A/N: I've had so much fun watching reality ghost hunting shows over the holidays that I just had to add my little KP spin to popular genre. This should be a short fun little romp with much sexual innuendo and many comical moments. I do not own Kim Possible or any of the Ghost Hunting shows that will be lampooned in this story. This story takes place somewhere in season 4.
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Bubba
"My name is Kim Possible, until recently I didn't believe in supernatural activity, ghosts or UFO's. Then I was attacked by a large alien woman. I was not proud of the results. So now thanks to the Tourist Channel, I travel the country with my BFBF Ron Stoppable to capture on video ghosts and all things strange."
The images on the television are of Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable touring to strange and exotic locations in Kim's SL Roth. Mysterious, creepy and bone chilling music is heard in the background.
Now an eerie green glow from a night vision camera illuminates Ron's face as he screams in terror. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"DON'T YOU RUN RON, DON'T YOU RUN FROM THIS!" Kim screams as the greenish image from the night vision camera shakes up and down as she tries to restrain her boyfriend from running away in abject terror.
"No large film crews, no fancy sound men following us around. Just two people alone, against the unknown. We will be locked down into a haunted location from dusk until dawn. What you will see is real, raw, and extreme."
"RUFUS, I CAN'T FIND RUFUS!" The eerie green glow of the night vision camera once again shakes as Kim scans the floor wildly in search of Rufus, Ron Stoppable's pet naked mole rat. Ron lifts up his foot while Kim continues filming, "Rufus?"
Now a new location is shown on the screen another scene from a night vision camera tells of another Kim Possible ghost hunting adventure. Kim is bravely taunting an unseen force.
"I so don't believe in ghosts, I so don't believe in you that I challenge you to attack my BOYFRIEND RON!"
Ron is less than happy with Kim's ghost hunting technique. "HUH!?!"
"Through the use of provocation I shall encourage ghosts to attack us. What you will see is what happens during my ghost adventures."
The narration now finished the screen of the television now fades to black. It is now time for an important message from the Tourists Channels fine sponsors.
II
"Ron and I have traveled to Roswell New Mexico. A town once famous for the supposed crash landing sight of a craft from another world. Now it's a town that lives in fear of bright lights in the hills outside of town. Ron and I have arrived here to separate idle speculation from serious speculation."
The SL Roth heads down a dirt road. A small camera mounted on the dash shows a close up of Ron looking lazily out of the cars passenger side window. Ron as usual is wearing a pair of Adidas running shoes, khaki pants and his ever present Colorado Avalanche hockey jersey. "So KP, what do you think? Is this alien stuff or ghost stuff or just more bull stuff?"
Kim Possible looked appreciatively at her boyfriend. She was clad in her mission gear, black SAS sweater that only reached her bare midriff, olive drab cargo pants, and a pair of Timberland hiking shoes. "Nice save BFBF, the censors are going to appreciate you not dropping any naughty words on them that will have to be bleeped out later."
"Awwwwwwwwww, you know it. The Ron is totally down with the network censors."
The SL Roth pulled up to a ranch house. The fearless duo exited the car and headed to the front door. It was time for Kim to once again help us with her voice over narration.
"We have arrived at the house of one R.E. Lee, a local rancher who has made several reports of lights and strange noises coming from the hills surrounding his ranch."
Ron exited the vehicle with his video camera. He zooms in on Kim's butt as they walk towards the front door of the house. He is like most young men with his first girlfriend, totally infatuated and totally immature. "Gotta love the mad view…"
"Yeah, the hills around the ranch are nice."
"Yeah, that too." He tells her as he tries not to laugh. He continues to film Kim's butt as she walks up the steps to the front door.
Outside of the frame Kim knocks on the front door to the single story ranch home. "Mr. R.E. Lee, are you in there?"
A deep voice with a trace of western twang can be heard in the background. Ron has not taken the camera off of Kim's rear end.
"I sure am, let open the door."
"Ron, come up here on the porch so you can get both of us in the shot."
"Awwwww" Reluctantly agreeing, he climbs the steps. The camera jiggles and bounces as he climbs the stairs to put himself in position for the shot.
"Hello, hello…"
"Hello Mr. Lee, I'm Kim Possible and this is my boyfriend Ron Stoppable."
An elderly white haired gentleman stuck out his hand and they each took turns shaking it. He motioned for them to take seats on the front porch. They did as the man instructed. Now it was time for Kim to ask those hard hitting investigative type questions.
"So you have reported hearing noises and seeing lights from the up in the hills?"
The old man rubbed his face. The stubble made a loud scratchy noise as he did so. The man was dressed in true western fashion, a white button up shirt with embroidered guitars on each breast, blue jeans, cowboy boots and a white Stetson was parked on top of the old man's head. He looked in every way the image of the great American cowboy.
"Yep, yep, been goin' on pretty regular for the last two weeks or so?"
Ron now panned from the old man to a close up of Kim's tight SAS sweater. The camera zooms in on her breasts that are straining to burst free from sweater that is way too tight to contain them. Having worn the same sweater for the last three years it is obvious Kim needs a new outfit.
"What do you think the noises could be?"
"I reckon they're ghosts up there."
"Is there any legends of spiritual activity in the area?"
"Sure is, legend has it that in the hills you can hear the ghost of Dr. Drakken dragging his spectral chains behind him as he searches for his missing lair."
The view from the camera now leaves Kim's chest and focuses on her face. She is now looking directly into the camera, and then she turns back towards the old man.
"Uh Mr. Lee, Dr. Drakken isn't dead. I mean, he just broke out of jail a few weeks ago."
The old man frowned, "Oh well in that case it's probably a lair then."
The camera once again focused squarely on Kim Possible, "You know what this means?"
Ron nodded his head, and the camera as well, "We check it out and BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP …guys."
"You got it."
III
Images of whole sale destruction and explosions are now shown. The recorded images a grizzly record of the violent aftermath of another encounter with Drakken and Shego. Kim Possible once again has to do a narrated voice over to explain what has happened.
"Due to pending litigation this is all that our lawyers will allow us to show of Ron Stoppable and myself, Kim Possible foiling yet another evil scheme for world domination by none other than Dr. Drakken."
The video image of Kim running from a large explosion fills the screen. Ron while still filming can be heard screaming. "RUN KIM, WE HAVE TO GET OUT, IT'S GOING TO BLOW!"
Ron turns the camera to peer over his shoulder. There is a gigantic fireball heading towards them. Just ahead of the fireball in a hover car is Drakken and Shego. Ron is clearly heard screaming in terror.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, RUN, RUN, RUN…"
Panning the camera up, he films the underside of the sleek silver hover car as it flies over their heads and out the mouth of the cave.
"I'LL GET YOU KIM POSSIBLE. I'LL GET YOU AND THAT OTHER GUY TOO."
The calm narrating voice of Kim Possible can now be heard as the camera shows her jumping out of the cave as Ron follows her out. Both of them and the camera tumble over and over again down the side of the hill as a fireball is clearly visible for milliseconds as Ron rolls down the hill. The image of earth, sky and fireball are seen over and over again.
"As you can hear, Dr. Drakken clearly threatened me and Ron, as the hover car passed dangerously close to our heads as the two evil doers made their escape into the desert night."
The scene ends and shifts seamlessly into a less chaotic scene. Now Kim is leaning against the side of SL Roth, she takes a long swig from a bottle of water before she begins to speak.
"Saving the world is tough. It's something we do on a regular basis. But saving the world isn't what this shows about. We on the trail of ghosts, and for this we will have to find a location closer to home. Midterms are coming up and Ron needs all the study time he can get."
"Hey now…"
The screen fades to black as the episode heads into a commercial break.