Disclaimer: Haruhi Suzumiya is awesome! And I don't own it. … sigh. I'm going to go cry now.
The Resolution of Haruhi Suzumiya.
You'd think I'd get a well-deserved break.
Honestly, with the countless upon endless upon multifarious upon relentless amount of strange things that had happened to me over the past couple of months, you'd think Haruhi would give me a chance to recharge my batteries. Even Hercules only had twelve trials.
Of course, I really shouldn't be complaining, because as of this moment, it's been a good five days since I've been attacked by a giant cricket, been trapped in an alternate dimension, or… had to play a baseball game to determine the fate of the universe. Five glorious days of normalcy. Warren G. Harding would be proud.
And today looks like it's shaping up to be one of well-deserved respite as well. We've been sitting in the clubroom for more than half the usual meeting time, and Haruhi hasn't even shown up yet! Ah the sweet, sweet silence… made even sweeter by Ms. Asahina's presence, of course.
Though, if I were completely honest, I'd have to say I'm a bit worried. And it may seem a bit selfish, but I'm not so much worried about Haruhi's safety as I am worried that she's running late because she's dreamed up a new, devilish, world-altering scheme in that erratic brain of hers. I swear; she's the poster child for ADD!
But what am I thinking? I shouldn't be mulling over things like this and ruining the moment! I should just relax, close my eyes, and soak it all in because eventually, and of this I'm 100 certain, it'll all be gone.
The door burst open, causing the four occupants of the clubroom to look up slowly (this was hardly a surprise anymore). Haruhi stood in the doorway, a devilish grin filling up her face from ear to ear. "Sorry I'm so late, everyone!" she yelled enthusiastically, "but your wait will be soon rewarded! I got the greatest idea on the way to the clubroom and I just couldn't come until I'd written it all down!"
You know, it's true what they say. There really is no rest for the weary.
"Sounds fun" said Koizumi in that same, universally inoffensive tone he always spoke in.
Don't say it sounds fun when you don't even know what it is!
"What…" Mikuru said softly. "What is it?"
Haruhi's smile widened (if humanly possible) and she pointed dramatically into the air. "We're going to undergo some character changes!"
Silence.
"Character changes?" Kyon was finally brave enough to ask.
"That's right!" Haruhi exclaimed with an overly enthusiastic nod. "Character changes! In every good story, the main characters always go through some kind of change or realization that turns them into better people and gives the story a moral! But look at us!" She pointed to each member in turn. "Mikuru-chan is still the same quiet, unassuming girl she was from the start, Koizumi is still happy all the time, Nagato still never says a word, and you, Kyon, are still the same old boring, lazy slacker you were when I met you!"
Lazy? Who's done all the work for this club so far? "I notice you conveniently forgot to include yourself on that list." Kyon said aloud.
"Well of course! I'm the all-important, super-deluxe brigade leader! I have to be steadfast and unchanging so you all have something to cling to!"
Right. Because we'd all be solost without you.
Haruhi whipped out four sheets of paper from behind her back and slammed them down onto the table. "Here are your resolution forms everyone! I want you to fill them all out and return them to me by the end of the week!"
"This is nuts! You can't just force people to change, it doesn't work that way!" Kyon objected.
"It's not like I'm telling you how you have to change" Haruhi said matter-of-factly "just pick one thing you've always wanted to change about yourself and go, go, go for it! Just think of it as your mandatory New Year's resolution!"
A New Year's resolution…in April? Wait a minute… ha! It's April 1st! April fools! Good one Haruhi, you had us all going there for a minute! (Sigh) Somehow, I think Haruhi would find a holiday like April Fool's day boring.
"This will be fun!" Haruhi cheered. "Dismissed everyone!" And before Kyon could say anything else, the door slammed shut. She was gone.
I hate to be redundant, but… this is a joke, right? "Of all the harebrained schemes…" Kyon mumbled.
"I'd have to say this one is quite tame, wouldn't you say?" Koizumi smiled. He struck a classic over exaggerated pose. "I have to say, it does my heart good to know that Ms. Suzumiya can occupy herself more normal activities, like this one." His smile lessened a bit. "Though I have to say, the implications of her actions could fill volumes. What does she mean to accomplish by this? What if…"
Oh. Great. Another page and a half long Koizumi lecture. A good storyteller would spare you having to listen to it and summarize it for you. Then again, why shouldn't you have to experience the pain as well?
"What if," Koizumi continued, "Ms. Suzumiya has started to grow bored with the 'cast of characters' that she's surrounded herself with, and desires change? Have the desires that she had when she created this club changed? How are Nagato and I, who Ms. Suzumiya chose because of our unchanging personalities, supposed to respond to this kind of thing? Will closed space start popping up left and right if we don't change? Will it start popping up if we do change? And what does she hope to get out of this?" He shook his head over emphatically. "It's a real bother, you know?"
Kyon sat for a moment, staring at Koizumi with disbelief. "You're crazy," he said bluntly.
Koizumi laughed. "I suppose that's a possibility as well, isn't it?"
Sure. If possibility is synonymous with fact, that is.
Koizumi laughed again, as if reading Kyon's thoughts. "Well, I suppose if this is what Ms. Suzumiya wishes, I should run with it for now and see how things turn out." His smile widened to its full fakeness. "I wonder how I should change?"
"Honestly? It wouldn't kill you to be a bit less fake" Kyon commented.
Koizumi made another gesture. "Though I'm not sure what you mean, I guess I'll consider it." He grabbed his backpack and went to the door. "See you tomorrow." The door clicked shut.
Hmm… I wonder why he left in such a hurry? Kyon sighed, and then stared at his 'resolution form'. 'Executive order 234, from Ms. Haruhi Suzumiya, SOS Brigade leader: In order to retain good standing within the organization, the brigade member who holds this order must set some personal goal for themselves by April 5th of this week, and solemnly vow to pursue said goal with all their heart, soul, and body. Super-deluxe SOS Brigade leader Haruhi Suzumiya will personally execute all violators. Signed: Haruhi Suzumiya. … Did she actually write all this? It sounds a bit too… professional.
Kyon looked over the paper again. Something I want to change about myself? How on earth am I supposed to put something like that into words? He surveyed the room. Honestly, I can't think of anything I'd change about anyone in this room… although…
"Kyon-kun" Mikuru said flirtatiously. "It's ok. You can stay here while I change."
Mikuru leaned over Kyon, a cup of tea in hand. "Kyon-kun…what are you thinking about?" She smiled sweetly.
"Ah!" Kyon gasped, waking from his fantasy. "N-nothing… nothing at all!" He smiled nervously, than accepted the tea with a nod of thanks. "So… Ms. Asahina" he ventured, "Are you going to do this 'resolution' thing?"
Mikuru flushed slightly. "Well… I suppose if Ms. Suzumiya wants it… I should probably go along with it, shouldn't I?" She smiled warmly. (Sigh) If we posted a picture of that smile where everyone in the world could see it, I'm fairly certain we'd solve the problems of war, oil dependency, and world hunger in a single go. "Besides…" Mikuru continued, looking down shyly. "There is something… that I'd like to change…"
"Well, what is it?" Kyon asked, hoping it was along the lines of his fantasy.
Mikuru put a finger to her lips, and winked. "That's classified!" She teased, before returning to the tea cozy. She did that just to mess with me. Kyon sighed, then turned to face Nagato, who was sitting in the corner, as usual. "You're not going to do this, are you?"
Silence. "Maybe" she said in a monotone voice.
"Really? What would you do?"
Silence. "Change."
"Care to elaborate on that?"
Nagato looked up from her book, and stared at Kyon with big, blank eyes. "I would attempt to increase the implementation of my capacity to interact with the species Homo sapiens, thereby increasing the probability of observing useful data about Haruhi Suzumiya for the Integrated Data Sentient Entity." She looked back down at her book.
Sigh. I'm going to feel dumb for asking this, but… "Care to say that in English?"
"Talk more," she replied simply.
"Oh, I see." Nagato rose from her chair and left the clubroom, signaling for the others to do the same.
As Kyon walked home, he glanced one last time at the form before shoving it in his pocket. Forget that. There's only one thing I can seriously think of wanting to change anyway, and I highly doubt our 'noble leader' would approve…
"Guess what everybody?" Haruhi announced. "I'm sick and tired of all this weird stuff, so we're just going to have fun from now on! Isn't that a great idea?"
Kyon sighed. That'll be the day…
And. Oh my God. Amaxing has decided to write for Haruhi. (Earthquake, Typhoon, Monsoon, Tornado, Hurricane, Volcano, Godzilla, King Kong, Chuck Norris, Mr. Rogers.) All I can say is: be honest. I'd absolutely hate to do any injustice to this series… this wonderful, amaxing series… Reviews are much appreciated and will always be read/considered/obsessed over! Just thought you ought to know.
And I'm out.