CHAPTER ONE
MIGHTY PIRATE
As fast as a bullet, as bright as light - a flash shot across the sky. Was it a meteorite? A shooting star? a rocket? No! No! No! It was mighty Pirate. Able to leap tall planets in a single bound. But look! Oh, no. This time was different. This time he exerted too much gas and pieces of his aircraft "Mighty One" began disintegrating right before the eyes of a tour bus of senior citizens on their way to Mars. The remains of Mighty One landed on the nearest space station just as the tour bus approached. Several earthlings departed from the bus for a souvenir of the crash, and just as Mighty Pirate breathed his last breath confessing about diamonds buried under a Fountain of Youth. (Perhaps Mighty Pirate didn't die but goes on his own quest for the diamonds?) Anyway, as the investigating police land, these earthlings pocket their souvenirs, feign senility and are chased back into their bus to continue on their way and not obstruct the accident investigation.
CHAPTER TWO
EVERY EARTHLING FOR THEMSELVES
All their good cheer and merriment disappeared hearing of the Fountain Of Youth and deciding to track it down for the diamonds. Much talk ensured what Mighty Pirate had confessed and before long they convinced the bus driver to return them to their individual space ships in quest of the diamonds and this mysterious fountain known as the Fountain Of Youth. Within minutes of the bus landing and each of them getting in their respective space craft, they now had to deal with the traffic jams, the bumping and scraping and skidding and tying up the traffic in the sky, making it impossible to exit through the traffic tunnel that leads from the parking depot to the Airway To The Sky Clearway. Suddenly, Julius jumped on a ship and used his whistle to warn he would call on whatever power he could to stop this assault of traffic, and suggested that if everyone would just cooperate they would be out of there and on their way to find the treasure. They all listened and it was done.
CHAPTER THREE
YOU'RE GONNA DRINK THAT?
The earthlings gathered around to pool their knowledge of the Universe until Gratus joked about hoping there was enough water in the fountain for everyone. Before anyone knew what was happening, before you could say Pluto is definitely a planet, they were all back in their individual ships and racing across the sky - everyone for him or her- self. Gratus, of course, was the last to leave. He was that kind of character.
CHAPTER FOUR
OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT
One by one each craft was forced to stop to fill up with gas "protein," maps of the solar system, astrological predictions, weather forecasts, time charts indicating when to avoid the droppings from the Milky Way; or Leo the Lion's roaring. Which sound as you know was responsible for the breaking of glass and thunder around the Universal Sphere.
One by one they raced across the Universe creating havoc with the stars representing the three sisters, Pluto, and the Horse. Between the ships circling and darting, a U.S. Air Force Rocket is launched on which an alien jumps on for a ride after he paid another alien his fare for doing it. As the rocket fires another engine, the exhaust damages a nearby mobile. The alien jumps of the rocket into the open mobile as it pulls over to a "mobile station" for repair. A female station attendant rolls over on her roller skates to inspect the ship. As she tries to maneuver her way around the ship, a flying wrench off the ship catches her right foot, flinging her right foot right off her body and out into space. All kinds of wires come out of her body revealing her to be a robot.
The station manager is aghast. Whose gonna pick up all that shit? He wanders out of his "shed" and with the same instruments inspects the damaged ship and the robot. Quite irritated he shares his disgust with repair. (The robot. Not the ship.) And declares to all who listen: "Although she doesn't have a leg to stand on, she doesn't lose her head under pressure."
The mistress of the ship snaps her husband back to realty with her lazar gun, reminding him to hurry because the race is on. After yellow alien cab marked "Out Of This World Cab Company" is fully informed what the couple is up to, he offers the couple a ride. Free of charge. But not free of diamonds. He convinces them to make a deal with him and after they agree, the cab sprouts wings and the three are back in the race.
CHAPTER FIVE
OUT OF THIS WORLD TRAFFIC JAM
Universal "cars" and ships speed by, accidents "almost" happen, humans think aliens are weird. Aliens know humans are weird. The sky fills up with Out Of This World traffic jams forcing police to attempt control. But seniors keep slipping away. The police have a very difficult time keeping up with those who are mostly triple their age.
At a Universal Taxing Station Airport two seniors rent a plane and are climbing in as a very attractive pilot jumps in and begins to taxi off. A meteorite shoots across the sky causing her to lose control of the plane and "her gas." Becoming more and more upset the passengers keep asking her to quit passing gas. As her gas is expended she empty as a balloon and is carried out of the airplane disappearing into outer space. Before the passengers panic, Superman makes a cameo appearance and takes the plane to a docking center where they meet some of the other seniors and sneak unobserved into the back of their flying machine to avoid the arrival of the police patrol who warn them to act their race or they will be arrested.
CHAPTER SIX
ARE WE THERE YET?
One by one they all reach the Fountain Of Youth at about the same time. The water is overflowing. They are hungry. They are thirsty. They are hot. The water is so inviting. They forget the diamonds and run to the water. Splish. Spalsh. Yipee. Diving, rolling, jumping, cartwheeling, all into the water and having the time of their lives. The water is so refreshing they could and do drink it. It has such a smooth taste they can't get enough. They splash. They drink. They swim. They drink. They are so happy, they can't get enough of the water.
They never felt such joy. They never had so much energy. They played and played and drank and drank.
As they drank from this fountain they got younger and younger. Forgetting the diamonds. Forgetting any risk. But as they got younger and younger the diamonds seemed more and more valuable. The men realized they need money to impress the "girls." The girls knew diamonds were a girls best friend. Money is needed for dates.
CHAPTER SEVEN
MY LOVE IS FREE. ANYTHING ELSE WILL COST YOU.
The more they drink the younger they become. The younger they become the more sexier, adventurous and cunning their actions. Rock 'n Roll becomes paramount. Girls dare boys to find the diamonds if "they really loved them." Dynamite becomes the answer. But when too much dynamite is used the diamonds blow out into the Universe. Most of the water is splattered and lost as they rapidly grow older. They are right back where they began on the tour bus of senior citizens on their way to visit Mars. Just as they are about to land on Mars a pirate ship crashes on the spot. Without even a moment of hesitation, they jump off the bus and run to the pirate.
"Don't you let him die," says one earthling.
"Well, get out of his way. He has to breathe," says another.
"Look, says another, he's coming to. I'm gonna let him on my ship."
"Oh no you're not. He's coming with me. He's gonna help me find the diamonds."
"Over my dead body," another says
"Okay. Where do you want to be buried?"
SECOND ENDING
The earthlings conclude the only way to get the diamonds is to get rid of the water. The only way they can is to drink it. They refuse to use dynamite. It's too dangerous. So they party day and night. They drink in the morning. In the afternoon. And the evening. They find things to use water to cook with. To bathe with. To drink. But the more they drink, the younger they become. The younger they become the less their need for diamonds. They become so young that one by one when a visiting tour bus makes a stop, they adopt each 'homeless child." The bus driver confesses his amazement and wonderment at why so many children over the past years found their way to this waterway. There's something about children and water he assumes. But no one could ever find out why and what happened to their parents.
As each child is given to their new "parents" the credits roll and the screen fills up with each "child's" name and what they became when they grew up. Again.
THIRD ENDING
As they drink they become younger and younger. They become so young they are unaware what ships are and are amused when a ship lands feet away from the fountain. They run up to the visitor who is rolled over with laughter.
Who are you stranger, one child says. Did you bring us presents?
How much water have you used?
It had more water before.
My name is Ann. What's yours?
My name is Mighty Pirate.
Oh. That's a fun name.
I remember all of you.
We never met you before
I thought that's what you'd say. I have to go to my ship for something. I'll be right back.
As he looks in the ship he takes out a shovel and returns to the kids.
Owwww. That's a big spoon.
I wanted to see what's under the water.
Nothing is under the water.
Let's see." And he shovels and shovels and digs and digs. until sparkling things are seen.
"Oh, they are pretty rocks. All shiny."
"I am here to dig up all those shiny rocks. You all want to help me.
Yes. They all cry.
He hands them shovels and dig they do. Until all the shiny rocks are discovered and placed in bags Mighty Pirate supplied.
And after loading all the shiny diamonds in the bags, he drags them all to his ship. Once all the bags are loaded on his ship, and he climbs on to fly away, he smiles back: Thank you for all your help. I'll be seeing you.
Be seeing us?
Oh, yeah.
THE END