Set before the epilogue in Mockingjay, and brings a bit more insight on about how Katniss feels. At least how I think she felt. If there are mistakes, I apologize, since English isn't my birth language and I'm only 14. I hope you'll like it :)

What a shame we all became

Such fragile broken things

A memory remains just a tiny spark

I gave it all my oxygen

To let the flames begin

So let the flames begin.

Chapter One

I wake up with a start. My newest nightmare has left me panting and sweaty. The people who died because of me were pushing me underwater, suffocating me. Everyone was there. Rue, Thresh, Clove, Cato, Cinna, Finnick, Madge. The list goes on. But the worst part was when I heard Peeta's voice inside my head. That's what woke me up. It was screaming at me. "Twelve burned down, didn't it? Because of her? Because of Katniss! Don't trust her, Delly. I did, and she tried to kill me. She killed my friends and family. Don't even go near her! She's a mutt!" I didn't realize I remember this so vividly. But my dreams never fail to remind me. I am broken, inside and outside, and I'm not even trying to deny it. The rebels have won. But they have paid a price. And the face of their revolution, the mockingjay, stopped singing. The horrors of the Hunger Games and the rebellion secured a stranglehold around me. Instead of accepting the pain, I shuttled off. That is easier. I can't bare thinking about anything anymore. If I think about all the people I have loved that are damaged beyond repair or dead, I would die of the pain. So I spend my days lying in bed, staring dully at the white ceiling. Nothing ever changes about it. I like it. It is solid. It can't change and hurt me. The Capitol can't use it against me. The Capitol we all knew is gone, but the terrors are still etched upon my brain. I'll never look at it any different than a vile and monstrous place, and its citizens will never be anything but alien to me. I don't know what happened in the world after Paylor became president. I don't even care.

Peeta comes every day and joins me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't know why. Honestly, you'd think he'd give up on me already. But it looks like he didn't. Actually, when you think about it, it's not that surprising after all. It's what Peeta would do. Trying to redeem a favor I did to him, even though it means nothing now. He tries to catch my eye a lot of times, but I avoid it. I know that, if I face Peeta now, I would burst. All the emotions hidden deep would come rushing out, and I would lose this little sanity I still posses. I can not force myself to remember all of the things that happened to that light and good boy before the Games started. I know that his unconditional love for me is forever gone, and forever lost. And I still love him, though I try not to. But you just can't forget how you felt about someone. You can just pretend you forgot. He was the thing that hurt me the most. Not the dead. They are safe and happy now, in a better place. But Peeta is changed so much; it's like he's dead inside. And I can't deal with it. I can't face the Capitol version Peeta. I don't want to remember the moment before the first Games when he told me that he will not let the Capitol change him. The Capitol ruined him. They destroyed someone so pure and innocent. And I know that he couldn't possibly stay the same, and I don't blame him in a million years. But they broke the strongest. And I lost my hope. Because if he can't overcome the difficulties, how can I? I detached from him. Just like my mother long before, and just like she did now. She can't deal with it either. She can't deal with the fact that she's gone. That Prim is dead. I project the image of Prim's little body, burning on that square. My body starts to shake violently, and sobs ratchet it. I feel sick. How could I let this thought spill? This was exactly the reason why I decided not to think anymore. Because, every once in a while, something like this would happen. A long lost memory would surface. It would take all over my body. And then I destroyed everything that came into my reach, until I hurt myself or have nothing left to ruin. Then I would calm down. I grip my elbows tightly together, scratching out the delicate pink skin that yet has not healed completely from the fire. And it couldn't, because I always ravage it again. I clench my eyelids until I see little flecks of red and yellow. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I repeat again and again until l I feel sweet numbness flowing all over my body. I was getting better at this. I open my eyes gingerly and take in my surrounding. The floor I'm sitting on is filled with small litter. It was hard to differentiate stuff out in the dark. I never turn on the light. It's too exuberant, and it reminds me of being happy. Dark suits my mood better. Greasy Sae stopped her attempts to enter my room after a while. Every time she tried to clean up or move anything at all, I started wallowing on the floor and screaming my lungs out. So she gave up. She makes me food to eat, and cleans up everything else. I sit in the dark, staring at the little shard of broken glass, until I hear Sae calling me for lunch. I get up, and hobble down the stairs. In the first week I wouldn't move. She'd come up in my room, which evoked hysteria, and dragged me down to eat. After a while, she'd put up food in front of my room when this failed. I never even touched it. So they sedated me and fed me, when they were out of options. I decided to stop fighting. It didn't bring me any good.

The light is blinding. I squint around the clean room, and slip in the chair across Peeta. As always I could feel him looking, trying to see if any progress was made. It made me a little self-conscious before. But then I learned how not to care. I suppose he saw enough, because he stops staring. I take a couple spoonfuls of the stew. It's good, but I don't register the taste. I don't care what it tastes like. I push my chair from the table after a few minutes of this, leaving a broached stew, and start to make my way as fast as I can towards the stairs.

"Katniss" Greasy Sae calls. I ignore her, so she repeats, this time with a warning edge. I keep walking. I'm getting closer, but my muscles are sore and wobbly. I knew they would try to talk to me sooner or later. After they realize that they can't just ignore this and hope it would go away.

"Katniss, stop" It was not Greasy Sae this time, but Peeta. I shudder. His voice brings a gust of memories, all of them those who I want to forget, just like Peeta did. Just like he forgot everything good that ever existed about me.

I hear the chair squeak against the floor. I stop walking. I suddenly feel a light touch on my arm, and turn around. Peeta is touching my arm. No one touched me in at least four weeks. I jerk my hand away in surprise. The spot where he touched me was warm. I'm afraid. Afraid of the emotions this was going to bring on later.

"Katniss" he continues softly. "Look at me"

I refuse, staring at my bare feet.

He reaches out to touch me again, and I flinch even farther. I look up, a reflex. And he is looking up too. Our eyes meet, for the first time in weeks. The blueness of them is entrancing. It is just like before. Before the rebellion, before the hijacking, before the Hunger Games. But these are not quite the eyes of the boy with the bread. The color was his. But not the look they gave away. Tears start to gather in my eyes, but I don't look away. They are patronizing somehow, soothing, maybe even frightened. But there's something more. And then I finally recognize the look. It was pity. I let out a shaky sob. He grabs my arm before I can collect myself and react.

"Listen to me Katniss" he says, his voice determined and less soft, eyes still locking me in his gaze. "You need to snap out of this. This isn't you. This was never you"

I wrench my eyes from his. The despair turns into anger. I try to shake his hand off, but he keeps his tight grip.

"Let go of me" I say with a coarse trembling voice. "Let go"

"No, Katniss, I won't let go. She would have wanted you to live on. If you died in the Hunger Games, you'd want Prim to keep on living, too"

Hearing Peeta talk about Prim like he knows her triggered something ugly inside me. I started shrieking violently at him.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING! SHE'S DEAD! DEAD! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT SHE WOULD WANT! YOU-" The emotions were suffocating me. I take a ragged breath between my screams, thrashing to lose his grip on me. "STOP TOUCHING ME! LET ME GO, LET ME GO NOW!"

He ignores me and drags me closer, keeping my rocketing body framed in between his arms. I go completely mad. I try to bite him but he manages to block that out. I scream and make horrible noises and say awful things. He holds me until I lose my strength, until the memories drain all the anger, until the madness goes away and leaves only fresh wounds and tears behind.

"Let me go, Peeta. Just…let…go" I whimper tearfully against his broad shoulder. "Why do you still try? You can't save me"

I want him to stop fighting. Not just now, but forever. He can't take me out from this dark place I'm in. He lets go of my wrists and cups my face gently. He looks deep into my eyes. They look kind and caring. Just like the old Peeta.

"Because that's what we do, Katniss." He whispers "We protect each other."

He waits until I take in his words. He keeps looking at me, and I catch myself wanting this moment to last forever. I feel secure, as normal as ever. I want his love and protection. I want him to save me. Because he is the only one who can do that. His lips curve in a small, perfect smile, as he leans in and kisses me. The kiss is so soft and lovely. It is genuine. He presses me lightly on his chest and strokes my hair. Is it possible? Is it possible that Peeta feels something for me other than confusion and pity? Is it possible that he did overcome the obstacles? I know the answer. It is. Peeta was never a piece in their Games. He will always be Peeta, no matter how hard they try to take his humanity away from him. But goodness just radiates from him, and you can't erase that. You can just try, but the real you is behind somewhere. And I feel something stirring up inside me. It was a strange feeling. I clung on to it as I locked my arms around his neck. It felt almost happy. It was something I only felt when I was with Peeta, something only he could awaken inside of me.

It was hope.

Hope that life will continue on. And I know now it will, because Peeta's with me. And that is the only thing that matters. Not the dead; they won't come back. But living can become dead, if they try to live in the past. So I decide to cherish every moment and appreciate it. Because I'm still alive; and we're still together. I will live; because love's worth living for. And with that thought I close my eyes and rest in Peeta's arms, until I lose consciousness.