A/N: Seeing as my story 'What you don't notice' got so much attention, I may as well write another side-story/interesting selections of potential stories on Harry/Izaya. The first, here, is a well-done and cliched take on 'Drag Harry Potter back from where he is land and make him be the savior.' Featuring Great Old DumbasaDoorKnob, who in canon wasn't that cunning, who can now use evil cauldron bubbles to spy on a prepubescent teenager, idiotic Weasleys...and Izaya himself!
What They Did Notice: A sequel of sorts (Chapter 1: We Want Our Savior Back; plays on common cliches of Weasley Bashing, Potter Bashing, and Dumbassdore bashing)
From the start of his life, it didn't take the Boy-Who-Lived, Edwin Potter, time to notice several odd things about his parents, Lily and James Potter. I mean, sure he was, the fucking Boy Who Lived and rich and powerful and famous and got love from his parents.
But he was pretty sure good parents didn't hit their son for trying to ask questions about his dead brother, who had been murdered trying to save him from Voldemort. IF anything, Edwin noticed how not only did they try to erase most signs of Harry from their house, they also acted like they couldn't even remember anything about their own living son.
It wasn't every day that James or Lily would mix up his name, calling him Harry or something else. He'd grown used to seeing Lily moan over Harry, James saying that it was a pity Harry was dead, Harry this, Harry that. For a while, he'd been jealous, wondering if his brother had been nothing more than a spoiled brat.
By the time Edwin Potter was age ten, he was hating being called the Boy Who Lived, both because of the disgusting ways the public tried to react to him and because of how they treated his former sibling's memory.
"Now, Edgar, get your things, we need to meet with Albus right away!"
Right, right, savior business.
"My name's Edwin, dad."
"Right, Edward."
And this year, he'd only gotten a hat for Christmas from his father and a card from his mother. Apparently, being with Dumbledore mattered more than their own son. Suddenly, he wondered if they were lying about his sibling being dead.
No wonder he preferred being around the Weasleys, they were more like a real family. Although, the constant sucking up to him was rather disturbing. The girl, Ginny, had the most disgustingly obvious stalker crush on him.
"Can I hold the great Edwin's things?" She said. "Whoops, if I wanna look more cunning, I'm gonna have to do it better!"
As if she would ever voice those nefarious thoughts out loud. Edwin knew the Weasley family wanted to poison his family to get a hold of their precious vaults that were apparently over a million years old, with knowledge on everything from trees to Pepsi and Muggle companies.
HA! If they wanted to be nefarious, they'd have to do a better job at it. Edwin drank his orange juice-and promptly passed out from it being spiked with a love potion.
Behind him, Molly Weasley laughed demonically, pressing her hands together as she thought of the cutest outfits she could get for Ginny and Edwin, embarrassing her daughter, who loudly demanded that at least she wanted Edwin to agree to the marriage, and for it to happen when he was much older than fifteen bloody years old!
Arthur Weasley sighed. "Molly, if you want to act obviously evil, I'll be on my way to the Ministry of Magic, which I wouldn't work at if I were some kind of child abusing, idiotic person."
"Dumbbelldore works there," Fred and George said at once.
"Show respect!" Molly screeched.
"Not where it comes to him, he's a scuzzball." Fred and George said, trading knowing smirks.
It had not yet come to pass on dinnertime at Edwin's house when it was informed that a mysterious visitor would be coming to visit them.
"Who could it be, Dad, Mom? A death Eater?"
'Here to make my family notice me and stop being clueless idiots?'
"Don't talk like that, Edward! You're not Slytherin!"
"My name's Edwin!"
"Do as he says, honey," Lily said, in a thoroughly exasperated voice.
The doorbell rang about fifteen times.
"Don't people know to apparate?" Lily said, opening the door, only to find herself at knife point.
"Hello there, I didn't think I'd be running into you people."
Edwin blinked. "Come again?" He said. What had the other just said?
The tall, dark-haired young man with red eyes (who the hell has eyes that color?) chuckled before he made his way over to Edwin, "Ah, and you must be my estranged cousin, Edwin! Pleasure to meet you, Ed-kun." He shook hands with the weird man, eying the silver rings on his fingers.
"Who the hell are you?" James boomed, "We didn't invite any people here-"
"Oh, come on now, isn't family allowed to visit family, Okaasan...Otousan...?" He said, brandishing a tiny object...a wand! This man was a wizard. He twirled it around in the air before he sighed. "You two are truly thick-headed, aren't you?"
"Get out of our house!" James cried.
The young man suddenly kicked James backwards, barely blinking. "...Is that any way to greet your son?" He smirked at them all, "Now, I suppose I shall make my way to my seat and greet my brother."
"...Harry?" Lily was the first to break the silence.
The young man tilted his head, and shrugged. "I'm sorry, but that boy died a long time ago. The day you were all foolish enough to abandon him. To child abusing monsters."
"Impossible, my son is dead!"
The red-eyed man glared at him.
"...Edwin, let me introduce myself properly. I am...an informant in Japan, Izaya Orihara, but some call me the dim-witted name of Harry Potter, which I do not go by. Attempts to have me go by such a name will result in that person's subsequent painful death."
"Why are you a Muggle? You've disgraced this family!" James hissed.
Izaya lazily dodged James and smirked. "I have no attachments to you, or to this world. All I have to say is one little thing and your precious world falls apart."
"Harry-" Lily began, but Izaya glared at her.
"True mothers don't abandon their children on a child abuser's doorstep and leave them to be tortured until they manage to escape and somehow become part of a family traveling from Japan and get adopted. You lied to him, telling him I'd died protecting him from Voldemort. Your parents lied to you, Edwin."
He raised his hand to Edwin.
"Come on, Edwin, I know a nice place for us; they can never follow us there. I'll make sure of it."
"Don't you even think about taking our son!" Lily said.
Izaya sneered. "Why, you're going to Muggle prison. Both of you. I'm afraid the Dursleys won't be responding anymore."
Before they could say anything, Izaya waved the wand and they both disappeared.
From that day on, no one questioned why Izaya Orihara suddenly had a new assistant named Kishi Orihara, or why he sometimes spoke in a British tone. People figured it was just his eccentric nature.
Part II: In "Getting Izaya to help the Wizarding World...Or Not..."
Izaya looked up in boredom. Was Severus here again? He'd sworn he'd nailed do not disturb on his door again.
There he was.
"No soliciting," Izaya said cheerfully, "So you can go jump off that nearest building."
"Potter, you will-"
Izaya smirked. "Haruna-chan~!"
No one wondered where Severus Snape had gone, even though now he served Saika and was loyal to Izaya only.
"Mr. Potter, you will return to Hogwarts at once," Albus Dumbledore repeated seriously, the Hogwarts teachers looking at Izaya and Shizuo in grave disbelief. "Ditch the Muggle clothing. You are a wizard."
"Nope, I'm afraid I'm heading back home," Izaya said before beckoning to Shizuo and Celty. "Take care of the trash for me, will you? I'm headed back home for a nap."
"Mr. Potter-"
"Call me that again, old man and you'll be dead." Izaya said.
"You have a prophecy that states-"
Shizuo's massive fist collided with Dumbledore.
"YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, THAT'S WHAT!"
With that, the poor Headmaster died of a rather grievous heart attack out of fear of Shizuo Heiwajima.
"Hello, Mister," A young dark-haired girl said to a Death Eater. The Death Eater barely had time to react before Akane tazed him and he fell over.
"Hey, Iza-nii, do you think we'll be done with this before dinner?" Mairu and Kururi chirped, karate-chopping various Death Eaters.
Beside them, Mikage and Izumii were having fun beating up various Death Eaters.
Vorona was helping take out some trash as well, with Chikage and his gangsters there, helping.
Saika and her children were assisting as well.
"These idiots are disgusting." Masaomi said, knocking out yet another henchman.
"Where's Izaya at?" Mikado spoke, having set another person on fire.
Izaya and Voldemort faced off, Shizuo right by Izaya and Celty there, too.
"Harry Potter, your Muggle force has overwhelmed us. Nonetheless, you will die by my hands."
Celty raised her scythe-and then suddenly, the second Celty's scythe touched Voldemort, he screamed and disappeared.
'Did I just kill the most powerful person in the world?' Celty wrote.
"Remind me never to anger her," Izaya said to Shizuo.