AN: I blaim my friend Kaycee Ronin entirely for putting this idea into my addled brain, where it grew and somehow turned into this slightly warped fic.
Disclaimer: See end of fic. K thanks!
----------------------------
Turning to the Bartlett administration's brusque communications director, Anna Beth Schot smiled sweetly and pronounced "Toby, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project."
"Who said anything about being friends?" Toby muttered under his breath. Louder, he insisted, "You really don't have to do that!"
"I know – that's what makes me so nice!" Anna Beth responded, not at all put off by the total lack of enthusiasm her newest "project" was exhibiting.
"When someone needs a make over, I simply have to take over," the bubbly blonde explained, "I know I know exactly what they need. And even in your case- thought it's the toughest case I've yet to face- don't worry I'm determined to succeed. Follow my lead, and yes indeed you will be popular - your gonna be popular!"
"What!" Toby bellowed. "I don't have time to worry about whether or not people like me! I've got a country to run!"
Anna Beth continued, undaunted "I'll teach you the proper ploys, when you talk to boys- ah, reporters," she corrected herself. "Little ways to flirt, and seduce the press corps. I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to fix your hair- everything that really counts! I'll help you be popular!"
Toby stood frozen in place, unable to believe what he was hearing. This woman honestly thought he needed popularity lessons? He hadn't cared about being popular in high school; why did she think he needed to start now?
"You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know," Anna Beth assured Toby, leading him into the deserted pressroom. "So lets start, cuz you've got an awfully long way to go!"
"I like my "cohorts," as you call them!" Toby fumed. "What's wrong with Josh and CJ?"
"Don't be offended by my frank analysis; think of it as personality dialysis," Anna Beth soothed as she led Toby up to the podium and instructed him on proper posture. "Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister, and advisor- there's nobody wiser, not when it comes to popular. With an assist from me, to be who you'll be- instead of dreary who you were- well, are. There's nothing that can stop you, from becoming popular."
"WHY!" Toby demanded, supremely annoyed. "Why in the world do I need to be popular?"
Had Anna Beth known better, she would have recognized that Toby's mood was becoming dangerous. Instead, she sighed and explained, "Think of celebrated heads of state, or especially great communicators- did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were popular. Please, it's all about popular! Its not about aptitude, it's the way your viewed, so it's very shrewd to be- very very popular, like me!"
"Your saying the president is brainless?" Toby bristled. "I thought you were hear to help, not insult the entire administration!"
Anna Beth ignored him. Completely unconcerned, she swapped the tie he had been wearing with one from her pocket. Standing back, she admired her handiwork. "Why Mr. Zeigler, look at you- you're handsome!"
An aide chose that moment to interrupt, and hand Toby a note. "Oh, thank God, the president needs me!" he exclaims, reading it. "I have to go."
Anna Beth watches him go for a moment, and then calls "your welcome!" after his retreating form. Sighing, she begins to hum to herself. "And though you protest your disinterest, I know clandestinely your gonna grin and bear it, your new found popularity."
"You'll be popular- just not quite as popular as me!"
----------------------------
Disclaimer: Last time I checked, West Wing did not belong to me. Checks again Nope, still not mine.(If it was, Josh and Donna would have gotten their act together way before the last season!) Neither is "Wicked," the title, or even most of the "dialog." For entertainment only, yada yada...