Title: Dying in the Street
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating: R (Language)
A/N: Alternative ending of Female Trouble
Max grabbed Logan's medical file from the doctor's office to ensure no one would stumble across her secret. A misstep caused the file to fall, scattering the papers every where. As Max's eyes gazed over the pages on floor, she read quickly. In a few words the doctor had written, validated the gut feeling she had been struggling against. Logan's words in the car on the way to see his doctor had unnerved her, but she didn't think his depression had reached a suicidal realm. She didn't want to see it.
Papers in hand, she got on her bike and drove faster then she ever had to get to him. With the doctor dead, he had little hope of getting out of the chair and at this point he was too damn self-involved to see anything else. She had to make him see past the end of his nose… or at least the edge of the chair. Rocketing past people on the street, who were trying to live a normal lives in a fallen world, she wondered what it would take. // Damn it Logan! You're not allowed to bail on me now. How dare you be that egotistical! I start to care about the world & making this crummy city better, and you go and decide the fight isn't worth it. //
Max arrived at Foggle Towers in record time and sprinted up the stairs. // If you have done anything stupid by the time I get there, I'll kick your ass… Why is it always life and death with us? You decide to go get killed in the street- I come running. You have an operation you don't bother to tell me you need - I come running. You decide life isn't worth the effort it takes- I come running. If I didn't love you so much I'd dump your sorry ass at the curb… //
The door to Logan's apartment flew open as she called his name. Max came into to the computer room just to see him trying to hide his gun in the drawer it was normally stored in. "Hey, Max… What's up? You do a great 'Bat outa Hell' impression."
Her hands went to either side of the chair and spun him to her. "What were you doing with the gun?"
Calm demeanor exuded from him as he lied, "I heard someone barreling for my door. Better to be safe then sorry."
"Really? Looks to me like you would have hoped for such an intrusion," she said chucking the file at him. "Try it again! This time don't lie to me!"
Logan fingered the pages of the doctor's notes. // She knows. What the hell! She would have been the one to find me… God. // "I hate being trapped like this!"
"Hate it so much that you would give up everything?" Max demanded.
"Yeah… Why do I get out of bed every morning? What's there to look forward to? You have fun, friends, and places to hang. I have what: a family that thinks I'm an outcast, an ex-wife that tried to play me, and a crusade I can't do jack with. None of those things keep me warm at night or help ease my mind… I just wanted some peace!" Logan shouted.
"OK so your life sucks, so you were going to screw Bling and I too… One of us would have found your body with your brains blown out. Do you think either of us could live with that, or how we failed you by not seeing it coming? How can you, who has dedicated so much to being the advocate for the little guy, be so heartless to your friends?" Max shot back.
"You're right! I'm a worthless bastard! I don't deserve to live… Somehow I thought you would understand…you of the 'I'd rather die then go back to Manticore' school of thought. I thought you would understand rather dying then being imprisoned!"
"This," she said, kicking his chair to the wall, "is imprisonment! You don't understand what really being trapped is. You're more of a spoiled rich boy than I thought to think a 'handicap' is even comparable to being without freedom!"
He wheeled himself toward her, "Once again, I'm a spineless coward, who is so self absorbed I shouldn't be allowed to go on." He shot spears at her with his eyes enraged, "Why do you care? Worried that your meal ticket won't have taken care of you?"
"I love you, you moron! When are you going to see that? I don't come over here because it's hard on me and I'm some sort of sadist," she started out yelling then softened coming close to his face.
// This will shut her down. She will storm out and not look back! // "That's why you were only interested when I was standing…" he sat smugly as her eyes lit with rage.
The fire in her soul was not about to give up that easily. // He thinks all he needs someone to keep him warm at night and to ease his mind. Fine. Playtime's over! // She straddled his lap quickly, bringing him close as she kissed him hard.
"I don't want your pity!" he screamed pushing her way.
"It's not pity! You can be such a pain in the ass! Why are you fighting me so hard? You see me weak and struggling; why can't I be here for you? You think I'm going to give up the greatest guy I have ever known? You think I'm going to let you bail on me like this? Think Again!" she stated heatedly, pointedly. He stopped pushing her away long enough to look in her eyes. "The statement about my interest only being present when you could stand had less to do with you standing and more to do with timing. I'm here now."
His brain crystallized another source of pain, "But you wouldn't be if you didn't think I were going to…" his voice trailed off in anger.
"So what? It would be better for me not to have gotten here in time and found you dead? I'd then have to live with the guilt that I didn't tell you how I felt and wonder if it could have made the difference? I got a new question for you to ponder. Am I worth living for? Would you do it for me? Am I enough?" she pled.
The words pounced around in his emotionally exhausted brain. He tried to struggle against her again; "I just want it to stop. I just want the pain to stop…"
"First stop fighting me!" she said forcefully.
Everything in him wanted to drift away, so he did. He let his head rest on her shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her. The deep cleansing breaths he took as she held him close soon turned into sobs. His sobs broke Max's heart as he emptied the pain and rage out through his lungs and tears.
The longer he cried the more pain there seemed to be. He thought about his parents and their death. He thought about the loss of friends and loves. Finally, he thought about the street, dying in the street. //That moment changed everything… It trapped me… but it gave me Max. There is no way she would have come back after the show down we had after the mirror incident. Would I really trade these last few months with her for anything? I hate it. Having tasted freedom only to have it ripped from me… I could have had her… I guess, she is saying I still can. // Without being aware of it, Logan had lifted his head and started kissing Max. His tear stained face seemed pained trying so badly to put the thoughts out of his head.
Their kisses were emotional and erratic, each trying to covey the strength of emotions they felt. Finally, he broke the kiss putting his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry Max," he cried. "It hurts so much… I don't know how…"
"You just uncorked a big bottle," she said wiping the tears away from her own face. "You've been holding in so much for so long… It's no wonder you were about to burst."
"Yeah," he signed. There was a long silence between them where they just looked into each other's eyes, trying to learn as much as they could. Each heart was open and exposed a rare occurrence for both parties. Logan saw the genuine love Max had for him. He saw the fear at the thought of losing him. He felt the pain he had just caused her. She saw his shame for his disability and his inability to deal with it presently. She saw his sorrow at the pain he had caused her and the joy in him at her feelings. She saw the love in his eyes as he tried to accept her love. Some how she was worth living & fighting for.
He cupped her face in his hand saying, "My guardian angel. You've saved my life how many times now? There was Bruno, diving off a building, blood transfusion, saving me and Matt, giving me another transfusion to help me walk, and then… tonight."
She smiled her general smirk, "Hey, you've done your share of saving as I recall. Let's see: diverting Lydecker's forces so I could escape the island, smuggling pills into prison, exchanging yourself for me at the building you were thrown off of, driving me out of Lydecker's trap and Bruno's set up, and most recently shocking my head to short circuit the metal spore in the back of my neck. I think we're pretty even."
"Nah… Mine never required much worry of bodily harm. However, taking a header off of a building, that's a death issue," he stated.
"Alright fine. You know what they say about saving someone's life; you become responsible for that life… I guess you're stuck with me," she said in her normal manner.
"I think I can handle that."