Chapter One

We glared at each other until our eyes, pierced with practiced avenge, burned with sweat. Dimitri stood in the center of the mat, his stake hanging loosely from his side in the arm that had me pinned only minutes ago. His hair had escaped its knot at the base of his neck somewhere during our fight, and I could see the tie lying before him on the ground, but I didn't dare move for it - didn't dare take my eyes off of him.

Holding my stake up high, my elbow angled forty-five degrees behind my shoulder, I dodged to the left, kicking up a leg before me, aiming as accurately as I could with the stiff muscles I'd acquired in the duration of my recovery. Dimitri, of course, being the damn near skilled, Russian dhampir he was, beat me by a mile with his quick, strong reflexes. An arm shot up immediately, blocking my assault, and I consequently fell to the mat with a loud, mortifying thud. That was the seventh time today.

"Roza," Dimitri murmured, squatting down beside me so that we were eye level. Shaking his head, he huffed out an exasperated sigh, muttering incoherent swears in his increasingly frustrating native language. "We have to figure out something."

Trying to regain my breath, my pride, something, I shook my head stubbornly. "No, Dimitri. I can do this." I'd already been trained for pain; I'd already been trained for a struggle. There was no way I'd do it again. Even if the decision killed me, I'd never put myself through that turmoil again. It'd mostly been because of our forbidden attraction for each other, but I'd hated our practices then. While he was my boyfriend now, there was no doubt in my mind he'd still have me run ten miles before each session, as he'd done back at Vladmir during my school days.

"But you can barely fight, Rose," Dimitri frowned now, gesturing towards my sore, limp body, which felt so much lighter on the ground. So, so light. I closed my eyes, determined to ignore his lecture. I'd suffered from enough of that Zen master wisdom crap, too.

"Still time," I muttered, refusing to open my eyes. "Lissa doesn't start school until next- "

"But as the Queen, she needs to be protected at every hour."

I knew that. How could I ever forget? This guy had been shoving that line down my throat from the moment he became my instructor. It was one of the reasons at first that he'd refused to acknowledge his feelings for me, fearing that he'd choose to save me over his Moroi if anything should happen. But I knew the difference, even then in my hormonal youth, and I'd tried to persuade him, to explain that while I may not have been the most pleasing, impressionist there was, I knew what was at stake.

They come first.

But I wouldn't agree to the idea of another year of training. Ever.

Sitting up on my elbows, I looked Dimitri square in the eyes, lowering my voice so the other dhampirs in training couldn't hear us. "Queen Dragomir needs me to know the basics. And I do, Dimitri, I do. I just...I need more time to...to remember or something. I need more time to process - "

"Roza."

My gaze cut to his. Gritting my teeth, I glare at him through narrowed slits. "What?"

"Let me help you."

And that was the last straw. Snatching my stake from its spot on the floor, where it fell the minute Dimitri flung me to the floor, I staggered to my feet, angrily storming past him through the gym's exit.

Let me help you? What the hell kind of line was that? The damn man hasn't even given me a chance. I've been healed for a total of five weeks. That's eight-hundred and forty hours, which isn't even enough time to live for most animals. A Phoenix only knew a day before it died. At least I've been able to breathe every morning.

"Rose," he called out from behind me, running to catch up as the gym's door clicked shut over our shoulders. I didn't wait for him to chastise me or convince me to come back, because it'd be pointless. Instead, I loosened my hair from its band as I headed up the stairs to my room. Within a matter of seconds, of course, he was behind me again, grabbing at my wrist before I could even fumble up the second step.

"Turn around, now," he ordered, possessing that same demanding tone I'd grown so much to hate back at Vladmir.

I didn't even flinch. At least, not until the faraway footsteps grew even more audible. Loud, heavy footsteps. I knew those footsteps. Twisting at my waist, I came face to face with the Devil himself.

"Rose, Guardian Belikov," Abe greeted absently, gesturing with raised eyebrows towards our hands. "Everything okay?"

Dimitri frowned, giving my arm a little tug. "No, it isn't, actually."

Snatching my hand away from his grasp, I glanced at my father, rolling my eyes in his direction. "Tell him I don't need any more training. Tell him I will be fine."

And even Abe hesitated. "Rose, he was your teacher, and if he thinks you're not exceptionally fit for the job right now, then-"

"I cannot believe this!" Shaking my head, I lope up the stairs two at a time, disregarding Dimitri's following figure. When I reached the door of my room, I turned towards him. My face felt hot, my body was sore and my head was pounding with adrenaline, but right then, even if it'd kill me, I'd have begged for more pain if it'd get him to leave me alone, to see my side of things. "You're an ass, you know that? If I'd wanted to start training again, I'd have asked you myself, understood? You do no control me anymore. We're equals now, remember? And you know what this equal says to you? Screw. Off."

"Roza, you can't-"

"No, no, that's where you're wrong, Dimitri." I ran my hands through my hair, gripping angrily at its roots. I'd pulled some strands out, for sure, but I didn't care at this point. Dimitri knew it, too. And I wished I couldn't care less, but it'd only been because of his love for it that I hadn't cut it for my first tattoo. I wished I'd had the strength, the independence to cut it myself, but so many things held me back. "I can. I can fight. I can battle. I'm not some imbecile, okay? I've been doing this for years! Years, Dimitri. Hell, I'd shoved you off a freaking bridge for crying out loud, and I'm still alive! You, Dimitri. As a Strigoi, which was, like, ten times worse than our sessions ever were."

I didn't think he'd like my mention of his Strigoi life before his restoration, and I was right, if the daring flash of anger in his eyes was anything to go by. "But you hadn't been shot before, either."

"No, comrade, I hadn't," I seethed, glaring at him. "But I'd suffered thousands of puncture wounds, not to mention ten thousand pounds of lost blood, yes?"

Quickly, so quickly it was like it'd only taken a mere second, Dimitri had me trapped between him and my apartment door. He gripped my chin between his forefinger and thumb, staring into my eyes with a mild hatred that radiated a mighty degree of pain, disappointment. In him? Or me? "I'm sorry, Roza, but like I've told you a million times before, I cannot take back what I did. I wish I could, but I can't. Every morning, I wake up next to you and ask myself what I've done to deserve your forgiveness, but never, never, can I understand your patience, love and will.

"But I need you to listen to me now, if there was ever a time for you to set aside your beautiful yet impulsive stubbornness. Lissa needs you. She needs you there for her, ready to fight within a moment's notice. Have you forgotten how quickly these things can happen? Remember that first night in the cabin?"

I nodded, but it wasn't like I could forget that, either. It'd been so life-changing, so empowering, nothing could have ever replaced the memory. Not even Dimitri's Awakening hours later.

"They came without warning, Roza," he reminded me, his eyes pleading with mine to understand. "If I hadn't been prepared for the attack then, how could you be prepared for one now? You've been out of commission since Lissa's coronation. You may think you're in shape, that this is normal for you, but it's not, Rose, it's not. The woman I knew a year ago could block my blows, stake my flesh and refuse to surrender to defeat even when she was scathed herself. You have to be that woman now, because Queen Dragomir's life is so much more important than yours, Rose, and there is so much on the line. They - "

"Come first," I finished, feeling myself unravel. Reluctantly swallowing any of the anger that still sizzled beneath my veins, I tenderly felt around the stitch across my chest. "Yeah, I know. I get it, Dimitri, okay? But, before, when we were...you were...I hated..."

"No more laps this time, Roza," he promised, sliding his palm up towards my cheek. His thumb stroked the line of my jaw tenderly. "We'll start with stretches and continue with one-on-one exercises until I feel you've refreshened your memory, and maybe, if you feel up to it, we'll run for a mile or so, but only if you want to."

Licking my lips, I searched his face, a smile twitching at the corners of my mouth. God, how could he have this sudden affect on me still? "And I suppose during said stretches, you'll be reading or listening to the shittiest music known to man?"

Dimitri gave me one of his full, rare smiles, which had at least been making an appearance more frequently than they used to. "Or I can let you pick the tunes."

I laughed, falling back against my door with a soft thud. "I think that's a better idea, comrade. Your taste sucks."

"So I've heard," he chuckled, stroking my chin with the pad of his thumb.

We were both quiet for a minute after that, just staring each other down until I finally gained the courage to ask, clearing my throat, "Does this mean I have to train by myself most days, since Christian will need you when he's not in class?"

Christian deciding to attend college had been a major shock, but I had to admit, it was a bold move, considering how much time he'd given up with Lissa. At least him and Lissa had it easy, though. I wished I could say things had been so much easier back at Vladmir, when Dimitri and I had yet to share a Guardian position, but the truth was, things would never be easy between us. Christian and Lissa spent literally zilch time apart, which only made it harder for Dimitri and I to actually be alone. We always had to take their safety into consideration first, no matter how hard it was to accept.

"Roza," Dimitri whispered, pressing his lips against my forehead. "We will work this out, alright? When we aren't with Lissa or Christian, we'll train as much as we can, and, hopefully, you'll be back to yourself in no time."

"And other stuff, right? We'll do other stuff besides training?" I couldn't believe I was letting him talk me into this; the least he could do was give me something else in exchange.

His answering grin sent a spiral of electric currents through my veins. "Did you have something in mind?"

Reaching behind my waist, I twisted the doorknob open, ready to show him just what I'd had in mind since our earlier spar. "How much time have you got?"

Dimitri checked his watch. "Christian doesn't get out of orientation until three; it's just now two."

I grinned, shoving my hip into the door. "Lissa won't be done with her college essays until four. Then I'll have to go pick her up. After all, they come first."

He winked back at me. "But not for a little while."

Gripping him by his shirt, I led him backwards through the door. Now this was my kind of training.