Inspired by Still Into You by Paramore, but not a songfic.
Kouen didn't talk much.
Judal had of course, always known this, seeing as the ginger man was stoic and silent most of the time, and that was what made him Kouen in the first place. It was what separated him from his brothers and sister, who were all rowdy enough on their own. It never really bothered Judal before, seeing as the amount of time he spent around the older man was limited, and quite often, intentionally avoided.
But now that they were together, it was a little bit different, having Kouen always so silent. Every now and then he'd give and order, cut and dry, like 'Strip, Judal' or 'Follow me, Judal' and the like. But the general's ability to carry out casual conversation was certainly lacking.
Even when they had first gotten together, it hadn't bothered the Magi much, that was until they were really together, which, for reasons unknown to Judal, he had started to compare the first prince of Kou with the high king of Sindria. But then again, who would blame him? After all, Sinbad was his first.
Judal liked to tell himself, liked to swear to himself that he wasn't like those pathetic girls who just couldn't seem to get over a person, even after they'd been repeatedly rejected countless times, and even after they'd moved on and gotten with someone else, they still wouldn't let go. Judal liked to believe that he had long since let go of Sinbad, and that he's not thinking about him or feeling guilty as he lies against Kouen's naked chest with his obsidian hair wrapping around himself like a curtain.
Still, though - was it so wrong to just want to be held in the king's embrace, and have him look at Judal with those golden globes and that warm, comforting smile and just want to be touched with those gentle hands, and run his own fingers through the king's amethyst tresses.
When Judal looks upon Kouen, he's not home, and he's not warm, and he doesn't occupy the place in Judal's heart that he might think he does, because that special spot is already reserved for Sinbad.
Judal isn't stupid - he knows that it's unrequited, and dammit, that makes him feel weak for not being able to just let go, and so he has to go and sleep with Kouen just to try and fill that void, but it doesn't work and everything's just so frustrating.
He just wants to forget Sinbad, to move on, but it makes his head hurt to try and so when he's with Kouen, he tries to imagine that it isn't the red-haired general, but instead the high king with his violet locks and amber orbs and his sweet nothings that he whispered into Judal's ear one night all those years ago.
They say you never forget your first - but that's what Judal's hellbent on doing, even if it kills him.