All my friends tell me I should move on
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song
Ahhh, that's how you sang it
Loving you forever, can't be wrong
Even though you're not here, won't move on
Ahhh, that's how we played it
The pod gave a rattle, sending a painful jolt through the exposed wires in Chromedome's arm. He gasped and winced, but otherwise said nothing. He sighed and laid his helm back down, curling up slowly. He readjusted his helm, closed his optics, and tried to settle back into his fitful sleep.
In his mind, he saw Rewind clinging to Chromedome's, holding it close while Energon ran out the other end. Rewind told him that it would be okay, that everything would be fine. But Chromedome knew it wasn't going to be. He knew...he knew that Rewind was never going to be okay again.
He wasn't into the stories about Primus coming back to collect his lost followers, didn't find much comfort in those tales of mechs coming back from the dead after being in Primus' company. Primus didn't exist, and neither did the Realm. It was made up for mechs to feel better about themselves in their last moments, that even though they didn't quite belong on Cybertron, they were going to belong with Primus.
The thought made him snort, and he thought about the time he had argued with Rewind over the matter and how when they didn't reach an agreement, Chromedome huffed something remotely funny to the smaller mech and they had descended into giggling fits. His face crossed Chromedome's mind and the older mech thought that, if his spark was really comprised of strings connecting him to things he cared about, several of them snapped and he lost appreciation for things...
And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
Things like being around others, working overtime with his friends just to get a few good stories and to talk, cycling intakes, holding his optics open, blinking them when they felt dry or when the reflex came to him...and most of all, he didn't feel like living anymore.
The world was colder, and Chromedome's frame was racked with a violent shiver as if to prove that. The stars didn't glow as brightly, and tomorrow felt too close to today, yesterday so far away. Couldn't he just cling to yesterday just a little longer? But no. His internal clock told him that the day was starting over again. He whimpered lightly and clung instead to the memories of Rewind. Would they get fuzzy and dark as time wore on? He prayed not. He wasn't ready to let go. Not yet, he growled. Not yet.
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Chromedome thought again about Primus and he sent the being a message: If you're really there, you wouldn't have taken Rewind from me...from us. It wasn't his time, you pile of scrap! He wasn't ready!He rolled over lightly, touching the stump of his arm that remained. He tied off the wires and hoses, conserving the Energon he had left. He frowned down at his stump and he sighed, laying his helm back down. But if you took him because you needed to, keep him close. He's a good mech. I liked him very much...
All my friends ask me why I stay strong
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on
Ahhh, that's why I stay here
Chromedome was jolted from his thoughts when Prowl slapped him on his good arm in a well-meaning gesture of friendship. "Good to have you back, Chromedome. Rodimus would like a few words, I'm sure."
He nodded once and he walked down the halls, familiar, but empty and cold. He thought he heard little patters of pedes behind him, and his optics stretched wide behind his visor and he turned. "Rewind, I-"
But it was nothing. His processor was playing tricks on him and his shoulders dropped as he walked the rest of the way to Rodimus' office.
Megatron was standing in front of the drawing-scored desk, more being added by Rodimus, who propped his helm up in a bored way. "I'm sorry the status of our ship bores you, Rodimus..."
Chromedome cleared his vocals and rapped his knuckles on the doorway. Megatron didn't turn, but Rodimus looked like he was pleased about the interruption.
"Megatron, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to Chromedome."
The silver mech shoved by him, grunting good to have you back. Chromedome lowered his helm a fraction. "If I was interrupting-"
"Nonsense. Have a seat."
The chair was also familiar, and Chromedome sank deeper into it. Rodimus did a childish spin in his own. The Matrix selected him as the new Prime? It would have made a lesser error if it had sang to Tailgate. Everyone could stand him, save Cyclonus...but from what he heard, Cyclonus was coming around to the littler mech.
"How are you feeling?"
"My arm is gone, and so is Rewind." Chromedome stared Rodimus down. "I'm...peachy."
Rodimus nodded his helm a little, as if he understood. Chromedome felt rage build up. Rodimus understood loss alright, when Megatron took away his datapad during a meeting because he was playing games on it, but did he lose someone he loved dearly? "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you're still with us."
And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
"I want to die."
"Pardon?"
"I want Ratchet to shut my lights out. I can't...handle being here without..."
Rodimus came around the desk, writing on a piece of paper. He tore it off the pad and he gave it to Chromedome. "I'm sure Rung is better at this than I am. He's in his office, probably. I don't think he has time for anything else anymore. Go see him. I think you'll like him."
Rung was gentle, but it was like falling into a pile of fluff. That's all there was, gentle touches and soft-spoken words. This wasn't what Chromedome needed.
"Tell me why you want to-"
"Die?"
"I was going to use a different word."
"Rewind is gone. I have no purpose anymore."
"Chromedome," Rung sighed. "Unfortunately, Ratchet will not 'put down' anyone with value."
"So, if I were a trash compactor..."
"I mean, if you were, I don't know, a toy maker, Ratchet would actually give your case a look and consider it. But since you are who you are, we cannot even fill out a form."
"Optimus thought that all lives were meaningful..."
"Optimus had Energon to ration. We cannot ration without starving people..." Rung sighed. "We aren't in a good position right now. Chromedome, if I were you, I'd take a long time considering what your life means. Write down a few things you like about yourself. Okay? I have to talk to talk to another client, so if you'll excuse me..."
Rung got up and walked out, leaving Chromedome to sit there for a while before he got up and left.
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
In his new room, Chromedome sat for hours, just replaying memories that he had of Rewind. He kept his intakes steady, his optics dimming and closing. He wanted Rewind here, with him, but he wasn't going to get what he wanted. His wishes were dust in the wind to Primus, and he hated that the god that everyone thanked for everything was not there to lessen his pain.
Again, Chromedome swore he heard Rewind, but when his optics onlined, there was, again, nothing. He closed them again and laid on his side, cupping the end of his stump. He curled his digits into the end, making pain flush his systems, but it was worth it. It was all worth it in the end. His processor blocked the pain with a rush of chemicals Rung could identify, but he wasn't interested in letting the pathetic frame know what he was doing...
But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Chromedome, exhausted and weak, curled around his pillow and rested his helm on it. He sighed and moved into a comfortable position, his digits curled into the fabric. He settled into recharge, his systems powering down and relaxing.
But even in sleep he could not get away
There's no relief, I see you in my sleep
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams
Telling me I'm fine
He jolted out of his nightmare, giving a shout.
"REWIND!"
He curled around his good arm and he focused on his breathing, his processor tossing out reason and logic, but all Chromedome was think is he's gone, he's gone and I'll never see him again...
A faint outline of a tiny mech sat behind him, one servo patting his back in a reassuring way, but Chromedome didn't feel it and didn't even know what was going on. He just mumbled to the darkness:
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
Rewind settled Chromedome back onto his side and rubbed his helm in a soft way, looking up at the ceiling. Primus' optic watched with concern and, most obvious, love for the mech that was alive. Rewind stayed as long as he could, but Primus kept insisting of his return.
You are dead now, Rewind. The present is no place for you.
"Yes, sir," Rewind sighed and he left Chromedome to sleep. The mech didn't wake from nightmares again that night.
But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight