Resident Evil 2... X!
*blip* New Game. *bleep* *KOOSH!*
"RESIDENT HILLLLL--I mean, EVILLLLL!!!" *coughhack*
~~"Damnit Bob, get it right this time!" _o!
~~"Fuck you!!" *coughcough* -__-;;
"Raccoon City... A Midwestern town blah blah stuff you already know, yet information changes slightly with each prologue yada yada chitty chitty bang bang bing boom blahhhhh you know the drill; people survived, places blew up, booyah! let's go!!" *KOOSH!*
- Claire flies down the road on her motorcycle at super-duper-uber-fast speeds, and screeches to a stop, flying off the bike in slow motion, then skidding across the asphalt.
"Geez, I gotta stop doin' that..." She stood up and attempted to wipe some of the excess blood off and stepped into the diner.
"Oh yes, because I just KNOW that Chris, my brother who was a member of S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team and went completely undercover to avoid Umbrella's evil-ness, MUST be in a deserted gas-station/diner in Raccoon City. Why shouldn't he be."
"Hellooooo... is anybody here that's not a zombie? Because I really don't like to walk into seemingly empty rooms and finding that there are actually zombies hiding behind counters so-- AH SHIT!!"
"Mmmppphhhh!" *chompchompchew*
Claire was confused. "What was that? What did you say?"
The zombie chef dude looked up at Claire for a second, then spit out his mouthful of flesh.
"UNGH, bitch, UNGGGHHH!!"
"Oh sorry, it was just kinda hard to understand you when you've got all that bloodied human fle...um...I think I better go now, sorry to bother you..."
"Oh, you're not bothering me. This one was starting to get cold anyways...so...UUUGGGHHHH!!" The zombie stood up and started stumbling towards Claire.
"Damn, why are the zombies so much more quick in the FMV scenes?!" She tried to run to the front door and found that there were several undead people banging on it:
~"What time does this place open?!!"
~"Uuuugh!!"
~"I thought this place was open 24 hours, it's a goddamn diner!!"
~"Fuck this, I'm going to Denny's. Uuuugh."
Claire, freaked out, ran to the back door and flung it open, only to find... oooh, hot guy! With gun! Aimed at my head! Er.. Yikes!
"Wait, don't shoot!"
"Dumbass! I'm aiming at the thing BEHIND you, gosh. So GET DOWN!"
*bang bang, zombie groans and falls over*
"Come on, fellow protagonist, we should probably go back to my police car where it's safe, even though you know as well as I do that there's no possible way for us to die since we are, in fact, the main characters."
". . . huh?"
". . . . nevermind. Now hurry the fuck up!"
They both hop into the police car and peel out, not without plowing over a few walking corpses in the process.
"The radio's out! As if I actually expected it to work, along with all the phones in the city, to assist us in our escape from this living nightmare!"
"Oh yeah. Definitely. Are you really a cop?"
"Nooo, noooo... I'm a male stripper who looks almost like a real damn cop, OF COURSE I'M A REAL FUCKING COP!"
"Oh. Okay."
"So um. Hi. Pretty girl. I'm Leon S. Kennedy. Because I'm sure you really cared what my middle initial was."
"Yeah. . . okay. . . I'm Claire, Claire Redfield. Because all characters that state their name MUST state it in its entirety and say it in a cheap mockery of James Bond."
"Riiiight... So what brings you 'round these here parts?"
"I'm searching for my brother Chris, Chris Redfield."
"Yeah yeah whatever, now let's get the heck outta here."
"Sounds good to me!"
"Open the glove box. It has a gun in it."
"Ooooh! Yay!"
"Now remember, shoot anything that moves. Other than me. And yourself. And survivors..but we all know that there never are any, unless they end up dying later/becoming villains/becoming main characters in a RE game."
Claire continually nodded her head. "Okay. Got it. Yep. It's aaaall good."
But their nice, little.. hectic, chaotic drive was interrupted by a gigantic 18 wheeler that was speeding to catch up to them.
"Shit! He's trying to run me off the road! Hold on..."
Leon cuts the wheel, causing the police car to turn a sharp left and roll over a few times before it landed upright and continued driving down another road. But the diesel is still following them, so they keep on driving.
"Ew, goddamn.. Leon, did you fart?"
"No!"
"Okay. . . . . are you sure?"
"No, I seriously did not fart!. . . but I may have shit my pants a little bit."
"A little bit?"
"Yeah."
Just then, a zombie that looked freakishly identical to Leon leaped up from the back seat (I don't even wanna know how it got back there) and attacked Leon.
"OH SWEET JESUS!!"
"Eek! Like, ohmigosh! The zombie is like totally clawing at your faaace!!"
"Y'know, instead of me cutting the wheel in terror yet again, you could use that gun I gave you 5 seconds ago to kill it... or at least elbow it a few times to make it stop... or bash its head in with the butt of the gun, or SOMETHING. . .just an idea though..."
"Oh yeah. Sorry." Claire sat there for a moment deep in thought, then pressed her body against her side of the car and started screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Great. Perfect." Leon turned the vehicle violently again, and ended up crashing straight into a brick wall. The zombie from the back seat flew through the windshield.
"HAHA! That's what you get for not wearing a seatbelt!" Claire and Leon both turn towards the camera and smile, while cheesy music plays in the background for about a second. Then they turn around in their seats to stare at the 18 wheeler that is still barreling towards the wrecked car.
"Hmm. . ."
"What. . .what should we do now?"
"I.. Um.. Well.. I'm not all that sure."
"Ohh Ohh! I know!"
"What?"
"Let's GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!!!"
"Yeah, Uh-huh, like you actually had to tell me that for me to know to get out..."
They both get their seatbelts off and jump out of the car JUST before the truck crashes into the car. The explosion separates them on opposite sides of impassable, flaming debris.
"Claaaire!"
"Leeeon!!"
"Go to the police station! I'll meet you there!!"
"Okay!!. . . wait, how would I know where the police station is in this town?"
Before she could ask Leon, she could already hear him running off into the distance, laughing gleefully.
"Oh. Great. We're separated. Mhmmm.........I'm so fucked."-
They were separated by blah blah blah nobody even reads this subtitle crap anymore, blah blah blah this crap types out so slow hurry the fuck up I wanna play the game already blah blah...
And so, the game begins...finally. Claire finds herself plunged into a world full of rendered environments and coarsely pixelated zombies.
((thanks for reading! i'm hoping to get the next chapter up a.s.a.p.! ^_^))
*blip* New Game. *bleep* *KOOSH!*
"RESIDENT HILLLLL--I mean, EVILLLLL!!!" *coughhack*
~~"Damnit Bob, get it right this time!" _o!
~~"Fuck you!!" *coughcough* -__-;;
"Raccoon City... A Midwestern town blah blah stuff you already know, yet information changes slightly with each prologue yada yada chitty chitty bang bang bing boom blahhhhh you know the drill; people survived, places blew up, booyah! let's go!!" *KOOSH!*
- Claire flies down the road on her motorcycle at super-duper-uber-fast speeds, and screeches to a stop, flying off the bike in slow motion, then skidding across the asphalt.
"Geez, I gotta stop doin' that..." She stood up and attempted to wipe some of the excess blood off and stepped into the diner.
"Oh yes, because I just KNOW that Chris, my brother who was a member of S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team and went completely undercover to avoid Umbrella's evil-ness, MUST be in a deserted gas-station/diner in Raccoon City. Why shouldn't he be."
"Hellooooo... is anybody here that's not a zombie? Because I really don't like to walk into seemingly empty rooms and finding that there are actually zombies hiding behind counters so-- AH SHIT!!"
"Mmmppphhhh!" *chompchompchew*
Claire was confused. "What was that? What did you say?"
The zombie chef dude looked up at Claire for a second, then spit out his mouthful of flesh.
"UNGH, bitch, UNGGGHHH!!"
"Oh sorry, it was just kinda hard to understand you when you've got all that bloodied human fle...um...I think I better go now, sorry to bother you..."
"Oh, you're not bothering me. This one was starting to get cold anyways...so...UUUGGGHHHH!!" The zombie stood up and started stumbling towards Claire.
"Damn, why are the zombies so much more quick in the FMV scenes?!" She tried to run to the front door and found that there were several undead people banging on it:
~"What time does this place open?!!"
~"Uuuugh!!"
~"I thought this place was open 24 hours, it's a goddamn diner!!"
~"Fuck this, I'm going to Denny's. Uuuugh."
Claire, freaked out, ran to the back door and flung it open, only to find... oooh, hot guy! With gun! Aimed at my head! Er.. Yikes!
"Wait, don't shoot!"
"Dumbass! I'm aiming at the thing BEHIND you, gosh. So GET DOWN!"
*bang bang, zombie groans and falls over*
"Come on, fellow protagonist, we should probably go back to my police car where it's safe, even though you know as well as I do that there's no possible way for us to die since we are, in fact, the main characters."
". . . huh?"
". . . . nevermind. Now hurry the fuck up!"
They both hop into the police car and peel out, not without plowing over a few walking corpses in the process.
"The radio's out! As if I actually expected it to work, along with all the phones in the city, to assist us in our escape from this living nightmare!"
"Oh yeah. Definitely. Are you really a cop?"
"Nooo, noooo... I'm a male stripper who looks almost like a real damn cop, OF COURSE I'M A REAL FUCKING COP!"
"Oh. Okay."
"So um. Hi. Pretty girl. I'm Leon S. Kennedy. Because I'm sure you really cared what my middle initial was."
"Yeah. . . okay. . . I'm Claire, Claire Redfield. Because all characters that state their name MUST state it in its entirety and say it in a cheap mockery of James Bond."
"Riiiight... So what brings you 'round these here parts?"
"I'm searching for my brother Chris, Chris Redfield."
"Yeah yeah whatever, now let's get the heck outta here."
"Sounds good to me!"
"Open the glove box. It has a gun in it."
"Ooooh! Yay!"
"Now remember, shoot anything that moves. Other than me. And yourself. And survivors..but we all know that there never are any, unless they end up dying later/becoming villains/becoming main characters in a RE game."
Claire continually nodded her head. "Okay. Got it. Yep. It's aaaall good."
But their nice, little.. hectic, chaotic drive was interrupted by a gigantic 18 wheeler that was speeding to catch up to them.
"Shit! He's trying to run me off the road! Hold on..."
Leon cuts the wheel, causing the police car to turn a sharp left and roll over a few times before it landed upright and continued driving down another road. But the diesel is still following them, so they keep on driving.
"Ew, goddamn.. Leon, did you fart?"
"No!"
"Okay. . . . . are you sure?"
"No, I seriously did not fart!. . . but I may have shit my pants a little bit."
"A little bit?"
"Yeah."
Just then, a zombie that looked freakishly identical to Leon leaped up from the back seat (I don't even wanna know how it got back there) and attacked Leon.
"OH SWEET JESUS!!"
"Eek! Like, ohmigosh! The zombie is like totally clawing at your faaace!!"
"Y'know, instead of me cutting the wheel in terror yet again, you could use that gun I gave you 5 seconds ago to kill it... or at least elbow it a few times to make it stop... or bash its head in with the butt of the gun, or SOMETHING. . .just an idea though..."
"Oh yeah. Sorry." Claire sat there for a moment deep in thought, then pressed her body against her side of the car and started screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Great. Perfect." Leon turned the vehicle violently again, and ended up crashing straight into a brick wall. The zombie from the back seat flew through the windshield.
"HAHA! That's what you get for not wearing a seatbelt!" Claire and Leon both turn towards the camera and smile, while cheesy music plays in the background for about a second. Then they turn around in their seats to stare at the 18 wheeler that is still barreling towards the wrecked car.
"Hmm. . ."
"What. . .what should we do now?"
"I.. Um.. Well.. I'm not all that sure."
"Ohh Ohh! I know!"
"What?"
"Let's GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!!!"
"Yeah, Uh-huh, like you actually had to tell me that for me to know to get out..."
They both get their seatbelts off and jump out of the car JUST before the truck crashes into the car. The explosion separates them on opposite sides of impassable, flaming debris.
"Claaaire!"
"Leeeon!!"
"Go to the police station! I'll meet you there!!"
"Okay!!. . . wait, how would I know where the police station is in this town?"
Before she could ask Leon, she could already hear him running off into the distance, laughing gleefully.
"Oh. Great. We're separated. Mhmmm.........I'm so fucked."-
They were separated by blah blah blah nobody even reads this subtitle crap anymore, blah blah blah this crap types out so slow hurry the fuck up I wanna play the game already blah blah...
And so, the game begins...finally. Claire finds herself plunged into a world full of rendered environments and coarsely pixelated zombies.
((thanks for reading! i'm hoping to get the next chapter up a.s.a.p.! ^_^))