[AN: Ummm. Yes, I have been bitten by a plot bunny. It was painful. This was the result. I wrote this because NOBODY writes about Lurtz, and they definitely don't write Sues for him. I love Lurtz, so I wrote a Sue for him. Flame all you like, our love will remain true and constant. So there! But this is a humour fic. And I may write more! (Horrible thought!) Why doesn't anyone write Sues for Saruman?

And I don't own him, although I wish I did.]

Ugrat was the second Uruk-Hai out of the breeding pits. She was tall, strong, fast and even (for an Uruk-Hai) beautiful. When they trained she was always the quickest on the defense or attack.

Her manners were polite and refined, and she always finished what she took at the table. She could keep the other orcs in line, but her one true love, Lurtz, never noticed her. He was so brave, so strong, so. so utterly adorable.

Her heart burned within her when she heard Sharkey's stirring speech. Man- flesh! When had she last tasted it? How exciting it would be, finally out on a mission with her Lurtz! Her mind lapsed into dreaming of the day when Lurtz would notice her.

The orcs streamed out of the pits where they lived, Ugrat sneaking up just behind her love. They ran far into the night before some of the more wimpy orcs announced they would mutiny if they didn't get a break.

As the camp settled into silence, Ugrat quietly crept up behind Lurtz, and whispered in her most melodious voice,(which, trust me, was not very melodious) "Lurtz?"

He jumped. "What is it? What do you want?"

"I wanted to tell you that I love you." His face softened.

"I love you too, my darling." They kissed passionately.

[So endeth that. Review and tell me what you think!