Title: Festive Admissions.
By: Sharon Doyle
Started: 6th August 2001
Finished: 30th August 2001
Disclaimer: As usual, unfortunately they aren't mine. The more I write the more I wish they were. Oh well keep on dreaming!
Rating: PG
Category: Romance (Tess/Evan), Angst
Summary: This fic is the second in my HEALING HEARTS series. It's Christmas Day, 6 months after Jack left. Can Evan convince Tess to love again? Or will her past get in the way?
I have used lyrics from the following songs throughout the fic: Crazy for this girl by Evan and Jaron, Love Gives Love Takes and Love to Love you by The Corrs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess sat at her desk contemplating the paperwork that was demanding her attention. It was hard to concentrate when Evan and Jo were cheerfully singing Christmas carols as they decorated the office.
"Hey sarg, what do you reckon?" asked Evan as he held up a string of gold tinsel.
"I reckon it's a waste of time and as for the singing.3 weeks to go and I'm sick of carols already."
"Don't be such a bah humbug sarg," yelled out Jo from the other end of the tinsel string.
"Nah it's not that Jo, it's just.oh I don't know." Tess shook her head unsure of what to say next.
"Bugger the paperwork, I'm going out on patrol," Tess stood up and walked towards the door.
"Hold on sarg, I'll come with you," taking the opportunity to be with Tess, Evan grabbed his hat from his desk and followed her from the station.
"Hey Jonesy.what about the decorations?" asked Jo to their departing backs.
~*~
They drove in silence. Evan had tried to make conversation when they first got in the car, to no avail. Tess obviously wasn't in a talkative mood and he knew better than to try and make her talk. No one could make Tess do something she didn't want to do. Something was bothering her; Evan could see that but how to broach the subject with Tess? She could be downright prickly at times; not that that had made a difference to the way he felt about her.
Attraction, actually it was an almost instant attraction. Evan had heard a lot about Tess before he arrived at the station. He'd been impressed by her career achievements before he'd even met her. There was a definite "spark" between them, if only he could find some way to get her to acknowledge it. Evan could sense that Tess felt something too but for some reason she was holding back. Not that he'd "made a move" so to speak. But he had done a lot of obvious flirting. They were friends, good friends sharing a drink or meal at the Imperial but that was as far as Tess would allow things to go. Evan had managed to get close a few times but it was like she had an invisible barrier up with a sign saying "Private Property Keep Out!" He couldn't help but wonder if a previous lover had burnt her.
First things first, he had to find out why Christmas was such a non-event for Tess. For Evan Christmas was such a special time, he couldn't understand someone not enjoying it. How should he bring it up without losing his head in the process?
Bite the bullet! It was only way. Evan wasn't one to shy away.
"So sarg, what's the go with Chrissie?" he asked.
"There is no "go" Evan. I'll be working as usual, nothing to get excited about."
"Who else is rostered on with you?"
"What's this twenty questions? I don't know yet I haven't finished the roster," Tess answered grumpily.
"Oh c'mon Tess, it's just a question. I don't mind working with you on Christmas Day." Perfect, thought Evan, if he could get her to roster him on duty with her maybe he could show her that Christmas wasn't that bad.
"Yeah whatever, I can't see the others complaining about having Christmas day off. Wouldn't you rather spend the day with your family though?" Tess asked.
I'd rather spend the day with my arms wrapped around you, Evan thought. A silent and secret thought, one that would remain that way. He wasn't about to say it aloud to Tess. It would be over before it had even begun if he did.
~*~ Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl ~*~
"No, not really," Evan replied. "Anyway Dad's off to London now that he's retired."
Hardly surprising really, thought Tess. Her mind wandered to the cover-up of evidence Evan's dad had been involved in. I wonder if this is the first crisis to rock the Jones family.
She knew she was being cynical today but couldn't help it. Christmas was never a really happy time for her and six months ago she was expecting something different but not anymore. Shattered illusions, that's what Christmas was all about. It had always been like that in the Gallagher household.
Tess couldn't help but wonder what sort of Christmas Jack would have. Jack, her ex-lover "and" colleague, she tried so hard not to think of him. It wasn't often that she did these days, understandable at a time like this though.
There were a lot of what if's and unanswered questions. Tess often wondered how long their relationship would have lasted if Jack hadn't been so hell bent on destroying it and his career. Now he was going to spend Christmas Day and God knows how many other special occasions locked up in Barwon Prison. Manslaughter wasn't a crime taken lightly, especially when committed by a sworn member of the Police Service.
Tess didn't think she still "loved" Jack, actually wondered whether she ever had. She had certainly been attracted to him, had gone against the grain and started a relationship with him. But had it been love, the once in a lifetime, everlasting kind? She would never know now. And she would never trust another man.
Tess knew that Evan was attracted to her. He'd made his interest obvious almost from the start. Flirting, taking any opportunity to be close to her and he was very protective. Hell she was attracted to him too. Had been from the first moment their eyes had met in the Boss' office. But attraction led to heartbreak, which was a lesson Tess had learnt the hard way.
They'd come close to sharing a kiss a few times. Intense moments that Tess had pulled away from at the critical point. What would have happened if she had given in to the fire between them?
"Tess, tell me what's bothering you?" Evan's question interrupted her wandering mind. Her face was flushed from the direction her thoughts had taken. Kissing Evan wasn't an unpleasant thing to dream about. But dream was all she would allow herself to do.
Tess realised that Evan had parked the 4WD at the edge of the National Park on the Widgeree Rd.
"What are you doing?" Tess asked, ignoring his question.
"Beautiful day, we're out on patrol, so let's patrol the National Park," he answered.
Tess laughed, "Patrol means patrol, what are we looking for out here?"
"No idea," Evan replied. "But it's as good a reason as any to take a beautiful woman for a walk through the bush."
"Oh very funny mate, but you're right its too nice to be stuck in the car all day, let's go and see what's happening in the real world." Tess chose to ignore his 'beautiful woman' comment. It would have been dangerous to admit to being flattered by his words.
They walked through the tinder dry bush. Summer had come early to Mt Thomas as it had to most of the country. The sun was warm on their backs and it wasn't long before they both needed a rest.
They sat on a fallen log enjoying some water from a bottle Tess had the foresight to bring.
"Tess, are you going to tell me why you aren't happy?" Evan decided to try once again.
"It's nothing Evan.well it is something, but it happened before you came here. And the rest, the family stuff isn't something I care to talk about."
"Tess sometimes it helps to talk. You know get it all out in the open. I care about you Tess let me help." Evan looked at her helplessly.
Tess turned her face from Evan's eyes but not before he'd seen them well with tears. He drew her face gently back round towards his.
"Don't cry Tess, I didn't mean to upset you." Evan was apologetic.
"Please don't care about me Evan, it can't and won't go anywhere. I won't let it."
"Then you admit there is something between us?" Evan asked gently pushing. He didn't want to push too hard but this was the closest he'd come to Tess admitting her feelings for him.
"No, didn't you hear what I said? I said there can't be anything between us."
"Tess what you said was you wouldn't "let" anything happen between us. I can sense something special and I'm not going to walk away from you. You can keep pushing but I am persistent."
Tess smiled at Evan's last comment, "Like I haven't figured that out already Evan."
It wasn't going to be easy keeping Evan at arms length. Unlike Jack, who'd let her dictate the speed of their relationship. Relationship, what was she thinking? She and Evan didn't have a relationship. Did they? They were friends, mates, sometimes a lot closer than that but it wasn't "that" type of relationship.
~*~ Just when I thought I was safe
You found me in my hiding place
I'd promised never again
I wouldn't give my heart but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear you ~*~
"Persist all you want. But it won't help I'm not setting myself up to be hurt again. Now let's get back to the station." Tess stood and walked in the direction of the vehicle wiping her eyes of tears as she went, an action that Evan didn't miss.
~*~
Evan was looking forward to today. His plans were in full swing. It wasn't hard to charm Chris into providing what was needed. All he had to do was smile and she was like putty in his hands. Not that Evan was a devious person he just knew how to charm the ladies. But for the last six months there had been only one woman on his mind, and tonight was the night he was hoping to win her over with a little old fashioned romance.
As far as Tess was concerned Christmas Day was going to be just another working day, although she didn't expect it to be particularly busy. A long boring day but then it was Christmas she couldn't expect any more from this particular day. Work was always the best way to lose herself on a day when most people were enjoying time with their families.
Evan was at the station before Tess, which surprised her, as she was usually the most punctual of the team. An afternoon shift wasn't that hard to be on time for though.
"Merry Christmas Tess," he said as soon as he saw her. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. A quick hug and he was back at his desk leaving Tess feeling somewhat lost. He'd taken control of the situation something she wasn't used relinquishing.
"Yeah same to you," Tess muttered as she went into the locker room to dump her gear.
They sat working at their respective desks, the silence only broken when Evan brought Tess a cup of coffee over. He didn't need to ask if she wanted one or how to make it had done it enough times before.
"Thanks," Tess muttered then looking up at him added with a mischievous grin, "what no Christmas cake? And I thought you were the gung ho festive one here."
"Ah Tess you under estimate me, there isn't any cake but I do have mince pies."
Tess laughed, "I was joking but I won't say no."
They chatted together over their coffee and mince pies before settling back to more paperwork.
A few hours later the phone rang, they both reached for it at the same time, glad to have something else to do.
"Mt Thomas Station, Constable Jones speaking."
Evan's reflexes were a little quicker than Tess' she listened to the conversation.
"Yes, okay then, yes of course we'll be there right away. Twenty One Park Street. Thank you."
"Well?" Tess asked. " Another domestic at the Jensen's?"
"Yeah, afraid so, the neighbour said she heard yelling and a women screaming. We better get out there." Damn thought Evan, now what's going to happen? Chris will be here soon. Evan quickly scrawled a note to Chris and left it on her desk, she would know what to do.
"C'mon Evan we haven't got all day," Tess said impatiently.
~*~
Tess was silent on the drive back to the station. Evan tried to talk to her about what had happened at the house but she just sat there impassively. It was almost like she was in a world of her own; she didn't seem to hear anything he said. Her face was unreadable, he couldn't tell if she was angry, upset or what emotions were driving her.
Evan walked into the station ahead of her and turned to watch her reaction when she saw what Chris had done whilst they'd been out. The table was set for a wonderful Christmas dinner. Candles, a bottle of non-alcoholic wine and soft music playing in the background.
Tess stood still; looking at the table, then turned and ran into the locker room.
"Tess, what's wrong?" Evan knocked on the locker room door. "Please Tess let me in, tell me what the problem is."
"Go away!" Tess' voice was muffled through the door.
"No Tess, now move I'm coming in."
He heard her shuffling away from the door and cautiously opened it. Tess sat on the floor knees hunched up under her chin. Evan crouched down beside her, his arm automatically reaching around her shoulder. Tess didn't move, there wasn't any reaction, not even to shrug off his arm.
"Right, what was that all about Tess? You haven't said a thing since we left the Jensen's. We get back here and you end up like this. Now that's not normal for you and I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what the problem is." Evan's voice was soft and gentle, he felt like Tess needed babying a little here. Gone was the tough as nails sergeant he respected so much. In her place was a vulnerable woman who needed some compassion.
"It's nothing Evan, I'm fine really," she sniffled and wiped at her eyes with her arm.
"You aren't fine Tess, now what is it? Tess I can't help if you don't tell me. Please Tess I just want to help you."
"You can't help, no one can. It's over all, in the past. Hell the past always comes back though doesn't it? It's inescapable." Tess threw her hat at the lockers.
"That's it Tess, get angry. Get rid of what's hurting you. As long as you don't get angry at me."
"You? Why would I be angry with you?" Tess asked.
"You did see the table didn't you? You did I know and as soon as you saw it you took off in here. Tess tell me please, make me understand what's hurting you so much." Evan was almost pleading with her.
"It's not you, it's not the dinner. It looks fantastic. I can't do it though."
"Do what Tess? What can't you do? You're not making any sense."
"You aren't going to leave me alone till I tell you are you?" Tess knew Evan almost as well as she knew herself, sometimes she thought they were two sides to the same coin.
"The Jensen's are my past Evan," Tess started to explain and once the words began she couldn't stop. "I was just 8 years old. Mum was pregnant with my sister Kate. The morning was wonderful; I woke early and went to wake mum and dad. They were cuddled up together asleep. I jumped on the bed and they pulled me in between them. I felt so safe and loved."
Evan didn't interrupt her; he just sat cradling her in his arms as she told her story. Tess' eyes were welling with tears but still she spoke, she needed to release the past.
"I was so excited, you know what kids are like. They were teasing me saying Santa hadn't been yet and I had to go back to sleep. Finally they got up and we went to open the presents. Dad got me a new bike that year, I rode it all around the garden that morning, mum and dad couldn't get my off of it. We had lunch just the three of us, we were supposed to be going to my Grandparents for tea. Dad was drinking beer. Mum kept saying 'don't have too much, you've got to drive later'. But he kept drinking and drinking, the more he drank the quieter mum became. Then he started yelling, I don't remember what about, it was just so loud. He started threatening mum, yelling at her telling her she was useless. He called her a whore and a slut; I didn't know what it meant at the time. I could just tell they weren't nice words. I was so scared Evan but I kept hiding I didn't go and help my mum. I should've gone to her, stopped him before it was too late."
The tears were rolling down her cheeks now and Evan was slowly beginning to understand why she had reacted the way she did at the Jensen's.
"He started hitting mum, crashed a chair over her head. Then he kicked her, hell Evan he kicked her in the stomach. She had 6 weeks to go before the baby was born. He kept going and going, mum was doubled over holding her belly. Then the cops came, just like we did today. I guess the neighbours called them. They took dad away, and took mum to hospital. My grandparent's came and looked after me. Kate was born that day, it was touch and go for a long time."
"The Jensen's brought back all those memories for you didn't it? Oh Tess, it's over now it's the past. You have to let it go or it will ruin your whole life."
"I try not to think of it too much Evan. I know now that dad was an alcoholic but that's no excuse. You know that bike?" she asked, "I never rode it again. In my eyes it was tainted. I never saw Dad again. I don't know where he is now. Mum has never said whether he tried to contact her or not and I don't want to know."
"Thank you for telling me Tess. I know I can't help you with what you're feeling but if you need to talk or whatever I am always here for you."
~*~ Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the way
That love can give and love can take away ~*~
"The dinner Tess, why did it upset you so much?"
"It's not so much the dinner Evan. It's the thought that went with it. It was too much niceness. I was feeling so damn vulnerable, almost like I was 8 years old again and then I saw the table, the candles, everything. I know what you want Evan I just don't know if I can give it to you. I want to but."
~*~ I find it hard to explain
It's crazy, but it's happening
And I'm falling again
Much further than I've ever been
I'm falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion ~*~
"Tess we don't have to rush this. It's enough for me to know that you feel something. One day at a time Tess. Can you give me that much?"
"I don't know, I just don't know," Tess answered truthfully.
"Okay, no pressure, let's make it one dinner at a time, starting now," Evan smiled at her hoping she could see how much she meant to him.
Evan stood and held out his hand to help Tess up. That she accepted his hand was a good enough start for him.
Chris had surpassed herself; it was a delicious traditional dinner. The fact that they had to reheat it in the microwave was just par for the course. They were coppers and sometimes hot meals were few and far between.
"Was this all your idea?" Tess asked.
"Yeah, Chris cooked it for me though."
"Why? No, don't answer that I don't want to know," Tess laughed softly. "Shift's over, let's go back to my place and have a real drink."
They cleaned up the remnants of dinner and locked up before walking round to the watch house.
Tess had her keys ready in her hand to unlock the door when Evan stopped her with his hand on her shoulder. She turned round to look at him and followed his gaze upwards.
"What.?" Oh no you have to be kidding." Tess smiled. "You or Chris?" she asked.
"Not me." Evan gave her a look that said 'I'm innocent.not!'
"You know what this means though don't you Tess? You know what we have to do." Evan stated innocently.
"No way! It's just another Christmas tradition, best just to ignore them like all the others."
Evan's gaze moved down to Tess' lips. Her tongue flicked out in nervous reaction. Evan sighed then moved closer. Their lips were almost touching when Tess suddenly shook Evan's hands from her shoulders and turned away.
"Tess?"
"No Evan, I can't do this. It isn't right."
"Tess I love you. What's not right about that?" Evan asked imploringly.
"It's not love Evan. Lust, a crush maybe but you don't love me."
"Don't patronise me Tess. This isn't about work, don't try to tell me what I feel," anger crept into Evan's voice.
"It's always about work Evan, always!"
Evan grabbed Tess by the shoulders and quickly leant down and kissed Tess before she could turn away again. Gently he kissed her, waiting for her response. Passion overwhelmed Tess; she wound her arms around Evan's neck, running her fingers through his hair. Evan released her shoulders, moving his hands down to Tess' waist to pull her closer.
Tess broke away first. "I think we should go inside, there isn't any mistletoe in there, is there?" she asked.
"I don't think that's a good idea Tess, it will only lead to one thing."
"And you don't want that?" Tess was confused now. Moments ago she had been passionately kissed by Evan and now he didn't want to come inside.
"Hell Tess I want to make love to you. I've wanted that for so long but I want you to be sure of your feelings, I don't want you to regret whatever happens. You mean too much to me."
"Not only gorgeous but a gentleman as well," Tess laughed. She moved closer lifting her lips to his.
"Don't do this to me Tess," Evan groaned. "I won't be able to leave you."
"Then don't," Tess laughed once again. She reached up and kissed him, holding nothing back.
Evan's hands roamed Tess' back, their lips locked, tongues playfully teasing each other.
"God Tess," Evan moaned as he pulled away. "I have to go, I don't want to but I have to. I'll see you in the morning. Call me when you wake, we'll talk."
He kissed her briefly then turned and walked away.
Tess watched him leave then turned and walked inside. She sighed, this wasn't wrong. In her heart she knew that, she knew she felt something for this man. It was something that had happened the moment they met. But could she give him what he wanted? Could she forget the pain Jack put her through, his complete betrayal? Only time would tell.
~*~ Though you should leave me
Time make it be alright
Though you must leave me
Believe me when I tell you
I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me ~*~
By: Sharon Doyle
Started: 6th August 2001
Finished: 30th August 2001
Disclaimer: As usual, unfortunately they aren't mine. The more I write the more I wish they were. Oh well keep on dreaming!
Rating: PG
Category: Romance (Tess/Evan), Angst
Summary: This fic is the second in my HEALING HEARTS series. It's Christmas Day, 6 months after Jack left. Can Evan convince Tess to love again? Or will her past get in the way?
I have used lyrics from the following songs throughout the fic: Crazy for this girl by Evan and Jaron, Love Gives Love Takes and Love to Love you by The Corrs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tess sat at her desk contemplating the paperwork that was demanding her attention. It was hard to concentrate when Evan and Jo were cheerfully singing Christmas carols as they decorated the office.
"Hey sarg, what do you reckon?" asked Evan as he held up a string of gold tinsel.
"I reckon it's a waste of time and as for the singing.3 weeks to go and I'm sick of carols already."
"Don't be such a bah humbug sarg," yelled out Jo from the other end of the tinsel string.
"Nah it's not that Jo, it's just.oh I don't know." Tess shook her head unsure of what to say next.
"Bugger the paperwork, I'm going out on patrol," Tess stood up and walked towards the door.
"Hold on sarg, I'll come with you," taking the opportunity to be with Tess, Evan grabbed his hat from his desk and followed her from the station.
"Hey Jonesy.what about the decorations?" asked Jo to their departing backs.
~*~
They drove in silence. Evan had tried to make conversation when they first got in the car, to no avail. Tess obviously wasn't in a talkative mood and he knew better than to try and make her talk. No one could make Tess do something she didn't want to do. Something was bothering her; Evan could see that but how to broach the subject with Tess? She could be downright prickly at times; not that that had made a difference to the way he felt about her.
Attraction, actually it was an almost instant attraction. Evan had heard a lot about Tess before he arrived at the station. He'd been impressed by her career achievements before he'd even met her. There was a definite "spark" between them, if only he could find some way to get her to acknowledge it. Evan could sense that Tess felt something too but for some reason she was holding back. Not that he'd "made a move" so to speak. But he had done a lot of obvious flirting. They were friends, good friends sharing a drink or meal at the Imperial but that was as far as Tess would allow things to go. Evan had managed to get close a few times but it was like she had an invisible barrier up with a sign saying "Private Property Keep Out!" He couldn't help but wonder if a previous lover had burnt her.
First things first, he had to find out why Christmas was such a non-event for Tess. For Evan Christmas was such a special time, he couldn't understand someone not enjoying it. How should he bring it up without losing his head in the process?
Bite the bullet! It was only way. Evan wasn't one to shy away.
"So sarg, what's the go with Chrissie?" he asked.
"There is no "go" Evan. I'll be working as usual, nothing to get excited about."
"Who else is rostered on with you?"
"What's this twenty questions? I don't know yet I haven't finished the roster," Tess answered grumpily.
"Oh c'mon Tess, it's just a question. I don't mind working with you on Christmas Day." Perfect, thought Evan, if he could get her to roster him on duty with her maybe he could show her that Christmas wasn't that bad.
"Yeah whatever, I can't see the others complaining about having Christmas day off. Wouldn't you rather spend the day with your family though?" Tess asked.
I'd rather spend the day with my arms wrapped around you, Evan thought. A silent and secret thought, one that would remain that way. He wasn't about to say it aloud to Tess. It would be over before it had even begun if he did.
~*~ Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl ~*~
"No, not really," Evan replied. "Anyway Dad's off to London now that he's retired."
Hardly surprising really, thought Tess. Her mind wandered to the cover-up of evidence Evan's dad had been involved in. I wonder if this is the first crisis to rock the Jones family.
She knew she was being cynical today but couldn't help it. Christmas was never a really happy time for her and six months ago she was expecting something different but not anymore. Shattered illusions, that's what Christmas was all about. It had always been like that in the Gallagher household.
Tess couldn't help but wonder what sort of Christmas Jack would have. Jack, her ex-lover "and" colleague, she tried so hard not to think of him. It wasn't often that she did these days, understandable at a time like this though.
There were a lot of what if's and unanswered questions. Tess often wondered how long their relationship would have lasted if Jack hadn't been so hell bent on destroying it and his career. Now he was going to spend Christmas Day and God knows how many other special occasions locked up in Barwon Prison. Manslaughter wasn't a crime taken lightly, especially when committed by a sworn member of the Police Service.
Tess didn't think she still "loved" Jack, actually wondered whether she ever had. She had certainly been attracted to him, had gone against the grain and started a relationship with him. But had it been love, the once in a lifetime, everlasting kind? She would never know now. And she would never trust another man.
Tess knew that Evan was attracted to her. He'd made his interest obvious almost from the start. Flirting, taking any opportunity to be close to her and he was very protective. Hell she was attracted to him too. Had been from the first moment their eyes had met in the Boss' office. But attraction led to heartbreak, which was a lesson Tess had learnt the hard way.
They'd come close to sharing a kiss a few times. Intense moments that Tess had pulled away from at the critical point. What would have happened if she had given in to the fire between them?
"Tess, tell me what's bothering you?" Evan's question interrupted her wandering mind. Her face was flushed from the direction her thoughts had taken. Kissing Evan wasn't an unpleasant thing to dream about. But dream was all she would allow herself to do.
Tess realised that Evan had parked the 4WD at the edge of the National Park on the Widgeree Rd.
"What are you doing?" Tess asked, ignoring his question.
"Beautiful day, we're out on patrol, so let's patrol the National Park," he answered.
Tess laughed, "Patrol means patrol, what are we looking for out here?"
"No idea," Evan replied. "But it's as good a reason as any to take a beautiful woman for a walk through the bush."
"Oh very funny mate, but you're right its too nice to be stuck in the car all day, let's go and see what's happening in the real world." Tess chose to ignore his 'beautiful woman' comment. It would have been dangerous to admit to being flattered by his words.
They walked through the tinder dry bush. Summer had come early to Mt Thomas as it had to most of the country. The sun was warm on their backs and it wasn't long before they both needed a rest.
They sat on a fallen log enjoying some water from a bottle Tess had the foresight to bring.
"Tess, are you going to tell me why you aren't happy?" Evan decided to try once again.
"It's nothing Evan.well it is something, but it happened before you came here. And the rest, the family stuff isn't something I care to talk about."
"Tess sometimes it helps to talk. You know get it all out in the open. I care about you Tess let me help." Evan looked at her helplessly.
Tess turned her face from Evan's eyes but not before he'd seen them well with tears. He drew her face gently back round towards his.
"Don't cry Tess, I didn't mean to upset you." Evan was apologetic.
"Please don't care about me Evan, it can't and won't go anywhere. I won't let it."
"Then you admit there is something between us?" Evan asked gently pushing. He didn't want to push too hard but this was the closest he'd come to Tess admitting her feelings for him.
"No, didn't you hear what I said? I said there can't be anything between us."
"Tess what you said was you wouldn't "let" anything happen between us. I can sense something special and I'm not going to walk away from you. You can keep pushing but I am persistent."
Tess smiled at Evan's last comment, "Like I haven't figured that out already Evan."
It wasn't going to be easy keeping Evan at arms length. Unlike Jack, who'd let her dictate the speed of their relationship. Relationship, what was she thinking? She and Evan didn't have a relationship. Did they? They were friends, mates, sometimes a lot closer than that but it wasn't "that" type of relationship.
~*~ Just when I thought I was safe
You found me in my hiding place
I'd promised never again
I wouldn't give my heart but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear you ~*~
"Persist all you want. But it won't help I'm not setting myself up to be hurt again. Now let's get back to the station." Tess stood and walked in the direction of the vehicle wiping her eyes of tears as she went, an action that Evan didn't miss.
~*~
Evan was looking forward to today. His plans were in full swing. It wasn't hard to charm Chris into providing what was needed. All he had to do was smile and she was like putty in his hands. Not that Evan was a devious person he just knew how to charm the ladies. But for the last six months there had been only one woman on his mind, and tonight was the night he was hoping to win her over with a little old fashioned romance.
As far as Tess was concerned Christmas Day was going to be just another working day, although she didn't expect it to be particularly busy. A long boring day but then it was Christmas she couldn't expect any more from this particular day. Work was always the best way to lose herself on a day when most people were enjoying time with their families.
Evan was at the station before Tess, which surprised her, as she was usually the most punctual of the team. An afternoon shift wasn't that hard to be on time for though.
"Merry Christmas Tess," he said as soon as he saw her. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. A quick hug and he was back at his desk leaving Tess feeling somewhat lost. He'd taken control of the situation something she wasn't used relinquishing.
"Yeah same to you," Tess muttered as she went into the locker room to dump her gear.
They sat working at their respective desks, the silence only broken when Evan brought Tess a cup of coffee over. He didn't need to ask if she wanted one or how to make it had done it enough times before.
"Thanks," Tess muttered then looking up at him added with a mischievous grin, "what no Christmas cake? And I thought you were the gung ho festive one here."
"Ah Tess you under estimate me, there isn't any cake but I do have mince pies."
Tess laughed, "I was joking but I won't say no."
They chatted together over their coffee and mince pies before settling back to more paperwork.
A few hours later the phone rang, they both reached for it at the same time, glad to have something else to do.
"Mt Thomas Station, Constable Jones speaking."
Evan's reflexes were a little quicker than Tess' she listened to the conversation.
"Yes, okay then, yes of course we'll be there right away. Twenty One Park Street. Thank you."
"Well?" Tess asked. " Another domestic at the Jensen's?"
"Yeah, afraid so, the neighbour said she heard yelling and a women screaming. We better get out there." Damn thought Evan, now what's going to happen? Chris will be here soon. Evan quickly scrawled a note to Chris and left it on her desk, she would know what to do.
"C'mon Evan we haven't got all day," Tess said impatiently.
~*~
Tess was silent on the drive back to the station. Evan tried to talk to her about what had happened at the house but she just sat there impassively. It was almost like she was in a world of her own; she didn't seem to hear anything he said. Her face was unreadable, he couldn't tell if she was angry, upset or what emotions were driving her.
Evan walked into the station ahead of her and turned to watch her reaction when she saw what Chris had done whilst they'd been out. The table was set for a wonderful Christmas dinner. Candles, a bottle of non-alcoholic wine and soft music playing in the background.
Tess stood still; looking at the table, then turned and ran into the locker room.
"Tess, what's wrong?" Evan knocked on the locker room door. "Please Tess let me in, tell me what the problem is."
"Go away!" Tess' voice was muffled through the door.
"No Tess, now move I'm coming in."
He heard her shuffling away from the door and cautiously opened it. Tess sat on the floor knees hunched up under her chin. Evan crouched down beside her, his arm automatically reaching around her shoulder. Tess didn't move, there wasn't any reaction, not even to shrug off his arm.
"Right, what was that all about Tess? You haven't said a thing since we left the Jensen's. We get back here and you end up like this. Now that's not normal for you and I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what the problem is." Evan's voice was soft and gentle, he felt like Tess needed babying a little here. Gone was the tough as nails sergeant he respected so much. In her place was a vulnerable woman who needed some compassion.
"It's nothing Evan, I'm fine really," she sniffled and wiped at her eyes with her arm.
"You aren't fine Tess, now what is it? Tess I can't help if you don't tell me. Please Tess I just want to help you."
"You can't help, no one can. It's over all, in the past. Hell the past always comes back though doesn't it? It's inescapable." Tess threw her hat at the lockers.
"That's it Tess, get angry. Get rid of what's hurting you. As long as you don't get angry at me."
"You? Why would I be angry with you?" Tess asked.
"You did see the table didn't you? You did I know and as soon as you saw it you took off in here. Tess tell me please, make me understand what's hurting you so much." Evan was almost pleading with her.
"It's not you, it's not the dinner. It looks fantastic. I can't do it though."
"Do what Tess? What can't you do? You're not making any sense."
"You aren't going to leave me alone till I tell you are you?" Tess knew Evan almost as well as she knew herself, sometimes she thought they were two sides to the same coin.
"The Jensen's are my past Evan," Tess started to explain and once the words began she couldn't stop. "I was just 8 years old. Mum was pregnant with my sister Kate. The morning was wonderful; I woke early and went to wake mum and dad. They were cuddled up together asleep. I jumped on the bed and they pulled me in between them. I felt so safe and loved."
Evan didn't interrupt her; he just sat cradling her in his arms as she told her story. Tess' eyes were welling with tears but still she spoke, she needed to release the past.
"I was so excited, you know what kids are like. They were teasing me saying Santa hadn't been yet and I had to go back to sleep. Finally they got up and we went to open the presents. Dad got me a new bike that year, I rode it all around the garden that morning, mum and dad couldn't get my off of it. We had lunch just the three of us, we were supposed to be going to my Grandparents for tea. Dad was drinking beer. Mum kept saying 'don't have too much, you've got to drive later'. But he kept drinking and drinking, the more he drank the quieter mum became. Then he started yelling, I don't remember what about, it was just so loud. He started threatening mum, yelling at her telling her she was useless. He called her a whore and a slut; I didn't know what it meant at the time. I could just tell they weren't nice words. I was so scared Evan but I kept hiding I didn't go and help my mum. I should've gone to her, stopped him before it was too late."
The tears were rolling down her cheeks now and Evan was slowly beginning to understand why she had reacted the way she did at the Jensen's.
"He started hitting mum, crashed a chair over her head. Then he kicked her, hell Evan he kicked her in the stomach. She had 6 weeks to go before the baby was born. He kept going and going, mum was doubled over holding her belly. Then the cops came, just like we did today. I guess the neighbours called them. They took dad away, and took mum to hospital. My grandparent's came and looked after me. Kate was born that day, it was touch and go for a long time."
"The Jensen's brought back all those memories for you didn't it? Oh Tess, it's over now it's the past. You have to let it go or it will ruin your whole life."
"I try not to think of it too much Evan. I know now that dad was an alcoholic but that's no excuse. You know that bike?" she asked, "I never rode it again. In my eyes it was tainted. I never saw Dad again. I don't know where he is now. Mum has never said whether he tried to contact her or not and I don't want to know."
"Thank you for telling me Tess. I know I can't help you with what you're feeling but if you need to talk or whatever I am always here for you."
~*~ Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the way
That love can give and love can take away ~*~
"The dinner Tess, why did it upset you so much?"
"It's not so much the dinner Evan. It's the thought that went with it. It was too much niceness. I was feeling so damn vulnerable, almost like I was 8 years old again and then I saw the table, the candles, everything. I know what you want Evan I just don't know if I can give it to you. I want to but."
~*~ I find it hard to explain
It's crazy, but it's happening
And I'm falling again
Much further than I've ever been
I'm falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion ~*~
"Tess we don't have to rush this. It's enough for me to know that you feel something. One day at a time Tess. Can you give me that much?"
"I don't know, I just don't know," Tess answered truthfully.
"Okay, no pressure, let's make it one dinner at a time, starting now," Evan smiled at her hoping she could see how much she meant to him.
Evan stood and held out his hand to help Tess up. That she accepted his hand was a good enough start for him.
Chris had surpassed herself; it was a delicious traditional dinner. The fact that they had to reheat it in the microwave was just par for the course. They were coppers and sometimes hot meals were few and far between.
"Was this all your idea?" Tess asked.
"Yeah, Chris cooked it for me though."
"Why? No, don't answer that I don't want to know," Tess laughed softly. "Shift's over, let's go back to my place and have a real drink."
They cleaned up the remnants of dinner and locked up before walking round to the watch house.
Tess had her keys ready in her hand to unlock the door when Evan stopped her with his hand on her shoulder. She turned round to look at him and followed his gaze upwards.
"What.?" Oh no you have to be kidding." Tess smiled. "You or Chris?" she asked.
"Not me." Evan gave her a look that said 'I'm innocent.not!'
"You know what this means though don't you Tess? You know what we have to do." Evan stated innocently.
"No way! It's just another Christmas tradition, best just to ignore them like all the others."
Evan's gaze moved down to Tess' lips. Her tongue flicked out in nervous reaction. Evan sighed then moved closer. Their lips were almost touching when Tess suddenly shook Evan's hands from her shoulders and turned away.
"Tess?"
"No Evan, I can't do this. It isn't right."
"Tess I love you. What's not right about that?" Evan asked imploringly.
"It's not love Evan. Lust, a crush maybe but you don't love me."
"Don't patronise me Tess. This isn't about work, don't try to tell me what I feel," anger crept into Evan's voice.
"It's always about work Evan, always!"
Evan grabbed Tess by the shoulders and quickly leant down and kissed Tess before she could turn away again. Gently he kissed her, waiting for her response. Passion overwhelmed Tess; she wound her arms around Evan's neck, running her fingers through his hair. Evan released her shoulders, moving his hands down to Tess' waist to pull her closer.
Tess broke away first. "I think we should go inside, there isn't any mistletoe in there, is there?" she asked.
"I don't think that's a good idea Tess, it will only lead to one thing."
"And you don't want that?" Tess was confused now. Moments ago she had been passionately kissed by Evan and now he didn't want to come inside.
"Hell Tess I want to make love to you. I've wanted that for so long but I want you to be sure of your feelings, I don't want you to regret whatever happens. You mean too much to me."
"Not only gorgeous but a gentleman as well," Tess laughed. She moved closer lifting her lips to his.
"Don't do this to me Tess," Evan groaned. "I won't be able to leave you."
"Then don't," Tess laughed once again. She reached up and kissed him, holding nothing back.
Evan's hands roamed Tess' back, their lips locked, tongues playfully teasing each other.
"God Tess," Evan moaned as he pulled away. "I have to go, I don't want to but I have to. I'll see you in the morning. Call me when you wake, we'll talk."
He kissed her briefly then turned and walked away.
Tess watched him leave then turned and walked inside. She sighed, this wasn't wrong. In her heart she knew that, she knew she felt something for this man. It was something that had happened the moment they met. But could she give him what he wanted? Could she forget the pain Jack put her through, his complete betrayal? Only time would tell.
~*~ Though you should leave me
Time make it be alright
Though you must leave me
Believe me when I tell you
I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me ~*~