Title: If Wishes Were Fishes
Author: kaly
Category: Gen, angst, tag
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating: G
Word Count: 615
Spoilers: Something Wicked
Summary: Driving away from Fitchburg, one more thing needed to be said.

Note: Thanks again to geminigrl11 for the beta!

Disclaimer: Not mine. The pretty, snarky, angsty brothers belong to Kripke & the CW.

If Wishes Were Fishes

Dean hadn't spoken since they'd gotten into the car and Sam was loath to tread back into murky waters. And whenever the waters had to do with their dad, or how they grew up, they were almost always murky, but this needed to be said, all the same.

"Hey Dean?" Sam asked, his voice quiet and hesitant.

White-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, Dean glanced at him. "Yeah?"

Sam fiddled with a loose thread on his jeans for a moment, suddenly unsure, before replying. "About what I said back there... in the parking lot."

His eyes on the road, Dean shook his head. "Don't worry about it." But even though the words were placating, Sam saw Dean's shoulders tense.

Motivated now, Sam turned in his seat so that he could better see Dean's profile. Sam considered his options. He knew - probably better than anyone - that you had to pick your battles with Dean. Even the best of intentions could shut him down entirely. Growing up, Sam had become a master at knowing when to push, and just how hard, to get the results he wanted.

"Dude, why are you staring at me?" Dean asked, snapping Sam out of his thoughts. "That's a little creepy, Sammy." Dean smiled then, but Sam could easily see how forced the action was.

Knowing that he might regret it, but needing to say the words anyway, Sam said, "I didn't mean what I said back there." At Dean's perplexed, yet somehow still slightly annoyed glance, Sam clarified. "Well, I did. But it came out wrong." Looking through the windshield for a moment, nameless, unremarkable landscape passing by, Sam tried to sort out how to say what needed to be said.

"I do wish I'd had that kind of innocence. I just wish..." Sam paused, considering, but continued before Dean could speak. "I wish you could have, too." Risking another momentary look at Dean, he added, "For more than just four years."

"You think I don't know that?" Dean asked, his low, serious voice surprising Sam. He turned back, trying to read Dean's expression.

Dean sighed, and Sam could tell Dean was debating what - if anything - else to say. He couldn't help wondering how much longer this particular conversation was going to last. Serious conversations regarding feelings often had very finite lives with Dean before he got too uncomfortable - or rather, sarcastic.

"Dean..."

Shrugging uncomfortably, Dean cut him off. "Sam, some stuff you don't have to say, you just know."

Sam slouched against the seat, his eyes not leaving Dean's face. He nodded and said, "Yeah. But maybe there are times you need to say it." Sam paused before adding quietly, "Or hear it."

Dean groaned, cutting Sam a look. "I am not pulling over so we can hug, dude. So just get that straight right now."

Smiling at the words, even though he hadn't meant to, Sam knew the discussion was right on schedule. Sarcastic Dean had arrived. "Some days I think you protest too much, Dean," he said, just because he knew it would get a reaction.

"You wish, Samantha," Dean replied, but when he glanced at Sam, there was a smile there that actually reached his eyes, for the first time in days.

Mission accomplished.

Straightening in his seat, Sam grinned. Some things, he wished would change. Some things, he knew never would. Watching Dean for a moment before turning his attention back to the endless countryside, Sam couldn't help but think about a lifetime of wishes both granted and ignored.

He might wish some things would change, but some things - one thing - Sam was glad to know never would.

fin