Huh. Broke my old record for 'Longest One-shot'. Anyways...
So, I've actually been wanting to write something like this for a while. Couldn't figure out why, until I recently reread a book from the library. Now I know my source. So much for originality. Aw, well. Anyhow, I tried my best with these guys and I'm sorry if I messed up (no comment on Poof, I've only seen Fairly Odd Baby)
Don't own FOP ....or even this idea, really. Shame.
"What's it going to be then, eh?"
To whom it may concern:
Hello. I have been hearing about issues of overpopulation within the Fairy World Prison. May I propose a solution?
--
The alarm clock rang. And promptly stopped.
Timmy Turner opened one eye. Was it normal for his alarm clock to get turned off on a Saturday morning? Absolutely. Of its own accord? No way. He glanced over at the clock. Smashed to bits. It was only then he heard the hushed voices. He raised his head, opening his other eye. Jorgen was talking to Cosmo and Wanda. Huh. He let his head flop back down the pillow and closed his eyes.
Then that little fact sunk in.
"AH!" Timmy yelped, sitting straight up and attracting the attention of all three fairies. "Wait! What's going on? Why is JORGEN here?"
"Ok, the puny human is awake," Jorgen whispered. "Can I talk normally now?" Cosmo nodded, probably out of fear. The larger fairy cleared his throat. "Timmy Turner-" He was back to speaking in his booming voice. "-I am asking – and, by that, I mean 'demanding' – that you take in a participant of the prisoner rehabilitation program." He tapped his wand on the floor once, summoning a large black book in a cloud of grey dust. "Anyone who does so will get five black credits dropped from their wishing records." The book opened to a page with Timmy's name on it and, below that, multiple black lines. Timmy arched an eyebrow. That many bad wishes?
"Wha-"
"Say no!" Wanda waved her arms emphatically. "Think about Poof!"
"And me!" Cosmo added, cutting off his wife. She huffed. "I mean, an angry Wanda's scary and, if you do this, she'll be REALLY angry!" Timmy tapped his buckteeth thoughtfully for a few seconds.
"Well….uh, why can't they go to their homes?"
"Too dangerous," Jorgen deadpanned.
"For you?"
"For them." The boy's eyes widened a fraction. "Just a month."
"Uh…" He looked between Jorgen and Wanda. Both were scary when angry, but Wanda would eventually forgive him. "Who would we get?"
"Random selection. Will you accept yet?" Crud. For all he knew, he could end up with a former thief – or, worse, a pixie (but what were the odds of that?). He gulped.
"And if it doesn't work out?"
"I'll take him away." Jorgen shrugged. "Will you stop asking questions and accept!"
"Ok, ok!" Timmy held out his hands. "We're in!"
"Timmy!" Wanda glared. Cosmo fluttered back several inches.
"Good. Here you go. All sedated and everything!" Jorgen again tapped his wand against the floor. Five black lines disappeared from Timmy's page in the book before it snapped shut and vanished. A fairy-sized being appeared at Jorgen's feet, bound in a straitjacket. The fairy leader then vanished in a mushroom cloud of dust. There was a short, awkward silence.
"WHY did you say yes?!" Wanda flew closer to Timmy, her face red and her glare nearly unbearable. He cringed.
"Look, Jorgen's REALLY scary. Even you know that!"
"So, who'd we get?" Cosmo floated a bit closer to the sedated prisoner – and immediately flew to Wanda's side, hugging her close. "Save me!" Wanda sighed, abandoning her glare.
"Who is it?"
"Anti-me!"
"WHAT?!" Timmy stepped closer to the prisoner, taking a moment to actually look him over. Blue skin, bat wings, hat, monocle – definitely Anti-Cosmo. Why him? At least the pixie would have been predictable (and so able to be controlled). He had given up any hope of ever understanding any of the anti-fairies. Could he maybe ask Jorgen for an exchange? They both knew that he and Anti-Cosmo were enemies. He was seriously considering wishing Jorgen back into his room when Anti-Cosmo twitched, beginning to move. Timmy stepped back, praying that the anti-fairy would not try to jinx him right away.
Both of his green eyes shot open, their gaze darting around the room until it rested on Timmy. Anti-Cosmo frowned slightly.
"Oh. You." With some effort, he pushed himself into a sitting position. "I suppose Jorgen roped you into this ridiculous program as well?"
"Sorta." Timmy looked at his feet for a moment. "But, um, how did YOU get in?"
"I assure you, it was completely involuntary." Timmy blinked. "I forget who I'm talking to. I was forced to participate against my will."
"Ah." That explained a lot. Timmy watched as the anti-fairy struggled, trying to stand up – and promptly fell over on his side. Cosmo giggled, putting a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle the sound. Anti-Cosmo scowled.
"For Pete's sake, at least give me my dignity and get rid of this awful straitjacket!"
"Who's Pete?" Cosmo looked at Wanda suspiciously. "Really? And why do you both know him, huh?" Wanda sighed, not bothering to answer the questions. Timmy looked at Anti-Cosmo before looking at Wanda.
"Should I?" He shrugged; she didn't want this, so, right now, she could call the shots. His fairy godmother looked at the anti-fairy, thinking. He appeared to have calmed down, and both she and Cosmo had their wands. Besides, if Timmy's parents came in… well, it would be cruel to leave him unable to even hide.
"Where's your wand?" She just had to be sure.
"I suppose they took it before they did THIS." He glowered at the straitjacket in obvious contempt. He was only able to poof around then. They could keep him in check.
"I don't think it would hurt…" She shrugged. Timmy nodded.
"All right. Then I wish that straitjacket was gone." The boy shot a quick look at Anti-Cosmo. He didn't like this one bit, but he couldn't just leave him like that. He would spend years dreading revenge. Wanda raised her wand and, in a cloud of pink dust, the restraining clothing was gone. Anti-Cosmo hesitantly sat up.
"Much better." He rubbed the shoulder he had fallen on, paused, and added, "Thank you." No one replied at first. Cosmo was still wondering who Pete was; Timmy was staring at Anti-Cosmo's lack of a anti-magic prison suit, realizing that there was nothing to keep the anti-fairy from hexing him silly; and Wanda was wondering just why Anti-Cosmo's right hand was so heavily bandaged. Then, Anti-Cosmo's words sunk in for Wanda.
"You're welcome?" She blinked. The words then sunk in for Timmy too.
"Wait, you ARE Anti-Cosmo, right?"
"Of course, and I could-" He stopped midsentence, his left hand shooting up to his forehead. "Ergh…"
"You ok, Anti-me?" Cosmo floated a bit closer.
"Don't…call me that…"
"Sorry, AC." Not even a pounding headache, apparently, could keep Anti-Cosmo from rolling his eyes in what had to be exasperation.
"…of course. Just think…too many sedatives…"
"Oh." Cosmo shrugged. Timmy began to think. Then, an idea struck him.
"Hey, AC?" 'Anti-Cosmo' was pretty long anyhow. He liked the nickname better. "If you promise to be good-" Like he really trusted his word. "-you can use my bed until you feel better." But if it meant that he could ditch the anti-fairy, he didn't really care.
"Truly?" Anti-Cosmo looked over at the bed, covered in crumpled sheets. "You have my word…ugh… may I?" This was borderline weird.
"Yeah, sure." The boy shrugged. The anti-fairy nodded and vanished from the floor in a puff of black smoke. Timmy looked at his bed; near the end was a lump that hadn't been there before.
"Much better. …Timothy-"
"Everyone calls me Timmy."
"….fine, Timmy. Unless we're being invaded or you plan on using your bed, I'd appreciate it if I were not bothered." The sheets lifted a bit, and Timmy involuntarily (great, he remembered that word) cringed. Though they weren't narrowed evilly, the red lights peering out were still creepy. "Do you understand?"
"Yeah, sure." He nodded. The covers fell back into place. Much better.
"…is it just me, or is Anti-me being really nice?" Cosmo tilted his head. "It's good, but a weird-good."
"More like suspicious." Wanda crossed her arms, eying the lump in the covers.
"Yeah." Timmy looked up at Wanda and Cosmo. "Can we just get Poof and go to the park now?"
"Sounds good to me!" Cosmo poofed out of sight in a cloud of green dust. Wanda sighed.
"Just give us a few minutes, ok, tiger?"
"Sure. I'll be waiting downstairs." Wanda then poofed back into the fish castle. Timmy looked back at his bed, shuddered, and ran out of the room.
--
Journal:
Von Strangle was dubious at first, demanded proof. With his permission, I treated a fairy kleptomaniac. He was back home within the week, no desire to ever steal anything again. Von Strangle has given me a part-time job helping these prisoners. Am working on two more fairies. Glad to be making a difference.
--
It wasn't until half past six when Timmy and his fairies came home to find Mom and Dad panicking. Timmy shifted his backpack (Cosmo, naturally, with a Wanda charm and a Poof sticker) and stepped closer. Maybe he shouldn't have left Anti-Cosmo at home after all. "Mom? Dad? What's going on?"
"The kitchen!" Mom cried.
"See for yourself!" Dad dramatically pointed towards the kitchen doorway. Timmy peered past him, arching an eyebrow. What sort of damage could be done there?
"You don't think the appliances…?" Wanda let her whisper trail off. Timmy gulped. Well, there was THAT. He approached the doorway, bracing himself for whatever evils he found in there. And stopped.
The kitchen was sparkling clean, literally. The floor had been swept, mopped, and polished, every appliance glittered from its place on the counter, and the kitchen sink was clean of mold. Even the trash had been taken out (a miracle in itself).
"What the-?"
"It's CLEAN! Something's cleaned our kitchen!" Timmy looked back at Mom. So why be upset? "And we don't know what it was, so we don't know how to make it happen again!" Ah.
"Why so cruel? WHY?!" Dad began sobbing. Timmy began walking to the staircase. That was his exit cue.
"Uh, yeah. I'll be upstairs if you need me…online." He ran up the stairs, peeked over the railing at his parents, and looked up at his fairies as they all poofed into existence over his head. "Um, guys?"
"Well, at least it wasn't a killer blender!" Cosmo grinned. "We're lucky!" Poof giggled in apparent agreement.
"Poof!"
"But we're not SUPPOSED to be lucky. We have an anti-fairy living with us now, remember?" Wanda was careful to speak slowly to make sure the three males understood her point. "Where was he during this lucky incident?" Timmy tapped his buckteeth in thought.
"Well, there's only one way to find out." He marched over to his door (when had he closed it?) and pushed it open with as much force as he could muster. Except for the fact that Anti-Cosmo now laid on top of his covers with a desiccated book open before him, nothing about the room had changed.
"Ok, Anti-Cos-"
"Will you quit that? I'm trying to read." As he spoke, he never looked up from the book once. "Books are so rare in Anti-Fairy World…"
"I really don't care. Where were you today?" Timmy put on his best interrogator face.
"If you were hexed, I'm not to blame. I have no power, and I never left the house once." The anti-fairy delicately turned the page as a few flakes of paper fell off. "Bugger."
"Well, no – I – ok, where'd you get that from?" Timmy walked over to the side of his bed. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof followed, with two of the three fairies keeping their wands ready for action.
"This?" Anti-Cosmo finally glanced up. "It was beneath your refrigerator."
"What the heck were you doing under my refrigerator?"
"Sweeping." The anti-fairy resumed his reading. Timmy felt his jaw drop.
"Sweeping?" Wanda repeated. It was hard to ever imagine Anti-Cosmo working…
"Yes, I just said that." Anti-Cosmo shot a glare at the group. "I will not repeat myself every time you think you misheard me, you know."
"Oh…did you clean my kitchen?" Timmy put on his interrogator face again.
"Yes." And the face slipped off again.
"Why?"
"I was bored." Anti-Cosmo turned a page.
"…well, thanks anyways, AC." Cosmo saluted jokingly, still grinning.
"Hm." Just a shrug, followed by a sudden flinch. "You're welcome."
"Okaaaay…." Timmy looked up at his fairies. Though Cosmo was clearly happy with this turn of events, Wanda was now holding Poof close. "Uh, we'll be right back." He jabbed a thumb at the doorway and ran out, slamming the door shut after him. Cosmo, Poof, and Wanda appeared above him. "Ok, I know he's supposed to be rehabilitated – great, I remembered that too – but that's just creepy."
"Yeah. What's his angle?" Wanda looked at the door, as though she could see Anti-Cosmo through the wood. "Why clean your kitchen?"
"It's a mess?" Cosmo shrugged. "You tell me that's why WE clean." Poof shook his rattle. "See? Poof agrees!"
"This is different, Cosmo!"
"Yeah, he REALLY cleans! Can he clean OUR house sometime?"
"NO!"
"Um…" Timmy meekly raised a hand as the female fairy directed her glare towards him. "I was actually gonna ask, you know, if you guys could maybe keep him in your castle…just for a bit."
"WHAT?" Timmy cringed; he could almost see Wanda's hair light on fire in her fury.
"It's just for a bit!"
"I'm not letting that jerk live in our castle!" If Anti-Cosmo was listening, there was no sign of it. It was probably better that he wasn't.
"But what if he freaks my parents out again? What if they SEE him next time? What're we gonna do then?" Wanda hesitated. It'd risk their exposure if he was seen, yes, but this was ANTI-COSMO. He had kidnapped her child the last time they had met. She didn't trust him anywhere, let alone her house. How could she say yes?
"C'mon, Wanda, please?" Cosmo did his best 'puppy-dog' eyes. She sighed.
"Fine. BUT-" Both males looked at Wanda as she pulled Poof into her arms. "-if ANYTHING happens to Poof, I'm holding both of you responsible. Understand?"
"Yeah." Timmy winced. Now would be a bad time to even hint at the fact that he still didn't trust the anti-fairy either.
"Sure. Yay! Now I don't need to do chores!" Cosmo flew around in small circles, cheering. Wanda looked at Poof and hugged him close. Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't go wrong for once. Maybe.
--
Journal:
Got permission from von Strangle to increase the range of my program. I'm planning on trying it on anti-fairies next. I've talked to one, and he's quite possibly the most humane, good anti-fairy I've ever met – he just says that, as an anti-fairy, he's compelled to curse people with bad luck. It's nothing but a miserable reflex for him.
Maybe I can fix that for him.
--
She couldn't believe it. She simply could not believe it. At first, it had been an accident, but now Wanda found herself purposefully leaving out lists of chores for Anti-Cosmo to find. Sure, he said he did them out of boredom, but it did not change the fact that, out of two weeks' worth of lists, the only chore he had failed to complete was dusting the bookcases in the living room. Instead of dusting, he had begun reading each book and had not finished until late at night, so she still couldn't blame him for not dusting. It wasn't as if he was off hexing people or simply doing nothing. No matter how she looked at it, Anti-Cosmo was definitely changed.
Right now, he was supposed to be vacuuming the halls, which freed up Wanda to bake cookies. Timmy had gotten an 'A' on a history test that he HAD studied for, and she wanted to enforce the habit. The bowls were out, the butter – oh, the eggs. She knew she was missing something. Rather than poof them out (there was always that one that broke in the ground), she flew over to the fridge and pulled it open. No eggs there either. Darn. Poof was not going to wind down for a nap in the middle of playtime; Cosmo and Timmy were both busy at the park playing a baseball game with Timmy's friends; and, even if Anti-Cosmo was changed, she was NOT leaving him alone with Poof. What to do, what to do…
A door near the entrance slammed. Her heart jumped. Wait… "Cosmo?"
"Hm?" Sure sounded like him.
"I'm going to the store for some eggs. Keep an eye on Poof, he's playing." She waved her wand and vanished from the kitchen.
--
Journal:
Bad news. Von Strangle says I need at least two subjects before I can try anti-fairies. Most of the anti-fairies don't seem like good candidates – they tend to be dull brutes with nothing on their minds with bad luck.
The anti-fairy says maybe I should look up the leader. He says that he's the scientific sort. Maybe this leader of his would be interested in the program. It would be great if he was, he sounds like he has a lot to contribute.
--
Wanda groaned, watching the elderly fairy at the front of the check-out line slowly count out her money. It figured that there would be only one cash register open with a fairy who wasn't ready at the front of the line. She had already ducked out three times before for some food she had forgotten in the past half-hour. And Wanda just wanted to pay for the eggs and go home.
'Cosmo must be bored out of his mind.' She sighed, glancing down the other registers. Why were they all closed anyhow? As she began to let her mind wander, her wand vibrated. She blinked. A call? Was everything all right? She raised her wand to her face and saw Cosmo's face appear on the star.
"Hi, Wanda. Can me and Timmy stay out a bit longer? Please?" That was all? And to think, she had been – wait a minute.
"Where are you?"
"Junkyard. Mark got a cool weapon from a space catalog!"
"Why aren't you home?"
"Huh?"
"I heard you come home. Why did you leave?"
"I haven't been home yet. Cross my heart."
"Then who-?" It hit her. "Oh my gosh!" She shook her wand once, ending the call, and poofed out, letting the carton of eggs fall to the floor. When the dust cleared, she was in the main hall of her castle home. She quickly began opening doors, peeking in each room. She should've checked first, Anti-Cosmo could sound just like Cosmo at times.
"Anti-Cosmo? Poof? ANYONE?" Dear Lord, if Poof was gone, she'd never forgive herself. Wait. The playroom. Maybe her child was still there. She darted to the door and yanked it open. And stared.
On the sofa she could see Poof sleeping peacefully, curled up under a green blanket. Under Poof, stretched out lazily, was a sleeping Anti-Cosmo. Wanda put a hand over her mouth, trying not to 'aw'. It was all so sweet. She quietly flew over and picked up Poof. He yawned and snuggled up to her. She smiled and looked at Anti-Cosmo. Huh, she had never actually seen the anti-fairy sleeping before. He really did look like Cosmo, even with the fangs and ears. It was the eyes, she guessed, that made him look so different-
She leaned closer, her smile fading. Right above his ear. What was that? Shifting Poof slightly, she reached out and brushed his hair back. Stitches. Small, dark blue stitches that vanished back behind the hair line. For what? Had he been hurt? She couldn't imagine it, the wound would have been huge, maybe even fatal. Wait, he was moving. She leaned back, trying not to look suspicious, as Anti-Cosmo slowly opened his eyes. He saw Wanda holding Poof and yelped, sitting straight up.
"The child! My deepest apologies, Wanda, I didn't mean to-"
"It's ok," Wanda whispered, pointing to the sleeping Poof. The anti-fairy quickly understood.
"Oh." He too whispered. "Again, my apologies."
"You didn't wake him up." She hugged Poof a bit closer, smiling once more. "I'm just going to put him to bed. He must be exhausted."
"Indeed." Wanda nodded in reply and flew over to the door. Anti-Cosmo watched as she floated there. "Are you all right?"
"Um, actually…" She turned back to face the anti-fairy, trying to collect her thoughts. "I wanted to ask you something."
"Which is?"
"How did you get those stitches?" The ensuing silence bothered her. He was now looking at the floor, brows furrowed in deep thought. Did he really have to think about it? Finally, after what felt like too long for her, he replied.
"I'm not entirely sure. They appeared midway during the rehabilitative program, but I don't know how or why." He looked up, frowning. "Quite honestly, I find it disturbing."
"I see." Wanda tacitly agreed. "Hopefully, it's nothing big." Even she knew that was a lie.
"I… I doubt it." Anti-Cosmo pushed himself off the couch. "Well, I should probably find something to do. You wouldn't mind if I read in your living room again, would you?"
"No, go ahead." Wanda pulled open the door and began flying to Poof's room. She was developing a nasty feeling that those stitches had to do with this new Anti-Cosmo.
--
Journal:
Looked into the leader. Am appalled. This anti-fairy is responsible for the institutionalization of five Fairy World Prison psychologists. One of them was my best friend. Have submitted his name as my second subject.
He's a true monster. And he's going to pay for it.
--
"This is really suspicious. I don't trust him." Timmy glanced around the darkened area, looking at each of his fairies in turn. "I know he hasn't changed. And we're gonna prove it." Cosmo raised his hand. "Uh, yeah?"
"Why are we hiding in your closet?"
"Cosmo, you've seen those movies. When people talk about exposing a bad guy, they always talk in dark rooms!" Poof gurgled. Timmy rolled his eyes. "No, my room can't get dark enough. The curtains don't really block out the light."
"Nn." Poof yawned.
"So, then, what are we doing? Tying him up?" Cosmo scratched his head.
"No, we're gonna prove he's still up to his old tricks. I'll spill some salt, and he'll hex me. We can tell Jorgen that it's not working out and so he'll take him back to prison. It's foolproof!" The boy looked up at Wanda. "Can you poof up some salt?" Wanda chewed her lower lip while Poof giggled at the sound of his name.
"I…I don't know about this, Timmy. I think he really has changed."
"Oh come on! You were the first one to say he was evil!"
"I was wrong. He's… changed." She didn't know how to explain to her boys about the stitches. "I think that program made sure of it."
"No way! I'll prove it! Cosmo, I wish I had some salt!" Cosmo waved his wand energetically, and a simple saltshaker appeared in Timmy's hand. "Thanks. There's no way Anti-Cosmo can resist salt." Timmy pushed the door open and walked out. Cosmo grinned, reasonably proud of himself, until he realized Wanda was glaring at him.
"What?"
"Just watch Poof for a moment." She flew out of the closet. Cosmo looked at his son.
"…do I say 'What could possibly go wrong?' now?"
Timmy, meanwhile, now stood in the center of his room. Before anything could be done, he dropped the saltshaker, letting it break on his floor and scatter the salt crystals. Almost instantly, black smoke materialized over his head and Anti-Cosmo hovered above Timmy. The boy took a step back; the anti-fairy looked ready to throw up, and he wasn't interested in being covered in vomit again.
"You ok?" He glanced back behind him. Ok, so, if something went wrong, Wanda was right behind him and Cosmo and Poof were peeking out of the closet. He had back-up.
"…y-yes…just a headache." Weird.
"So, why'd you come out here?"
"I felt…compelled…ergh…"
"Huh." He was going to pretend he knew what that meant. "Hey, look at that, spilled salt." Timmy smirked. Any second now… Anti-Cosmo looked down at the salt.
"I see. And?"
"…..it's spilled salt. Your favorite. Don't you want to give me bad luck or something?"
"Why should I?" Anti-Cosmo crossed his arms huffily. "Though I was involved in the rehabilitation program involuntarily, it WAS successful. I have no desire to hex anyone." When he noted Timmy's gaping, he rolled his eyes. "I cannot state that in any simpler terms, Timmy."
"…" Timmy shut his mouth and looked at Wanda. She raised an eyebrow, her face clearly saying 'See what I mean?' "…oh."
"Now, then, if I'm not needed here…" Anti-Cosmo looked around. And froze. His eyes widened. "Oh, no."
"You ok?" Timmy didn't like this. Something felt seriously wrong.
"It's back!" Just like that, the anti-fairy was cowering behind Timmy, hands shaking, eyes impossibly wide. "It's back, it's back, it – it must've followed me!"
"What did?" Wanda held up her wand, looking around. She couldn't see anything dangerous. Anti-Cosmo raised a trembling finger, pointing over Timmy's shoulder. The boy looked forward. Just a mirror.
"What?"
"You don't see it?" He was starting to sound hysterical. "You don't see that little monster? No – nononono-" His gaze darted around, his breathing shallow.
"Uh-"
"NO!" The anti-fairy grabbed a baseball off the floor and threw it straight at the mirror. Spiderweb cracks sprouted along the surface of the reflective glass, small shards falling to the ground. Timmy's eyes shot wide open. And the boy tumbled back, bumping into Anti-Cosmo. He, meanwhile, sank to the ground, holding his head and smiling weakly.
"It's gone."
"Um…" Timmy didn't get a chance to speak. Anti-Cosmo pulled his hand away from his face and looked at it. His face blanched.
"Not again…not again…." Timmy turned around, just in time to see him bite into the flesh covering his hand and viciously tear open a gaping wound. He gasped; he wanted to stop him, needed to, but his body just refused to move as the anti-fairy moved to bite himself again.
"Anti-Cosmo!" It was Wanda who rushed to his side and pulled his hands behind his back. Violet blood dripped between her fingers. Anti-Cosmo roughly jerked away from her, struggling to pull free.
"Don't call me that!"
"What's wrong with him?" Cosmo had flown out of the closet, hugging Poof, worry etched into his face – a rare occurrence.
"I don't know!" Timmy bit his lower lip, nearly breaking the skin. He hadn't meant to do THIS. "Anti-Cosmo?"
"Stop calling me that!" Anti-Cosmo pulled harder against Wanda. She tightened her grip. The blood was making it difficult to hold his hands still. She wondered if this was why his hand had originally been bandaged… "I'm not one of those bloody anti-fairies!"
"What's wrong with him!" Cosmo wasn't looking for an answer now. He was just terrified. He squeezed Poof so tightly it looked like the baby fairy would suffocate.
"I think it was part of the program! They did something to his head!" She pushed her knee into Anti-Cosmo's back, sending him into the floor. A little painful, yes, but it would be far easier to restrain him this way. What was that nickname? "AC, calm down, please."
"I'm not an anti-fairy! I'm not, I'm good, I'm good…"
"Anti-Cosmo?"
"I'm not…"
"Anti-Cosmo!"
"I'm not…"
--
Dr. Mendel,
Your program is an utter – and dangerous – failure. One anti-fairy has attempted to skin himself with a potato peeler and the other gave himself brain damage. One fairy successfully committed suicide, and the other two have been institutionalized. Civil rights groups are filing lawsuits against the prison left and right. Since this program was your fault, you are hereby FIRED, and all the lawsuits are being directed against YOU! All your subjects will be relocated so you cannot find them. You have until tomorrow to collect your belongings, and your trial before the Fairy Council is next week. You will pay for getting everyone in trouble!
Sincerely,
Jorgen von Strangle