s why you and I could never be".
And how Ayane´d hated her for it, how she´d loathed Kasumi to her very core but still in the same way loved her and subconsciously wished for her to talk to her, to touch her in the same way as before.
But for Kasumi weeks of denial seemed to have been enough to forget and then pretend as if though nothing´d happened. No matter what Ayane´d said to make her react (some things she could admit she wasn´t that proud of) it seemed as if though it couldn´t touch Kasumi in the back.
And now Ayane watched the object of all her affection and loathing for so long sitting on her knees, head in her hands sobbing as if though her pain wasn´t only mental.
So save your breath I will not care, I think I made it very clear. You couldn´t hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
And for it to take all this time for Kasumi to realize she actually cared. What a ironi, what a cruel twist of fate now that Ayane´d finally decided to let this go. Ayane wanted to hit her for figuring this out now, now that nothing could be done to change it, now that it was all lost.
"You stopped me from going into the flames" Kasumi screamed "why did you do that for if you were going to let me burn anyway. Ayane why can´t you understand! This´s never been easy for me either".
But Ayane stood quiet letting her silence speak for itself. She really wanted to say something now, one of those sharp comments she´d so carefully thought out in those furious moments where she´d fantasized, dreamed about this to happen, but somehow she couldn´t bring herself to. What was holding her back she couldn´t say.
I only wish you weren´t my friend, then I could hurt you in the end. I never claimed to be a saint. Oooh, my own was banished long ago, I took the death of hope to let you go.
"Ayane I love you!" Kasumi rose to her feet all of a sudden "and I don´t want to spend my life without you. I don´t want us to part. Ayane please don´t let this…!"
Ayane stood dead still as she felt the other girls arms around her, her soft cheek pressing against hers. This was a moment she´d also been picturing in her mind a thousand times, Kasumis silky hair against her cheek, her soft voice pleading her to love her back.
In those fantasies Ayane´d crushed her against her chest saying they´d never part, pressing her lips to her scalp. But now all she could do was standing dead still, feeling colder and un-easier then ever.
"Ayane forgive me!" Kasumi screamed "I love you more then anything in the world. Please don´t let us part like this. I´m sorry, I never knew I hurt you that badly. Please don´t linger in the dark! Don´t waste your life on un nescessary causes!"
So break yourself against my stones and spit your pity in my soul, you never needed any help. You sold me out to save yourself.
Kasumi was talking, her words pouring out like the tears had done minutes ago though Ayane had stopped listening long ago. Excuses, pleas, declarations of love, regrets and compassion, endless compassion. The very things Ayane´d longed for for ages but now closed her ears to as if though it´d been the most simple thing in the world.
And I won´t listen to your shame, you ran away you´re all the same. Angeles lie to keep control. Oooh, my love was punished long ago, if you still care don´t ever let me know.
Another moment of this before Ayane gently pushed Kasumi away.
"Goodbye sister" she said politely, no bitterness in her tone "and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you may do".
"But Ayane!" Kasumis voice was a weak, miserable plea as Ayane turned her back walking away with quiet, graceful steps "you mean more to me then my life".
"Farwell, sister" Ayane said gently, her voice almost comforting.
If you still care don´t ever let me know.
AN: Ok, so this was my first chapter and first song, so please tell me what you think. As long as it´s not completely idiotic comments that has nothing to do with it like "I hate girl x girl" or "uuugh, they´re sisters". But for now thanks, for reading this.