When Courtney was little her mother taught her to always plan ahead, to always be one (if not more) step ahead of others and to always know what she wants. That's what Courtney always knew and what she was good at. She was the best, she was always certain of herself…until now. Ever since Total Drama and Duncan she has been questioning herself. She is uncertain of herself and her wishes. But she never shows it. That's another thing her mother taught her; do not show your weaknesses. But it is hard being tough and it is hard not letting anyone in. She feels alone all the time. When she had Duncan it was easier. She didn't know anything was missing until she met him. He opened her eyes and now she can't go back to her old self again. And it is messing up her life. The old Courtney had a 10 year plan, which she followed to the last letter. The new Courtney wants to live in the present. The old Courtney would sacrifice anyone to get to her goal. The new Courtney cherishes her friends and colleagues. The old Courtney didn't believe in love. The new Courtney wants to feel it again. The old Courtney wanted nothing else, but to be on top. The new Courtney wants to see her friends excel just like her. The old Courtney wouldn't help anyone. The new Courtney wants to help anyone who's struggling. The old Courtney only did things she was supposed to do. The new Courtney only wants to do things she's dreaming of.
Although she has changed completely, she still holds on to her old self. She knows what is expected of her and she knows what she wants to do. But these two are not the same. She's stuck in a cleft and she doesn't know what to do. The only thing she thinks of is that she wants to hide under the covers, cry her eyes out and never come out. But her mother didn't raise a quitter, so she will put on a brave face and be what everyone expects; a top notch student, a smart young woman and the future oriented individual. Because that's what she is on the outside. On the inside she is now a sensible woman who's turning back in to a scared, lost and wandering child.
A really short story :) I haven't wrote anything so short in a while, but I think I made my point with it :) I think at some point in our lives, many of us think the same. That's why I wrote this. But maybe the end wasn't what we should do (pretend or rather repress our feelings)...? I think if we are ever in this kind of a situation that we should take a deep breath and maybe take a break from thinking so much :) I mean this will probably sound stupid, but I do think that whatever we are going through, it will pass or sort itself out :)
What do you think? Was the story ok? :)
I will upload Flying lessons the next weekend :)
'Till then, have fun,
J*