Disclaimer: All characters, places, and the like, belong to Nintendo (and grudgingly, some goes to DIC entertainment)
"What a beautiful day to have Ivory Fever." Bowser hacked and coughed with sarcasm.
Yes indeed it was a beautiful day. The sun was well hidden behind thick dark clouds, the laughter of koopa children rang in the air. Bowser looked longingly into the fields where the kids played. Then like pouring salt on the wound, it started raining. Now it was more than beautiful, it was perfect! Yes it was the perfect weather to go kidnap a princess and probably the best weather the kingdom had seen in awhile.
Bowser grumbled to himself as he thought back a couple days before. Of course he had to go to that slum to make a speech to his lowlier subjects. What a horrible mistake that was! He should've known what diseases and parasites were floating around the air, but no, he had to trust Kamek's advice to "treat the people equally as to earn respect" as he put it. His weekend plans had been ruined, well, almost. Perhaps there was another person that could go in his place to enact his plans
Someone cunning as himself, brave and handsome too! Yes, someone that could woo the princess and bring her ever closer to his greedy arms with only a casual grin. Ah, but what was he thinking? There was nobody other than himself that could be that great. He'd have to settle for something a step lower, yes, but who was a step lower than him? Then it hit him.
"Jeeves! Get your worthless shell in here!" Bowser roared, at least it was a roar for one with Ivory Fever. A fairly nervous koopa troopa dressed in fine clothing took baby steps into the room. He wore a surgical mask around his face and rubber gloves on his hands.
"Yes sir?" Jeeves squeeked.
"Get my children, I must have a word with them, right now." Bowser grumbled.
"Is that all sir?" Jeeves asked shakily.
"Yes that's all, now get them or I'll pry that mask off your pretty little face." Bowser threatened. Jeeves turned around sped away from the room eager to get away from the sickly monarch. "How pathetic."
Meanwhile...
As our sickly king scared the shell off of his subject, Jeeves, his children were outside enjoying the weather with a game of baseball. At the pitcher's plate, stood the second oldest Koopaling, Lemmy. Rain ran down his baseball cap as he charged his pitch. Larry braced himself for the pitch, his bat pulled back ready to go. Lemmy hurled the ball at blinding speeds, but Larry being the sports nut that he is, smacked the small ball dead on.
With a crack that rivaled a firework's, the small white ball went soaring straight down field, cruising past the shocked Koopa troopas that played in the outfield. Larry took off, his feet carrying him to first base as fast as they could. He graced over it and followed his way to second. The outfielders scrambled around for the ball, Larry cruised past second in no time. Finally the incompetent out field hurled the ball the third base, where Iggy sat waiting.
"I've got it! I've got it!" Iggy shouted as Larry sped past third base. Iggy caught the ball just in time to see Larry head for home.
With a powerful throw, he threw the ball to catcher, who was none other than Roy Koopa. Roy snatched the ball out of the air as Larry neared home. Larry dove forward with his arms stretched forward, only to be plucked from the air by his older brother. Roy tapped Larry with the ball and threw him to the side.
"Uuuurrr out!" Roy shouted.
"What! No fair, you're not allowed to do that in baseball." Larry snapped as he dusted himself off.
"We're playin prison rules, rememba?" Roy cracked a grin. Larry jumped at Roy, his claws ready to strangle.
Roy just nonchalantly swatted down his brother and put his foot on his chest. Larry squirmed, trying to slip out of his brother's hold. Roy looked down at Larry and hocked a lugie. Larry's eyes grew wide, it sucked to be the little guy.
"Can you people keep down out here? I'm trying to read." Ludwig muttered as he stepped into the base ball field, just in time to see Roy ready to spit on Larry. "Roy, vhat are you doing?"
The pink headed teenager gulped and turned around.
"Nutin, teachin Larry here how to not be a sore losa." Roy replied innocently.
"That's not true! Roy cheated in our baseball game and then he tried to spit on me!"
"No I didn't, we were playin prison rules, I said dat at da beginnin of da game."
"To who, the ground? I didn't hear you." Larry growled.
"Oh yeah well..."
"Vill you two stop it? I've had enough of your little antics. Now you see vhy I don't lie zese sports. All zey do is begat barbaric behavior. Spitting on each other is disgusting Roy." Ludwig growled.
"Ah knock it off you snob, it's not like a little spit was going hurt Larry." Iggy butted.
"Stay out of zis Ignatius."
"Well why can't we argue huh? It's a free country right?" Lemmy piped in.
"No it isn't Lemmy, you see ve live under a monarchy, which means that..."
"Shudap Ludwig, if I wanted to hear a Koopapedia entry I woulda asked." Roy yawned.
To make a long story short, the argument carried on for almost ten minutes. Had it gone on any longer, it would've escalated to a fist fight. Which fortunately it didn't. The force stopping our bickering princes? Why Jeeves of course, who showed up just in the nick of time. Jr., Wendy, and Morton all at his side.
"Excuse me! Your Majesties, your father requests your presence!" Jeeves panted out of breath, it looked as if he had been running around the whole castle. At that the bickering ceased, they looked at eachother uncertainly.
"Zat can't be good..." Ludwig muttered.
Jeeves led the terrified kids down the hall. A sick father, requesting an urgent meeting with his kids could only mean that something bad was going to happen. One by one they grabbed surgical masks and entered Bowser's room. Ludwig looked at his sickly father, his eyes bloodshot, his skin pale while his shell was covered with sores. For the first time in awhile, Ludwig pitied his father.
"Kids, I have something very important to ask of you." Bowser coughed.
"W-what is it Papa." Jr. sniffled. Bowser hacked and coughed even more.
"I need you kids to do something for me." Bowser wheezed.
"Anyzing dad, anzing." Ludwig shook in his shell, for once in his life he was scared. Scared that if his father passed, he'd be the one in charge, and as cool as that sounded, he didn't feel ready. He was only sixteen after all!
"Seeing as how I'm in horrible condition, I cannot carry out my plans to kidnap the princess this weekend. I was hoping that you kids could do it for me." Bowser replied.
"Wait, you mean to say that you're not dying?" Iggy cocked his head.
"No of course not, what're you kids thinking? It's going to take a little more than a case of Ivory Fever to bring this bad boy down."
"Vhat! Ve zought you vere dying and all you vanted us to do was your chore!?" Ludwig snapped, the others nodded in agreement.
"We'll do it Papa." Jr. stuck his tongue at Ludwig
"Great Jr. I knew I could count on you." His sickly father smiled. "And since only one of my children seems to be faithful, it seems like he's the only one who's fit for my clown car."
"Whoa, you didn't say that one of us got to drive the clown car." Iggy suddenly looked regretful for nodding along with Ludwig.
"I just did, Jr. gets to."
"Vhat about us?" Ludwig asked.
"You get to take an airship, after all, you just love it when people use your inventions right?" Bowser snarked to his eldest son.
An hour of preperation later...
"Of all za nerve of that stupid old man, comissioning us to do his vork after all zese years he's just left us at za castle. Sure, now zat he's sick that means he can use us. I don't even zink I should help him, zat vouldn't do us justice no..." Ludwig grumbled on and on.
Iggy and Lemmy just ignored him as they loaded their luggage into Ludwig's docked airship. He was known for this kind of thing, and of course you never interuppted his rant, never. Otherwise you should consider yourself toast. Ludwig had been the first of the Koopalings learn how to use fire breath, and he liked to excercise that power regularlly.
Above the clouds, Bowser Jr. impatiently fluttered around in his father's clown car. His siblings were taking their sweet time loading up in to their airship and with such a demanding schedule (at least it was to him), it was quite irritating for the child. Fed up with waiting, he dove down under the clouds to see what was going on. On the doom ship, the unmistakeable hair dos of his two older siblings made their way across the deck. Ludwig and Iggy finally made it to the cock pit and switched on the power. Finally able to make radio contact, Junior lifted his radio up and vented his frustration.
"Come on guys, get that ship started up, now!" Jr. yelled into a small radio inside the clown car.
"Look, if you vant us to help, zen you'll have to be patient and let za ship varmup." Ludwig growled.
"Well make it warmup faster then! We have a princess to kidnap." Jr. cried.
Ludwig sighed and looked at his radio. I don't deserve zis, he thought to himself. With a beep, the small radio shut off and Bowser Jr. was back to his usual impatient pacing.
"Okay, ready for take off." Iggy cracked a smile, "In t-minus 5, 4...."
"Just press za button Iggy, za faster ve get zis over vith, za faster I can get back to rectifying our old NES." Ludwig growled impatiently. The teenagers pride and joy had recently broke down and needed extensive repairs, and after years of entertainment, he would not let it die.
"Fine, killjoy." Iggy muttered.
The two inventors of the airship quickly went to work on making sure that the boat successfully left the ground. Preferrably without an explosion. This Doom Ship was getting very old, and if they weren't careful, let's just say that only one could imagine the worst case scenario. Soon they reached cloud level as tremendous turbulence shook the ship. Carefully manuevering the ship around, Ludwig managed to keep it steady. They burst out of the clouds, fortunately in one piece.
"It's about time you slow pokes showed up!" Jr. called over the radio.
"If you vanted a faster take off, you should've persuaded dad to give all of us new clown cars."
"Oh yeah? You should've built a faster airship, then we wouldn't have this problem."
"Grr, you make me so irate you little...never mind, you are not vorth it." Ludwig settled down when he saw Iggy prepare for another infamous Ludwig rant. Ludwig held his tongue and got back to piloting the ship.
"So, um, what's our estimated time of arrival?" Iggy asked trying to get Ludwig's mind off of Jr.
"If zings go smoothly, ve'll arrive in about four hours or so." Ludwig quickly estimated.
"Great." Iggy sighed. "Hey, wanna play 'I spy" to pass the time?"
"No, I have to concentrate on driving za ship. Never drive distracted."
"Yeah right, what exactly are you going to hit way up here. A solid cloud?"
"It has happened before." Ludwig shrugged.
"Man Ludwig, you're no fun anymore."
"I'm acting my age, you should too."
"Yeah whatever." Iggy rolled his eyes and stared out the window, the endless sea of clouds relaxed and soothed his mind. Soon, his eye lids grew heavy, and he fell asleep.
Meanwhile, about eight worlds away...
Mario and Luigi looked up and down long sparkling hallways. Their clothes were torn and stained, hair tousled and matted. Sweat ran down their faces in large beads. Finally the mission was completed, or so they thought. The Princess arrived with a small tray of drinks and walked towards them. They had faced shadow demons, an evil king and his children, and many other baddies, but nothing prepared them for the job ahead.
"Thanks so much for helping out with spring cleaning, I don't think we could've gotten this far wtihout you." The Princess smiled.
"Oh no-a problem Princess, we love-a spring cleaning." Mario gave her a thumbs up.
"We-a do?" Luigi muttered, Mario elbowed him in the ribs. "D'oh, I mean-a, of course-a we do."
"Great! So that means you guys are ready for the next job?"
"N-next-a job?" Luigi frowned.
"Of course-a Princess, what would you have us-a do?" Mario nodded politely.
"We need to clean out that attic, it's absolutely cluttered and filthy." The Princess replied.
"Lets-a go!" Mario jumped.
"You're enthusiasm's-a killing me Mario." Luigi sighed as they made their way up the long flight of stairs. It felt like walking to your own doom. Stormy clouds swooped in almost instantly, the hallways darkened. Luigi felt genuinely scared, he'd actually never been in the attic before.
"I must warn you boys, this attic has never been cleaned in my life time. My parents were pack rats, to say the least." The Princess said cautiously.
"Oh joy." Luigi muttered, still slightly frightened.
Unfortunately, the door didn't budge when Peach tried to open it. Mario gave it a shot, but still nothing. Luigi looked up at the door and stroked his mustache thinking. Then he noticed that there was a small lock holding the door in place. He face palmed himself and undid the lock. The door burst open, an avalanche junk cascaded on top of Luigi.
"Help-a me, I'm a stuck!" Luigi yelled, his voice muffled.
"I can-a already see that we're-a going to have so much-a fun cleaning this attic." Mario sighed, he tried his hardest not to sound sarcastic.
He grabbed Luigi by his wrists and plucked him out of the junk. Now free, Luigi dusted himself off and looked over the tall pile of junk full on. He nearly fainted, this mess was horrible!
"Alright boys, let's get started." Peach smiled confidently.
It took them about an hour to clean out that large pile before them. They had organized it into large boxes. Old pictures, clothing, nick knacks, bells, and whistles were only some of the things that made up this mess. Finally they could see into the actual attic, unfortunately they also found that the previous mess was only the tip of the iceberg. More piles with similar dimensions lay around. Shelves and tables were filled to the point of collapsing. Worst of all, they literally couldn't see the floor. There seemed to be no end.
"How'd they-a fit all of this-a stuff in here?" Luigi asked to no one in particular.
"It-a doesn't matter, we've still got-a mess to clean." Mario muttered in reply.
With that said, they began digging into the seemingly endless pile of junk.
Five hours later...
Mario's arms felt like they would fall off, Peach leaned back into an old rocking chair they dug up, Luigi had fainted as soon as the Princess had said "We're done!" It took them five hours, but they had finished. Mario looked out the large stained glass picture of Peach and could see that the sun had begun to set.
"Princess, if you don't-a mind, I think-a I'm-a going to call it a day." Mario said as he stood up.
"That's fine, I think we should all just call it a day." Peach yawned.
"Luigi, wake-a up. We're going-a home."
At the sound of 'home' Luigi sprang up and made his way out of the room. Mario followed close behind. Tired and hungry, the two left the castle and walked down the small dirt path to the gates. As if on cue, it began raining.
"Mario, why do-a we have to clean up the castle? Doesn't-a the princess have servants?" Luigi griped.
"Quite-a your whining Luigi, we-a did it to be-a polite." Mario sighed. "Besides, I thought you-a liked housekeeping."
"It's not-a my house though."
"Just-a be glad we're done with today and we can get-a some good rest."
Everyone's favorite plumbers bantered on, unbeknownst to them that seven dark figures made their way across the castle grounds. Their dark silhouettes jumped from bush to bush. Somehow they managed to remain hidden from view as they reached the threshold of the castle. The crazy haired leader of the group lightly knocked on the door.
"Hello?" Toadsworth answered the door. The last thing he remembered before being knocked unconscious was seeing a blur of blue and a blunt metal object. The seven stepped into the grand hall took a good look around.
"Whoa, look at this grand, huge, and over all intimidating room. I don't think we'll ever be able to find the princess at this rate. Let's give up, throw in the towel, go home, call in sick; hey check out the echo in here, echooo, isn't that cool? What if...." A small bald headed figure's voice rung across the halls
"Shudap Bigmouth!" Another larger bald headed figure snapped.
"Why don't you both shut up and get down to sneaking and stealing." One, rather raspy voiced, figure snapped.
"Cheatsy is right, stay focused! Now I've got a plan, we should split up and find that Princess." The crazy haired leader smiled.
"Great idea-" One twin began
"Kooky." The other finished.
"Eeheheowoweh, I am so smart aren't I?" Kooky laughed his manical high pitched laugh. Suddenly, there was the sound of stairs creaking. The koopalings shut up and looked over at the stair case, a toad was standing at the top. The kids barrled out of sight and into the shadows once again.
"What is that racket down there?" The toad asked.
"Absolutely nothing of suspicion, never was, never will be, please go back to your usual business that you normally attend to at this time of night." Bigmouth yelled back.
"Jerry? 's that you? Man you gotta lay off the caffeine."
"Yes you are one-hundred percent correct, no more caffeine for Jerry, now I'll be off um...patrolling this here hallway if you don't mind."
"Alright then, see you after the shifts over." The guard replied, the rest of the koopa klan sighed with relief.
"Way to go Bigmouth." Kooky smiled.
With that said, the seven dispersed in search of Princess Peach and perhaps other valuables...
Upstairs in the attic, Peach slowly dozed off in her plushy rocking chair. She thought of how crazy that day had been. At least the attic looks good, she thought to herself before she fell asleep. Finally, she fell asleep. Making her totally unaware that the smaller twins from before, Hip and Hop, had entered the attic in search of something to do. They had been attracted by all of the boxes of junk laying around and did what they do best, screwed around.
However it didn't take them long to realize that the person they were looking for was actually right there in the room with them. Almost shocked at the fact that the princess was right beneath their nose, Hip ran out to find Kooky while Hop stayed behind.
Meanwhile...
Heavy Rain pattered against the window. Iggy's eyes slowly opened to the rythmic sound. How long have I been out, he asked himself. He sat up and winced, ow, crick in the neck, crick in the neck. He groaned to himself. He looked over at Ludwig, who's eyes were filled burning anger at the moment. Outside the ship's window, sat Castle Toadstool. Much to his surprise, he looked over at the clock to see the time.
"Ludwig! We're two hours over your estimation, you know I think I'll never trust your estimations again." Iggy snapped.
"It is not my fault zat someone doesn't know how to stay avake and help during a zunderstorm."Ludwig roared.
"Whoa, what's your problem?" Iggy froze, Ludwig never got this angry.
"It's complicated Iggy, you vouldn't understand." Ludwig muttered.
Iggy and Ludwig got to work moving the ship slightly above the castle. Bowser Jr. hastily smashed through the roof while the rest of the Koopalings rappelled down the side of the their airship and through the new entrance to the castle. Toads ran left and right screaming for help.
"I wonda' why da Princess get's dese bozos to guard da castle." Roy yelled as he punched one in the face. "Dey're useless."
"We're not here to abuse some Toads, we're here to kidnap a princess, now get going and find her before Mario get's here." Jr. snapped, then flew away on his clown car.
"Jeez, what's up with him?" Larry asked.
"I think it has somezing to do vith za fact zat deep down inside he still thinks zat Peach is still our mother." Ludwig shrugged.
"Heh, what a lunatic, I don't even think that's biologically possible!" Iggy laughed.
"Just find Peach or father vill skin us alive." Ludwig commanded.
"Right, right, forgot you're not fun anymore."
"Shut up or I'll skin you alive." Ludwig grabbed Iggy the his neck and held a fist to his face.
"Just calm down, act your age, um...I'm not worth it." Iggy spouted off all the things that Ludwig used to calm himself. Ludwig clenched his fist and put it to his side. He dropped Iggy to the floor and looked down at him.
"Fine, you vin zis time Iggy, next time I might not be able to exercise as much self control." Ludwig muttered.
In the great hall of the castle...
"Holy kooparoni, it's like a great toad migration!" Kooky yelped as a stampede of toads ran by. Hip dashed through the crowd of toads, the small child narrowly avoided getting crushed.
"K-Kooky, we found her!" Hip panted.
"What! Lead on brother, we'll be out of here in no time!"
"Do we get to sing a show tune while we're at it?" Hip asked hopefully.
"No not now, we don't have any time for catchy show tunes." Kooky replied to a disappointed Hip, Kooky himself was slightly disappointed. "Let's go!"
Hip lead the way through the panicked toads. Jumping, ducking, and sliding all over the place to dodge from getting trampled. In no time they found the way up to the attic. Hop was sitting in a box fiddling around with its contents while the Princess was fast asleep, looking rather content.
"Tie her up and get her out of here! Koopa Klan, we found her!" Kooky shouted at the top of his lungs. In an instant, claws clattering against tile could be heard chasing their way up the flight of stairs just outside of the attic. The princess's eyes slowly opened, only to find that she was being tied down by two little koopa children.
"Reporting for duty!" Cheatsy burst through the door.
"Rendezvousing, if that's a word, with all of you. It appears that you've found our huggable, loveable, princess-oof!" Bigmouth had been punched in the gut by Bully, who had arrived only a few seconds earlier.
"What's dis about findin da princess?"
"Ugh, what is that woman wearing?" Kootie Pie scoffed as she entered the room.
"Help!! Someone help" Peach screamed as soon as she realized what was going on.
"That won't work Princess Toadstool, all of your little toads have been scared away by our presence. Eehehehhee." Kooky laughed.
"Wh-what's going on, who are you?" Peach looked around in distress.
"Don't you recognize us?" Hop asked.
"No not rea-"
"It's us, your usual kidnappers, the Koopalings. Sent on special orders from king dad to pick you up and take you back. By the way, do you prefer nylon or wool rope. Personally I prefer nylon, nice and soft, wool makes me chafe. And...I'd better stop talking before Bully hits me." Bigmouth ran and hid behind Kooky.
"If you're the Koopalings, then I think I need to get my eyes checked. You look nothing like I remember." Said Peach.
"You're not quite what we remembered either Princess, since when have you been a blonde?" Hip and Hop asked in unison.
"What do you mean, I've always had my hair like this." Peach gave them a quizzical look. What on earth is going on here, these aren't the koopalings are they? If so, then time hasn't been kind, she thought to herself.
Suddenly, there was a crash. The group looked around shocked. Something big was coming. The sound of a small propeller whizzing filled the halls. A clown faced pod sped down the hall, headed straight towards them at high velocity.
"What is that thing!" Kootie Pie shouted
"I'm coming Mama Peach!!" Jr. screamed.
"Bowser Jr?" Peach asked confused.
"Bowser who?" Kooky arched an eyebrow. The clown car halted in mid air and hovered above the confused koopalings. Bowser poked his head out and looked down at the princess's would be kidnappers.
"I'm Bowser Jr. son of Bowser, king of the Koopas." Jr. screamed his battle cry.
"No, our dad is the king of the Koopas, yours is an impostor!" Cheatsy accused.
"What! How dare you, my papa is the best king there is. No one's better than him, no one!" Jr. snapped. Unfortunately, Jr. fell into an impromptu trick that the emperor of evesdropping concocted. Cheatsy slowly had Jr. into a yelling fit while Builly looked around for a formidable weapon that could take on their new tiny adversary.
"How interesting, I think we'll be going now with the Princess, buh-bye." Kootie Pie blew Jr. a kiss.
"No way you creeps! Mama Peach is mine!!" Jr. screeched as he dove down to steal the princess.
"Oh no you don't!" Bully shouted. With a strong throw, he smacked Jr. on the head with a small wind-up toy that was laying on the ground. Dazed, Jr. and the clown car crashed to the ground.
"No body takes off with our prisoner! Let's go!" Cheatsy yelled as they grabbed Peach.
"Help, anyone else if you're here, help!!" The princess screamed in vain.
"Like I said, there's no one else here!" Kooky shouted.
The Koopalings, or at least that's what they called themselves, whisked Peach away to their doom ship parked just outside the gates leading to the castle. With a delayed take off, Peach was taken away. Where? Only time would tell...
A/N:
Knowing the show also might help with some of the jokes. (For example, the Koopalings often sang a show tune in the T.V. Show. Hence the disappointment that Kooky and Hip feel when they don't have time)
One last thing, if the accents that some of the characters speak in annoy you or get in the way of reading. Say so in a review or e-mail me if you feel so inclined.
With that said, have a good day/night/afternoon wherever you are.