This is definitely AU. I'm not even sure what I would call this but I was struck with this random idea and needed to play it out. Don't hate me. The idea is this: what if Lydia married Mr. Collins? One shot unless I decide to go further with it. It begins with an excerpt from the text and then diverges shortly thereafter.

Original excerpt:

"Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins, for she vows she will not have him, and if you do not make haste he will change his mind and not have her."

Mr. Bennet raised his eyes from his book as she entered, and fixed them on her face with a calm unconcern which was not in the least altered by her communication. "I have not the pleasure of understanding you," said he, when she had finished her speech. "Of what are you talking?"

"Of Mr. Collins and Lizzy. Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins, and Mr. Collins begins to say that he will not have Lizzy."

"And what am I to do on the occasion? - It seems an hopeless business."

"Speak to Lizzy about it yourself. Tell her that you insist upon her marrying him."

"Let her be called down. She shall hear my opinion."

Mrs. Bennet rang the bell, and Miss Elizabeth was summoned to the library. "Come here, child," cried her father as she appeared. "I have sent for you on an affair of importance. I understand that Mr. Collins has made you an offer of marriage. Is it true?"

Elizabeth replied that it was. "Very well - and this offer of marriage you have refused?"

"I have, sir."

"Very well. We now come to the point. Your mother insists upon your accepting it. Is not it so Mrs. Bennet?"

"Yes, or I will never see her again."

"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do."

Elizabeth could not but smile at such a conclusion of such a beginning; but Mrs. Bennet, who had persuaded herself that her husband regarded the affair as she wished, was excessively disappointed.

"What do you mean, Mr. Bennet, by talking in this way? You promised me to insist upon her marrying him."

"My dear," replied her husband, "I have two small favours to request. First, that you will allow me the free use of my understanding on the present occasion; and secondly, of my room. I shall be glad to have the library to myself as soon as may be."

Not yet, however, in spite of her disappointment in her husband, did Mrs. Bennet give up the point. She talked to Elizabeth again and again; coaxed and threatened her by turns. She endeavoured to secure Jane in her interest; but Jane, with all possible mildness, declined interfering; and Elizabeth, sometimes with real earnestness, and sometimes with playful gaiety, replied to her attacks. Though her manner varied, however, her determination never did.

Mr. Collins, meanwhile, was eavesdropping at the door of the library, tugging and fussing at his clerical collar. He thought too well of himself to comprehend on what motive his cousin could refuse him; and though his pride was hurt, he suffered in no other way. His regard for her was quite imaginary; and the possibility of her deserving her mother's reproach prevented his feeling any regret. He straightened his person and his more formal black vestments that he had thought would impress his cousin.

After deliberating for several more minutes on how foolish his cousin was and returning to his sentiment that she may never receive another more eligible offer, he quit the hallway only to run into his youngest fair cousin, Miss Lydia Bennet. It was the work of but a moment for him to transfer his affections to her. A moment in which his birdlike chest struck his cousin's rather buxom chest that is.

"Lord! Mr. Collins you scared me half to death! Why are you dressed so? Is it Sunday?" In truth Lydia, who could never resist a man in uniform, began to comprehend a regard for the clerical uniform. Though Mr. Collins was ridiculous and rather scrawny, the uniform rendered his hawkish features and lanky height softer in her eyes.

His manners, overly formal as ever compelled him to reply, "Dear Lydia, I had thought that your second eldest sister would accept my hand in marriage this morning but I see now that she is unable to comprehend my noble position as clergy and cannot provide me the sort of companionship that Lady Catherine De Bourgh would approve of."

Lydia guffawed, "You could not have bestowed your affections on any of us less willing than Lizzy! She is always lecturing us on marrying for love."

And then as if fate had deemed it, together, they said, "She'll wind up an old maid."

Surprise registered on both their features. For Lydia's part she felt shock at landing on any sentiment in agreement with Mr. Collins. She wondered what could possibly be wrong with her and felt very out of sorts to share anything with him other than a laugh at his expense. But there he was, as ridiculous as ever and yet now, not so much in her eyes. In fact, she began to comprehend her pin money as the wife of the master of Longbourn- only look what Lizzy was passing up. Look what her mother could afford with her pin money! To be sure, things would be slim as the wife of a rector but even that had the perk of being thrown into the society of handsome gentlemen frequenting Lady Catherine De Bourgh's home.

In reality, Lydia shared none of Elizabeth's sentiments of marriage. She once told Kitty, "I'll marry handsome or I'll marry rich. Both if I can find it." This was obviously not both but it could be worse on both counts and a new advantage had presented itself- she could lord her position as mistress of Longbourn over her sisters and she would have many fine things long before any of them!

With these thoughts in mind she turned slightly and smiled coyly through batted eyelashes saying, "And upon that we are obviously in agreement, sir."

Mr. Collins, not missing the obvious flirtation responded, "And do you share her sentiments?"

"Of course not. I am sensible enough to know a good thing when I see it."

With what he considered a stroke of genius, he pronounced one of his prepared lines, "Miss Lydia, if I may be so bold, you are looking well this morning. It is frequently the observation of my Noble Patroness that true beauty is most evident in the morning sun."

Lydia, pouncing on his obvious compliment replied, "Oh la, Mr. Collins, you shall make me blush."

"It is most seemly that you would blush at such a compliment and shows how ladylike you are. Miss Lydia, I know it is soon on the heels of my declaration to your sister but I am man enough to admit when I have misplaced my own affections. I fancy that I have manifold attractions for any woman and find that I can extend the olive branch to the family with you as well as any of my cousins."

Lydia pretended ignorance, "What do you mean Mr. Collins?"

Seeing that she expected such niceties as a formal proposal- unlike her wild elder sister- Mr. Collins dropped to one knee and extended his hand for Lydia's, "Miss Lydia, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

She fanned herself and sighed, "Oh I'm all aflutter, it is too much to take in. I couldn't possibly."

Mr. Collins understood the game- though Cousin Elizabeth did not wish to be pursued, Lydia required more direct methods. Lydia was obviously far more elegant than Cousin Elizabeth. "Miss Lydia, let me assure you of the violence of my affections. Let me but kiss your little hand. If it is poetry you like, I shall create a sonnet, if gifts, I shall provide them, only assure me that you consent."

"What would mama say? I cannot, I will be scorned for being too young."

The wheels were turning quickly in her head and then she landed on it, "You do not... perhaps…. have some token to prove your love to me on hand do you?"

Mr. Collin's face lit up at the suggestion because in fact he did have a rather nice token of his affection in his possession. That he'd picked it out months ago without a lady in mind and now had assigned it in his head to three of his cousin's did not seem to bother him. "Miss Lydia, it would do me great honor if you would wear this as a token of my love and affection."

He pulled a small box from his vestments containing a lovely pair of aquamarine, gold laid pearl drop earrings. They had belonged to his mother and he fancied they were the nicest piece in the family collection from what he'd seen of Mrs. Bennet's jewels. Lydia cast her eyes upon them with great satisfaction. They would match her new blue gown and the pearls, though not large, were nearly without blemish or fault and obviously quite expensive.

She decided to play her part a little further and goad the grave man yet more. She began to comprehend her father's fun at other's expense. "Mr. Collins! I couldn't possibly! They are so lovely. I am not worthy of such a gift. I am so young," she dramatically threw her hand upon her forehead, "I might swoon!"

"Fair cousin! Do not trouble yourself! Lady Anne saw these same earrings before I left and pronounced them perfect for a woman of your station. They will suit you admirably, therefore. Do take them and say you will consent to make me the happiest of men." The last said with rehearsed gravity.

Lydia smirked. Oh, this was going to be too fun. She could play the part of Papa to Mama, stay constantly in amusement at her ridiculous husband and would one day be mistress of all around her. In one last stroke of genius she began to feign a swoon, "Mr. Collins…,"

As he awkwardly reached for her person she managed to grab hold of his neck and lay a soft kiss upon him, "Miss Bennet!"

She then continued to feign being passed out. Better that than to acknowledge openly that she'd kissed her somewhat still repulsive to her cousin. Although… if she could get him to wear his vestments with regularity….

The Bennet household was painfully in churn after the news of Mr. Collins and Lydia broke. Mr. Bennet stayed holed up in his study and felt quite smug that he'd been relieved of the burden of one of his most onerous daughters so easily. He did not miss the humorous gleam that he saw in Lydia's eyes every time her intended spoke and if he felt guilty for the example of marital strife he'd set he never expressed it in so many words.

Elizabeth and Jane, while out walking to escape the chaos of the house, chanced upon Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy coming to deliver a letter to their home from Miss Bingley. The four of them had occasion to walk and one small portion of the conversation between Mr. Bingley and Jane deserves note for fixing Mr. Bingley's mind. "And what do you think, Miss Bennet, of Mr. Collins and Lydia as a match? Do you think they shall be happy?"

Jane blushed not wanting to admit to him or herself her own sister's mercenary decision or that she thought them very poorly suited. She diplomatically landed on a response, "I do not know. Lydia is so young."

Mr. Bingley in a last ditch effort seeing the time was drawing near for them to leave pressed uncharacteristically and said, "It cannot be love, I am convinced. Forgive me, I do not wish to malign your sister but it does not seem so. Miss Bennet, may I be so bold as to ask if you would consent to such a match?"

If possible she blushed even more deeply but quietly pronounced, "Sir… I would wish to be in love prior to marriage."

She looked over to him with timid eyes and though Mr. Bingley had spent the entire morning in cross examination by Louisa, Caroline and Mr. Darcy, he was convinced beyond doubt that it was love and regard for him he saw reflected there. He put his hand over her small hand where it rested on his arm and said with a squeeze, "I would as well."

It is likely due to this conversation that Mr. Bingley entirely disregarded his sister's and Mr. Darcy's advice and one week after he went to London, returned to Netherfield and subsequently pursued courtship and marriage to Jane. What is more, it is likely due to this meeting between the four that Mr. Darcy, not wanting to be rude with his friend, had the following illuminating discussion with Miss Elizabeth.

The silence was nearly palpable as they walked behind Jane and Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth felt all the shame of her dreadfully indecorous family at the ball and of her obviously silly and mercenary sister and cousin's actions this morning. While sifting through these thoughts, she heard Mr. Darcy sigh. Boldy she asked, "Sir, whatever is the matter?"

Mr. Darcy recoiled but he seemed to think better of remaining taciturn and said, "I find that I have misjudged someone."

Elizabeth dared not tease him at such an admission and decided to attempt to draw him out, "I find that I frequently misjudge people though I take such pride in judging correctly. Perhaps we have, all of us, the tendency to pass judgment on others before we truly know them."

Mr. Darcy nodded, "Yes. Miss Bennet, you must allow me to confess something."

"If you must sir."

"I owe your sister an apology."

Elizabeth was astonished, "Whatever for?"

"It is a delicate matter and it is not mine to tell all but her regard for my friend Mr. Bingley, though it seems obvious to me today, did not seem so in the past."

Elizabeth let out a breath. She could only imagine how Jane must appear to others and called to mind Charlotte Lucas' opinion on the matter when she answered, "Yes. My sister rarely shows her true feelings to me. I am becoming of the opinion that perhaps one ought to show more affection than they feel in the matter of love."

Mr. Darcy looked quickly at her and then Jane, "Love?"

She smiled, "Figure of speech of course sir."

He had the grace to smile as well, "Of course."

Now that they were conversing she felt bolder, "Sir, now that you have confessed an error in judgment perhaps I too should confess an error in judgment but I cannot see that I have erred. Perhaps you could be of assistance. You can have no doubt that I am referring to Mr. Wickham."

He instantly frowned, "Yes. I regret my terse remarks last night but I hold to my opinion that he will not easily keep his acquaintances in Hertfordshire when he is ousted for what he really is."

Now her frown matched his, "And what would that be?"

A pause, then, "The worst sort of blackguard."

"Strong words. Perhaps you would care to illuminate?"

He looked pained and she realized that she really may have been wrong about Wickham, she continued, "I apologize sir. This subject obviously causes you pain."

He gave her a weak smile as he said, "He has no doubt bandied it about that my father loved him more than me and I was jealous; that I robbed him of the clerical living he was bequeathed and that I generally misused him. I can assure you and swear before God that this is all falsehood. I could also provide witnesses to the veracity of just how judicious I have been to him. I cannot, however, without great pain share the final nail in the coffin between the two of us. Please do not ask me to repeat it."

She was sure it was the longest speech she'd ever heard from him and she was all astonishment. Mr. Wickham, the cad! Mr. Darcy, the wronged! Her world was spinning as she saw Jane and Mr. Bingley turn to them with Longbourn in sight.

Jane said, "Thank you Mr. Bingley for delivering your sister's letter and for your escort."

Elizabeth remembering her manners turned to Mr. Darcy and said, "And thank you too sir. You have given me much to think on." He only nodded in response and then he and Mr. Bingley took their leave.

When Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy met at Jane and Mr. Bingley's wedding and at Netherfield and even Hunsford many months hence the conversation that they'd previously had continued to work in their hearts. Mr. Darcy proposed marriage to Elizabeth nearly a year after that fateful day and there was no haughty condescension in his demeanor. Only the words of man who feels he has met a woman that improves him and his character…. And that he is deeply in love with.