Dear Diary,
Well, Mum gave me this diary to use this past Christmas to write down some of my thoughts, so I decided to start using it. Well, time to hear the rambling thoughts of
fifteen year old girl. Good luck!
I wonder sometimes, do we just think things that we think that we should think? Do I feel bad because I think I should feel bad; because I know I should feel bad, because
that would be what a decent person would do? Or do I actually feel bad? Wow. This makes absolutely no sense. I don't know why I think the way I do? Does that make me insane?
Because I double guess everything I do. I just started noticing this now. I never know if my actions are truly my own or if they are purely based on other's expectations. Then I
wonder why the hell am I thinking these things? Is it because I want someone to find out and gain sympathy or is it because I need to express myself sometimes. Talking about
expressing myself, is that just because someone mentioned it once, or is it because I truly want to write this myself. So is anything ever true? Or is it just expectation upon expectation
piled upon me, and I the stupid puppet perform exactly as other people expect? Why did I even start this? Should I delete the entire thing and pretend this never happened? I think I will
save it, and someday in the future, I will read it and realize how truly messed up I was when I was 15.
Oh my goodness, I just started to almost cry, because Hermione said something mildly rude when I bothered when she did her homework. WHAT THE HELL IS BLOODY WRONG
WITH ME? I seriously think I'm having some sort of personality issue. I switch moods in the blink of an eye. So, back to my main point that I started this stupid entry, did I only cry
because I wanted to gain sympathy? Or was I really feeling bad which made me cry? Or am I just a really horrible person who likes to play with other people's emotions by pretending
to be something I'm not. That happens quite a lot. I don't think anyone really knows how I truly act. Now I can spout off some cheesy line like, "Oh, diary, you're the only one who knows
how I truly feel" and some other dramatic , who knows if that's another mask. I have a bunch of masks. Maybe I have multiple personality syndrome. Well, I guess I have either narrowed it
down to: I'm a moody teenager, I'm insane (takes care of personality disorders), or I'm just so sane I became insane. So its official: I'm insane! Well, some tears came out, I spouted a whole
bunch of crap, and I have to go to potions with Snape in exactly 5 minutes…life sucks!