My name is Eli, Eli Goldsworthy of Degrassi Community School. Lots of problems go on at that school, but none like mine.

Me? I suffer from bipolar disorder. I take medication. My emotions go through the roof at the worst times. I know Clare doesn't want to get back with me anymore, because of my emotions. And my love for my dead ex-girlfriend.

But I shouldn't care. Should I? Everyone tells me I shouldn't. But I do.

I can't help it. I just can't. This is what happens when I'm alone. My mind eats me alive. And I can't stop it.

My feelings are so strong, that I don't even know what to do, or what to feel, or what to think anymore. It's like a black cloud of darkness has consumed me.

I'm not crazy if I feel this way, right? About someone or something? Right?

My therapist tells me that I should move on. If I can, that is. But the problem is that I can't. We were talking, her and me. She told me that I was having a manic episode at the play, my very own creation, called 'Love Roulette'. That's when I knew I had bipolar disorder.

At school, I had to apologize to Jake, Clare, Fiona and Imogen. It worked, surprisingly.

A few months later, I thought I was good again, when Imogen and I went out. I was wrong. I went on an excessive spending spree and sold my dad's most prized possession, his guitar.

After I lashed out on Imogen, accusing her of cheating, when she was at Fiona's, I apologized. Her and I stayed friends, thankfully. But for some reason, I still think about Clare…And Julia of course. Don't ask me why, but I just do.

I want to forget, but it's just so hard. I just can't no matter how hard I try. Being bipolar doesn't help my case either. I'm taking my meds though. I'm trying to let go. But I always see Clare at Degrassi. But I always see Imogen too.

I told Fiona that I was over Clare. I'm not. I'll never be. I told Imogen that I was over Clare. I'm not. I told Adam that I was over Clare. I'll never be.

I look back on how much it killed me that we couldn't be together, Clare and me, but by taking my meds, I've controlled those feelings. Or at least, I think I have. I'm not really sure anymore. But I'm holding myself together, for everyone's sake.

Do I think that Clare and I will get back together? Yes. Do I think that we'd last a long time? Highly doubtful. Will I stop at nothing to be able to at least have a chance with Clare? Yes.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the life I live. Me, Elijah Goldsworthy.