Summary: Don't we all love Draco Malfoy and his evil antics? Join him on his hilarious impulses to torture the innocent, just because he can. But one day, he goes to far. Draco Malfoy is a mean, mean boy. [Eventual DMHG

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (duh.)

Author's Note: This was definetly influenced by the movie "Mean Girls," so you're going to see some similarites, specifically in the first chapter. I think that's the only major influence, though.

This will be eventual Draco x Hermione, but be warned.

"You have no idea how truly evil Draco Malfoy is."

Mean Boys

Chapter 1: Planned Pregnancy

The root of all things wicked and evil were found in a boy named Draco Malfoy, and he was feeling particularly mean today. Well, he felt mean every day. And he liked it. This morning he woke up late and found that he was the only one left in the Slytherin Common room. Everyone went to Breakfast without him. Someone was going to get it, a.k.a whoever pissed him off that morning. So, he stomped all the way to the Great Hall, by himself, still half asleep, an angry, sleep deprived young Slytherin

Draco entered the Hall and immediatly the annoying noise of non-Slytherins filled his ears. God, he hated non-Slytherins. It was really too early to be talking so loudly. He shoved, pushed, and kicked his way to the familliar sight of silver and green where he found his friends. One glare and they parted to make room for him. Draco sat, clearly displeased.

"You didn't wait for me," he said, glaring around.

"You were still sleeping," said his close friend Blaise in a small voice, "and last time we woke you up you yelled at us and told us never to interrupt you again!" Malfoy opened his mouth to retort when suddenly a loud noise erupted from the Gryffindor table and gave him even more of a splitting head ache.

They were laughing. Laughing, this early in the morning. What the hell was there to laugh about while he was suffering from sleep deprivation and a headache? Not to mention Pansy wouldn't shut up and quit complaining.

"Look at her, they think she's funny," she said, craning her thick neck to get a look at a red haired girl. "That Weasley girl." Malfoy nearly spit our his orange juice.

"Please! Can you not mention the blood-traitor's name while I'm drinking," he snapped.

"Sorry," Pansy sighed and Crabbe and Goyle chuckled. Mafloy slammed down his orange juice.

"Now that you mention it, she really annoys me. Someone needs to put that little brat in her place. What is she thinking, being so damn loud and obnoxious all the time!" Draco said angrily. "I'll be back," he said, and got up. He stormed out of the Great Hall.

"He is not a morning person," commented Blaise.

Back in the Slytherin Common room, Malfoy whipped out a quill and some parchment and started scribbling furiously. After a few minutes he stepped back to admire his work. I'm genius, he thought, looking down with an evil smile at the letter and lovely piece of revenge he created.

It read,

To the Parents of Ginny Weasley,

We are informing you of your daughter's decision to participate in our new program, Planned Pregancy. We have a strict policy of notifying parents before our clients join for our 16 years or younger age group. If you do not respond within (6) days, Mz.Weasley will be registered with her preferred partner, Harry Potter. We do hope you will support our program. Visit our Registry in Diagon Alley to reserve your perfect pregnancy now!

Wendy Sholtz

Planned Pregancy Youth Informative Agent

The door of the owlry banged open. Feathers and dust leaped into the air. Draco strode to his owl, black as midnight, and shoved a light blue letter in his mouth, sealed with a baby boot sticker.

"Weasley's house. Little shack, knome-infested garden, you know where to go." The birds hopped to the window and spread it's ebony wings, taking flight. Mafloy smiled and turned away. His work here was done. As he opened the door to go out the owlry he nearly bumped into some dark haired girl. It was Cho Chang.

"Watch it, Chang!" he snapped, he snapped at the glaring girl, who was clinging to the railing a few steps below him. "What are you doing? Exchanging love letters with some Beauxbatons boy since Diggory's out of the picture?" Cho gasped and burst into tears, running back down the stairs.

"Guilty concious?" Malfoy called after her, because evil was just so much fun.

The next morning Mafloy's friends wisely waited for him to awake. After all, he did promise them a fun suprise at Breakfast today. When Draco finally woke up he refused to give details to his begging friends, no matter how much they pestered him.

"Just wait, and stop bothering me," he said, irritated. Together they went to the Great Hall and took a seat at their regular places. Pansy and Blaise wouldn't stop looking around, as if they expected something wild to happen any second.

"Stop it! You're acting suspicious," Draco said nonchalantly. Pansy's eyes widened.

"Draco, what did you do?" He jerked his head up to the charmed ceiling.

"You'll see soon, I expect," he said as a rain of owls descended upon them. The owls swooped down and dropped parcels and letters on the tables. After a few minutes they disappeared, and Malfoy looked disdainfully to the Gryffindor table.

"What? No letter?" he muttered under his breath. Right on cue, and ancient looking owl came spiraling from above. It "landed" on the Gryffindor table in Ginny's plate of scrambled eggs with a mess of feathers.

"Now, watch over there," Draco told them, and slid around in his seat to be entertained.

The owl was for Ginny Weasley. The girl was stumped, because the owl dropped her a little red letter. She couldn't figure out why anyone woudl send her an owl, but it was sure to be embarrassing. She didn't have to wait long for it to activate it's self. It began to do what it was meanto do, which was howl.

"GINNY WEASLEY!!!" Mrs. Weasley's voice erupted from the Howler. " FIRST OFF, YOU BETTER NOT OPEN THIS IN FRONT OF ANYONE!" Too late for that, Draco thought with a smirk. "I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU! YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE PREGNANT, LET ALONE HAVE SEX! YOUR FATHER AND I WERE DISGUSTED AT THE LETTER WE RECIEVED YESTERDAY FROM PLANNED PREGNANCY. YOU THOUGHT WE WOULDN'Y FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE PLAN WITH HARRY, DID YOU? GINNY YOU ARE IN FOR IT WHEN YOU GET HOME, HOW COULD YOU? PREGNANT AT YOUR AGE, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING! YOU WRITE US BACK EXPLAINING YOURSELF RIGHT AWAY!"

The Howler burst into flame before everyone, who was completely stunned. Except of course, for the Slytherins, who were howling with laughter and calling names.

Ginny's face was neon red. She didn't dare looke at the staff table. She did glance at Harry, burst into tears and sprint out of the Great Hall. Harry was also red, and stoo dup to go after her. Ron cracked his knuckles, and he decided maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all. Fred and George ran after Ginny in his stead, making sure to slam of big plate of waffles on his head on the way out.

Blaise was nearly crying with mirth, and Pansy was clawing at her stomach, sufficating. Mafloy took the last bite into his food serenly then annouced he was leaving to get some fresh air, and it was way, way too loud in here.

Reviews are much appreicated!