Dear My Closest Friend

I always wanted to do a songfic before. But it really wasn't in mind, as I was just listening to music as I did homework, but then as I listened to the lyrics to this beautiful song, I actually thought of China.

This song possibly could work with Russia, but I wanted to try doing something in China's point of view. Also, this takes place after the Sino - Soviet Split 1991, some references based off of a MAD. Also, the lyrics are in italics, along with the letters.

Dear My Closest Friend - Flyleaf

If you would like, look up the song before you read the fic, it would probably set the mood.

Dear my closest friend,

I'm writing because, I miss you so much. At night I always cry, the stillness still reminds me of when we first fell in love, and I miss that so much.

Dear my closest friend.

I sat comfortably in a well cushioned chair, it was my favorite, warm and soft. Ivan gave it to me, as a birthday gift.

I treasure it so much now.

Along with all the other gifts he gave me, because now, they're all I have that's close to him. Not that any item could replace him. I wanted to be a strong independent country, but I regret so much leaving him. I laid my head back in the soft cushion, that smelled heavily of Vodka.

For that chair, was the seat he would always sit in when he came over. He used to come over a lot, when we would just sit, and idly chat until there was nothing left to say. Then the both of us would sit in silence, soaking up each other's presence. The other's presence filling the cracks that were made when both of us were alone, for him, almost his whole life, and for me, after my family grew up and left.

I honestly do miss those times, I never realized how lonely I really was until we split. So here I am, sitting in his chair, on a still summer night, with regrets heavy on my mind. Making it impossible for me to think about anything else.

Many times, do I recall, when the feeling was too much, and I ended up crying myself to sleep. I bite my lip in a vain attempt to stop the tears, you don't know what you do to me, Ivan Braginski.

God, I miss him so much, it's tearing me apart. I'm 4,000 years old, not some love drunk school girl, but I just can't control this.

Dear my closest friend,

I remember when, you asked me to stay, and I just walked away. I apologize, I hope my letters sent.

I lost that moment. I lost that moment.

I don't have the guts to see him again. Maybe I'm afraid to see that he's fine without me. Yes, that's it. I'm afraid to see that he's fine without me, but I'm falling apart without him. But who would he have...? Didn't the Soviet Union break down as well?

It's all my fault, if I wasn't such a prideful prude, I would still be with him. But no. I had to walk away, be the strong country I'm 'expected' to be. Did I expect this relationship to be perfect? No.

Nothing is perfect, but it sure felt like it was, for a while at least. Perfect, what a silly word. Nothing is ever perfect, everyone will always find flaws. But it felt close, close to perfect. I want that feeling again.

Maybe I should write him a letter, I remember when we had to do that. When he couldn't come over to visit, he would always send me a letter. In his big neat handwriting. I leave the comfort of the chair to go look for one of his old letters, despite how it might make me miss him more.

Dearest Yao,

I'm at a big stuffy meeting in Moscow, and I couldn't visit. I hope you don't miss me too much though! I really want to be with you, and hug you, actually more than that. If you know what I mean...I miss you very much, da? I wish I could run my hands through your hair right now, and have some of your tea, and sit in that chair I gave you. Are you sitting in it right now?, as you read this?

I'll see you soon, Bolshevik. Ya lyubylu tebaya,

Love, Ivan

I'm a bit sad now, because the tears have fallen on the letter, and ruined some of words. There's nothing I can do, so I'll just have to be careful with it from now on. Even though I have a bunch of others, everyone of them are special. They're like children, very important to you, even if you have many, you can't just let one die, or get sick.

I've decided to write him one, because I'm too much of a coward to tell him myself. I pick up a brush, and some paper. I still don't know what to write, back when I was with him, I could write letters back to him with ease.

But now I'm just so nervous. How do I even want to sound in this letter? I chew on the end of the brush, and run through my hands through my hair, as I collect my thoughts together. Then it hit me, I haven't wrote a letter in a long time. I may have lost my touch.

Should I start with my, dear, or dearest?

Dear Ivan,

Now what? What should I say? I'm lonely? I'm sorry? I miss you? I stare at what I wrote on the paper, and sigh. Am I really doing this? I can't stop doubting, and contradicting my thoughts. I closed my eyes, and rubbed my temples, I'm getting way too worked up over this letter, and I don't even have to send it.

How are you doing? I know you must be a bit surprised to get a letter from me, especially at a time like this, but I just wanted to tell you a few things.

To start off, I'm sorry. I honestly didn't want to leave you, but at the time, I wasn't thinking about the future, how leaving you would affect me. I thoroughly regret it now, after sitting in our chair alone, and crying, reading our letters, and drinking Vodka until I was sick, I finally got sick and tired of feeling like this. In short, Ivan, I miss you, I want to be with you again, even if we are just friends.

I still love you though.

I reread the letter. It was brief, but it was so true, that it almost scared me. I don't know what I would do if I was him, reading such a bizarre letter.

Love, Yao

Yes, it was night, but I couldn't wait to send it. I put on more decent clothes, and walked out heading for the post office, after I put it in an envelope, and wrote his address on it.

As soon as I sent it, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. That letter and him, would be on my mind all night, that I couldn't possibly get sleep. I felt extremely relieved though, like a heavy burden was lifted off of me.

Seconds at a time. Seconds at a time.

I wait for your answer, but I already know.

I tossed in turned in my silk covers. Will he reply? What will he think? What will happen after that? I sigh in defeat, only time will tell.

Your hand was always mine.

Your hand was always mine.

Dear my Closest Friend,

I'm writing because, I miss you so much.

Here's for a more lovey-dovey fic, since the death fic made me really sad. I'm still working on the last Chapter of Tribute to Vanya, so don't think I forgot. This just came to mind and I had to write it. Hehe. I think there is going to be another Chapter, just a response Chapter from Russia's view.

Hope you enjoyed, review please!

Ya lyubylu tebaya - "I love you" In Russian, and of course, I only used Google Translate.

Also, I hope you guys will please listen to the song, it's beautiful.