I pushed the movie into the DVD player, I felt bad about not telling Blair. I should have told her before but tonight I was going to tell her the truth.

My mum called form down stairs "Shay, Blair's here to watch the movie with you" Mum's voice sounds tight.

"Okay send her up!" I call back, even though Blair's welcome at our house anytime. She's been mad at me lately because she knows I'm hiding a secret from her. She knows me better than anyone and although I thought that she over reacted a little because it's not something to be mad about, she's still my best friend and she deserves to know.

Blair walks up and stops in my doorway, "I'm not going to watch a movie with you until you tell me what you're hiding." She looks at me sympathetically, "I'm not mad at you, you can tell me anything"

I sigh in relief, "It's not that bad really, I don't know why you got mad" Blair walks into the room more, her shoulders loosening.

"Just tell me already" She laughs a little.

"I had sex" There's no reaction from her, she's just calm.

"It was bound to happen sometime, you're sixteen." I nod my head slowly. "My only question is, who with? You don't have a boyfriend you're not telling me about do you?" She tries to make it a joke but it stings.

"Ah no, you know that guy that I was with a few years ago?" Blair sits on my bed with me,

"Yeah the one you were with every night and swearing you were friends." My lips twitch

"It was him..." She jumps up.

"I told you, you guys were going to end up having sex at some point. Hasn't he taken like four girls virginity, not including you?" My shoulders slump at the memory of the happiest times of my life.

"Can we not talk about Zac and me? It's not like he's going to come back" My chest hurts. Blair sits down with me again.

"I've heard that before..."she bumps me on the shoulder, "What are we watching?"

"I don't know, it's a blank disc" I press play and we laugh as American Pie Beta House comes on.

"Oooh the mystery ends up being sexy!"

After the movie Blair goes to her car and comes back with a bag full of her clothes for the night.

"Why would you have a bag of stuff if you weren't planning on staying?" She giggles, "That's creepy" I say in my funny voice so I exaggerate the 'creepy.'

"I was never mad at you, I just know how to get you to spill your guts" I nod my head slowly. Blair lies down on my bed and starts watching my TV. I start to think about Zac.

Back when we were dating, which ended when I was 15, we were on and off for four years before that happened and he kept coming back. When I was 14 I made a promise to him that I would give him my virginity, even if we would separate again. Well I kept my promise, but does that mean he would come back again!?

I'm never going to be able to get over him if he keeps coming back. I'm still not. I huff and Blair looks at me, "What're you thinking about?"

"Zac, stuff, how annoying he is..." I drag off at the end of the sentence. She laughs and sits up so she can listen more. "I promised I would give him my virginity two years ago and well, I have." I look at her pleadingly, "What if he comes back again?"

She holds my shoulders a way someone encouraging would, "He may come back, and he may not. But you can get through this" She lets go of my shoulders and I can't help but laugh.

"It's funny when you put on your big voice" We settle down for the night and I have my usual nightmare, I wake up once or twice in the night covered in sweat. Surprisingly Blair sleeps through it, which I've become used to.