A/N: So, I hope you enjoy these. They're just stuff that I wrote for science class that I think you might enjoy. All my friends found them hilarious, so I'm posting them. They're very non-canon and just for pleasure. Hope you enjoy! And please please please R&R!
Disclaimer: No, I don't own. Just the idea of magic and science colliding :)
Harry Potter: How Much Matter?
"I hate that new class we have," Ron complained, starting his homework rant of the night as the Gryffindors retreated to their common room. "What's the point? Science class. I don't understand. It clashes with all the magic we've learned in the past."
"Oh, Ron, it's a muggle class," Hermione said. "It's what the muggle kids learn in school."
"Then why are they teaching it at Hogwarts?"
Harry remembered learning science before he'd come to Hogwarts. "Well, maybe they want us to learn how the muggles learn."
Ron slumped down on the couch. "Still, I don't see the point. I don't even know how to do tonight's homework."
Hermione sat down next to Ron. "Don't worry. I'll help you." She took a minute to read over Ron's parchment. "Oh, this is easy. It's all about matter."
"What?" Harry asked. He didn't understand.
"You know, matter," Hermione explained. "The amount of a substance and how much space it occupies." Confused, Harry sat down, too. Annoyed, Hermione had to explain everything. "Anything that has volume and mass. Everything is matter. A solid, a liquid, a gas. You're matter, Ron."
Ron looked alarmed. "WHAT? Is something wrong with me?"
"No, it's just – never mind," Hermione said. "Please tell me you two know what the metric system is." They both nodded. "Good. You'll need it for science. Length is measured in meters, mass in grams, volume in liters, and temperature in Celsius. Got it? And keep in mind – you have to use specific tools to get the right measurements. For length, you use a ruler. For volume, a graduated cylinder, and for mass, a scale."
Ron groaned. "This is too much information! I'm gonna fail this class! It's too hard!"
"It's not that hard, Ron," Hermione protested.
"Yeah, well, nothing is hard for you. Potions isn't hard for you."
"No, I'm not the only one who finds it easy. Just ask Seamus – he thinks it's easy."
"Alright, I will. Hey, Seamus! Come over here!"
Hearing his name called, Seamus Finnigan, their Irish friend, came over and sat across from them. "Hullo. What's up?"
"D'you think that new class we've got is easy?"
"Yeah, sure. I learned it the first eleven years of my life."
Ron grumbled. "Grr. Well, can you tell me what…water displacement is? And meniscus?" He was reading off his parchment.
"Oh, that's easy," Seamus said. "Water displacement is how you measure the volume of an irregular-shaped object. And a meniscus is the curve of the surface of a liquid in a graduated cylinder."
Harry thought this was the first time he'd heard Seamus sound smart. And this stuff was coming back to him. "Well, tell us what a scanning electron microscope does."
"It's a microscope that uses electrons and photons to help you see stuff you can't see otherwise."
Harry didn't like Seamus sounding smart. "Well, what's the difference between mass and weight?" he asked, trying to confuse Seamus.
"Weight is the amount of gravitational pull something has, and mass is how much space an object takes up."
"You know what? Go away, Seamus. You too, Hermione," Ron said, trying not to be pathetic. "Harry and I can do our homework ourselves."
Harry panicked that this was the wrong thing to say. Seamus shrugged and left, and then Hermione also left. Harry glared at Ron.
"Ron! Now we have to do this ourselves!"
Ron looked mortified. "Aw, man."
Harry and Ron stared at the parchment, knowing they were probably going to fail science.