Hi. This is somewhat in response to theunicorncorral's challenge. Well, actually, it doesn't follow her rules at all. See my ending AN for more details.

And for the record, this story takes place BEFORE-TLH. (And I clearly have been misusing the term "post" for years...) Just wanted to clear that up.

Disclaimer: All I own is the plot. Percy and co belong to the god that is Rick Riordan. (In case you're uninformed, Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven [TARA?] Way belongs to MyImmortal. But when you spend enough time on this website...well, I'm sure you know who this infamous Sue is.)

Something was seriously wrong.

As in...Grover-not-wanting-to-save-nature wrong. Thalia-crushing-on-Nico wrong. Annabeth-using-cheesy-pick-up-lines-and-having-brown-hair wrong! (You get the point.)

Nothing seemed out of place at the moment, but Percy could sense the strangeness in the air. Although he was at a camp where kids, campers and counselors alike, nearly killed each other on a daily basis—be it in the arena or every Friday night during Capture the Flag—and children of the Greek gods frequently came and went, this was a different type of strange. It was something unknown to the green-eyed teen. Percy Jackson fingered at his bead necklace. Something's definitely wrong, he decided.

Maybe Nico's here, Percy thought, letting his mind wander to his "cousin". Where was the fourteen-year-old, anyway? It seemed to Percy that Nico had disappeared not long after the Hades cabin was finished. As to why the son of Hades left camp, Percy didn't really know. I mean, the kid will always be one of those wandering types, Percy understood, but those torches that light up cabin 13? Man, those are awesome.

Though Nico di Angelo visited the camp every now and then, he never really stayed for long periods of time. A shame, though, seeing that Nico would miss the food at camp. Of course, breakfast, lunch, and dinner almost always consisted of bread and cheese and grapes, but there was the camp's pizza and the nymph-cut barbecue...

Percy's stomach growled on cue. Finally collecting his thoughts, he threw on one of the many orange t-shirts that read Camp Half-Blood. Had he really ended up thinking of barbecue when his primary thoughts were on Nico? But despite that, Percy glanced at his watch and saw that it was about time for breakfast, and began to head to the dinning pavilion.

A mere eight seconds after stepping out of his cabin, Percy froze when he heard a shrill high-pitched shriek. "Percy-lovey-pooey-kins!"

Whoever that is, she can't possibly be referring to me, thought Percy apprehensively, but let's not take that chance. Unfortunately, he did not move an inch.

"Oh, my loving cuddly-bear!" the voice said. "Good morning from the love of your life!"

Percy wanted to get away from the approaching voice, but he was betrayed by his own feet. It seemed to him that he was no longer in control of his body at that point, as Percy was forcibly turned to face the girl.

She was...something. Fishnets clung to her legs, and an excruciatingly short leather skirt was on her hips. Who even wears stuff like that at camp? Her eyes were draped with mascara, making her resemble a slightly ravished racoon. And was that...was that a face on her makeup? (1)

However, different thoughts were going through Percy's mind. Such luscious, lovely raven hair, he noted. Beautiful, flawless, porcelain-white skin that radiates the— What in Hades am I thinking?

Percy shook his head incredulously. Who was this girl?

Her eyebrows—her extremely beautiful eyebrows, mind you—knitted together. "Why are you shaking your head, my love?"

Words began pouring from Percy's mouth, none of which were on Percy's command. "My lovey-dovey, I was simply admiring your perfection, and was marveling at the fact that I, Perseus Unknown-Middle-Name Jackson, have the opportunity of being your boyfriend."

Boyfriend? With every word spoken, he died a little on the inside. Ack! Stop it! he thought in protest.

But again, words came out of his mouth that were certainly not his words. "I was also reminiscing on the unique fact that you have one lavender-colored eye and one topaz-colored one. And I find it marvelous that you cry crystals that change colors based on your current mood!"

The girl—whose name was still unknown to Percy—engulfed him in a hug and cried, "You make me blush, sweetie!"

Percy finally regained control of his voice, which sounded awkward and strained, compared to the boisterous voice from before. "Er...I'm hungry. I'm just going to go to breakfast now...uh, lovey-dovey."

The heterochromic girl gasped in a melodramatic fashion. "My poor Percy-poo is going to starve!" She suddenly began bawling.

Unsure of how to handle the situation, Percy began to walk away slowly. "I'll, uh, just be going now..."

He began walking faster and faster until he found himself running to the mess hall. Not particularly paying attention to people around him, Percy accidentally walked right into someone that he couldn't recognize offhand. After being shoved to the ground by said someone, he got up and could still see that girl—Percy's lovey-dovey—crying by the Poseidon cabin.

"Sorry," he said, apologizing to whoever he walked into.

"Gods, watch where you're going next time, Jackson!" said a girl in a tone that Percy could tell apart from any white noise.

He looked up into hard grey eyes and mangled blonde hair. "Annabeth?"

Annabeth's eyes narrowed dangerously. "That's Chase to you, loser," she threatened through clenched teeth.

Despite being hungry, Percy followed Annabeth as she stalked off towards the lake. "Annabeth! Wait up!" he called.

A permanent seemed to loom on her face. "What do you want, Jackson? Shouldn't you be away eating your girlfriend's face off?"

"G-Girlfriend?" he managed to stutter.

Annabeth's eyes shot daggers at him. "Forget 'bout your oh-so-precious Raven Dementia Angelica Veronica Sparklekins?"

"Who...Who's Raven?" Percy's brain was working overdrive. Why was Annabeth acting like that? And...Dementy-what's-her-face. Was she Percy's supposed lovey-poo? He decided to press further. "Annabeth, I though you—"

"What's with you today? Get outta my sight!" And with that, Annabeth stormed off.

Mildly speaking, Percy was utterly confused at that point. He walked back to the mess hall where he sat miserably at the Poseidon table and buried his head in his hands. Get yourself together, Percy, he told himself. This...this is just some crazy hallucination. Maybe the camp's pulling a prank on you. A bad prank.

He looked up warily when he heard someone shriek, "Percy!"

Not exactly corresponding to his original assumption of that voice belonging to Deementeeah, or whatever her name was, Percy saw...Clarisse?

"Oh, Percy! Raven Dementia Angelica Veronica Sparklekins informed me of your terrible misfortune!" Clarisse told him, with an uncharacteristic look of concern on her face.

In fact, Percy did a double-take. Was Clarisse wearing make-up? He thought on this for a while. Finally realizing that he was staring, he coughed awkwardly. "Misfortune?" he repeated.

Clarisse nodded, eyes still wide with worry. "Yes, of course! Raven Dementia Angelica Veronica Sparklekins told me that you were hungry! How terrible!"

Percy stared at Clarisse for a while before answering. He got up from his seat and replied absentmindedly, "Dementy—"

"Raven Dementia Angelica Veronica Sparkekins," Clarisse corrected.

"Uh, yeah. That." Percy said, waving his hand dismissively. "Anyway, she's probably just stretching the story. Look, Clarisse—"

Clarisse laughed. "Clarisse? Please, Percy. Only my dad calls me that!"

"Your dad?" Percy asked with apprehension.

"Of course my dad! Mark La Rue. Duh." She looked at him before adding, "You sure are acting strange today."

And not for the first time that day, Percy was confused beyond measure. "Mark La Rue?" he asked. "Er...Pretend I have amnesia, Clarrise—"

Clarrise looked at him incredulously. "There you go again! Call me Clare, for Zeus's sake!"

Percy almost winced at the strangeness of the entire situation. "Uh..well, Clare, pretend that I have amnesia. Who's your mom, again?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and said, "Well, Mr. Amnesia, let me introduce myself. I'm Clarisse La Rue, daughter of Athena. And if you ever call me that ever again, I will not hesitate to rip you to pieces."

Had Percy actually been eating breakfast, Clarrise would have been greeted with orange juice sprayed onto her face. Of course, Percy thought. Annabeth and Clarisse must've switched places—Annabeth as the daughter of Ares, and Clarisse as the daughter of Athena.

"And Dementy—please don't correct me right now, er, Clare—is the daughter of...?"

Clarisse raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you honestly can't remember who your best friend and your girlfriend are, I'd say that there's something fishy going on." She paused. "But anyway, Raven Dementia Angelia Veronica Sparklekins is the ever beautiful, most amazing, super fantastic daughter of Artemis."

Percy blinked. "Uh...and her father?"

Clarisse laughed. "Kronos, of course."

Percy didn't need any breakfast to make him react to this statement. "What? That's so wrong on so many levels!" he began to rant and slamming his hand on the table.

Biting her lip, Clarisse said, "Percy?"

But he didn't notice this. "First of all, Artemis is supposed an eternal maiden! And secondly, ew. Artemis and Kronos? That's totally incest, despite the fact that all of the gods are technically related to each other. And third of all...she's the daughter of Kronos! Hello, we're talking about the big, bad Titan who ruined our lives!"

Percy realized that Clarisse was making a little finger-twirling motion that clearly signaled for him to turn around. Getting the hint, he swiveled around to find Raven-Dementy. Oh, and she was crying crystals, of course.

"My Percy-poo finds my parentage abnormal! But he must still love me!" She exclaimed, hopefully.

Glad to find that the voice that overtook him that morning at the cabin didn't decide to speak up, Percy glared at the overbearing girl. "Like Hades, I don't!"

With that, he left Clarisse and Dementy at the dining pavillion and headed for the arena. At the moment, there was only one person he needed to talk to.

When arriving at the arena, Percy found it to be empty, save for Annabeth who was, at the moment, busy hacking off the heads of training dummies. Percy frowned when seeing that she was using a sword. Of course, he thought. Clarisse probably has Luke's dagger.

Percy took Riptide out of his pocket, wondering how Annabeth's fighting skills differed here. She seemed more aggressive and attacked more on instinct than strategy.

Annabeth felt Percy's presence and visibly tensed. She turned around, holding the sword to Percy's face. "It's you." She stated. "What do you want?"

And for a moment, Percy wasn't sure how to answer. What did he want? It wasn't like he could blatantly tell her that everything seemed upside down. She seemed suspicious as it was. But what if she was the Annabeth he knew? What if she was just acting to make it seem like everything was normal?

"I, uh...does anything seem out of the ordinary to you?" I asked vaguely. Come on, take the bait.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Apart from the fact that you're acting weird, then no."

Without thinking about it, I uncapped Riptide and began slicing at the remaining dummies. "Weird?"

Annabeth lowered her sword. "Very weird. You're treating your girlfriend, Raven," she spat the name like it was acid on her tongue, "like she's a pestering fly—which she is, by the way—where as you're usually worshiping the very ground she walks on. Also, why are you holding a civil conversation with me? And for that matter, why do you even want to talk to me?"

Percy stopped jabbing with his sword. He turned to face her and couldn't exactly find the words to say. "Annabeth, I...I, well, I don't know. Everything just seems so backwards right now..."

Like Percy was when first being approached by Raven Dementia, Annabeth was confused beyond measure. Something fishy was going on. (2)

"What're you talking about, Jackson?" she eventually said.

"Annabeth," he pleaded. "Please believe me. I don't know what's going on! Just last night, I went to sleep and everything was normal! You were head counselor of the Athena cabin, there was no Raven-Dementy-what's-her-face, and Clarisse was a daughter of Ares! You and Grover were my best friends!"

Annabeth hesitated. "Grover Underwood? The satyr?"

Percy nodded. "The very same. Seems that I haven't run into him yet, here," he said.

There was a moment of awkward silence between the two before Percy said quietly, "You were my girlfriend."

Annabeth's head shot up and her grip on her sword tightened. She raised her sword again, making it level with Percy's neck. His eyes quickly took on a look of fear as he began to back up.

"Annabeth—"

"Don't you Annabeth me. I know this is a trick. You must have some sort of ulterior motive! What are you trying at, Jackson?" she asked loudly.

Percy was unsure of what to do next. "Annabeth, I'm not tricking you!"

"Drop the sword."

"What?"

"You're going to drop the freaking sword." Annabeth repeated, her voice edged with danger.

Percy complied, and raised his hand to signal defeat. "Ah...Uncle?" he said sheepishly.

"Can't charm your way outta this, now can you, Jackson? If you really are telling the truth, then I guess you wouldn't mind if I—"

Annabeth cut off abruptly and jabbed her sword towards Percy. He step-sided this, not with much ease.

She can't hurt you, Percy reminded himself. She couldn't possibly know where your Achilles's spot is.

"Think you can get away, Jackson?" she growled. "You'll be in the infirmary for weeks after I'm finished with you!"

Okay, Percy decided. This Annabeth is more aggressive then planned...and a whole lot more bipolar, at that.

Somehow, she had gotten behind him and before Percy knew it, Annabeth had accurately stabbed a small part of Percy's lower back. Unfortunately, she did not know the damage this would cause.

Percy's knees became jelly as he fell to the ground. He gasped in pain, as his eyes became bloodshot and he felt as though acid was pumping through his veins. It was like being burned alive—it was far worse than being in the Styx.

There was a pounding in Percy's head, and he couldn't get up.

It seemed to Percy as if he were falling. He could faintly hear Annabeth yelling at him in the background, "Get up, fool! Get up and finish this!" and the roar of water around him, but both seemed to become distant. The pain of his Achilles's Heel made Percy seem vulnerable, as he continued to fall. (Or at least, it seemed to him that he was falling.) But at some point, Percy felt something soft materialize underneath him. Where was he?

Percy cracked open his eyes and dim green light greeted him. He realized that his palms and feet were drenched in cold sweat, and he shifted uncomfortably.

When Percy realized that he was in fact in his cabin, he shot upright in bed. Bed, he told himself. You're in your bunk! He looked around him. Everything was normal enough, and that original feeling of strangeness had disappeared. Was is really just some crazy dream?

Launching himself out of bed, he pulled on an orange shirt, similar to how he had done in the dream, and dashed outside. Annabeth had just walked out of the Aphrodite cabin muttering, "Bunch of neat freaks, they are." She was holding the cabin inspection scroll and it seemed like she would rather be playing pinochle with Mr. D or listening to a lecture from Grover about preserving nature.

"Annabeth!" Percy called.

Turning around, she said without looking up, "Good morning to you too. Like always, the Aphrodite cabin was the cleanest. Of course, I would have given the Athena cabin more points, but Chiron would accuse me of being bias." She added, "You were asleep when I was doing inspections, so I just gave you two points."

Percy sighed in relief. Everything was back to normal.

Annabeth glanced at him. "What are you relieved about, Seaweed Brain? You don't get the first time slot for the showers and it's your turn to clean the toilets, because your cabin got the least points."

Percy laughed. "Oh, it's better than some things."

She gave him a strange look. "You're not trying to convince me to give the Poseidon cabin more points, are you?"

Shrugging, Percy said, "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But if I'm still stuck with the cleaning job, it wouldn't change the fact that I could so clean the toilets better than you you ever could."

"Is that a challenge, Seaweed Brain?"

"You're on, Wise Girl."

It seemed that Percy forgot that he never really did end up having breakfast—not in his dream, and not in real life, despite the fact that he was absurdly hungry.

The cabin inspection scroll lay forgotten in front of cabin three.

(1) You know...that joke where it's like "Excuse me, miss, but I believe you have some face on your make-up." Uh...yeah...
(2) Pun intended.

A/N: Yay! Finished a story for the first time in months! This actually ended up longer than I thought it would... Anyway, this isn't really responding to theunicorncorral's challenge because her rules included incorporating a mary-sue (which I did), using excessive details to describe said sue (which I did for, like, one sentence), bashing Twilight (which I intended to do, but crack-y writing isn't really my style...), using the word "narwhal" in the story (which I forgot to do), and having a cheesy, overused plot (I'm not exactly sure about this...).

So in any case, I only complied to some of her rules. Also, I wanted to add Grover, and possibly Thalia, to the dream, but I got lazy and was dying to add in some OOC Clarisse. Oh well.

(Reviews = Nutella = Awesomeness)