Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, If I did why the hell would I be writing Fanfiction?
Notes: I admit I have borrowed the basic plot line from a InuYasha fanfic I read, though there are some major differences. This was inspired by how my parents gave me the talk melding with how the educational system handles things. It also is the child of my perverse mind's spare time.
Warning: Rated T; do not read if your parents haven't give you THE TALK! Oh and Cyborg is OOC.
Summary: Starfire is not as naïve as she seems, a plot to help her get Robin.
THE BIRTHDAY PLOT
It had all started simply enough; by an immature joke, poorly chosen timing, and a very much confused alien princess.
Robin, the indomitable Teen Titans leader, was brought to his knees by a simple question.
He had woken happily enough; it was his birthday after all. He had greeted the day with a spring in his step, a smile on his face and a cheery disposition. He was greeted by an ecstatic Tamaranian, a snickering half demon, a giddy green changeling and a grinning cyborg.
He was tackled, in a hug, by Starfire; he hit the ground with an "oompf."
Breakfast was a pile of pancakes, and they retired to the common room.
Beast Boy disappeared, reappearing minutes later with a small, wrapped package in his hands. They all brought out their presents for him.
He unwrapped everything but the changeling's at first, then went for the small package.
It was a pack of…condoms.
"Wha…?" Robin sputtered as he dropped the box as though he had been burnt by it.
Beast Boy and Cyborg were rolling on the ground in their laughter. Even Raven was sniggering at his predicament. Only Starfire was quiet, she seemed…confused.
"Um…Robin…" she squeaked, immediately his attention was on her, "what are those and what do they do?"
Everything went dead silent. Robin went scarlet about the head.
He looked to their friends to find Raven and Cyborg gone. "Dude," Beast Boy breathed into his ear, "what are you gonna do? You can't tell her!"
"I kinda hafta now, thank you," his commander muttered back, "besides maybe it's best if she learns now, from me…" he cleared his throat as he turned back to his friend.
"Do you know how babies are made by your race?" he asked, cringing.
She nodded, saying, "Yes it is taught to all. The physician takes the sperm and ova of the pair and combines it in a test tube and then the pair and physician monitor the fetus' development in a gestation chamber and once half of the gestation period is over it is transplanted into the mother's womb. It is there the fetus completes growth and is born."
The two humans looked unnerved by her description of the process, it was so inhuman.
"Okay…" Robin had to go around this subject delicately, "I'll be right back."
He flipped over the back of the couch and dashed to his room, returning moments later with a large book in his hands.
"Not THE BOOK!" Beast Boy said dramatically in a stage whisper, scaring the alien.
"Oh yes, THE BOOK…" Robin agreed, laying the book down on the coffee table as if it was a holy text, "The Book of carnal knowledge, passed down in the Wayne family for generations and now it rests with me."
The book looked too new to have been passed down for 'generations', but Starfire didn't dare argue that point.
She watched as the Boy Wonder flipped carefully through the book, he stopped midway and flipped the book about to where she could look at the diagrams. It was the male and female human body, the skin and bones missing in order to display the internal organs of each.
"This is the human body; both male and female are shown. And they join—" he began
"How do they join?" Starfire asked in puzzlement.
"A little help here? Beast Boy."
The green young man thought for a second then ran to the kitchen, returning with a banana. He hurried to his room, returning with a small hoop.
"NO!" Robin shouted as he figured what his buddy planned to do, "Never mind!"
Beast Boy deflated.
"Well…you see…the man's penis enters the woman's vagina and…" he blushed as he explained the rest of it.
Her emerald eyes were wide in amazement and embarrassment. "Friend Beast Boy was that what you were watching that one time I came in on you?"
"WHAT?!" Robin yelped, spinning about to glare at the changeling, "You watch porn on the tower's TV? Starfire caught you watching porn?"
"Whoa, I just realized," the changeling said loudly, "There's a new game at the arcade, I gotta go!" and he was gone liked the Flash.
Thus he left Robin and Starfire alone, with one parting comment, "Maybe you should give 'er a demonstration, Robby!"
"Oh god…" the leader said as he covered his maroon face.
He sat there and thought about his options at this point. He could stop the line of conversation right then and there; after all they had covered the basics. But what if an earth man caught her away from the titans and something happened? He growled at the thought of her carrying another man's child (could a human and a Tamaranian even conceive a child together?).
He could ask Bruce to take over from this point onward; no he'd never live that favor down.
He could ask Alfred, the butler was kind enough never to let anyone know what had transpired. But Bruce, knowing Bruce, would somehow find out eventually.
Or he could…No! 'Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!' He was not about to do what the Tower idiot had suggested.
So with a tired sigh, he dutifully flipped the page and explained how humans began life as tiny clumps of cells in their mothers' wombs and through the various stages of development (which turned out to be similar to a Tamaranian's pre-natal growth) and then finally the process of birth (which was identical to the Tamaranian birthing process).
"So… about Friend Beast Boy's gift to you…?" she reminded him. He blushed again.
"Well when a couple wants to…copulate but don't wanna risk the chance that a pregnancy might occur, they use birth control. The condoms that BB gave to me, he meant them as a joke gift, a gift meant to cause me embarrassment; they're a form of birth control."
"And may I ask how they prevent a child from being conceived?" Starfire asked innocently as she moved to the couch as well.
And blushing, Robin explained how they worked. She picked the package up and held it as if she was weighing it.
"Shall we try them then?"
She laughed at his stunned face. "Robin you and I both know that we are attracted to each other. Friend Beast Boy just gave us a way to exert our adolescent hormone ridden attraction safely without much fear of long term consequences. I mean we both are of an appropriate age, we are both physically able to and human, and Tamaranian physical make-up are similar—!"
She was tossed over the boy wonder's shoulder as they sped to his room.
Downtown, Jump City, Pizza Hut, 6th table from the door.
"So you think it's safe ta go back yet?" Cyborg asked as he devoured another slice of the pepperoni pizza.
"No," Raven said, smiling slightly, "all that pent up frustration…they might be at it for hours."
"I can't believe Star helped us with such a plan, that girl's devious." Cyborg laughed, "Oh god I can't believed it worked."
"Yep," Beast Boy said as he joined them with his tofu pizza in hands, "and just wait til they find out what I did to those condoms."
It went deathly quiet at the table. Raven took a steadying breath before asking, "Okay Beast Boy what did you do?"
"Oh nothing much," he said, "just put a hole into all of them."
All gaiety was gone from the more mature of the three titans, "You did what?" Cyborg whispered, gulping hard. He suddenly lost his appetite as the changeling repeated himself happily.
Raven and Cyborg looked at each other before each brought out their cell phones, dialing for home furiously.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god!" Cyborg started to hyperventilate, "they're not picking up!"
"What's the matter?" Beast Boy asked.
"You just gave two hornier-then-hell teenagers busted condoms!" the half demon hissed, "You might have condemned us all to baby sitting a human/Tamaranian hybrid! We have to get home and stop them!"
"Let's go."