Chapter One

Austin, TX, the "live music capital of the world." Yes, those who live in the city boast of this title everywhere you look. It is true that if you wandered the city you would find a band playing outside local grocery stores or in one of the many bars and clubs that line the infamous sixth street.

College students are abundant as this was originally a "college town" that had grown into a small metropolis. A passerby on the always congested IH-35 would raise an eyebrow at the sight of an orange tower glowing over the heart of downtown, a sign that one of the many sports teams for the University of Texas Longhorns had won that day.

On summer nights a gathering would form under and on the Congress street bridge to watch the bats who lived underneath fly away into the sky creating a river of black streaming up into the air.

This was the place that people flocked to when movies were to be filmed, where bands were going to make their names known, where activists for everything gathered to protest on the steps of the state capital building, and this was where big music festivals would be held all year round.

Inside this Texas City, two souls, who had lost their way, will once again be brought together. Will things turn out any differently this time around?

"Ashley!" A small girl called out to me from behind the bar. "Ashley over here!"

I placed my clipboard down next to the DJ and headed over to the bar. I noticed that the regulars to my club were starting to make their way inside. I glanced over to the clock that was behind the bar and saw that it was 9:30 PM. They always started to show up around this time especially on Friday nights. Friday and Saturday were my busiest nights and I had to have more people on staff.

"Hey Brooke." I said to the blonde girl behind the bar. "So what's up?" I'm not really sure why she's calling me over. I had already double checked that the booze and taps were ready to go and that the glasses were washed and cold.

"Oh I was just wondering if it would be alright if I left early tonight before closing?"

"Is there any particular reason why you would need to leave early? Its Friday night you know this is one of our busiest nights. I really need as many people here to man the bar…" I said insistently.

"Please…I have to drive to Dallas tomorrow morning to meet with my family and if I help close up I will end up going to bed around 5 in the morning and I need to be there by noon."

I ran a hand through my hair and let out a deep sigh. The drive to Dallas can be a dangerous drive even for a person who has had a full night's sleep. "Ok…but you need to find someone to take over ok? See if one of the other girls will stay a few hours later tonight and you will just have to work an extra night next week….deal?"

Brooke smiled and clapped her hands. "Deal! Ok…umm…let me go see who I can find to stay later." Brooke ran off to where the other girls were hanging out.

My staff was one of the brightest but they sure knew how to push the limits. Maybe I'm a push over for beautiful women or maybe I just think that if they are happy they will keep my patrons happy as well.

I look around my club and see what has turned out to be a very popular establishment. The lighting sets a mood for fun and the music is always on the ball. I regularly swap out local DJs and have bigger name DJs stop by when they are in town.

Every Thursday night I have an open mic night which brings in a big crowd. Seeing the aspiring musicians, reminds me of my times in California when I was going from club to club promoting my own music.

There were so many memories that still haunt my mind as the years go by. The ones that go through my head over and over deal with a certain blonde. Spencer Carlin. She could make any dark day bright and could make me feel like all that mattered in this world to her was me. Ten years had passed since we last saw one another that summer after graduation. She ended up leaving for college and I felt it best to let her experience new things on her own. As the time moved on we spoke only a few times a month but eventually the communication stopped all together.

I sometimes wonder what she has been up to. She probably is some hot shot attorney making crazy amounts of money and living the dream. It's too painful for me to think of who she's in a relationship with because I know a part of me will always be in love with her. She had my heart when we first met that sunny August morning during our freshmen year in high school. We ended up finding ourselves growing closer and closer as school progressed and we ended up dating.

Her parents weren't thrilled about our new relationship; especially her mother. Eventually they accepted that Spencer and I were together for good and that last year before graduation was one of the best years to this day. We were inseparable and neither of us thought we would ever end. We were naïve teenagers and we had to face the reality that nothing goes as planned.

The day Spencer got her acceptance letter to Harvard University I knew our fairy tale had ended. We tried to figure out a way to stay together by looking at schools that were around the L.A. area but after looking through the programs none of them compared to the programs they offered at Harvard. I knew Spencer had to go even if she brushed it off saying that it was no big deal where she went.

We spent that last week just cherishing the beautiful feeling of being together. We pretended like nothing was going to change and for a few days it actually worked. The last couple of days were the hardest. Helping her pack really made the situation that much more real. When I said my goodbyes to her at the airport, I never knew this would be the last time I would see her. Whenever she would come to visit, I was out with my father touring the country. I ended up moving away from L.A. and lost contact with her family as well.

I decided to travel around the country playing at random bars or clubs just to get my music career going. There were some scary moments I confess because traveling alone to some seedy areas of small towns can really make you wish that you were just back in familiar territory.

I made my way across the northern states and had a brief stay in New York. The city was amazing bustling with an energy that was so awe-inspiring. I would have stayed longer but everywhere I would go my father's rock star image would follow. I felt like every break I got was due all to my dad and I felt like I needed something more.

I made my way south and ended up passing through Austin rarely giving it a second thought. Luck would have it that my car would break down as I made my way through the always present traffic. I had little money left with me so I decided to find a part-time job around town. I made my way from store to store but found nothing that really appealed to me. I got a small apartment on the East side of the main highway and spent most of my nights just checking out all the hot spots which there were many to choose from.

One night I was out moving along Congress Avenue and made a turn on an unfamiliar street. As I made my way down the street I noticed a building that was slightly run down. I made my way around the building and saw a for sale sign posted on its doors. I peered through the dusty windows and noticed a large empty area that had a beautifully built bar to the side. I thought to myself that this would make a great club and made a promise to myself that once I saved up enough money I would buy the place.

It took a good six solid months to save up enough money to buy the building. As I didn't want to have to rely on getting money from my father I made my way around to the local gay establishments and asked if any of the owners would be interested in a joint venture with me. I made it clear to them that I had no interest in taking their business away and that they were entitled to advertise at my club all that they wanted. They loved the idea and six months later I had myself a club.

The renovations were massive on the building but I was completely satisfied with the result. Instead of having to worry about getting to and from the club to get home I decided to have an apartment built on top of the club. The finishing touch for the club was a name. I wasn't sure what I wanted to call the club since I had never had to name a building before. The establishment was going to be aimed towards the gay community but anyone was welcome to come inside as long as they had fun. I debated constantly in my head over what name to give the club and finally settled on "Church of Hot Addiction."

The other gay owners got a kick out of the name but I had a hard time selling the name to some of the local establishments. A few months of protesting ensued but the next hot topic came along and the protestors grabbed their signs and moved on.

I wasn't sure how well the club would do opening night and held my breath as I turned on the "open" sign. As I opened the doors I saw a long line of college kids and locals who had looks of excitement written all over their faces. I found out later that the other owners had advertised and promoted the opening of my club and had encouraged everyone to make it out opening night. The crowd flooded inside and the music began while everyone either came together at the dance floor or at the bar. That night was amazing and every time I see one of the other owners I always thank them for helping me get started.

So here I am the owner of the Church of Hot Addiction, one of the newer hot spots for the gay community. Life seemed good although I couldn't help but sense that something really seemed to be missing from my life.

"Carlin…I need those contracts as soon as possible." A loud voice boomed through the mouth of the phone I had in my hand.

"Yes sir. I just needed to make sure everything was correctly filled out before we had the band sign." I said as calmly as I could to my sometimes nerve wracking boss. The man was infuriating because he would never give me enough time to do my job let alone do my job well.

I grabbed the contracts from off my desk and made my way down the hall to my boss's office. I no longer knocked since I had been working there for two years now and we really never bothered with formalities anymore. That's what happens with this business you tend to not worry about the comfort level of others but rather just getting things out.

I work for a small production company here in Austin, TX. It's a far cry from the hot shot job I had up in Washington D.C. but after a year of dealing with greedy politicians and not being able to do anything I really wanted I decided to make a change. I could have moved back to L.A. where my family was but the city just lost its appeal once a certain brunette moved away. Ashley Davies who I still consider the love of my life.

So I guess since Ashley is the love of my life that I would be with her right now right? Well that would be false. After our incredible relationship back in high school the college dreams I had became a real problem. Ashley wanted me to do what I loved and she never once pushed me to throw it all away for her. We did try to look into schools that were around L.A. but we could never find a program that matched Harvard University, the first and most outstanding of the schools that had accepted me.

I could feel that Ashley's heart was breaking as she helped me pack the last of my things that were going to be moved. I tried to make the last week as wonderful as possible but I knew that there would be a large void left once I was on that plane. Ashley gave me a heartfelt goodbye before I got on my plane and had I known that this would be the last time I would have seen the brunette I would have hugged and kissed her more. I got on the plane and watched as L.A. got smaller and smaller as we headed towards my new home for the next four or so years.

The next seven years of my academic career were spent on the beautiful campus just outside of Boston in Cambridge, Massachusetts. After getting my undergraduate degree in government, I applied and was accepted to Harvard Law and graduated at the top of my class.

I could have gone to any firm I wanted to but decided to go to Washington D.C. to work for a federal judge. I spent the next year running around endlessly waiting on him hand and foot and found myself losing all interest in my job. I ended up leaving that job and found an opening in Austin for a lawyer to work for a small production company. The company produced local artists and helped local filmmakers get their work on screen.

I moved down and was put up in a very nice home in the Westlake hills of Southwest Austin. This was I guess what you could consider the "rich" part of Austin because everywhere I would look I would see Hummers, Lexuses, BMWs, and Mercedes. My neighbors were friendly enough to welcome me to the neighborhood but I felt a little awkward staying in such a large home when it was just myself.

Through all those years in school I never once met another girl who made me feel anywhere close to the way that Ashley made me feel back in high school. I always regretted that we had lost touch that first year I was in college. I guess I wasn't surprised when I would visit that Ashley would be nowhere near L.A. and I would always leave with a sad and empty feeling. I ended up reducing the amount of visits I made to L.A. because I couldn't stand the feeling any longer. I feel like I have moved on enough to not let the past dwell in my mind any longer but every once in awhile I get the urge to find Ashley whereever she may be.

I always figured that Ashley had made it into the music business and that maybe one day I would see her face on a billboard or CD cover somewhere but this never came to be. I have no idea where she is now and I try not to think about if she is in a loving relationship with anyone else.

I walk over to my boss's desk and toss the files containing the contracts onto his desk. "Here you go. I'll be in my office if you need me to change anything." I said walking back down the hall.

"GREAT JOB CARLIN!" I hear yelled out at me. I roll my eyes and return to my other work.

I pretty much spend almost all of my time at work these days. I guess because I don't want to be alone in my house hearing all the sounds that would drive a person crazy with fear. I have debated off and on whether or not I should maybe get a dog or something but then I remember that I work all the time and would probably end up forgetting to feed them and in turn killing them. The idea of coming home to a dead animal is not one I would like to entertain in real life.

I dive into the piles of files I need to review for next week's meetings and before I know it my clock reads 2 AM. I debate whether or not I should go home and opt to just sleep here. I have done it many times before and my boss never complains. I put my files away and pull out a blanket and pillow from my filing cabinet. I kick off my shoes and lie down on my full length sofa that my boss insisted on putting in my extremely large office.

At these times when I'm alone in the office and trying to fall asleep I can't help but think back to the times that Ashley would sing me to sleep on the occasions that my mother would actually let me stay over at her house. I can feel her hand caress my cheek as she sings softly into my ear. Her voice is so peaceful that I can feel myself drifting away. How I miss those times and how I miss that life I used to know and love.