Entry Type: Personal Entry
Source: Classified Files
File Name: 'Jaguar'
Seal: Double Koi
Location:
ANBU Headquarters
Floor 3
Room 116
Row 42
Shelf 7
ANBU Archives
Access: Limited
Lord Hokage
ANBU Captain
Time:
2:32:17 AM
10 October
Day 1
Year 1
Of: The Seventh Hokage
Subject:
Personal Entry
ANBU Captain
Some days, I hate him. I honestly do. Some days I wish that I have never seen him or spoken to him in my entire life. Some days I wish that I have nothing to do with him. Some days I think that he really is a bastard. Some days I think that I was just a waste of his time. Some days I think that our relationship really was a joke. Some days I wonder if he really loved me or if he just got tired of coming home to an empty house. Some days it's like he didn't even see me. Some days it's like I was just a random chic he picked to take someone else's place. But, some days, it's still hard to think that he could just walk out that door and not come back, and never even bat an eyelash.
Book One: The Laws of Neutrality
Never to close. Never to far. That's how it has always been. Never to close. Never to far. He walks off with Naruto and Sasuke to train, leaving me behind. Again. This doesn't surprise me, and that's what makes me sad. It's not that he favors them. I'm used to that. It's not that I know that I will always be trying to catch up. I'm used to that as well. No, the reason that I'm always a little depressed around this point during every training session is the fact that I have become used to it. I have become used to being pushed aside. Used to him completely forgetting that he hasn't helped with my training for weeks at a time. But I've learned to cope.
Rock Lee teaches me hand-to-hand combat in the afternoons after I have done some of my own training to build up my strength and stamina with help from Gai who is also helping me with taijutsu. I spend most nights and every weekend (which ever ones I can get off of work) with the Hokage at the hospital working at becoming the best medical-nin, and I am succeeding, plus all the training that she has given me had helped my so much, especially the chakra enhanced fighting that she has taught me. I take care of patients by myself and am now a full fledged med-nin even though I am still seventeen and a chuunin. Some people would have thought that he would be proud of me. Well, I guess that he would have to notice me first, huh?
During Team 7's training, or Naruto's and Sasuke's training if you want to get technical about it, I train by myself in the cherry tree orchards. I can honestly say that I haven't trained with Kakashi in over three months. I don't even call him sensei anymore because I figure that in order for that title to be valid, he would have to, you know, actually be 'teacher' like and TEACH me something.
But it's not like he noticed that I've dropped the honorific. It's been over three months since he has trained with me, but it's also been over three months since I've last spoken to him. Oh well, it's not like I cared much anyways. I pause in my training in the orchard, roll my eyes and smack my forehead.
"It's not cool to lie to yourself ya know." I say out loud. I guess that I've gotten into the habit of speaking aloud to myself when I train alone, just so that it's not so quiet.
"Why would you be lying to yourself? It's not very healthy you know." I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to keep my anger in check at the sound of his lazy, nonchalant tone that I hadn't heard in months.
"And why would you be caring either way Kakashi?"
I don't even have to look at him to know that he isn't smiling. I left out the honorific and he noticed, he finally fucking noticed something. It's rather sad actually, I could always tell how he was feeling, even through the mask. I always knew what others were feeling, but nobody knew or cared about me. When I realized this, I wasn't the small girl that everyone loved anymore; I had turned into a woman that knows that I am the only one that can make my dreams come true.
"What's the matter Sakura?" he asks as he puts a hand on my shoulder. I just brush it off and walk towards the other side of the clearing. "Sakura?" I hear him ask as he begins to follow me. I decide to get it over with and turn to face him. It hurts me, but I can ignore this pain like he has done to me for so long.
"Is there something I can help you with Kakashi?" I ask, there is no bitterness in my voice, it was gone. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay angry at him when I finally faced him, but there is no love either. No bond, it as if I was talking to an acquaintance, which, given how much I know about the man and how often I speak with him, I guess could be considered exactly where our relationship stands.
"Uh, would you like to spar?" I lifted an eyebrow at this. He was trying to make it more comfortable for him. I can feel his anxiousness coming off of him in waves.
I looked down at my watch. It's 5:45. If I leave within the next fifteen minutes I will still have time to get cleaned up before my shift starts at 6:30.
"I don't have time, maybe tomorrow around, uh, three o'clock?" my voice dropped as I started thinking out loud about it. "Tsunade will be letting me off at around 1:30, Lee and Gai won't be expecting me until four o'clock, and Yukari won't be expecting me until 5:30…
"So is three o'clock alright Kakashi?" I ask him, looking back at his face. He is still showing the lazy demeanor that he shows to everyone. Well, I'm not everyone and I'm not fooled by it. I can see the curiosity in his gaze even if his own students can't. "What do you want to ask me?"
Now that got his attention.
"I didn't know you worked."
"Someone has to pay the bills."
"What about your parents, don't you still live with them?"
"That's kind of a long story."
"I have time."
That man… grrr….
"Well I don't since its already," I made a show of consulting my watch, "5:54, which means that I have to leave in about six minutes if I don't want to be late so I'll just give you the condensed version, alright? My parents disowned me after I failed the chuunin exams the first time I took them and then they were killed about three weeks later. So, no, I don't live with my parents."
To say that I was angry was an understatement. I mean, for fucks sake, this is the kind of stuff he should have known about a team mate while they were going on so that he could help, not five years later when I am explaining to him why I have to have a job to make ends meet.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
And I think that he agrees.
"It's not exactly something that I'm proud of."
"You should have still come to me." There is anger in his voice, his actions, and his eye. About time I got a fucking reaction out of him, don't you think?
"And do what exactly? Cry my heart out and prove them right? I don't fucking think so. Why don't you just go back to your team and spar like usual and I can just go to work." I can feel the anger rushing through my veils like molten lead. I swear I hear one more wor-"
"Sakura! Wait!"
Aw, fuck.
I think I'm gonna kill him.
"What?" I ask as I whirl around to face him. I can feel inner me crying out for his blood, and I am agreeing with her.
"I already sent Naruto and Sasuke home. What do you mean my team; you're a part of it too."
"No I'm not." My voice is eerie calm. He should take this as a warning to not fuck with me right now.
"Yes you are."
So this is how he's gonna play? His ass is going down.
"When is my birthday?" I take a step forward.
He takes one back.
"I don't know."
"When did I start wearing this?" gesturing to the black shorts that went to just below my knees and the black long sleeved shirt I wear under my vest. A black, inch thick, silk ribbon adorns my throat tied tight like a choker; the kanji for 'love' sown into the material with red thread lay on the left side of my throat. I take another step forward.
He takes another back.
"I don't know."
"When did I become a fully trained medic?" Another step forward.
Another step back.
"I don't know."
"When did I get my tattoo?" Another step forward.
Another step back.
"I don't know."
"When did I die Kakashi?" I scream at him as I take another step forward. He has backed into a tree, his eye wide with surprise.
"How? When?" his voice sounds desperate.
I started talking, my tone made it seem like a casual topic. "When I was sixteen I was sent out on an ANBU mission. See this ribbon?" I gestured to my neck. He nodded. "A kunai was thrown at me from behind during a battle. It went straight through my neck, severing my spinal cord, my esophagus, cut open my vocal cords and then exiting out the front of my neck. The ribbon hides the scars."
I can see his mouth working underneath his mask, but words weren't coming out. His hand hesitantly reaches for my cheek, and I lean into it. My eyes close momentarily before I cup his face in my hands.
"I'm sorry." So that's what he wanted to say.
"Do you really want to be forgiven?" there is still anger in my voice, its hiding the mischievousness. He gives an almost unperceivable nod, and the smirk I have been hiding shows only a split second before I pull him mask down and crash my lips onto his, melding my body to his.
He's surprised, but within seconds his arms are around my waist and our tongues are battling for dominance.
I pulled away, regrettably, and look at my watch. 6:23.
"SHIT!" I give him one more searing kiss before I pull away. "I gotta go or I'm gonna be late for work!"
:LINE:
I wasn't late! But I looked like shit so Yukari sent me home and told me to be back at seven. So I got home, took a shower and was back with six minutes to spare. Yay me.
Unfortunately I had to close up last night, which was 4:30 this morning and I had to be at the Hokage's office by seven o'clock. So that's, what, two and a half hours, right?
Nope! I closed at 4:30, but I couldn't leave until, like, 5:45 after the entire place was cleaned up. So I decided to skip sleeping (who needs to anyhow) and just take a long hot shower.
At the hospital, I had seventeen major surgeries. SEVENTEEN!! I didn't leave there until about twenty 'til three.
So? Fuck it again! Who needs a break from not sleeping and completely depleting my chakra? (Note the sarcasm…)
And not I'm sitting here, waiting for Kakashi to fucking show up, which was fin when I was younger, not fun, but fine. But now that I actually have demands on my time, this is ridiculous. Just fucking ridiculous.
I check my watch again. It's 3:27. I'll give him five more minutes. Just five. Really.
I put my hands to my hair again, checking to make sure that my bun was still tight. I pull my feet up out of the cool water and sit on the bridge railing on the exact spot that I sat in when I was younger. I just lie atop the railing, letting the sun warm me.
I check my watch again. Now it's 3:49.
I pick up my shoes and start walking towards the academy to met Gai and Lee. At least I know that they'll be there and early too!! At least my training is taken serious by someone other that myself. There's a long stream of, rather creative, swear words falling from my mouth as I stride through the cherry tree orchards where I train alone.
:LINE:
I have about an hour and a half until I have to be in, and damn, my muscles are still buzzing from all the adrenaline that's still rushing through my veins. Gai couldn't make it today because he got called off on a mission last night. But he left a note (more like a freaking seven page apology about how my youth burns brighter in his eyes every time he sees me or something like that) and I sparred with Lee for about an hour and twenty minutes and now I'm just so happy to be relaxing in a nice, steaming bath.
I get out and dry off, then go to my room and put on my uniform. It's really quite plain actually. Just a brown tank that goes low on my hips of over a whit flowing skirt the brushes my lower calves; black shorts, just like the ones I wore earlier goes under that. My hair I put back up into a bun; my bangs I dry and leave down since they only touch my cheek bones anyways.
Since I can't wear long sleeves because Yukari is an ass, I use black ribbons like the one around my neck, and wrap them from my shoulders to my elbows, tying small bows at the bottoms; the ends hanging gown to around mid-thigh. I grab my headband and put it back on top of my head and strap a kunai pouch on my right thigh under my skirt. The pouch that is supposed to hang on my hip I have specially designed to wrap around my torso, lacing in the front; the top stopping just below my breasts. The shuriken lying flat against my back in the pockets designed to open at my call so I just have to touch my lower back and the weapon of choice is right there. It's thin enough that it is practically impossible to see, just as it has to be.
I slip on my sandals and leave for work, taking my time as I walk down the streets of Konoha. I'm still upset that I never saw Kakashi.
Right now, I just want this day to end.
As soon as I walk through the doors, I just know that today wont end as painlessly as possible.
Cheers of 'Happy Nineteenth!' and 'Happy Birthday Kanami' ring throughout the room.
Yeup. I was right. Today just will not end pretty.