Pinpointing Fear
By Oonagh
Disclaimer: I own nothing and am making no profit.
Author's Note: My first ever Enterprise fic so please review and let me know how I did and how I could improve.
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After Charles Tucker's death it took almost three months to find a replacement Chief Engineer for the Enterprise. His deputy reluctantly stepped in as interim chief but everybody could see he wasn't ready to take over permanently – his heart wasn't in it and he lacked confidence. Starfleet Command and Captain Archer spent weeks looking over personnel files before they began interviewing. The interviews were long, detailed and contained a strong practical element. The man they had chosen was young, but brilliant. He had not had much experience but had first-class references. All-in-all he had the potential to make an excellent Chief Engineer.
T'Pol knew all this but, she reflected as she headed toward one of Starfleet's function rooms, it didn't make the idea of meeting him, or flying with him, any easier. She had managed to avoid any involvement with the selection procedure, despite the Captain's best efforts. At first it was because she couldn't face the idea that they needed a replacement and then it was because she just couldn't summon up any interest.
But tonight was different. Tonight the Captain was holding a 'Welcome Aboard' party for all the new crew members and he had made it clear that her attendance was compulsory if she wanted to keep her job. T'Pol could tell that he was starting to lose patience with her and she didn't blame him. Her apathy on the issue of the new engineer was starting to frustrate even her, despite her Vulcan stoicism. She knew how important the Chief Engineer was to the smooth running of a starship -she couldn't count the number of times Trip's skills had saved both ship and crew. And she understood that because of this it was essential that the right person be appointed. T'Pol still missed Trip but, despite the Captain's suspicions, she knew that wasn't the problem, not anymore. The problem was her firm belief that no-one could do the job as well as he had. She was afraid that she would constantly be judging his successor by his standards –expecting the impossible - and that, consequently, she would be the one who was detrimental to the smooth running of the Enterprise.
In addition she knew that she wouldn't like this new man – whoever he was – as much as she liked Trip. This frightened her because it smacked of emotion. As a Vulcan she should care only that her colleagues were efficient and competent. Disliking Trip's successor would be a human reaction – grief clouding her judgement, emotion over-riding rationality.
Captain Archer had tried everything to snap her out of her indifference but it was impossible for him to do because he didn't understand that her apathy was merely an attempt to control her fear. An unsuccessful attempt, T'Pol acknowledged as the automated doors opened in front of her and she stepped into the party. The Captain spotted her immediately – he'd obviously been watching for her – and gestured for her to join him. She walked slowly towards him, her eyes fixed on the man standing beside him. She knew the Captain well enough to work out who the tall, skinny, blonde man was. A part of her was glad that the Captain obviously intended to introduce them – it would be reassuring to have him standing beside her at this meting.
"T'Pol, I'm glad you could come." T'Pol raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned at her, enjoying his joke.
"How could I not after I received such a charming invitation?" Captain Archer grinned wider.
"You haven't met our Chief Engineer yet, have you? This is Lieutenant Commander Ray Taylor. Commander, this is my First Officer, T'Pol."
"It is nice to meet you, Commander Taylor." T'Pol held her hand out, determined to observe all of the human rituals of politeness. Commander Taylor glanced at her hand and then shook it, very briefly.
"I would have thought that, working on a human ship, you would have made more of an attempt to look less alien."
"I'm sorry?"
"Do you not find that looking so…Vulcan alienates, if you'll excuse my pun, your colleagues?" T'Pol blinked. This meeting was going rather differently than she had imagined.
"The Enterprise crew members are very tolerant of differences, Commander. They have no problem with my appearance."
"Really? Strange." Commander Taylor shook his head and wandered off. T'Pol glanced questioningly at Captain Archer.
"Sorry. I probably should have warned you. But don't take it personally. He's rude to everyone. You should have heard him talk to Flox about marriage."
"Do not worry about it, Captain. He did not bother me. May I be excused? I would like to get a drink."
"Sure. It's a party, T'Pol. You don't have to ask my permission for anything."
"Understood, Captain. Would you like a drink?" Archer nodded and T'Pol walked toward the bar, fighting off a very unvulcan-like smile. Meeting Commander Taylor had taught her something very valuable. She was still Vulcan. Lately her emotions may have been more difficult to control and she may have been feeling more than she wanted to, more than she should. But tonight's encounter had shown her that she was still a long way off being able to understand emotions or even being able to identify them. All this time she had thought she was afraid of disliking the new Chief but meeting Commander Taylor had revealed her real fear – that she would actually like the new man and that, by doing so, she would be betraying the memory of Trip.