Donkey Kong Solves Africa
Kongo Bongo jungle was a grooving along like it usually does. Donkey Kong was eating a banana that he took from his famed horde which was the envy of Kremlings everywhere. Luckily he put that scurge behind him long ago by making the controversial decision to deport the reptilian beings from his island. It was ethnic cleansing at its finest and Donkey was called fantastic by Donald Trump. He even wears a Trump tie from time to time when he is feeling jaunty and prankish.
He stared down at his genitals to engage them in deep conversation.
"Hey guys hows it hanging?" He asked his balls which could talk.
"I'm living in a fur coat nut fog everyday and to us it feels like a mountain top hot spring Donkey my man. I just wish I weren't a goddamn talking pair of monkey nuts."
"I feel ya dawg." Replied the ape and gave his brochacos a nice scratch. Relief spread across his smiling scrote.
BOOM!
A man wearing a suit barged in. It wis surprising to Donkey and his balls.
The man stood spread eagle with his arms folded and a furrowed expression upon his face which was obscured by a sweet pair of aviators.
"Mhhm hhdfdjqo hfuwhfh" The muffled noise of attempted speech emanated from where the man was standing but his mouth made no movements.
"Excuse me" said the man's mouth. He promptly unzipped his pants and plopped out a cleanly shaven set of testicles.
"Pardon my partner he is a bit slow." Began the balls. "I have a mission for you."
Donkey exchanged looks with his balls even though his balls had no eyes or a face. But it could talk somehow. And exchange glances in a metaphorical sense. Anywhoooo.
"We need you to solve the problems on the African continent. I'm sure you've noticed but its a little weird over there" Said the talking pair of goddamn balls. "We think you're than man for the job because we noticed the tie and frankly we are impressed."
Donkey accepted the mission. He also sniffed a turd that was nearby. After saying goodbye to Diddy and his balls his balls said by to Diddy and then also to Diddy's balls and Diddy's balls said by to Donkey and Donkey's balls. Then Diddy, Donkey and Diddy's balls and Donkey's balls said bye to Dixie who had no balls.
He arrived at an African village and it had aids. And everyone in it had aids. His work was cut out for him. He noticed that all of the people kept their balls tightly wrapped up in cloth bags so he didn't get a chance to say hi to them.
Then the Kremlings came.
They came and raped everyone. Thus giving them aids. And themselves aids consequently. Its like an aids parade where everyone has aids. Donkey realized his mistake. He grabbed a Krelmilng by the nuts and screamed into its sack. The balls spilled the beans. "We don't act alone." They said.
K. Rool…. Its gotta be.
Donkey followed the trail of reptilian aids poop and bloody pee drizzles to find the home base. He found K. Tools stinking corpse being used as a sofa by some shit spewing baboons.
"That's an interesting kettle of cocks." Observed his balls. Donkey concurred with what his balls articulated.
He found the new leader of the Kremlings at the center of camp sitting on a throne of lizard dicks. He had a group of boys and girls of all racial persuasions chained to his throne. They were obviously being abused sexually. Then it became clear the identity of the pedophile reptile. It was fucking Barney the purple goddam dinosaur.
Donkey threw a barrel at the fiend and it exploded. The fight was on. Barney's balls screeched like a squirrel being slowly deflated by a walrus tusk. Donkey had to retreat. He slept in the forest haunted in the night by the screams of the sexually abused children.
When he returned the next day the villagers were gone. He found a note:
"Bitch this aint not trifling bullshit." Was all it said.
He decided to go home.
On the tv he saw a sight that was quite a thing that was to be seen.
The villagers had gathered around Barney and pulled down their cloths. Their balls sang in angelic voices. Then branched appears from the behinds. The turned their asscracks toward the Dino fucker and large trees sprouted forth and destroyed the Kremlin's and Barney exploded into a cloud of aids. The children also died in horrific pain.
Donkey turned off the tv and looked at his balls again. "I'm not going back there again he said."
Then there was semen everywhere.
The end,