Announcements, first! Then, we can play with Charlie and the pack! Have you joined Tricky Raven yet? Because Tricky Raven recently opened its doors to a BUNCH of fun new fandoms in addition to Twilight wolf pack fic! Marvel, DC, Supernatural, Once Upon a Time, Teen Wolf, The Originals, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, and crossovers, too! The only requirement for crossovers is that ONE HALF of the crossover must be Twilight. AND many of the Twilight vampires are now allowed on Tricky Raven, too! And our annual Halloween contest is coming soon!

Want to join Tricky Raven? Are you over 18? Do you read or write fanfiction? Check out the link on my profile page and go sign up! Be sure to mention my name, ChrissiHR, on the form where it asks how you heard about Tricky Raven. Hope to see you there! *mwah*

On a related note, my writing partner, meliz875, and I are working on a collab called Contact. At present, it can ONLY be found on Tricky Raven. If you'd like to read it as it progresses, you can find the first few chapters posted on Tricky Raven right now. More to come soon!

Short Fics Series: Willfully Oblivious & Morally Bankrupt

Title: F*ckin' Hipsters

Fandom: TwiHW

Characters/Pairing: Charlie, Bella/Jacob, the pack

Rating: M, because Charlie has a filthy mouth in his head

Genre: humor

Word Count: 500

Prompt: fish spankin' pic, JLo's fine ass, apple bourbon

A/N: I was pretty drunk when I wrote this first flashfic the other day, but it seemed like an awesome idea halfway through that third apple bourbon hot toddy I made at the time. If an apple a day is good for you, four apple bourbon hot toddies are the nectar of the gods. So sayeth Chrissi. Go getcha some drunk Charlie! Mrow! *claws air like a sassy lioness*

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Waves licked the edges of Charlie's flat-bottomed oasis on ol' Lake Ozette.

Charlie came out here when he needed to think.

Or pretend not to notice things.

He was happier not noticing things, a trait that drove his ex-wife away. Fortunately, the chief's daughter was not her mother. Bella preferred an oblivious parent and Charlie was happy to oblige.

Because Bella had peculiar tastes. Not peculiar tastes like dying her hair with dry-aged monkey shit and piercing her elbows like one o' them hipsters. More like peculiar tastes. Like dating that Edwin twerp with the piss-yellow eyes and dirty hair.

But they didn't talk about that, Charlie and his baby girl. Nope!

And they didn't talk about what she did when when Bella started spending so much time down to Jacob's garage.

No, indeed.

Charlie did not want to know why all those kids on the rez kept getting picked up for indecent exposure. Runnin' around in the woods barefoot, butt-goddamn-naked, balls swingin' free and wild like horny billy goats all over hellingone.

Some things you just couldn't un-see.

And he didn't care why Clearwater's kid kept flashing him her bare ass every time she bent over in one of those muddy dresses she pretended to wear. Didn't anyone wear good old fashioned panties these days?

Or any panties at all?

And he absolutely did not want to know why he caught young Quil naked in the woods behind his house with that Paul fella. Charlie didn't figure Paul for that kinda guy, to be honest, but … to each his own. Charlie lifted his Vitamin R in salute and drained it.

He saw a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. Nothing to be concerned about, though. After all, it was his idea to bring Bella, Jake, and their friends out here for a camping weekend. Billy slept late, but Charlie was up at dawn as usual, picking his way through a mass of sweaty bodies and naked asses outside his tent, grateful Bella had the good sense god gave little apples to sleep inside her tent, at the very least.

Covered from neck to knees by Jacob, he assumed.

Which is how Charlie found his fine ass out on this boat, cross-eyed drunk, not the least bit concerned when his daughter's lily-white ass peeked through the foliage as a darker, bigger ass wove in and out of the old growth spruce.

Naked tree-tag.

Charlie snorted. Still not the weirdest thing he'd not noticed lately.

Not that he wanted to dwell, but he couldn't help but wonder, just a little … what the thirty yards of paracord strung all over Bella's headboard and the thawed fish on her nightstand had to do with their sudden interest in native nudism. Not that Charlie cared. No, no… He'd never pry, but that fish… Something about that just seemed disrespectful.

To the fish, you know?

Probably gonna pierce it, bless it, or bury it in the yard.

Fuckin' hipsters.

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A/N: Curious about what Charlie saw? Which part? Let me know in the comments and *just maybe* I'll explain some of this from Jacob or Bella's POV. ;) 4 or 5 more of these to come, possibly more, depending on the feedback. There's still one I haven't written yet at time of publishing the first.