1A/N - This didn't happen to me in real life, but is based on the true tales of an old girlfriend of mine. Platonic, not the romantic type. She actually told me that first sentence was true.

Practice Makes Perfect

"I wish you'd quit smokin,' it makes your !$ taste funny."

Zexion coughed, blinking red eyes at his boyfriend, who's teeth seemed inordinately shiny for some reason. Ha, inordinate. So his little guys tasted funny, huh? Well, he'd have to think about that, since he wasn't the one sucking himself off. Zexion actually had to ponder on that thought too, because he wasn't sure if it was physically possible to blow oneself - unless oneself had very flexible backbones. Eh, vertebrate. Vertebrae.

He coughed again. "Hm. Uh, right. Phalanges."

Demyx blew a puff of smoke in his boyfriend's face, snort-laughing when the guy looked at him all glassy eyed and confused. No doubt pondering his deep ass thoughts. Stupid shit, Mr. Emo-Pot-Head was too fucking high to fuck him. That annoyed Demyx, but he figured if he dumped Zexy in a cold shower before he left for work, his sexy lover would be up for the bump once he got home.

He liked it when his boyfriend had the energy to bang him like a Salvation army drum. There was just something sexy about banging a drum.

He flicked Zexion between the eyes. "I was thinkin' maybe you could quit for a month."

Demyx remembered the last time his boyfriend went cold-turkey. Non-stop sex - good Lord they'd gone through so much lube and so many condoms, he'd had to double bag the trash just to save face in front of the neighbors. Eh, those perverts video-cammed their sessions anyway.

He wondered if Riku-the-cop even noticed his handcuffs were missing...

"Aww, baby. Hm, you know I'd do anything for you - except quit smokin.'" Zexion laughed at his lame joke. God he was high, way too high for discussions on how he wanted to live his life. At least he'd given up coke. Couldn't his little fuck-buddy be happy with that?

Demyx punched him and then rolled off their futon, tugging on his pants as he hopped towards the bathroom. He looked at his bleary image in the mirror and decided it looked sick. Like puke toilet sick. He rubbed at the gray-yellow gunk that had grown on the glass. Or covered it. He couldn't really tell.

"Zexy, baby? I think I'm pregnant."

Demyx heard a muffled curse and stumbling come from their bedroom. Then a tangled mass of bluish-gray hair popped through the door. "Can we name it Sally? I always wanted a kid named Sally."

Demyx pushed his head back out so he could take a leak. "Only if it's a girl. If it's a boy, I'm naming him Shane. I used to have a boyfriend named Shane. God he was a sexy Irishman."

Zexion banged his head against the door, whining into the wood. "We're not naming it after your ex-boyfriend. I have enough insecurity issues as it is."

Demyx pushed his way out, glaring at his boyfriend while he tugged on his work shirt. Convenience store burgundy. Blah. "Insecurity issues?! We screw like rabbits...when you're not stoned that is. Asstard. You know I never bottomed for a guy before, shouldn't that have tipped you off in the first place?"

Now he was pissed, and he hated being pissed before he went to work. Sometimes Demyx really wanted to slap his boyfriend for being a needy whore. Demyx also liked referring to himself in third person. Yeah, Demyx was the shway.

Zexion stuck out his tongue with it's pretty sliver stud. "You suck." He then starred at Demyx with his glassy eyes, fiddling with his belt buckle and his inside out pockets. He couldn't believe his boyfriend had to go and ruin his high with past relationships. Zexion never brought up Marluxia. Or Laexus. Even though Marluxia gave way better head.

Demyx starred at him with his mouth half open, a beyond scandalized look in his eyes. Zexion slapped himself in the face. Christ, he hadn't said that out loud had he?! "I can't believe you said that, Zexion!"

Yep, he sure did. "Oh - ha, snort - baby, you know I didn't mean that."

Demyx glared at him. It was the glare of a thousand deaths that said he'd be sleeping on the couch tonight - and possibly the near future. God dammit, his high was ruined, ruined!

God dammit. "Look, baby, baby, you didn't hear the whole thing!"

Demyx wanted to tear him a new one. Zexy had said the very wrongest thing. "What? You want to tell me Marluxia fucked you better too?! Huh?! Asshole! NOW HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO WORK?! I'LL HAVE TO CALL OUT! SIX HOURS LOST! THERE GOES MUNCHY RUNS FOR THE NEXT WEEK! UNLESS YOU PLAN ON GETTING A JOB?!"

Zexion kicked over a chair - they'd wondered out into the living room at some point - anger swallowing the last bit of his high. Oh, his bitchy boyfriend knew he was sore over The Job! The boss kept trying to grope him, a couple co-workers kept trying to steal his boxers and the clients kept stalking him! He'd tried to go about it in a civilized way, formal complaints, etc, but one night he'd just friggin' snapped! Entirely too drunk, he'd set fire to the CBT building, shaved his bosses dog, and left death threats on many of his client's answering machines.

Yeah, it was totally shway at the time. Aw, who the fuck was he kidding? It was still shway.

Okay, so they had to move afterwards and he'd been slapped with more restraining orders than R Kelly - but at least those molesters got it in the butt! It was only now that he was slightly job phobic.

Zexion tended to attract weird mobs of people all wanting to get in his pants.

"That was mean, Demyx. Really low."

Demyx stomped over to the couch, knocking over their roomies' lava lamp in the process. A sniffling sound went with him.

Zexion rolled his eyes. Oh, this couldn't be happening. "Baby, come on. I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it, you just hurt my feelings." He sighed and sauntered over to his boyfriend, crouching down in front of him. He felt bad when Demyx lifted his wrist and rubbed at his eyes - hiding from him. "You know just 'cause I'm stoned doesn't mean I don't hear what you're saying."

Demyx removed his wrist, and glared. He glared wetly, so it kind of killed the effect. "You don't hear anything I say! Or it's selective. You jerk. How could you say that bitch blew you better THAN ME?! So I made a joke about my ex-boyfriend, big deal! Shane was cute in a little boy way. Remember how I was with him when we meant? That night I went home and screwed him, thinking about you! I felt so bad I had to break up with him." He paused and sunk deeper into the moldy pull out. Then, biting his lip, began tugging at his boyfriend's hair. "Good thing you were gay. Though, I probably would've had fun trying to turn ya."

Zexion smirked, reaching up to grab his boyfriend's hand and pressing a kiss onto the back of it. Demyx had such wonderfully soft skin. "You wanna know the truth?" He felt his boyfriend try to tug his hand away, withdrawing again, and tightened his hold. "Marluxia was a whore. He was giving ass to every fag in a three mile radius. It hurt like a Sonovabitch finding out. I didn't like fucking him or Laexus half as much as I like making love with you. You make me happy I'm gay, if you'll pardon the pun. And confidentially," He pulled Demyx onto the floor, settling him between his legs, "I was actually tempted to go back to girls after them. They were that bad."

Demyx snickered and pressed his mouth into his boyfriend's neck. He felt the pulse leap under his tongue.

"You think that crack pigeon is still chewing the screen at our window?" Zexion looked at him like Demyx was the one on acid.

"I...don't think so. Kind of weird having him watch us $!&, but whatever."

Demyx grinned and Zexion heard his zipper being unzipped. His boyfriend's pretty blonde head dipped lower as he started humming that song by the Cult. Painted-something-or-other.

Okay, maybe he lied - maybe Demyx was way better. Or maybe it was love.

"Practice makes perfect, right Zexy?"

A/N - God. I don't even know what that was. If anyone likes Riku/Sora please read The Price of Rain in my stories. It's a three chapter, and I'm working on a Zemyx type space cowboy/pirate-ish fic too. Please review. Or just tell me that was fuckin' weird and you think I suck. At least it's a review! Hee hee.